Saturday, December 23, 2006

Bye for now

My favorite past time of '06:

Knitting while watching old, cult, classic, horror movies and drinking hot chocolate.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Red Tinsel Christmas Tree

I wasn't going to put up a Christmas tree. But there was a Christmas tree at work I wanted for 30 dollars. I wasn't sure I wanted to pay that. So I put it in the office so if wouldn't be sold out before I decided. What a wise plan that was, because it did go on sale. Not only sale but Clearance for 11.99. I don't know how good your math is but that is over half off. So I couldn't help myself. It is so tacky, wonderful!

Better late than never

Remember that Dior sweater I got for $4.99? This is it. You may notice that it is size large. I am not size large. But I got it anyways cause I was thinking warm and cozy night time sweater thoughts.

This one is for you

This is for the person who has been sneaking in to my room for the past week when I have been sleeping and beating me with a lead pipe. CUT IT OUT, ALREADY!!! I have a three day weekend, and if I am not better at the end of it it looks like suicide is my only other option. Bummer.

This is also for the woman who picked a fight with me at the register when I was checking her out and then told me she didn't want to argue. The same woman was then mean to me then when I defended myself told me not to be mean. Let me give you the run down. The "holiday take-out boxes" she put on the counter didn't ring up on sale. She said there is a sign over there that says they are. "No, sorry those are different boxes." "Well it is over there on these boxes." I try to explain, but she continues to talk over me. It goes on like this for a while and she says, "I don't want to argue." Okay well then quit talking over me when I try to explain that the problem is that you are reading the sign wrong. When the "take-out" boxes are on sale it will say Holiday Take-Out Boxes on sale not Holiday boxes and tins. Unfortunately Michael's wants us to put signs up and the holdiay boxes just happen to be next to the holiday take-out boxes. It can be misleading. So then she keeps on. She had the nerve to tell me that she even asked me specifically. Indeed she did ask me if "these" were on sale. She had a tin in her hand and was looking at the tins. So I told her yes they are on sale. If she would have even so much as glanced at the take-out boxes I would have told her they were not on sale, cause I knew for a fact they were not. So what else should I say but, "You asked about the tins." That is when she told me not to be mean. "Don't be mean", she says, "It is three days until Christmas." I don't know what that has to do with anything. I told her I was sorry. I was sorry. Sorry that she was the one who started it, but couldn't hang in when I made her feel like the asshole that she was. Not to mention, after she finally stopped talking about the boxes I asked her if she still wanted them. She said yes I counted and rang them up. Then she says, "I had seven and you charged me for nine." So I take them out of the bag and count out loud and what do you know? There were nine. So she says she only wants seven. Okay. Then I ring the cookie tin up that was on sale. "That wasn't on sale?" So I take it out of the bag and show her the original price. "The original price is $2.99. It rang up for $2.09." Jesus lady get a grip. Do want this shit or not? Do you not want to argue or not? Because, you are pretty much doing your damnedest to piss me off. I am sick. I am tired. But mostly I am sick and tired of you.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Fit for a Pirate...

I got my Christmas present today in the mail. This is what Kyle got me! It has a little bell that says, " I heart my bike" and a basket and fat white wall tires!

Real pictures to come! Maybe of me on the cruiser? Who knows?

I am going to put Sluggs in the basket! Just kidding! He won't fit, but if he did. I would.

Monday, December 18, 2006

So this is the new year...

My new year's resolution:

Bring camera everywhere.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

The accidental thrifter

I wear fur. Yeah, you heard me. I wear fur. I would only buy vintage fur of course. But I would sell my soul for a black, floor, length mink fur from the 50's. Okay. For one thing minks are gross. They aren't cute. They are mean. And I hear that they stink worse than skunks. So what if it takes 300 of them to make a coat. They are soft and luxurious. I don't believe in killing animals just for killing animals, but the animals have already been dead for 50 plus years. To late now.

This is a jacket my mom brought back for me when she went to visit her sister. Her sister's husband's mother had this coat and she was looking to get rid of it. My mom called and asked if I wanted it. I didn't see it, but of course I said yes. It has a real fur collar and some bitchin' buttons. It is in excellent condition and it still has a dry cleaning tag on it from god knows how long ago.

Everything is better when it is free!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Solid Cherry

Since Madge isn't posting on Solid Cherry, I thought I would regale you with my fabulous finds as of late.

