Pictures from a night of infamy

Things I won't miss about Korea

I'm leaving Korea on the 19th. Not before we go to Hong Kong for the Chinese New Year. We leave for China on the 10th and are staying until the 16th. I don't have much more time here. It's crazy.

Think of every nazi movie you have ever seen. Now, you know when the gestapo is coming for your family? You hear sounds like that coming from the hallway about 20 times a day. The loud clack, clack, clack of boot heels on tile. I won't miss that.

I won't miss the bed. I affectionately call it the popsicle stick. It's about that wide and that soft. Or maybe a tongue depressor is more accurate.

I won't miss Koreans.

Or the cold. Won't miss that at all.

I won't miss the food.

This list might get to long. I'm going back to sleep.

What MP left out ...

We started the partying part of the night at the dog bar. First thing, a little tiny Korean child comes up to me carrying a tiny weenie dog. She hands it off. I say thank you but she can't understand me. I have to admit it was pretty fuckin' cute. Then the owner of that dog, as well as another weenie dog, had this maraca. She was shaking the maraca and the dogs were following her and biting at the maraca, which was making the little girl follow the dogs. It was a line four deep, the caboose was yelling something in Korean. Presumably to the dogs. This was making the owner perpetuating the whole thing laugh hysterically. I, in turn, was laughing hysterically. All before we even got a table.

A while after we got our table, the little girl comes up to me again. (I have one of those faces, I guess.) She crawls into the booth right next to me. Touching me in fact, and holding this dog. The owner of the dog is reasoning with her in Korean. The dad comes up and says he is sorry. For what I don't know, because she was just sitting their quietly in shock and awe of the white people. I think she was looking for us to protect her from the bad people who were going to take this dog away from her. Whatever bartering technique they used worked and she released the dog. She did not want to. I thought at one point she might actually choke the dog. She cried when they had to leave.

Our group has quadrupled in size by this point and we are going to change destinations.

Standing out in the street trying to decide where we are going to go and not getting anywhere, I decide that I have to have more alcohol to deal with this large a group. So I go into the convenient store with MP and our homo friend. As we are checking out here comes the little girl. We were telling her high. She was in shock again.

We go to Diggin'. My second favorite bar in Seoul. Where our group again doubles in size. We have a good time.

Hours later we move to Jane's Groove. They played pop/hip hop/ music. Everyone danced. I mostly sat. Except when Blister in the Sun played. I danced to that. It was fun. 3 o'clock rolls around and everyone is plastered. Except for me and MP. We get a cab really quickly. He tells the rest.

But what he leaves out is this. The "chatty Korean", as he puts it, was not only chatting. He was guilting us and telling us to quit and leave, that what we were doing was bad. I'm assuming here a little, he was speaking Korean. He was saying "No!", "Bad" things of this nature, and making hand gestures. It was ulcer inducing. I really wanted him to shut up. But he didn't. What I'm sure was seconds felt like hours of this guy saying the same thing, like a fucking broken record. Dominican Lou finally says, "Do you speak English?" the Korean says, with no accent whatsoever, "Yeah". Lou tells him the situation, keys in the locker, and the guy goes right back into his Korean saying the exact same thing as before. They come running with the stuff. We leave the subway, hop into a cab and away we went.

All in all a fun night. Great memory. This is right up there with zoo explosion on the list of things I will never forget about my tour in Korea.

Rule # 1

Don't get roofied.

Yesterday, I read that horrible story of the girl working for Halliburton who got ruffied and gang raped by her fellow co-workers in Iraq. She wants to take the case to court, but instead of settling they decided to call her a liar and fight her taking the case to court. I was thoroughly disturbed.

Then last night, my new gay friend told me he had been roofied in Seoul. In a gay club. I didn't even know boys had to worry about that, unless they drank a drink for a girl when she couldn't finish it, kind of thing.

The idea makes my skin crawl. Why would anyone want to have sex with a passed out vomiting person? The depths you have to descend to to do something like that to another person is just beyond me.

Wild nights

Today we went exploring in Myeongdong. It took me about three months to learn how to say the name and remember it. We found a store that sells all kinds of used stuff. It was so exciting.

There was a pile of shirts that stretched to ceiling. They all had SAVERS tags on them still. They were only 5,900 won a piece. I bought a few.

Further scores tonight at different places included: new shoes (fuchsia), and a cute little sweater (teal).

We are thinking about planning a quick little get away for Chinese New Year. I vote Shanghai or Hong Kong.

Empty as pocket

I can't sleep. I'm kind of hungry, but not enough to do anything about it. Or rather the ratio of lazy to hungry isn't to the correct percentage for me to do anything about it.

I have a headache.

I cried today for no reason. Luckily, it was at home. I managed to hold it back earlier while we were in a restaurant. Lauren- 1. Period- 1. (I would like a clever sports reference here, but I don't know any. So, check mate.) If I were counting the whole week I would be losing by a big margin. In fact, if I were counting things besides crying I would be losing by a big margin.

The hardest things

I have come to the conclusion that the hardest thing about long relationships is letting people change- change their mind, change their ideas, change their goals. I guess it's hard because it might change the relationship. It probably will.

Take me and Kyle for instance. For some reason he only does things with his life when we are broken up. It has started to really fuck with my head. I am starting to think I have been stifling him. I can't remember anything specific. I think that makes it worse. Worse, what if my presence makes him want to sit in front of the computer and not do anything else. I mean, when we are together he doesn't read books, watch movies, leave the house, anything. The second we break up he has read about 5 books seen a zillion movies, furthering his education, etc. I guess at the very least I'm an enabler.

Either way, I don't want to keep people from changing, in any relationship. I want people to grow and change. It's healthy.

Life List: Try my hardest to foster forward progress of the people I love.

Weekend Adventures

So our new friend in Seoul asked us to go to this photography exhibit. Little did we know that she found it on a meet up website. There were a slew of white people. Now, I made a resolution to make new friends, so I decided to get some practice seeing as I won't be keeping my Seoul friends in any real way beyond facebook.

I tried really hard. I remembered names as much as possible. I did pretty good. I kept a smiling face through all adversity. There was plenty.

MP starts spouting to one girl about how he doesn't like it. That is where everything went down hill. She was looking like she was going to cry. I could hear tidbits of what was going on, and just that was kinda creeping me out. When we later asked our friend how old that girl was the reply was 27. Really? She said BFF. Is it just me? Who says that? Not in jest either. She says she liked it here, but was on the verge of tears. To me that is code for I hate it, but I don't want to say so.

The thing with people I find that I just can't deal with is how uptight the masses are. Teachers of little kids in particular. Suicide in a piece of art makes people make a noise of objection and walk away. Joking about sex or even anything remotely sexual is a no-no. Pubic hair, forget about it.

One girl told us that she had to be back to her apartment by 6:30. She only had one key. Her boyfriend wanted to leave at 6:30 and if she wasn't there he would leave and take the key and wasn't coming back until 10. She really didn't have anything to do so she didn't want to be locked out. It's 27 fucking degrees outside by 10pm it would be closer to 19. Who could possibly do that to someone, not to mention stay with someone who even says that, little less do it. Between two adults that is the best they could come up with? I told her they should leave the key with the attendant, every apartment has an attendant. The mailboxes are open. How about dropping it in there? Maybe it was an excuse to leave. I doubt it. She could have just left by saying, "Okay, it was fun. I'm leaving. Bye."

People amazing me. It's hard not to be judgmental. The problem is that I know I could never be myself with any of those people. Why bother? Our original friend is really sweet and though she is very normal, she seems to take what I say in stride.

Things I want to do in Seoul before I leave:

Go to the Seoul Tower at night to take Night photos. Damn it.

Uh... I swear there was more.

I guess I should go to the border of N. Korea just to say that I did it.

Oh! Seoul National Museum. They have an Inca Exhibit. Not exactly Korean, but whatev.

Ok. Well. That's it. Boring.

