Monday, November 30, 2009

I remembered a doozy

Handjob and a haircut, 2 bits.

Well, it probably costs more than two bits, but there are handjob and a haircut establishments everywhere here. There are at least three such establishments within a few blocks of this apartment. Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard? Why would you combine the two? You can tell where to get your hair cut and your dick squeezed by observing two spinning barber shop poles next to each other, each going in a different direction. Now, I hear that they don't do the haircut and the handjob at the same time. Which do you think should come first? Would you like to be more relaxed before or after your haircut? Another question that was brought up was do you have a time limit? I think it might take a while to finish if it smells like a salon and you're worried about your hair looking good. I don't know. Maybe Koreans have a salon fetish. The sound of scissors cutting hair gets their dicks hard? Maybe they like the smell of that blue fluid they keep the combs in? Sometimes barber chairs can be pretty comfortable. My mind is brought to the privacy issue. I guess these places have separate rooms for each customer. All I can think of is that barber shop in Austin that looks like time forgot it in the HEB shopping center. A couple of old white guys run it, it has fluorescent lighting, and a bunch of chairs lined up in a single room. I imagine it full of Koreans getting jerked off. It grosses me out. Do you think you need a special hair cutting license to give handjobs too? I have so many unanswered questions!

The End

Last day of Nablopomo. I feel pretty good about it. I missed one day. Overall, I wasn't too strapped for material. Definitely my most successful month of blogging everyday. I do feel tapped out. Funny enough, the last day and I have nothing to talk about. Well, that isn't completely true. I have plenty of bitching to do I just don't feel like this is the platform.

I'll try to keep writing frequently.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I can't believe this:

I can't believe I'm in Korea.
I can't believe I've been here two months now.
I can't believe I haven't seen Grubb in that long.
I can't believe I graduated from college almost a year ago.
I can't believe no one answers my god damn emails.

Wait, I better get this out. Last week I email my mom and tell her to email me and let me know when she will call. I don't care when she does call I just have to know so I can wake up. She emails me with a time, on a day. I wake up- she doesn't call. It was a week day so there was an alarm. Sometimes I'm just up early on the weekdays, cause I can't go back to sleep after MP is getting ready for work. Cut to this week and I tell her to tell me when she is going to call, just like before. Only now she doesn't tell me and calls at 7am on a Saturday. Who's up early on a Saturday? I'm starting to think she can't read. Plus, I have emailed Kyle twice now. No answer. I'm not asking for a novel. Just a simple, Hey your dog is okay, I'm okay. Is that too much to ask? I could scream. It is so god damn frustrating. The two of them drive me crazy. Right up a fucking wall. I love them, but damn people.

Okay that feels better.

The time away from them really has helped. The time away from everything really has helped. I am starting to feel that I could go home and have a job and function and do all the things you have to do to support yourself. I still don't think I can work in an office though.

I'm starting to think I can actually articulate all the things that made me want to leave, too. Before it was too jumbled and emotional and confusing. I am making some headway to sanity.

Things I've watched lately:

True Blood Season 2- worth while, I love that giant viking motherfucker.
Antichrist- Shock, shock, shock, cringe.
Re watching Carnivale- fabulous, just like the first time.
Re watched Spain....On the Road Again- damn, I wish I was eating shellfish in Spain.
A slew of strange B horror movies from the 60's and 70's - tits, tits, tits.
Whatever Works- eh.
Law & Order: SVU- it's good to hear English.
Re watching Curb Your Enthusiasm- very funny.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I would like a big tall, blond, rich Swedish boyfriend for Christmas. Preferably, Alexander Skarsgard. If you could wrap him up like this I'd really appreciate it.

Okay? Okay.

Not feeling it

I'm not feeling very bloggy today.

So.... I'm thankful for good friends. I miss them very much and I can't wait to be back home and talk to them regularly.

Love you guys. Hope you have a good Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Night Time

I have mentioned before what goes on in my head at night. My god. It's like a nightmare before I even start sleeping. I can't control it. I'm all over the place. It is all completely ridiculous, but I think it is brilliant. Last night I wanted to start a revolution.

Here's how it went... I want a new social networking site. Have the cool kids moved on from Facebook yet? What else is out there? Twitter? I hate Twitter. How is it any different from Facebook? Why are there no social networking co-ops? Oh, that would be brilliant. If the users worked on the sight then there wouldn't have to be advertising, plus all our information wouldn't be bought and sold with about as much concern as day old bread. Then, my thoughts started to speed up. Then it was all, we could get out from under the man and be free type shit. Then, how I would have to inspire people to rise up. Like I'm fucking Che or something. What a revolution. I just had a Hedwig moment, "Put on some makeup. Turn on the PC. I'm pulling the beret down from the shelf. Suddenly I'm Miss Social Network Revolutionary. Until I wake up and I turn back into myself."