Thursday, December 14th Goodwill in Cedar Park (on the way to take pictures of the tree):

"My So Called Life" Soundtrack on cd that is full of 90's tracks $1.99

2 cassette tapes for $0.99 a piece of hits from the 50's and 60's including a couple of my all time favorites "These Boots are Made for Walkin'" and "Everybody's Talkin' at Me" and quite a few other gems. I have a tape player and a cd player in my car so I can actually listen to all of this.

"Skinny Dip" Carl Hiaasen's latest book soft bound for $2.99

Saturday, December 16th Goodwill Georgetown

Express Jeans the fit beautifully $7.99

Gap Jeans that fit beautifully $7.99

Old Navy Jeans, you guessed it, fit beautifully $7.99

Christian Dior Sweater $4.99

Minor Emergency

Swollen face
Normal Face
Baby Face

I had to take Sluggs, my very accident prone bulldog, to the emergency vet last night. He got some sort of bug bite and his face swole up like a balloon. Poor thing. He didn't start having breathing problems until we were in the car on the way to the vet. This happened last summer. But it was a lot worse and the swelling lasted a lot longer. The swelling is almost down, but it is still itchy.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Christmas tree

I want a tree like this in my yard all year long. There is one thing I really, really, really like about Christmas. Christmas lights. They are so pretty. And when you put 30,000 of them on a 400 year old oak tree you get something that is quite a sight to behold. Bright is an understatement. I had to work at a different Glitter store the other night and I turned on the wrong road going home. What a gem I found. This tree is sponsored by HEB. In this same area (which is a median in a business park) there is a fire pit. A big fire pit, it has fence around it, but there are benches so you can sit and be warm and watch the fire. It is so neato!

So, Happy Holidays everyone.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

And one more thing

What I hate about the holiday is:

Every single company that offers something that you could possibly give as a gift has to remind you with fifty thousand commercials of all kinds that you need to get their product as a gift.

News Flash: I know it is the holidays. I know I need to get people gifts. Quite trying to shove it down my throat already. What the fuck?

What is the message of Christmas again? Make the most money you can? Buy! BUy! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY!


I hate the holidays. But that is okay because it is officially spring. You didn't know? Yep. Sorry you missed Christmas. In The Land of Glitter, we are almost sold out of all our Christmas merchandise. Not only that, I had to put out spring freight today. Christmas is over folks. And it all because you didn't buy enough!

You like that? I bet you do you filthy pervert!

Now tell me something about Texas! A geographical fact!

Sundance channel sends me a weekly email about what is on through out the week. They also sent me a link to A collection of short films loosely based on "seduction". They are all only a couple minutes long. And they will not disappoint.

I have watched them all. Some are very good. Some are very, very funny. Here are my recommendations.

Strip Tease: A must see! You have to see it! It is so funny! Go now and watch!
SOU: Really neat animation. Very cool.
Dirty Dog: Funny!
120 Seconds to Get Elected: Pure Genius
Electric Chairs: Everybody loves old people in electric chairs

Watch the others at your own risk. I didn't really get them.

Conversation at the kitchen sink

"What would you do without me?"
"Live a life with decidedly less laughter."

Lauren the Conquerer!

That would be my name if I were a Russian Czar. Because I conquerered the hell out of that eyelash yarn. It was difficult and really slow, but I did it!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Dear god I love this man

Plus this is the single coolest house I have ever seen in my life. I want an electric chair and other various capital punishment devices!

Big book of Needlecraft

Remember that book I got with the computer. Well, it turned out to be one hellofa book! Look at all the cool stuff it has in it. There is more. You can see more on my flickr of course. If you ever wanted to learn how to do embroidery this thing has every stitch known to man.

Goodwill find!

While checking the auctions at our local Goodwill I found this mother of a dictionary from 1957. Corley has a similar one. We found that at a Half Priced books. The thing must weigh 200 pounds. You need a dolly to move it from room to room.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Glitter is sparkly, but it hurts when it gets in your eye

My boss (the guy who hired me): Hey would you go and put that "power panel" ( a display on the side of an endcap) back on. I had to move it for something else and I haven't got a chance to put it back up. The power panels are upstairs.
Me: Okay
Me putting the power panel up. Question to the very nice, very funny, gay, male Assistant Store Manager.
Me to Assistant Manager : Hey, how high does this go up?
Assistant Manager: Just to where it is almost touching the ground.

We both look down to discover it is about two feet off the ground.