This Just In

Midnight Saturday, January 24th.

Strange noise coming from hallway.

Korean man practicing his put with a putting machine.

Sounds like a stapler. Sounded like he was pretty good.

Lists and whatnot

After my friend posted her life list I started thinking about things I wanted to do in my life. I realized I couldn't think of anything. Surely I have hopes, dreams, anything. I'm not a hollow shell of a gal with nothing to look forward to, right? Life does tend to make me feel that way, but I, however, am not. I started thinking of things I want to do. It took a while, but...

Here they are:

• I would like to make jewelry. I am inspired by things I see in nature documentaries.
• I want to make stained glass too.
• I want to knit good enough to make clothes. That fit.
• I would really like to produce enough of the previously mentiond to have an etsy shop (or website) that at least breaks even.
• I would like to visit the forests of China, Croatia, Borneo/New Guinea, and most of South America.
• When I am of sound money and mind I would like to donate my time and money to the following things: the reduction of prisons in the U.S. as well as better standards in them, outreach programs from GLBT teens, and possibly prostitution (probably the legalization of it, it isn't going anywhere we might as well make it safe), battered woman's shelters, inmate reading programs, literacy.
• I would like to inspire kids and adults who belong to the working class to read. It is the only way they can take charge of their life and get out from underneath the man. They say knowledge is power.
• I would like to stay in shape. You know, for my whole life.
• Volunteer with the Green Corn Project.
• Take up bird watching. I think I'll buy an Audubon book about birds. My grandfather was a bird watcher. When I was looking for one I found this. Way cool.

This is kind of snowballing. I keep thinking of more things. I think this is good for now.

White

I really enjoy young guys, especially those who have never seen the likes of me. They amuse me. This particular young guy I'm talking about I met over the weekend. He is in the military too. His first language happens to be spanish. He is the boyfriend type thing of an American girl we met here. The four of us were in a loud bar, and talking about the haircut and a hand job places. We're laughing and there was a few "WHAT!?" 's. So he thought he would try to fuck with me by asking me what a hand job was. First I just illustrated with the universal symbol for hand job. Then he says it again. Now, I know there isn't a man in the whole entire world who is unfamiliar with that particular maneuver. So I start to give a more detailed explanation not skipping a single thing, even going as far as describing a milky white substance when you're done, as we all laughed. Even in a dark bar you can still see the whites of someone's eyes when they are surprised.

Your very own prison!

I'm thankful for my body. Though I mentally complain a lot, sometimes verbally complain a lot, my body hasn't done anything too terrible to me yet. I'm slim and shapely and thankful. I'm not as hard or taut as I once was, but who is? Everything works properly and up to my expectations. That being said there are always times when I don't like something about myself. At those times, you could say I feel trapped. There isn't a woman in the U.S. that can say at times she doesn't feel trapped in a body that doesn't look how she wants it to look. I'm sure there are plenty of men who feel the same way.

Which leads me to trannies. Most things lead me here, but hear me out. I don't think it is tranidom (I don't think that is an actual word, and perhaps not very sensitive, but no one ever accused me of being too sensitive.) that makes them feel as if they are trapped in the wrong body, I think it's society. I'm not trying to lessen the transsexual's plight, they have it hard, no doubt. I'm just trying to put things in perspective. In a society where we are constantly telling people "You can be rich and famous too, if you were just pretty enough" it tends to make people look in the mirror and expect to see a magazine cover. Plastic surgery wouldn't be around otherwise. We are all in the same self loathing situation.

It's a prison, your body. If you're lucky you'll get a long sentence. Don't complain to loudly or someone will hit you. Grab a book and make do.

The Autobiography

I have always been a fan. I would like to write one before I die. One that is publishable. The thing is, I have a terrible memory. One of MP's friends told me I should interview people. I found out that that scares the shit out of me.

What if I remembered something completely wrong? The things I remember now have been around a long time and almost like normal so they are easy to deal with, but what if I don't really want to know what really happened? I won't be able to unlearn it. Would it take twenty some odd years to get to normalcy again. I hope not.

Maybe one day I'll get the balls to ask about my young life.

Life List:

1. Write Autobiography

Documentaries

So, lately I have been watching a lot of gay, lesbian, and transgender documentaries. I have always been interested in the sexual minorities and their particular plight.

I have realized that maybe I should do something to help. There is absolutely nothing that breaks my heart more than teens who are disowned by their families and treated badly in school because they have the courage to be out and to be themselves. Let's not even talk about violence against them, I start to tear up. So I'm thinking of volunteering. We'll see if I have time.

In the mean time this is how you and I can help. It's easy. All you have to do is search the internet. Out Youth - Austin, Texas. Or buy coffee. They have a wish list too.

So this is the new year.

I'm a little late on the uptake, but I think my New Year's Resolution is to be happier. I haven't quite figured out how to accomplish that yet, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Oh, and make new friends. Hopefully of the lesbian persuasion. Not that my old friends aren't wonderful. I just feel I have been cooped up for years. Plus all my friends are getting married and having kids. Who will go out with me?

I'm thinking of getting my teaching certificate. Tell me it's crazy. BUT, and you know how I like big buts, it will give me a good paying job while I finish my masters (NOT in a call center). Plus, I will have experience teaching and then I can be a librarian in an international school district. I haven't thought it all out yet. Can I deal with kids? Not little kids. High school kids. I know what angst is. I haven't grown out of mine yet. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I think I might apply to substitute when I get home. Then I can have a part time job while I work on my teaching certificate. If I decide to go this route, by summer I should be done.

Hose

You know that really pretty part of the panty hose at the top that is darker for more support? In the past week I have seen TWO people whose skirts were shorter than that. The support part of their black panty hose were showing. Gross. How do you leave the house with out noticing that? Terrible.

Getting off

As soon as we got off the plane in Sydney it was like a different world. Bright, shining white people. And huge. I'm not sure if Australians are giants or I am used to Koreans, but there were huge glowing blond people who smile. Everywhere. You wouldn't think that a little thing like a smile could effect how you feel about an entire country, but I guarantee it does.

Hotel towels are wonderful things. Huge squishy towels are the best.

I missed a memo. Apparently, there is an international law that says hotel conditioner has to not work. Really, really not work. Since we didn't check any baggage I couldn't really bring any conditioner. Before we left I said, "God forbid somebody try to blow up a plane with a book or an ipod, flights could get really boring." Now that dick carried something in his underwear. Does that mean that we will have to put our panties in those grey plastic bins with our shoes and our liquids? Everyone will have to start wearing skirts. Why don't we just get it over with. They can give us paper gowns to change into like at the doctors office, then everyone will have to check all there luggage. Everyone will be naked, we are already uncomfortable.

I travel with a vibrator. I don't even want to go a week without it. Well, when my bag scanned through the machine in Australia (only in Australia) they think it looks like a bomb. They got me coming and going. The second time a woman was at the xray machine. She must live a hard life. They take me into a cubicle and felt on my tits and ass. I got a pat down two times from different woman. And they did a chemical residue test on my hands and bag. The first time they told me I was selected randomly. Being selected randomly twice in the same airport is a little less than random.

Back in Seoul

On New Year's Eve we went out walking around, we had dinner at a lovely little Spanish restaurant. The food was delicious, and everything they brought to other tables smelled so good. At 11 I had to pee ridiculously bad and we were in the middle of a crowded city. Drunks make me nervous and the lines to bathrooms were so long. The drunk people were swarming so we walked the couple blocks back to the hotel. When I got inside it was nice and quite and I didn't want to go out again. So when the Sky Tower started the fireworks show a block away we heard it all. From the hotel room we could see the fireworks light up the sky and see the reflections in the glass of the building next to us. I even saw a huge ember hit the roof of a near by building. The muffled shouts of the new year weren't overwhelming, neither were the fireworks. It was really nice. Auckland was the first city in the world to set off the their fireworks display of the new year. Though I didn't get any pictures, it looked like this, and this.