And the quiet. Sweet mother of mercy, the quiet. I haven't experienced a quiet like this since summer of 2001. There is nothing to drown out the sound of my awful thoughts. At first it was okay because I was exhausted all the time, but I'm starting to come out of it. Which I guess has it's benefits and its drawbacks. I was falling asleep in about .03 seconds flat. That would probably happen again if I didn't nap.

I had a dream that I was trying to talk to somebody on Skype, but I couldn't hear because I was playing music or something on the computer and I couldn't get close enough to the computer for the person I was talking to hear because of dogs on a couch. I don't think I had ever met the dog or the couch. There was a lot of static on the line too. I have never heard static on the line on Skype. It was frustrating.

P.S. John Cameron Mitchell is my hero. (Though he does remind me of a certain female neighbor, some of you know who I'm talking about.) I mean have you seen Shortbus? I think he has a new movie coming out. Squeek!

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Slapping Game

You know that more grown up version of patty cake? The one that usually goes with some kind of song like "Miss Mary Mack". I saw some girls playing that little game in the street. I have no idea how old they were. I can't tell how old Koreans are. I am going to guess they were high school age, maybe about 15. So they start off with their hands apart, one palm facing up and the other facing down. They slap hands. Then they do a side slap back and forth with there hands positioned with the thumb on top. Then out of nowhere at the end of the cycle one slaps the shit out of the other one. Damn. Then they do another go round, and at the end of that cycle the other slaps the shit out of the first. They didn't seem to be taking it easy on one another either. I mean hair flinging, head jerking slaps on the side of the head. It's the damndest thing you ever saw.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


First thing- Butterfinger Pancakes is an American stye diner. Oh. They have delicious pancakes. It is so nice. Everything else is so-so. They have Dr. Pepper (it was flat). We have been there three times since we found it last week. I can't tell you how good the blueberry pancakes are.

Second- We were waiting in the subway by our apartment for a friend and there was a bitchin' band playing. It was a two man band one playing an accordion and one playing a trumpet. This older Korean woman comes up and starts dancing. She draws a little crowd of older gentlemen, and they start clapping. They are just having a big time as she shook her money maker. It was amusing. I thought I would stand up and get a video of her dancing and then this guy comes up and pushes her. I mean pushes her big time. I got it on video. Here it is. Then he starts yelling at her, but I don't know what he says. It was so weird. She just goes right on dancing like nothing ever happened. It blew my mind.

Not interested today:

So as a post I will make a note of two things I want to write about.

  • An American Diner in Korea
  • Stranger on a Train (More accurately, Strange in the Subway, but it wasn't fitting my movie title theme, okay. Just go with it.)
Until then,

Friday, November 20, 2009


Dropped the ball. I totally forgot to post yesterday. Oh, well. We'll just pretend that didn't happen okay. To make up for it I'll tell you two stories.

While walking to the subway I saw something in the middle of the sidewalk that looked strange. I started to slow down on approach. It was dark so I couldn't quite see it. MP didn't seem interested in what it was. No one else seemed to even pay attention that there was something there. It was small and circular. MP started to walk around it. Right when I figured out it was alive, a girl's foot came about 1/2" from kicking the rat. A rat. A live. In the middle of the sidewalk. Just sitting there. I think it was pretty sick. Probably dying. It was weird. It eventually walked off into the bushes pretty slowly.

Bonus material:

Yesterday I was trying to take a nap. I don't know if I mentioned that me and MP share a bed that is about 3" wider than a twin. Which is no big deal, but sometimes a gal likes to spread out. That is what a nap is for. So I don't have a shirt on I'm trying to nap and then MP gets a phone call. He tells me that internet people are coming to change the lines. Ugh. I don't want to get up. So I go back to sleep. Less than an hour later he wakes me up and tells me they are here do you just want to stay in bed? Yes. Leave me alone. He throws the covers over my head and I attempt to go back to sleep. Well we live in a room. It took three Koreans to change the line. At one point some kind of alarm was going off and the woman of the three was talking on the phone. Instead of turning off the alarm she just started talking louder. By the time they left I was thoroughly pissed. I got up and looked at MP and said, "How can I sleep with all the beeping and the ching chonging?!?" Then he laughed. All racism aside it really does sound like they say ching chong sometimes. No kidding.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


There are a lot of dog problems going around. My brother had to put down his dog a few days ago because of cancer. You all know about the Corley/Emma situation. And Grubb is so far away. It worries me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


On the way to our destination:
Me: "Someone smells like fetal pigs, the kind that you dissect in school."

