Monday, March 30, 2009

I finally did it

I bought a Polaroid instant camera off of eBay. Now I need to apply for a loan to buy the fucking film. $45 for 30 pictures! Sheesh.

Do you think the impetus behind instant film was dirty pictures? I foresee a fun project.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The things I find romantic

Nothing Can Change This Love - Sam Cooke "if you wanted to leave me and roam, when you got back I'd just say welcome home"

Cry Baby- Garnet Mimms "he told you that he loved you much more than I, but he left you and you don't know why. And when you don't know what to do you come running back to me and cry, cry baby. Cry baby welcome back home."

If You Need Me- Solomon Burke "call me and I'll hurry home, right were I belong"

He Will Break Your Heart- Jerry Butler "When he take his bow and makes his exit girl, I'll be there to take you home. He don't love you like I love you."

I'll Come Running Back to You- Sam Cooke "folks say that you found someone new to do the things I used to do for you. Just call my name. I'm not ashamed. I'll come running back to you."

Part Time Love- Little Johnny Taylor "she came home this morning. I asked her where had she been. She said, 'Don't ask me no questions daddy, 'cause I'll be leaving again'"

I love all these songs, but I wonder if there are actually men out there who are like this. Other people must think this kind of thing is romantic otherwise there wouldn't be so many songs that are so similar.

things are gonna change so fast

My goal in life is to tell a good story. I don't have to be able to write it. I like the oral tradition much better. At my grandfather's funeral/wake all of his friends got up and told stories about him, but they also told his stories. I love that. Everyone laughed, they cried, but they laughed too.

I want people to say she gave good story, and laugh about me.

My dad has a lot of good stories about his childhood. When I was a kid I used to ask him to tell me the stories over and over. I thought they were funny and interesting and they had the tone of a science fiction novel. It was like he lived in another world. A place were no one was scared of their kids being kidnapped, or really no fear of anything bad happening at all. He and his cousins ran wild. I always thought I misses out on that kid experience.

I've been trying to make up for it ever since.

Friday, March 27, 2009


Sit down you have to watch this trailer! 

Is that not the coolest, most excellent, amazing, wonderful thing you have ever spent 2 minutes on!?

I can't wait until October!

Low Down and Dirty

Correction: Last night I wrote that I didn't care about cheating. That statement is misleading.  I do care about cheating.  Very much so.  But I want to read about afternoon trysts, and midnight rendezvous in the random places, dirty hotel rooms, cars.  That is interesting and worth reading, otherwise no.  Feel free to contribute a dirty story if you have one.  

I accidentally bought two pairs of shoes today.  Last year I looked for a yellow pair of flats for months.  Today I walk into DSW and it is the first pair of shoes I come across.  I had to get them.  My other goal was a grey pair of heels.  Bingo.  It was a successful shoe experience and I haven't bought any high heels in a while.  

I rode my bike for a long time today.  It was great.  The problem is I feel really anxious and jumpy the rest of the day.  Too much energy.  

Also, I think I am going to give up bras for lent.  Sure it's a month late and I'm not Catholic, but whatever.  Bras suck.  While I'm at it, I'm also giving up homework and being lethargic.  

Thursday, March 26, 2009

come back to me again, and play your sad guitar

I feel up for some bullets.  Shall we? 
  • "Phenom" is possibly the coolest word on Earth. I'm thinking first born son material. Phenom Pistol?  PP?  That would be bad.  Maybe a girls name.  
  • How could you possibly get through graduate school if you don't speak English that well.  It is hard enough when you have a really good grasp of English.  I can't even imagine.  
  • I'm feeling really restless.  I need to make something.  
  • I want some more succulents.  
  • I went to Texas Thrift on Wednesday.  I bought two pairs of pants and a ton of shirts and spent less than $20.  It was fun. 
  • Jennifer Beals doesn't age. She must be a robot. 
  • Yahoo! constantly has some kind of relationship advice about cheating.  It is getting a little weird.  Are people really that worried about cheating?  Does anybody care about warning signs of this or that?  It's tiresome.  
  • I'm hungry.  
  • I believe I'll do something about that.  

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

When I grow up I want to be a heretic.