White Christmas

It snowed on Christmas. Check it.

Merry Christmas!

We're off to New Zealand tomorrow.

I'll tell you all about it when we get back.

Until then,

My ovaries are black holes that suck all hope and joy out of every situation.

I want sensory deprivation for the next two weeks. I'm going to have PMS on vacation. Joy.

Sometimes life makes me feel like I am trying to jump into double dutch- a small sense of anxiety, head nodding and missed opportunity. When I do finally jump I feel like I just get tangled in the ropes.

By sometimes I mean two weeks out of every month. And for those two weeks my whole outlook on life is changed. Like I'm a completely different person, only worse because I can see how I'm acting and I can't do anything about it. Trapped like a rat.

Maybe I have PMDD. In the symptom column check "yes" to all. Especially decreased interest, it says in "usual" activities, but make a mental note "all" activities. Even New Zealand really isn't enough to get me excited. What a sad, sad day when vacation to someplace I have been wanting to go for years now doesn't even put a blip on my excitement radar.

I should really start documenting my moods. I don't feel like it.

Memories

In light of Corley's post about guilt I thought I would tell you something I remember. It has nothing to do with guilt, but similar in the fact that really insignificant things needle their way inside sometimes.

I have no idea why I remembered this particular incident this morning, but every time I do it stings a little. Last Christmas at Kyle's family, one of his uncles (who was going through a hard divorce and was pretty doped on either alcohol or anti-depressants or both) brought up the fact that I graduated from college. I said yes and smiled. He said, "Nobody thought you could do it." Still smiling, I kind of nodded. He didn't mean to say it and in a moment of weakness the absolute truth came out. Luckily, only Kyle and his mom were around and she quickly changed the subject. I was kind of stunned but tried to act normal. I never quit smiling. I never even brought it up again with Kyle.

Another time even longer ago (maybe two or three years) one of Kyle's cousins came over. He is quite the drinker. He was in town and too drunk to drive 30 miles home so he came over to our house to sober up. He called Kyle and asked if it was okay, but Kyle wasn't home. So Kyle calls me and he comes over (he was already in the driveway). I don't know why he said it. I can't quite remember anymore. But I think he was talking about how much he liked me and Kyle. Which is nice. He said, "I think y'all are great together. I don't care what anyone says." He definitely didn't mean to say it. I'm not quite sure he knew where he was, but all the same the truth comes leaking out. That one didn't sting so much as make me wonder. Who says? I didn't tell Kyle about that either. Who am I kidding I didn't wonder. I knew exactly who would say things like that, the same people who would think that I couldn't possibly graduate from college.

I really shouldn't let it bother me. I should have gotten over the fact that besides Kyle's parents the rest of his family wasn't fond of me a long time ago. You know, like 10 years ago. To be fair, most of his aunts and uncles lives are so fucked up I look like a bastion of normalcy. Doesn't make it any less shocking and hurtful when people I see maybe three times a year have such poor opinions of me. They no more knew me than the man in the moon.

My thighs weren't made for tights.

One hell of a winter

Last week I felt like shit. This week it feels like shit outside. You know I hate the cold? Loathe even. Despise. It is painful. I hate that going outside is some big fucking ordeal. You can't just pop out of the house in a t-shirt and jeans, as I am wont to do. (Or the ol' prison uniform, as friends have deemed it, which consists of a wife beater and a hideous pair of shorts that are The Dude-esque beige plaid.) There have been years of my life were I haven't wore any shorts, but these past few years I have found a love for long shorts and I'm missing them now. Not that I would be wearing shorts in Austin in the winter either.

Moving on.

MAD MEN!!!!

Why have I not been watching this?!? So many people told me about it. I didn't pay attention. Not true, I simply didn't realize how imperative it was that I watch NOW. Now I am in love with Don Draper. The man can wear a suit. Then there was the scene in the bathroom with the woman manager of the comedian in Season 2. I think I blacked out a little after that. I broke out in a sweat. The show does make me hate/want to be a rich white man though. I mean really, the sorry fuckers. The whole world on a platinum platter and all they can do is bitch and moan. They have a family, they have money, they have all the pussy they can get their hands on and still unhappy. Suck it up. I shouldn't be so hard on them. I couldn't have lived then. Every little thing is a dick measuring contest. The petty bullshit and the jealousy, I would have been committed a long time ago. Everything was about appearances, kind of like Korea.

I'm simple

I finally realized why I have been having dreams about rape. I have been watching Law and Order:SVU. DUH!!! I fell asleep to it this afternoon. I had a dream that Kyle had two girlfriends. One of them was old enough to be his mother. That was totally normal. In the dream one of his friends broke into his house to steal something and found her there and raped her. I went to his house with some girl, apparently a friend and lots of people were there and I started cooking in the kitchen. It was the weirdest thing. I kept asking who would do that. They kept telling me Johnny. Then I would say Johnny who. Then someone would say, "You know. Johnny." Like that solved everything. I was thinking we don't know a white Johnny that doesn't make any sense.

For real

Would you still love me if I cut my hair like this?

I'm really tempted to do it.

Three cheers for lesbians

Houston elected an openly lesbian mayor. Houston. What the fuck Austin? It should have been you.

A brand new lez club opened in Austin last month.

Hooray!

MPH has a blog

Let's all follow along.

The 5000 Gallons

My proposal:

I would like to change the popular nomenclature for homosexual. It is clear to me that the word "gay" isn't going anywhere for things that are lame or stupid or just generally bad. In fact I like using it. It is just a short little spatter of a word that amuses me. It just feels good to say. So. The word "gay" meaning homosexual is out of my lexicon.

While I'm at it I want to eradicate the words vagina, pussy, cunt, and all female anatomy words that mean someone is afraid, hurt easily, mean, a bitch, generally bad connotations. Vaginas aren't any of those things. The word "cunt" is pretty satisfying to say when someone is an asshole, so maybe that one can stick around. I mean really, what is bad about a vagina? Why do we use it to describe bad things? So I have started using "dick" for anything. When I'm having a shit day I simply say, "Dicks". Not that dicks are so terrible, I just feel like they deserve it more. They are historically less oppressed, currently less oppressed.

I feel like shit

My head is full of snot so it kind of aches. My neck has a crick in it so... it kind of hurts too. My throat hurts, so I wanted to gargle with salt water. The problem is that it is hard to bend my neck back. It feels like strep throat is imminent. If it goes that far I'll have to see a doctor so I don't loose my legs or some crazy shit. My lymph node hurts. I'm right about ready to give up on living. I'm pretty sure there is enough snot in my ears to sink a ship, if not at least enough to deafen a large animal. Now I'm hungry. Should I be starving myself for something? Isn't that a saying?

I guess I have some stories. When I don't feel like dying I'll tell you all about it.

I can't stand it when I'm pretty sure I have been asleep all night, but it doesn't feel like it.

I have had two nights of this in a row. I have weird dream like things that are exactly like real life.

I have dreams where I am looking at myself in the mirror. Usually, one thing will be different that normal. Like once I was looking at my hair because it was a different cut that what I had then. A few nights ago I dreamt I was looking at my nose. It was really crooked. I was holding my head back and looking how crazy crooked my nose was.

I think it is because I can't breath out of my nose.

I still can't believe it's December already. In short order it will be 2010. Where the hell did this year go?

Our subway stop is bumpin'. I told you about the woman dancing and getting body checked. For the second time we have seen a Mexican Mariachi band. How does a Mariachi band find it's way to the Korean Subway tour? They were drawing a pretty big crowd. I'm surprised that the Koreans like it.

I remembered a doozy

Handjob and a haircut, 2 bits.