Assistant Manager: Oh, that is too short.
Me: Do I need a long one?
Assistant Manager: Yeah, if there isn't a long one I don't know what we are going to do.
Me: I think there is a long one up there.
Assistant Manager: Are you sure? Because I know at one point I was looking for long and all I could find was short.
Me: Story of my life
and before he even caught it
Me: Just kidding
Laughter, laughter, laughter, more laughter as I walked away to go get the long one I could hear him laughing as he went to go tell a few people. He thought that was so good.

I can't pass up an opportunity to make a gay man laugh about penis jokes. It is just too good.

That is absolutely not true, by the way. Just a joke.

Where does the time go?

Every time I sit down to the computer it seems like time goes into light speed and all of a sudden I need to go do something else. Is it just me? I have this automatic timer. Whenever my foot goes to sleep I know I have spent to much time on the computer.

I had all these things I wanted to write about but now I can't remember. Bummer.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The reason I want to play the piano

This may be The Beatles playing the music, but they are definitely not singing. What is with the accent? Sorry, it is the best version I found on youtube. It also had the best visuals.

Isn't Paul dreamy when he is young and has a beard and is playing the piano? The Beatles were THE first dirty rockers. They made long hair what it is today. They are just too cool for school in my opinion!

Okay, this guy does a really good version, only he skipped the second verse.

Here are those things

I should be riding my bike but I started talking on the phone and one thing led to another and I gave up. I will work on that tomorrow.

Here are the things I wanted to talk about.

Iconoclasts and Austin and Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino: If you haven't heard of Iconoclast it is a series on Sundance. The formula is huge famous influential celebrity + huge famous influential celebrity= inspiration and friendship and good programming. The celebrities get together and talk about their careers, art, the town they are in, etc... I saw the commercials for season two of Iconoclasts months ago. I saw a clip of Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino in Austin at the Fiona Apple concert that Corley and I attened. I thought, "OOOO!!! I want to watch that!" Sundance was having a marathon, the season is over or something. I tivoed it. Hooray! Good show. I heart Austin! I heart Tarantino! Fiona and Quentin went to the bat bridge they went and hung out at different bars in Austin and she looks so pretty on TV (Austin not Fiona). Quentin was super cool. When he turned back to look at people on their segways they yelled something at him (in a good way) and he yelled back hi and gave them a piece sign. It made me really happy. I have no idea why this makes me happy. It is the little things I guess. Fiona was really excited to see the bat bridge and asking all kinds of questions. Quentin has an office in Austin. He is filming a movie here (or was I don't know if it is over or whatever). When Quentin Tarantino talked about how cool a town Austin was it made me go gooey inside. I did enjoy the clever ways in which they obscured the shots in just a way so that it looked pretty full at the Fiona concert, when in fact it was not very full. They did show her dancing crazy and beating her chest. They didn't show her hiding. And they also did not show clips of her awful singing. It was very false the stuff they showed of her. It felt that way to me anyways. A very spit and polished version anyway.

Second thing that man who was busted with the gay prostitute and the meth who turns out was a religious leader of some christian denomination cult or other. I know this is old news, but I haven't got around to talking about it. Tell me, cause I have a hard time understanding this. Why would being in a loving gay relationship in which you are the only two be worse than gay prostitutes and doing meth to deal with your fucked up double life? Why? Also, aren't Christians supposed to love everyone? Isn't that the message the Bible was supposed to send? How did it get to, "Love everyone except fags"? And when your religious leaders completely fall on their face because, well, because repressing your feelings, your animal urges if you will in the name of morals or god or whatever doesn't work you totally deny him ever having an influence. Shouldn't the Christianly thing to do is say, "He is having a hard time right now. He has gone down the wrong road and we are doing everything we can to help him"? And maybe actually mean it and help? This is a prime example of why I will never want to associate myself with a group such as this. Christianity doesn't sound like a bad thing on paper. It actually sounds kinda good as in Christianity as a way of life, not Christianity as do as I say not as I do. But I never see that in action or mainly a small percentage. Sometime I think of doing surveys . Anytime I see or experience someone being vicious for no reason I always want to ask, " Do you consider yourself a Christian?" I think most people would say yes. The next question wouldn't have to be ask it would be implied. "Do you find what your doing now to be very Christianly?" The sad part is I don't think people would be embarrassed, at least they wouldn't be as ashamed as I think they should be. I think misrepresentation is pretty low.