Sometimes I get in a joke in class and make the whole room laugh. I wish I could do that for a living.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

If I won the lottery

Corley has been posting about winning money so I have been thinking about it. Here's what I would do if I won millions.

After the intense screaming is over and the jumping around I would put about 6 pair of underwear in a purse with chapstick and a couple of books. I would also bring an empty suitcase.

Then I would go to the airport and fly 1st class to somewhere tropical, Central America lets say. I don't care where, the soonest flight. I would hang out there for 2 weeks and relax.

Then I would fly to Italy and I would buy every pair of shoes that I liked. I would own three pair of grey and yellow Balenciaga high heels. Two Yves St. Laurent grey sling back heels. 35 pairs of Dolce and Gabana black high heels, just to make up for the time I was in Milan and didn't buy the single cutest pair of $350 shoes I have ever seen.

I would take a little detour to Croatia before I left Europe.

Then I would fly to New York. Go to some museums. Buy some Marc Jacobs. Have a Nathan's hotdog in Coney Island.

Slip on down to the National Aquarium. Call John Waters while I'm in Baltimore and ask if I could drop by. He seems like the kinda guy who would be okay with that kind of thing.

Then I would stop in Chicago for more museums and hotdogs.

Then I would go to Monterey Bay California to see the Aquarium there. I would stay in some expensive ass hotel.

Then I would come home and have a huge party. I would stay drunk for about three weeks.

Then I would go to New Zealand and Borneo and New Guinea.

Then I would buy a house in Costa Rica and settle down. It would be a small house in the Arenal area. I want 2+ acres and an outside covered, but open area where I can craft and be in the rain.

Yes, I realize I wouldn't be wearing high heels in Costa Rica. That doesn't mean I wouldn't put them on and look at them. Plus you may not know this, but high heels don't hurt your feet when you're on your back.

Too bad I don't play the lottery. I have it all planned out.

Getting things done feels so good

I finished my video project a week early. Damn it feels good. Now that I spent 12+ hours annotating the video the only thing I have to do now is write a 3 page paper about it. Cake walk.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I'm having bad luck with gas

Today while I was taking my midterm type thing. Someone was farting. It spelled like open sewage in a closed room. It was just stagnating. I couldn't concentrate! I needed fresh air. I left as soon as I possibly could. My dogs have had gas too. My 60 pound, raw meat eating dog's farts don't smell as bad as that atrocity in class. It was the foulest thing I had experienced in a long time. Let me just tell you if you aren't totally floored, you should be.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The awesomeness makes up for the shitty stuff

Remember how one of my professors postponed that paper. HE DID IT AGAIN! We have a group project due on Thursday. He just postponed it one week. I cannot believe it. How cool is this fucking guy!? I mean I wasn't sweating it,because my partner is doing most of it, but I wish my other professors would take note. Postponing is fun! I need a t-shirt.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Hi, everyone,

Your friend Lauren, here writing from the depths of hell. See, I didn't do a damn thing this entire spring break and now I am paying for it with my mortal soul.

I do this all the time; it isn't spring breaks fault. I procrastinate, and procrastinate, and procrastinate, and then- bam! I have to hurry and get everything done. This little spastic dance I do with my school work ties my stomach into a million tiny knots. It hurts.

Why would anybody assign a paper that is due the week after spring break anyway? On top of that we have a reading assignment. Professors who assign readings when there are papers due should be taken into a back alley and put out of their misery.

I want a life beyond school. I don't claim to have one, but I'm trying. But DAMN IT why are they making it so god damned hard?

Well, fuck it. I'm not letting this get to me anymore. I have four more days. That is plenty of time. I will do as much as I can. I will do the best that I can, because that is all I can do, and be done with it. If I get a bad grade? So what, right? I'm paying for this. Why can't I get a shitty grade every once in a while? Life won't end.