Well, it probably costs more than two bits, but there are handjob and a haircut establishments everywhere here. There are at least three such establishments within a few blocks of this apartment. Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard? Why would you combine the two? You can tell where to get your hair cut and your dick squeezed by observing two spinning barber shop poles next to each other, each going in a different direction. Now, I hear that they don't do the haircut and the handjob at the same time. Which do you think should come first? Would you like to be more relaxed before or after your haircut? Another question that was brought up was do you have a time limit? I think it might take a while to finish if it smells like a salon and you're worried about your hair looking good. I don't know. Maybe Koreans have a salon fetish. The sound of scissors cutting hair gets their dicks hard? Maybe they like the smell of that blue fluid they keep the combs in? Sometimes barber chairs can be pretty comfortable. My mind is brought to the privacy issue. I guess these places have separate rooms for each customer. All I can think of is that barber shop in Austin that looks like time forgot it in the HEB shopping center. A couple of old white guys run it, it has fluorescent lighting, and a bunch of chairs lined up in a single room. I imagine it full of Koreans getting jerked off. It grosses me out. Do you think you need a special hair cutting license to give handjobs too? I have so many unanswered questions!

The End

Last day of Nablopomo. I feel pretty good about it. I missed one day. Overall, I wasn't too strapped for material. Definitely my most successful month of blogging everyday. I do feel tapped out. Funny enough, the last day and I have nothing to talk about. Well, that isn't completely true. I have plenty of bitching to do I just don't feel like this is the platform.

I'll try to keep writing frequently.

I can't believe this:

I can't believe I'm in Korea.

I can't believe I've been here two months now.

I can't believe I haven't seen Grubb in that long.

I can't believe I graduated from college almost a year ago.

I can't believe no one answers my god damn emails.

Wait, I better get this out. Last week I email my mom and tell her to email me and let me know when she will call. I don't care when she does call I just have to know so I can wake up. She emails me with a time, on a day. I wake up- she doesn't call. It was a week day so there was an alarm. Sometimes I'm just up early on the weekdays, cause I can't go back to sleep after MP is getting ready for work. Cut to this week and I tell her to tell me when she is going to call, just like before. Only now she doesn't tell me and calls at 7am on a Saturday. Who's up early on a Saturday? I'm starting to think she can't read. Plus, I have emailed Kyle twice now. No answer. I'm not asking for a novel. Just a simple, Hey your dog is okay, I'm okay. Is that too much to ask? I could scream. It is so god damn frustrating. The two of them drive me crazy. Right up a fucking wall. I love them, but damn people.

Okay that feels better.

The time away from them really has helped. The time away from everything really has helped. I am starting to feel that I could go home and have a job and function and do all the things you have to do to support yourself. I still don't think I can work in an office though.

I'm starting to think I can actually articulate all the things that made me want to leave, too. Before it was too jumbled and emotional and confusing. I am making some headway to sanity.

Things I've watched lately:

True Blood Season 2- worth while, I love that giant viking motherfucker.

Antichrist- Shock, shock, shock, cringe.

Re watching Carnivale- fabulous, just like the first time.

Re watched Spain....On the Road Again- damn, I wish I was eating shellfish in Spain.

A slew of strange B horror movies from the 60's and 70's - tits, tits, tits.

Whatever Works- eh.

Law & Order: SVU- it's good to hear English.

Re watching Curb Your Enthusiasm- very funny.

I would like a big tall, blond, rich Swedish boyfriend for Christmas. Preferably, Alexander Skarsgard. If you could wrap him up like this I'd really appreciate it.

Okay? Okay.

Not feeling it

I'm not feeling very bloggy today.

So.... I'm thankful for good friends. I miss them very much and I can't wait to be back home and talk to them regularly.

Love you guys. Hope you have a good Thanksgiving.

The Night Time

I have mentioned before what goes on in my head at night. My god. It's like a nightmare before I even start sleeping. I can't control it. I'm all over the place. It is all completely ridiculous, but I think it is brilliant. Last night I wanted to start a revolution.

Here's how it went... I want a new social networking site. Have the cool kids moved on from Facebook yet? What else is out there? Twitter? I hate Twitter. How is it any different from Facebook? Why are there no social networking co-ops? Oh, that would be brilliant. If the users worked on the sight then there wouldn't have to be advertising, plus all our information wouldn't be bought and sold with about as much concern as day old bread. Then, my thoughts started to speed up. Then it was all, we could get out from under the man and be free type shit. Then, how I would have to inspire people to rise up. Like I'm fucking Che or something. What a revolution. I just had a Hedwig moment, "Put on some makeup. Turn on the PC. I'm pulling the beret down from the shelf. Suddenly I'm Miss Social Network Revolutionary. Until I wake up and I turn back into myself."

And the quiet. Sweet mother of mercy, the quiet. I haven't experienced a quiet like this since summer of 2001. There is nothing to drown out the sound of my awful thoughts. At first it was okay because I was exhausted all the time, but I'm starting to come out of it. Which I guess has it's benefits and its drawbacks. I was falling asleep in about .03 seconds flat. That would probably happen again if I didn't nap.

I had a dream that I was trying to talk to somebody on Skype, but I couldn't hear because I was playing music or something on the computer and I couldn't get close enough to the computer for the person I was talking to hear because of dogs on a couch. I don't think I had ever met the dog or the couch. There was a lot of static on the line too. I have never heard static on the line on Skype. It was frustrating.

P.S. John Cameron Mitchell is my hero. (Though he does remind me of a certain female neighbor, some of you know who I'm talking about.) I mean have you seen Shortbus? I think he has a new movie coming out. Squeek!

The Slapping Game

You know that more grown up version of patty cake? The one that usually goes with some kind of song like "Miss Mary Mack". I saw some girls playing that little game in the street. I have no idea how old they were. I can't tell how old Koreans are. I am going to guess they were high school age, maybe about 15. So they start off with their hands apart, one palm facing up and the other facing down. They slap hands. Then they do a side slap back and forth with there hands positioned with the thumb on top. Then out of nowhere at the end of the cycle one slaps the shit out of the other one. Damn. Then they do another go round, and at the end of that cycle the other slaps the shit out of the first. They didn't seem to be taking it easy on one another either. I mean hair flinging, head jerking slaps on the side of the head. It's the damndest thing you ever saw.

Okay

First thing- Butterfinger Pancakes is an American stye diner. Oh. They have delicious pancakes. It is so nice. Everything else is so-so. They have Dr. Pepper (it was flat). We have been there three times since we found it last week. I can't tell you how good the blueberry pancakes are.

Second- We were waiting in the subway by our apartment for a friend and there was a bitchin' band playing. It was a two man band one playing an accordion and one playing a trumpet. This older Korean woman comes up and starts dancing. She draws a little crowd of older gentlemen, and they start clapping. They are just having a big time as she shook her money maker. It was amusing. I thought I would stand up and get a video of her dancing and then this guy comes up and pushes her. I mean pushes her big time. I got it on video. Here it is. Then he starts yelling at her, but I don't know what he says. It was so weird. She just goes right on dancing like nothing ever happened. It blew my mind.

Not interested today:

So as a post I will make a note of two things I want to write about.

• An American Diner in Korea
• Stranger on a Train (More accurately, Strange in the Subway, but it wasn't fitting my movie title theme, okay. Just go with it.)

Until then,

Whoops

Dropped the ball. I totally forgot to post yesterday. Oh, well. We'll just pretend that didn't happen okay. To make up for it I'll tell you two stories.

While walking to the subway I saw something in the middle of the sidewalk that looked strange. I started to slow down on approach. It was dark so I couldn't quite see it. MP didn't seem interested in what it was. No one else seemed to even pay attention that there was something there. It was small and circular. MP started to walk around it. Right when I figured out it was alive, a girl's foot came about 1/2" from kicking the rat. A rat. A live. In the middle of the sidewalk. Just sitting there. I think it was pretty sick. Probably dying. It was weird. It eventually walked off into the bushes pretty slowly.