Okay, now that I have gotten off my soap box I will talk about work a little bit. My job is TOTALLY mindless. Totally. Which sounds like a bad thing. Especially for someone who likes to think and learn. Well this is false all the smart people should be in the mindless jobs. I have so much time to think it is unbelievable. I have never heard myself think so much. My job is so mindless that I can use my brain to think of whatever I like instead of them telling my what to think. It is so refreshing. Yesterday, my job was to get a tall ladder and take garland down off the high wall. This is exactly how it sounds a very high wall. When I am on top of the ladder I can see the whole store. I am a good, say 6 to 8 feet over the isles. I find this incredibly relaxing. I mindlessly dropped the garland from the ladder into a big wheelie container and dispersed it though out the land of glitter. When that was down I moved on to something equally as mindless and relaxing. I really enjoy my job when it doesn't include being backup cashier or trying to sell things to old people. We all know old people are cheap and they don't want to let go of their money. Maybe we don't all know that custom framing is expensive, but now you do. So when you are old you won't harass some young girl trying her damnedest to be friendly and completely and totally wear her out.

P.S. from here on out my craft store job will no be referred to as "The Land of Glitter".

Lastly, FUCK eyelash yarn. Do yourself a favor. If you are a knitter DO NOT BUY EYELASH YARN. That was my warning if you don't care to heed it that is your decision, albeit a poor one. I have probably knit enough for a scarf only I have had to take it out so many times that I have nothing. You just can't see your stitches. It is so ridiculous and infuriating. I still haven't given up yet. I am bound and determined to knit the damn thing. It is for my mom. I really think she will like it if I don't give up.

The problem with thinking is that I have more rattling around up there. I have more to talk about now. I will spare you. There is just nothing to weigh it down. It is incredible.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

One of these days...

When I am less tired I will post about something more interesting than work.

Like: Iconoclasts and Austin and Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino
That religious guy who had the meth problem and the gay prostitute problem.
My work being mindless and good (this is about work but not complaining)
My hand made christmas presents
I broke down and went to work the second time they called me to come in on Sunday. I know. I know. I worked from 7pm to 2 am putting out Christmas freight. The good thing was no old people to harass me and no christmas music. I wasn't scheduled on Monday but you know I worked. Today I worked a full 8 hours. I am tired. But today I did get offered a promotion. I will be the Price Integrity Coordinator. Doesn't that sound really fancy? Well let me explain what that means. I put the correct price sticker on the correct product. There has never been a fancier name for someone who puts stickers on things. I will be getting paid more all though they haven't told me how much more. This is the fastest I have ever got a promotion. At this rate I will own that bitch in another 2 months.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

We have been lucky with the free stuff lately!!

Look at the haul I made when I went to my dad's house. My step mom had just bought a new computer. She gave me her old one. I also got a 1gb jump drive, a mouse, some other jump drive, a wireless router and a wireless card! Oh, yeah and a book about needle art from my step mom's mom that would be my step grandmother. AND and carrying case! Now I have a computer for my craft room!!!! Horray!

My week

I was scheduled to work 20 hours at work. I am part time. I ended up working almost 30. Why? I have no idea what are they doing up there? Thursday, my normal day off I went to work at the Round Rock store because they were behind in their frame shop. Okay, fine no big deal. I will do it. It was only 9-1. Meanwhile, at 8 in the morning on the way to the Round Rock store it is sleating and the roads were less than friendly. Fine. Friday I was supposed to be in at 5-9. I get a call at 11 am.
"Hey, Lauren, this is Derek. What are you doing?"
"Oh, did I wake you up?"
"No, it is fine."
"Okay, well today I looked at the schedule and realized we don't have a framer after 1. Can you come in from 1-9?"
Thinking that I would be framing I agreed. That was a poor decicision. Because I never frame and I should have known. I get there and they had called another kid into do the framing stuff. I was going to put out freight. Guess what happened then. The manager calls me over the intercom to dial whatever extention and low and behold they don't have any cashiers either. Excellent. So from 1:30-5:30 I was "back up cashier" at 5:30 the kid left and they didn't have anybody in the frame shop so they finally let me go back there and stopped calling me.

Last night I write down my schedule and set it on the table and tell Kyle that I am only working 2 days next week. He says, "Really?" I am only working tuesday and wednesday but I work 8 hours each day. "Yeah, but you know they are going to call you in every day." Yeah, I know.

Saturday at 2 pm: "Hey Lauren I wanted to know if you could work tomorrow from 9-4?"

I haven't called back my answer is HELL NO!!!