On the way back from our destination:
MP: "This guy next to me smells like clam chowder."

I'm feeling very grumpy these days. I wish I could do something about it.

Please, all of you who will soon be participating in Thanksgiving, eat a shit load of dressing for yours truly. K?

The past few days we have been hearing a man moaning through the walls. It's weird because I have heard plenty of people banging around, but you can't hear voices unless they are in the hall. The new groaning noise is real unsettling. Sounds like he is dying. Or calling whales. I can't decide if all are neighbors are very lonely people or you just can't hear through the walls. It's a toss up really. Maybe that guy is banging someone in there.

I love "Californication". I love it. The new season is titillating.

I love "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" too. New season, excellent as well.

If you haven't seen either show- get it together. When you're done chastising yourself for being so lame, run to the video store/netflix/whatever to get your hands on all the episodes you can. You will laugh your ass off. Then you will thank me. Then we can have a beer at the same time and toast to your newfound coolness.

Later Tater

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I got a little bit of crazy

Last night I'm laying in bed about to fall asleep. My head was hurting a little bit. I started thinking about what makes your head hurt, and for a split second I thought what if my brain swells and I die in my sleep. I know. Totally irrational. The only thought I had about dying in my sleep was, "Damn, I won't get to finish my book." Swear. Maybe I got a lot of crazy. That is on my list of things to do when I get back home. Seek help.

The Executioner's Song, by Normal Mailer.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Catching up

MP is sick. He went to the doctor and he has to stay home from work for a week. My throat feels a little funny so I'm sure I'll be getting sick too.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Talkin' 'bout last night

We stayed in all day yesterday, because it is so fucking cold. I don't like winter in Texas. I tried to mentally prepare myself, but god damn. (Okay, enough complaining.) So about 9 o'clock at night I decide that I want a cheeseburger and McDonald's is the only close place that is going to have one. So. As we are crossing the street we see this man practically dragging a woman. I can only assume he was her boyfriend. She was slumped over his shoulder, but managing to walk without falling in high heels. She was absolutely limp from the waist up. When they finish crossing the street they sit down and she starts heaving. We chuckle and walk the rest of the block to the double arches and when we get are food and walk back she is still on the step vomiting. As we wait for the light to change, so we can walk across the street. we get to see her vomiting. That doesn't sound too funny, but it really was. I had to really focus on not laughing. I should be more sympathetic. I'm not. I wouldn't have minded had someone been laughing at me. The boyfriend had put down her purse on a ledge so she wouldn't vomit on it and then sat down on the other side of her. When they got up he put her arms over his shoulder and picked her up like a backpack, her feet were still touching the ground. Then he decided to go through the vomit to get the purse on the other side of her. At this point the girl started to stir. They are both walking in the vomit the boyfriend's shoe slides through it. Atrocious. She is fighting him a little. They manage to get out of the vomit and she kind of falls down. More like she slumped down without hurting herself. Then the light changed and we had to stop watching, but it was a good show while it lasted.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The cold makes me bitter

And I'm talking cold. Who could live in a place like this? It is boggling my mind. The weather channel website says it's 43 degrees, but it feels like 37 degrees. It's windy. It's terrible. The low tonight is 32 with 10 to 15 mph winds. The high tomorrow is 41 and the low is 29! 29! What the hell? How am I going to function. I already find it hard to go outside. My face is so cold. I had to have a long sleeve t-shirt, a hoodie, a wool coat, a scarf, and gloves. Then I only made it about a block before I wanted to turn around and go home. Women here are still wearing short skirts, like this ain't shit. I can't believe it. They do have leggings on, but come on it's freezing outside. The cold wind cuts through my jeans in a hurry. I keep telling myself I'll get used to it, but the person controlling the weather isn't making it easy for me. It's warm then cold, then warm again, and then freezing. I hate it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Things I plan to do when I get home:

  • Make Grubb wish I were gone again because I am going to smother him to death.
  • Ride my bike like bikes will soon be outlawed.
  • Eat Whataburger like Whataburger will soon be outlawed.
  • Somehow find a job somewhere where I don't want to kill myself.
  • Maybe go back to UT and take Marine Biology classes.
  • Hugs all around.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I am thankful....

that I will go home to a wonderful place.
  • where people will actually smile at me.
  • where I get to be me.
  • where I don't have to try to fit in if that isn't my bag.
  • where I get to be who I want to be and no one ostracizes me.
  • where I will eat a delicious, greasy cheeseburger.
  • where I will sleep in a bed that is wider than I am tall.
  • where there is so much space.
  • where no one bumps into me.
  • where people love me.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

If I had one wish ....