Bonus material:

Yesterday I was trying to take a nap. I don't know if I mentioned that me and MP share a bed that is about 3" wider than a twin. Which is no big deal, but sometimes a gal likes to spread out. That is what a nap is for. So I don't have a shirt on I'm trying to nap and then MP gets a phone call. He tells me that internet people are coming to change the lines. Ugh. I don't want to get up. So I go back to sleep. Less than an hour later he wakes me up and tells me they are here do you just want to stay in bed? Yes. Leave me alone. He throws the covers over my head and I attempt to go back to sleep. Well we live in a room. It took three Koreans to change the line. At one point some kind of alarm was going off and the woman of the three was talking on the phone. Instead of turning off the alarm she just started talking louder. By the time they left I was thoroughly pissed. I got up and looked at MP and said, "How can I sleep with all the beeping and the ching chonging?!?" Then he laughed. All racism aside it really does sound like they say ching chong sometimes. No kidding.

Troubles

There are a lot of dog problems going around. My brother had to put down his dog a few days ago because of cancer. You all know about the Corley/Emma situation. And Grubb is so far away. It worries me.

Randomania

On the way to our destination:

Me: "Someone smells like fetal pigs, the kind that you dissect in school."

On the way back from our destination:

MP: "This guy next to me smells like clam chowder."

I'm feeling very grumpy these days. I wish I could do something about it.

Please, all of you who will soon be participating in Thanksgiving, eat a shit load of dressing for yours truly. K?

The past few days we have been hearing a man moaning through the walls. It's weird because I have heard plenty of people banging around, but you can't hear voices unless they are in the hall. The new groaning noise is real unsettling. Sounds like he is dying. Or calling whales. I can't decide if all are neighbors are very lonely people or you just can't hear through the walls. It's a toss up really. Maybe that guy is banging someone in there.

I love "Californication". I love it. The new season is titillating.

I love "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" too. New season, excellent as well.

If you haven't seen either show- get it together. When you're done chastising yourself for being so lame, run to the video store/netflix/whatever to get your hands on all the episodes you can. You will laugh your ass off. Then you will thank me. Then we can have a beer at the same time and toast to your newfound coolness.

Later Tater

I got a little bit of crazy

Last night I'm laying in bed about to fall asleep. My head was hurting a little bit. I started thinking about what makes your head hurt, and for a split second I thought what if my brain swells and I die in my sleep. I know. Totally irrational. The only thought I had about dying in my sleep was, "Damn, I won't get to finish my book." Swear. Maybe I got a lot of crazy. That is on my list of things to do when I get back home. Seek help.

The Executioner's Song, by Normal Mailer.

Catching up

MP is sick. He went to the doctor and he has to stay home from work for a week. My throat feels a little funny so I'm sure I'll be getting sick too.

Talkin' 'bout last night

We stayed in all day yesterday, because it is so fucking cold. I don't like winter in Texas. I tried to mentally prepare myself, but god damn. (Okay, enough complaining.) So about 9 o'clock at night I decide that I want a cheeseburger and McDonald's is the only close place that is going to have one. So. As we are crossing the street we see this man practically dragging a woman. I can only assume he was her boyfriend. She was slumped over his shoulder, but managing to walk without falling in high heels. She was absolutely limp from the waist up. When they finish crossing the street they sit down and she starts heaving. We chuckle and walk the rest of the block to the double arches and when we get are food and walk back she is still on the step vomiting. As we wait for the light to change, so we can walk across the street. we get to see her vomiting. That doesn't sound too funny, but it really was. I had to really focus on not laughing. I should be more sympathetic. I'm not. I wouldn't have minded had someone been laughing at me. The boyfriend had put down her purse on a ledge so she wouldn't vomit on it and then sat down on the other side of her. When they got up he put her arms over his shoulder and picked her up like a backpack, her feet were still touching the ground. Then he decided to go through the vomit to get the purse on the other side of her. At this point the girl started to stir. They are both walking in the vomit the boyfriend's shoe slides through it. Atrocious. She is fighting him a little. They manage to get out of the vomit and she kind of falls down. More like she slumped down without hurting herself. Then the light changed and we had to stop watching, but it was a good show while it lasted.

The cold makes me bitter

And I'm talking cold. Who could live in a place like this? It is boggling my mind. The weather channel website says it's 43 degrees, but it feels like 37 degrees. It's windy. It's terrible. The low tonight is 32 with 10 to 15 mph winds. The high tomorrow is 41 and the low is 29! 29! What the hell? How am I going to function. I already find it hard to go outside. My face is so cold. I had to have a long sleeve t-shirt, a hoodie, a wool coat, a scarf, and gloves. Then I only made it about a block before I wanted to turn around and go home. Women here are still wearing short skirts, like this ain't shit. I can't believe it. They do have leggings on, but come on it's freezing outside. The cold wind cuts through my jeans in a hurry. I keep telling myself I'll get used to it, but the person controlling the weather isn't making it easy for me. It's warm then cold, then warm again, and then freezing. I hate it.

Things I plan to do when I get home:

• Make Grubb wish I were gone again because I am going to smother him to death.
• Ride my bike like bikes will soon be outlawed.
• Eat Whataburger like Whataburger will soon be outlawed.
• Somehow find a job somewhere where I don't want to kill myself.
• Maybe go back to UT and take Marine Biology classes.
• Hugs all around.

I am thankful....

that I will go home to a wonderful place.

• where people will actually smile at me.
• where I get to be me.
• where I don't have to try to fit in if that isn't my bag.
• where I get to be who I want to be and no one ostracizes me.
• where I will eat a delicious, greasy cheeseburger.
• where I will sleep in a bed that is wider than I am tall.
• where there is so much space.
• where no one bumps into me.
• where people love me.

If I had one wish ....

I might waste it on being able to pee standing up. Oh, the wonders. What joys! Never having to hover. Never accidentally touching your ass to the seat when you're drunk and wobbly. Never trying to pull your pants down in a stall where the door is too close to the toilet and bumping into things in there. Gross. Peeing in an alley. Toilet paper would be a thing of the past (for the most part). Rapid fire bathroom breaks. I could go on, but I think we all know the benefits here.

Today I found a toilet, that alone is a miracle. You almost have to be in the subway in order to pee. You would think that all restaurants would have a toilet. You would be wrong, as I was. I start peeing and looked around the stall. No toilet paper. Fucksticks. Wait. I was accidentally prepared. In my bag I had Kleenex. I'm a fucking boy scout.

So I found this. Go Girl. I might have to buy one, or 25. You know, just in case. I guess you would have to carry toilet paper too. I don't know if you can pee in an alley and then put your pee cup back in your purse. Kinda gross. I may have to give this more thought.

This time change thing is a bitch

My days don't role over when the U.S. changes dates. Some of my posts look like I posted two times in one day and then skipped a day. That is totally untrue.

I'm bored. But I can bring myself to do anything. I just want to go back to sleep. Then I sleep the day away and it will be too late to start my day.

Oh, well.

Mosquitos

You should see them here. They are huge! Meanwhile, I haven't been bit by a single one. MP is another story. He gets bit. They leave huge, red welts that stick around for sometimes over a week. He says they itch too. The funny thing is that Texas mosquitos love me and not him.

Alcohol + Boys= Nasty Morning

Every time I drink with boys it gets out of hand. Apparently, I'm a weakling when it comes to peer pressure. Wait, did I mention there was an Irish boy involved? That makes the drinking happen that much harder. The rest of us were loaded and he was barely buzzed.

Weird things about Korea (the kind of things you only find out when you're drunk)-

• Korea doesn't contain strip clubs, only massage parlors.
• You can buy your beer in a tall boy form in the corner store and walk around with it in the street. The whole country is like Vegas.
• Be leery of people, just because they are white and could speak English don't just ask anybody about where the strip clubs are. If you do, MP can get you out of any awkward social situation by lying to the creepy guy who now wants to follow you.
• When bitchy Korean waitresses are telling you they don't have any Korean beer at the bar and then say that four people can't order two beers and two waters all you need to do is get bitchy right back and threaten to leave. She changes her tune.
• In the morning when a hangover is in full swing it is fortuitous that the subway stations and trains are relatively empty for when you have to puke in the corner of the station or on the stairs or in the train. Only one guy had to move his feet to avoid my vomit. It just didn't stop fast enough. What's a girl to do?
• Tequila and cheap beer don't mix in any country.

Funny story: I was forced, forced I tell you, to ask two separate woman if they knew if there were any strip clubs. The first one didn't (obviously) the second one had a better idea, but she didn't know either (obviously). I tried to tell boys that women don't know where strip clubs are, but fine. There was some discussion about how the first girl I asked was attractive. So I say to our friend, "Is there anything else you want me to do? You want me to ask her if she'll fuck you too?" And then MP spit his beer out in the middle of the sidewalk. Much laughter ensued.

Then I woke up in the morning to a wicked hangover and worse cramps in an apartment that wasn't ours. Period, cramps, not being prepared, hangover, rain, subway, vomiting, makes your head kind of spin thinking about how terrible it is, doesn't it. Oh, my head was spinning all right.

P.S. Still feeling like shit at 4:45 pm.

My diagnoses-

Terminally lazy. If that were real I could get disability.

We can't decide what we are going to do today. We just woke up in Saturday.

Last night we laid in bed and watched movies all night. I like movies.

When I'm feeling particularly lazy I don't even eat. If I don't have anything I can just heat up, food is out. Don't you see. I need disability. It is hazardous to my health. Kinda.

I think I know what will fix this situation (by situation I mean still being in bed and hungry and thirsty). Tea. A little caffeine, a little sugar, I'll be on my way.

Bau House

I miss dogs. I miss Grubb so much. I miss everybody else, sure. It just isn't the same. I have never been away from Grubb this long. Plus, I can't talk to him on the phone. I don't get updates from Facebook. No pictures. Though, I'm trying remedy that last part. When I get back to Austin I'm going to sleep on Kyle's floor or couch or whatever space I can occupy with all three bulldogs piled on top of me. I really miss Sluggs too.

I have had a dog all my life, at least as long as I can remember. Everyone I know has dogs. I was never away from a dog for longer than 8 hours. I never really thought about it, but not taking a dog outside all the time is weird. I am thankful that I was dog-less when I was sick, though. That would have been extra terrible. The apartment is so quite, and no one is excited to see me when I get home. I'm not sure I ever want to be without a dog again.

We found a bar/cafe that caters to dogs. It is really awesome. We have been twice and there has been a bulldog there both times. So I get my fix. There is a 140 pound Malamute looking dog. It is huge. Huge. The dogs are going ape shit. They are walking on the tables, fighting, barking. It's fun. I wish I could just loan a bulldog during the day.

Paris Baguette

A little bit of Paris in Korea. They have French bakeries on every corner. I don't know if I could stay here if they didn't. Most of the food is pretty good. Some of it looks weird. Some of it seems like it should be refrigerated, like the egg sandwich. They have a brunch that is better than rice for breakfast.

Fancy cake with tomatoes on top

(I can't tell if this is real or fake food.) French toast and salad

Eggs benedict

Set means "combo meal"

Bread

Pita Sandwich?

Egg Sandwich not refrigerated

Baguette Pizza with tomatoes, eggplant, zucchini

Last little bit of an egg tart and tea by the computer

Strawberry tart with pistachios on top and a croissant type crust

PMS in another country

Pretty much the same as the first country. Only, when I'm feeling particularly irritable I have to go out in the street to get, I don't know anything, and there are people swarming everywhere. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, really crowded places and people in your way. When you try to walk around them, they move over and you can't pass. It drives me crazy. Everywhere you go is one big cluster fuck.

I'm kind of at a loss for something to blog about today. I swear I had something last night. The day hadn't changed yet so I couldn't write about it. I should have wrote it and saved it.

I'm currently on a hunt for yarn that I like. I'm going to try to make a hat, and a cowl.

Did I mention it is fucking cold here? Good god. The weird thing is we don't have to use the heater. It is really warm and humid in the apartment no matter what. It is not humid outside anymore. It got really dry. I hate cold. I hate dry. We'll see if I can hang.

I'll try to start writing things down so I have a semblance of a point.

Culture Shock- Chapter 2

Just one more little tid-bit of craziness.

Whenever we go to a restaurant they never give us all the food we order. It is almost guaranteed that they will forget something. Then it takes an act of god to get the thing that we ordered because we don't have a menu in front of us to point at. I'm not sure if they are being shitty or forgetful. Either way, it is getting kind of old.

All the toothpaste tastes like cough drops. Not the good kind either. We have two different flavors right now. One tastes exactly like Vicks VapoRub. The other one tastes like the yellow Vicks cough drops. I hate that flavor.

We went to an aquarium in a mall. I'll be posting pictures later. I have been posting a lot of pictures to flickr lately so comb through them and check it out.

Culture Shock

So I haven't really expressed just how strange things are here. Besides the fact that people body check you on a daily basis anytime you leave the house (without saying excuse me), they also spit. Not just any spit either. I'm talking giant hacking noises. The women too. When I'm in the apartment with the window open I can hear hacking from the street. We are on the 5th floor. Gross. We saw one guy in the subway spit on the escalator. I mean, spitting inside?! Does it get any grosser? A lot of the people on the streets wear masks, and there are hand washing signs everywhere. Well, people wear masks because nobody covers their mouth when they sneeze or cough. No kidding. I haven't seen a person do it yet and I'm working on a month here. I see people leave the subway bathrooms all the time without washing their hands. No wonder why they need all the signs. A reminder. I always wonder why people just wet their hands without using soap, as if they actually did something. I see a lot of that too. I'm a little freaked out by there lack of concern for transferring bodily fluids. I'm trying to be as culturally sensitive as I can, but I don't want somebody else's snot on me.

Halloween

No great stories to tell about Halloween.

It rained, which meant nothing much was going on. The place where we went wasn't very crowded. So we walked around a little. There were very few costumes. Though, on the way to that part of town an old woman sat down next to me on the subway and when we left that whole side of my leg was wet. I guess she was wet from the rain. I'm not quite sure, but my jeans were really wet. I don't remember her touching me either, which makes it even weirder. I probably could have lived my entire life without somebody getting me wet on public transportation.

Jump start

Okay. I'm attempting to blog everyday in November. I'll probably forget tomorrow. Do just pictures count? My days are different so that could get confusing. How about short staccato sentences that are totally non-sequitur? There may be a lot of that. I always forget what goes on during the day so you might hear about some pretty stupid, piddly shit. Brace yourself.

Today is Halloween. Hopefully, I can regale you with some crazy Korean shit tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

this happened on my flickr

Posted by this guy.

Weird.

Korean Story #1

We went to the zoo. Which was zoo-y. It was all going as planned. When we were just about ready to go, we started walking back. We strolled past a row of food booths. When we were about 30 feet away we heard a loud, LOUD BOOM, and then a huge, HUGE 7 foot fire ball. The girl working the booth was engulfed in flames. She ran away, thankfully she wasn't on fire. I was sure she was going to come running out flailing and on fire. Magically, she wasn't hurt. The whole thing lasted about 30 seconds and it was out. I wish more than anything that I had accidentally got a picture of it. She went back to the booth and took her hair down and was running her hands through it to check for singed ends. She is lucky she had her eyebrows. She will probably smell like burnt hair for three years. It was incredible.

I'm in Korea

No shit. I can't believe it either. I have been here since Wednesday night. Let me give you the brief run down of what happened.

Wednesday Night:

• Flight- ugh, Sea Bands are miracles. All hail, sea bands.
• Almost a two hour bus ride from the airport to the apartment.
• Shower.
• Sleep.

Thursday:

• Michael-Paul took the day off of work to help me recover. Because he is just that sweet.
• Walked around the block a little ways.
• Took nap
• Walked around a little more at night.
• Went to bed.
• Jet lag is some kinda bitch.