I might waste it on being able to pee standing up. Oh, the wonders. What joys! Never having to hover. Never accidentally touching your ass to the seat when you're drunk and wobbly. Never trying to pull your pants down in a stall where the door is too close to the toilet and bumping into things in there. Gross. Peeing in an alley. Toilet paper would be a thing of the past (for the most part). Rapid fire bathroom breaks. I could go on, but I think we all know the benefits here.

Today I found a toilet, that alone is a miracle. You almost have to be in the subway in order to pee. You would think that all restaurants would have a toilet. You would be wrong, as I was. I start peeing and looked around the stall. No toilet paper. Fucksticks. Wait. I was accidentally prepared. In my bag I had Kleenex. I'm a fucking boy scout.

So I found this. Go Girl. I might have to buy one, or 25. You know, just in case. I guess you would have to carry toilet paper too. I don't know if you can pee in an alley and then put your pee cup back in your purse. Kinda gross. I may have to give this more thought.

Monday, November 09, 2009

This time change thing is a bitch

My days don't role over when the U.S. changes dates. Some of my posts look like I posted two times in one day and then skipped a day. That is totally untrue.

I'm bored. But I can bring myself to do anything. I just want to go back to sleep. Then I sleep the day away and it will be too late to start my day.

Oh, well.

Sunday, November 08, 2009


You should see them here. They are huge! Meanwhile, I haven't been bit by a single one. MP is another story. He gets bit. They leave huge, red welts that stick around for sometimes over a week. He says they itch too. The funny thing is that Texas mosquitos love me and not him.

Alcohol + Boys= Nasty Morning

Every time I drink with boys it gets out of hand. Apparently, I'm a weakling when it comes to peer pressure. Wait, did I mention there was an Irish boy involved? That makes the drinking happen that much harder. The rest of us were loaded and he was barely buzzed.

Weird things about Korea (the kind of things you only find out when you're drunk)-
  • Korea doesn't contain strip clubs, only massage parlors.
  • You can buy your beer in a tall boy form in the corner store and walk around with it in the street. The whole country is like Vegas.
  • Be leery of people, just because they are white and could speak English don't just ask anybody about where the strip clubs are. If you do, MP can get you out of any awkward social situation by lying to the creepy guy who now wants to follow you.
  • When bitchy Korean waitresses are telling you they don't have any Korean beer at the bar and then say that four people can't order two beers and two waters all you need to do is get bitchy right back and threaten to leave. She changes her tune.
  • In the morning when a hangover is in full swing it is fortuitous that the subway stations and trains are relatively empty for when you have to puke in the corner of the station or on the stairs or in the train. Only one guy had to move his feet to avoid my vomit. It just didn't stop fast enough. What's a girl to do?
  • Tequila and cheap beer don't mix in any country.
Funny story: I was forced, forced I tell you, to ask two separate woman if they knew if there were any strip clubs. The first one didn't (obviously) the second one had a better idea, but she didn't know either (obviously). I tried to tell boys that women don't know where strip clubs are, but fine. There was some discussion about how the first girl I asked was attractive. So I say to our friend, "Is there anything else you want me to do? You want me to ask her if she'll fuck you too?" And then MP spit his beer out in the middle of the sidewalk. Much laughter ensued.

Then I woke up in the morning to a wicked hangover and worse cramps in an apartment that wasn't ours. Period, cramps, not being prepared, hangover, rain, subway, vomiting, makes your head kind of spin thinking about how terrible it is, doesn't it. Oh, my head was spinning all right.

P.S. Still feeling like shit at 4:45 pm.

Friday, November 06, 2009

My diagnoses-

Terminally lazy. If that were real I could get disability.

We can't decide what we are going to do today. We just woke up in Saturday.

Last night we laid in bed and watched movies all night. I like movies.

When I'm feeling particularly lazy I don't even eat. If I don't have anything I can just heat up, food is out. Don't you see. I need disability. It is hazardous to my health. Kinda.

I think I know what will fix this situation (by situation I mean still being in bed and hungry and thirsty). Tea. A little caffeine, a little sugar, I'll be on my way.