Friday:

• Wake up at 6.
• Shower.
• Oh, god. Vomit.
• Continue living in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
• Take occasional tv and bed breaks.
• Pray for death.
• More bathroom visits.
• Me and the bathroom became very close.
• Sleep

Saturday:

• Spend some more time in the bathroom, but not quite as much as the day before.
• Incredibly exhausted from not eating for going on two days by then.
• Going in and out of consciousness.
• MP is cooking and watching a movie on the computer, which is by me and he is in the kitchen banging around and still I'm sound asleep.
• Tired of feeling like utter shit.

Sunday:

• Was able to eat a small amount.
• Was able to laugh again.
• Was able to talk again.
• Was able to stay awake longer than 20 minutes at a time.
• Walking was out of the question, but baby steps.

Today:

• Taking a shower is exhausting.
• My stomach is still making noises like, perhaps there could be an alien life force living in me. Whenever it does burst out of me, I'm naming it 'Cupcakes O'Brian'.
• Missing Grubb terribly. But that is to be expected.
• Finally brushed my hair after four days.
• Still can't be far from the bathroom for fear of emergencies. (Grim face)

Hopefully this is the last of the sickness. Hopefully, I can actually leave the house soon and walk around and actually look at things, maybe even take pictures. I will walk again. I'm sure of it. The fun will commence shortly. I will deliver grade A, exciting stories very soon. Don't worry you pretty little heads friends.

P.S. I really wish my stomach would stop making those noises.

Moving

What a bitch. I moved my bed into storage. That means that I sleep on the couch. That means that Grubb can't quite grasp what the hell we are doing on the couch. He gets down, then he gets up, then he digs around on my legs, then he sleeps, and then the whole starts again. I should be completely moved out by tonight. I am going to get some pretty shitty sleep for the next couple of days.

Things on my agenda before Oct. 6th:

1. Quit thinking about sex. It is so unproductive.

2. Not to get sick.

3. Have a whole shit load of fun this weekend at ACL.

4. DO NOT get sunburned at ACL because that will make the 18 hours to get to Korea HELL.

5. Try not to drink too much.

6. Stay hydrated because I don't want to get an embolism from 18 hours of sitting.

7. Drop my car off at my dad's.

8. Drop Grubb off at Kyle's.

I haven't been very good about posting

No worries. I'm sure when I'm in Korea I will have all kinds of stuff to post. Wait. Have I mentioned I'm going to Korea? I have really been slacking. I leave Oct. 6th.

But tomorrow... I leave for a weekend in California. I have never been to California. I thought about it the other day and I have only been to three places in the US by plane: Dallas, Houston, and Vegas.

I'll be adding San Jose to the list shortly. Our flight leaves at 6 in the morning. We get to San Jose at 10 and then we drive to Monterey Bay. Apparently, the drive boasts sea otters and giant redwoods. Saturday we are going on a behind the scenes tour of the Monterey Bay Aquarium and in the evening a sunset sail with wine and light snacks. We are also going to the Monterey Bay Museum, I have no idea what they have there.

This Holiday season I will be going to New Zealand. Auckland. Damn I'm excited. I got a bad case of the wanderlust.

I'm excited

about leaving. I'm going to miss most everybody in Austin, but I really want to get away. Far, far away, and I'm going to.

The end.

Newsflash

Lauren is lonely.

The end.

Quick edit: Especially when drinking.

What the fuck?

I'm pretty sure my life is somebody's cruel joke. That is fine. I've laughed it off for a long time. Thankfully, they build me up just enough to knock me down about 20 pegs, this person that gets a laugh, but it is getting kind of old.

I can't sleep. I can't eat without feeling sick. All I can seem to do is drink. I guess these things are genetic.

The funny thing too, crying doesn't help. God damn. Wouldn't it be great if it did. Think of all the things I could have fixed tonight. I'm talking world peace and shit. Okay. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the drift.

Something I find curious...

A few days ago I went to the post office on 6th. As I walked in a man in some khakis and a button up white shirt and white hair walked in to the building right ahead of me. He didn't turn to check if anyone was coming in after him. He just let the door slam in my face. I thought to myself "He must not be from Austin." I dropped a letter off. Checked to see if I could buy stamps without standing in line. I couldn't so I left. I was in the building not 3 minutes and another white haired man in the exact same get-up did the exact same thing. Just waltzed through the door like he was the only person in the whole fucking universe. Who are these men that don't hold the door open when someone else is coming? Did they not have mothers to teach them proper door etiquette?

Jump to a few days later at Biker Bingo. There is not a person in there who doesn't have tons of tattoos. I'm usually the least tattooed. There isn't a person in there who doesn't look really mean. It is probably a safe bet to put your money on a lot of them are carrying some kind of weapon. You know, they have the biker thing going on. Well, let me tell you. They god damn hold the door for people. The say excuse me when they slightly touch you, they say thank you and please. They are all around decent human beings. They say Hi to you even though they don't know your name, but they have seen you a few times. Sometimes you even get a smile.

So, who is supposed to be the deviant in this scenario?

There is no way that just happened.

I got shit on by squirrel. AGAIN.

I'm marked by the turd.

They must know me. They have a running joke. Shit on the girl with tattoos.

I was walking Grubb this morning and I felt something glance off my shoulder from the trees. I thought to myself, That felt eerily similar to... Then I looked up. Not a wise move in retrospect. But there it was a god damned squirrel. It shit a couple more times after that. At least, I think it was the same squirrel. Or they had a platoon out that was full of snipers aiming for my tired, feeble body. At a time when I'm least protected too. What if that turd had gone down my shirt? I had been sleeping in a wife beater and I put on shorts in a hurry because Grubb scratched on the door. That usually means: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, at 7:30. But it wasn't. Maybe Grubb is in on it too. Scratch that, don't tell him I said that. I actually think they were trying to hit Grubb on that last assault. It did a piss poor job. Why can't the one with shitty (HA!) aim try to shit on me?

Someday soon...

I'm going to post regularly in the old blog again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but watch out world.

MP decided that I need an advise blog. You know everyday run of the mill stuff. The problem is I don't know how to get stains out. The only solution to a stain I can think of is buy a new one.

Yeah, I wear pink to biker bingo.

What? I also cry at movies. I'm comfortable with my masculinity. Are you?

Updates...

My gentleman caller has left for Korea. Or will tomorrow at 8pm. So now I will have a lot more time on my hands. I believe I will knit a scarf for when I go to Korea. Apparently, they have terribly cold winters because winds blow from Siberia. I have to admit I'm a little sad. Not in a throw myself on the bed and cry like a baby kinda sad, more like a the store was out of the candy that you were craving kinda sad. Life goes on. I really hope that all the stars aline and I really do go to Korea. Not that that many stars have to aline. I just have this feeling that something could go wrong. I'm just airing out every little thought in my head. Never mind me.

Note to self:

When your bored, always post your boring status on the Facebook. This makes people invite you into their plans. I got invited to go to Barton Springs Pool and "Adult Night" at the water park in Belton, both of which I had a lot of fun. "Adult Night" doesn't mean some weird swingers thing for the record. They only allowed adults. You had to show your i.d. to get in. It was really fun going down water slides with a beer in hand. Smoking. Drinking. Water Slides. Yes. Yes. Yes. Did I mention it was at night? All that and without the sun!

Though I have a few bruises: one on the bottom of my foot (what a bitch), one on my side, my feet were really raw at the end of the night from walking on the rough concrete, and my finger rubbed on the slide and it hurt for most of the night.

But it was really fun.

Well, already blew nablopomo. I forgot that yesterday was the first. Suck.

I'm back

I feel so much better. I think I just needed a week of sleep.

Last night I had an angry dream. Usually, if I dream about yelling at people it means I'm stressed out. I imagine it means the same thing this time too.

I watched Public Enemies and a couple of episodes of Pushing Daisies. Both of which I could have cried about, but I didn't. Good sign. A little bit closer to normal.

I know in real life I seam like a tough kid, but I have my moments of being a mushy girl. I secretly like how it surprises guys (on more than one occasion).

Survey says: Lauren should see a shrink.

Survey also says: Lauren won't because she is too lazy and this will pass and she will forget about it.

I'm hungry and need some caffeine.

I'm thinking about doing namblopomo cause Corley told me the theme was "tomorrow" and maybe it will be therapeutic.

Hey kids,

Did mommy ever tell you about the time she was really depressed and hated life and didn't have a job? Well, I was in my mid twenties thinking about how much life sucked and not doing much to change my situation. . .

So the beginning of that little ditty doesn't sound very good. Do you think that is why I have never heard any stories from adults about how much it sucks to be in your twenties and thinking that you should be an adult by now, but you just can't manage to get your shit together?

I can't seem to get un-depressed. I mean I have made significant leaps in the amount I'm crying. The sleeping and feeling like shit is taking a little longer to shake.

Saturday I was in San Antonio with a boy. The plan was: he wakes up goes to work from 9-1. I was going to sleep a little bit later and then wake up and go back home, and he was going to meet me in Austin after work. Well, he came home after work to me still sleeping. Good thing he didn't just go straight to Austin as was planned. Nice work, Lauren.

I think I will be okay soon. I can kind of feel it taking a corner. Hopefully something breaks and the pressure will release. I can't make myself do anything right now.

for those of you who know me. . .

You may want to download skype. You may not. I don't know. But it might be a good idea.

I thought of something to write about today

I didn't get right on it and now it is long gone. I can't get my shit together right now. I feel a little like I'm falling apart at the seams. I guess that is what happens when you wear out your sanity. I'm not quite as young and bouncy as I once was. It seems that when I fall I kinda flatten out a little now.

Oh, well. I'll think of it later.

So here is the thing

I can't bring myself to go back to my job. I can't go to school if I continue to work there because the schedules conflict. I can't only work there because I won't last a week. I would have to kill myself. After much crying last night (with boys I would rather not cry in front of), I have decided I have to quit. I just can't do it. Last week I went home because I couldn't stop crying and I thought I was just having pms. Well, I was. But that wasn't the only problem. So what do I do now? I have applied for a few things. I have a friend looking into a waitress job at a strip club for me. I don't know about that. But frankly, at this point, sucking dick for spare change in the park sounds preferable to going back to taking calls all day. The funny thing is is that it would probably take more brain power to suck dick than I use at my job right now. Seriously. It is that mindless. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I guess I'll find something. I keep waiting for the clouds to part. They aren't. I don't know what the deal is.

My other option is running away. Being a house cat in another country.

I also realized today that I am disgusted with myself. I haven't done anything creative in months. I can't follow through with anything. I've hardly taken a picture in months. I gotta keep moving. Everything about me is atrophying.

I can't keep complaining. So, see ya soon.

This sounds terrible, I know

But when I grow up I want to be someone's trophy wife.  Yeah.  I said it.  I want to spend my days getting my hair done, working out, doing my nails, reading, and buying clothes and shoes.  On someone else's dime of course.  I'm good conversation for the most part.  I could even do a little research about whatever it is that the people like that you are parading me in front of.  So if you know anyone who is lacking in a trophy wife- I'm interested.  I would like someone who is attractive, rich, and in shape.  Smart isn't that important, but it's a big plus.  I clean up real nice.  

The thing about having a job is you have to go

Yuck.  I hate called centers.  The good thing is that I have plenty of money.  Getting paid every week is pretty good.  I'm not sure it makes up for it.  If you haven't worked in a call center let me let you in on a secret: it is like high school.  Everybody is up in everyone else's business. Supervisors knit pick you to death.  You have to say specific words on calls or you get points deducted from your quality score.  Blah, blah, blah.   I can't even leave my desk to take a piss if I have to.  Long story short- gross.  

Long time no see

So I haven't been participating in blogging much lately.  Sorry kids.  Life has taken me away from the computer.  Between having a full time job and sex life the computer is the last thing on my mind.  Obviously. I have been living it up this summer though.  Corley and I had a wild birthday party.  Unfortunately I am now 26.  That's okay because I had a puking good time at the party.   

The job I have is a total buzz kill, so I have to find something else.  A steady paycheck is nice I haven't had that in years and years.  But I'm not sure it is worth it.  I'm just barely hanging on.  I can't take much more of this going to bed at midnight or later and waking up at 5 in the morning to get ready for work.   It makes Lauren an angry girl.  I was doing so good lately too.  I feel that old anger creeping back in.  Once anger gets its nails in good it's hard to let go of it.  Not looking forward to that. 

I really have nothing else to say.  Just stopping in.  Keep in touch.  

Your birthday calendar

My mom sent me this.  You enter your birthday and it tells you all kinds of facts about the day you were born.  

This is my favorite fact 

"Your birth tree is

Birch, the Inspiration

Vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious,modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere."

It's a little like Folsom Prison around here...

I live about 20 feet from the train tracks.  Sometimes the sound stops me.  It is immediate and I close my eyes.  Sometimes is shakes the house.  I let that lonesome whistle blow my blues away. Sometimes the trains are riding by really slowly like they are looking for someone, or something, or got lost along the way.  It happens to the best of us, I guess.  

Boy, oh, boy

I love boys.  I think I should keep them around for a while.  They do wonders for my self esteem.  They are pretty funny.  And they help you break into cars when you lock your keys in them.  So that makes them handy, funny, and reassuring.  They are pretty cute too.  Especially when they have green eyes.  Sigh.  

Life is a funny thing

Lets do bullets.  

• I don't live with my mom anymore.  Thank god.  I'm not sure if I could go on living if that were the case.  
  
• When I drink alcohol there is no filter on my mouth.  WHAT-SO-EVER! I can foresee that getting me into trouble.  
• It is fun when boys are interested in you.  Really fun.  Even when you know good and well you aren't going to have sex with any of them.  
• I had a job interview at a call center today.  It went good.  I never really have a problem with interviews.  I was glad it was with a man.  Looks promising.
• I may also get a job as a barback at a bar I like to get extra cash at least over the summer. 
• I need to party a little less and ride my bike a little more.  I could stand some cleaning and being productive too.  
• Lordy, I had fun yesterday though.  I was totally blitzed at 7.  Maybe earlier.  I was hung over when I got home at 2:30 in the a.m.  
• I think I may be playing a game of how many people I can get to hit on me in one night or how many people will ask to sleep with me in one night.  I had two going for quite a while last night and they were staying in the same house.  That would have been weird if I would have actually slept with one.  So I didn't.  Getting sober does wonders for your judgement. Thank god.  

Things I'm excited about:

• seeing my plants everyday
• having alone time
• being alone in the house
• being alone 
• being alone
• getting to sleep in my own bed again
• getting to sleep in my own bed again- alone
• not having to let anyone know when I will be home
• getting drunk at Corley's house and walking home
• riding my bike in Hyde Park 
• living in Austin- really Austin not fake Austin 
• rebuilding my book collection 
• doing some fun things this summer 
• a big fat double birthday party
• reading tons
• watching tons of movies
• not being in class this summer 

You say "skinny bitch" like it's a bad thing.  

I just have to keep telling myself that

I only have a few days left of school.  I only have a few days left of school.  It will be over before I know it.  I don't want to think about anything related to school for at least three months.  I'm gonna do it too.  Four short days to summer.  Then I'm free.  For a while anyway.  

Dear Friends,

Sleeping is so bogus.  What the hell is going on?  I went to bed at midnight only to wake up at 3 in the morning.  Still up at 5:30.  My alarm is set for 7.  I better squeeze in a nap before I wake up.  

I need a job.  But I really, really don't want a job.  I don't want to work in a call center.  I hate, HATE sitting down all day long.  It makes me so fat and lethargic.  I always feel disgusting.  

When I think of working the dread is overwhelming.  Whatever will I do?