Bau House

I miss dogs. I miss Grubb so much. I miss everybody else, sure. It just isn't the same. I have never been away from Grubb this long. Plus, I can't talk to him on the phone. I don't get updates from Facebook. No pictures. Though, I'm trying remedy that last part. When I get back to Austin I'm going to sleep on Kyle's floor or couch or whatever space I can occupy with all three bulldogs piled on top of me. I really miss Sluggs too.

I have had a dog all my life, at least as long as I can remember. Everyone I know has dogs. I was never away from a dog for longer than 8 hours. I never really thought about it, but not taking a dog outside all the time is weird. I am thankful that I was dog-less when I was sick, though. That would have been extra terrible. The apartment is so quite, and no one is excited to see me when I get home. I'm not sure I ever want to be without a dog again.

We found a bar/cafe that caters to dogs. It is really awesome. We have been twice and there has been a bulldog there both times. So I get my fix. There is a 140 pound Malamute looking dog. It is huge. Huge. The dogs are going ape shit. They are walking on the tables, fighting, barking. It's fun. I wish I could just loan a bulldog during the day.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Paris Baguette

A little bit of Paris in Korea. They have French bakeries on every corner. I don't know if I could stay here if they didn't. Most of the food is pretty good. Some of it looks weird. Some of it seems like it should be refrigerated, like the egg sandwich. They have a brunch that is better than rice for breakfast.
Fancy cake with tomatoes on top

(I can't tell if this is real or fake food.) French toast and salad

Eggs benedict

Set means "combo meal"


Pita Sandwich?

Egg Sandwich not refrigerated

Baguette Pizza with tomatoes, eggplant, zucchini

Last little bit of an egg tart and tea by the computer

Strawberry tart with pistachios on top and a croissant type crust

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

PMS in another country

Pretty much the same as the first country. Only, when I'm feeling particularly irritable I have to go out in the street to get, I don't know anything, and there are people swarming everywhere. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, really crowded places and people in your way. When you try to walk around them, they move over and you can't pass. It drives me crazy. Everywhere you go is one big cluster fuck.

I'm kind of at a loss for something to blog about today. I swear I had something last night. The day hadn't changed yet so I couldn't write about it. I should have wrote it and saved it.

I'm currently on a hunt for yarn that I like. I'm going to try to make a hat, and a cowl.

Did I mention it is fucking cold here? Good god. The weird thing is we don't have to use the heater. It is really warm and humid in the apartment no matter what. It is not humid outside anymore. It got really dry. I hate cold. I hate dry. We'll see if I can hang.

I'll try to start writing things down so I have a semblance of a point.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Culture Shock- Chapter 2

Just one more little tid-bit of craziness.

Whenever we go to a restaurant they never give us all the food we order. It is almost guaranteed that they will forget something. Then it takes an act of god to get the thing that we ordered because we don't have a menu in front of us to point at. I'm not sure if they are being shitty or forgetful. Either way, it is getting kind of old.

All the toothpaste tastes like cough drops. Not the good kind either. We have two different flavors right now. One tastes exactly like Vicks VapoRub. The other one tastes like the yellow Vicks cough drops. I hate that flavor.

We went to an aquarium in a mall. I'll be posting pictures later. I have been posting a lot of pictures to flickr lately so comb through them and check it out.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Culture Shock

So I haven't really expressed just how strange things are here. Besides the fact that people body check you on a daily basis anytime you leave the house (without saying excuse me), they also spit. Not just any spit either. I'm talking giant hacking noises. The women too. When I'm in the apartment with the window open I can hear hacking from the street. We are on the 5th floor. Gross. We saw one guy in the subway spit on the escalator. I mean, spitting inside?! Does it get any grosser? A lot of the people on the streets wear masks, and there are hand washing signs everywhere. Well, people wear masks because nobody covers their mouth when they sneeze or cough. No kidding. I haven't seen a person do it yet and I'm working on a month here. I see people leave the subway bathrooms all the time without washing their hands. No wonder why they need all the signs. A reminder. I always wonder why people just wet their hands without using soap, as if they actually did something. I see a lot of that too. I'm a little freaked out by there lack of concern for transferring bodily fluids. I'm trying to be as culturally sensitive as I can, but I don't want somebody else's snot on me.


No great stories to tell about Halloween.

It rained, which meant nothing much was going on. The place where we went wasn't very crowded. So we walked around a little. There were very few costumes. Though, on the way to that part of town an old woman sat down next to me on the subway and when we left that whole side of my leg was wet. I guess she was wet from the rain. I'm not quite sure, but my jeans were really wet. I don't remember her touching me either, which makes it even weirder. I probably could have lived my entire life without somebody getting me wet on public transportation.