I'm leaving the house tonight. I'm getting away from my school work. I'm finding it harder and harder to care.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Time is a bitch

Why is it that when you want things to last they never do. I am having a blast on spring break. Fuck school. It is sapping all my energy. I haven't had a break in a long time. I forgot just how fucking fabulous it is. Now I am going to have to start doing my homework. I have so much. Plus a mid-term on Monday. Yikes. This is bringing me down.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Spring Break So Far:

I started my spring break a few days ago on Wednesday. I have been drinking every night since. Let me tell you my liver is not happy about it. Friday we left for the Texas Pinball Festival. Saturday we started drinking at noon. I drank a bottle and a half of wine. Did I mention that my liver is totally unhappy? So are my wrists and my feet. I foolishly wore converse this weekend and there isn't an ounce of padding in the damn things. Standing up for 14 hours at a time is just too long. I needed a chair so bad. But I did own at pinball this weekend. I got high scores on two table. I took pictures. Best part- I still have a week left! Boo-ya!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

One of many things that makes women better than men:

In the middle of the night when Kyle gets up to pee he turns the bathroom light on. Which wakes me up. I mean, men think they are so fucking special because they can stand up when they pee. Well, get this, I can pee in the dark without spilling a drop.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I rode my bike today. It made me realize why I don't like to do things like that. I think way too much. I was thinking about my life, all the things I have seen and done. Not my life now, which is decidedly boring, but since I can remember things. After clear consideration I have decided that it is a wonder that I'm not more fucked up. My god. My mom told me a few years ago that when I was in Kindergarten or 1st grade I was such a weird kid that my teachers thought I had been molested. True Story. It makes me laugh, but that is so fucked up. There wasn't even any reason for me to be fucked up then, my parents weren't even divorced. There are really fucked up things about my childhood that I have never told a single person. Never. Really traumatic things that I managed to just stumble through wide-eyed. I don't think I even cried. Maybe my whole life has been a state of shock. Long story short- I need to write a memoir. The problem is how do you organize that much material? I have been saving that story for a really good chapter of a book. Someday soon, gonna write it someday soon.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Pus in a box

No really.

If you want me, sin for me.

First, every single time I go and visit my friends I used to work with at the the tattoo shop we end up talking about my sex life. What the hell? I don't know how it happens or why, but it never fails. We are always talking about things that happened along time ago.

Second, I realized tonight that I don't miss piercing. God, if I ever have to hear someone debate about whether or not to get a piercing ever again I might jump off the tallest building. The poor piercer tonight must have listened to these three nineteen year old girls go on and on. They were in there for over an hour and didn't do shit. Wait, this was AFTER they got a tattoo. There is nothing more mind numbing. I have no patients. More times than I can count I have wanted to look someone dead in the eye and say, "Shit or get off the pot, you pussy!" Thankfully my will power is strong. Sometimes. Just the other day I was thinking about people passing out. I don't miss that either. I had one guy who looked like shit so I told him to sit down and I went and got him some water and right as I walked back in the room he slid out of the chair. His head the floor so fucking hard they felt it in the other room. He was stuck tangled in the chair and I had to call a man to pick him up. Dead weight is a bitch. I pierced this girls navel and she passes out THREE times. She kept coming to and I would start going through after care again and her chin would hit her chest. I laugh now.

Saturday, March 07, 2009


I was sitting on the floor on my computer waiting for class to start, and I saw this woman I had class with this time last year. I sat right next to her, we talked everyday, we complained about how shitty grammar class was, and I couldn't remember her name for the life of me. She walked by and I said hi. She didn't see me but she stopped to get on the elevator and turned around and I said hi again. Right as the doors were shutting she barely saw me and waved and said hi.

Fast forward 12 hours: I'm laying in bed not sleeping, staring into the dark, and then her name surfaces. Laura. Laura. Are you kidding me? Her name is two letters different from mine and I didn't remember it. What is wrong with me?

The problem isn't my memory really, it is my recall time. If I had 12 hours to think about something I could probably come up with it.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

I feel like I just got back

I feel like my old self again. I don't know how it happened, but I went away for a while. I think I was in shock from school. Maybe I was trying to fit in. I don't want that to be the case, but it probably is. I'm feeling fun again. I really need friends who will go out with me. I can't stay in the house anymore. It is bringing me down.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

My hands smell like change

I'm in a nasty mood. I want to change everything. I'm in the mood to throw things away. Get rid of everything.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

On a totally random note:

I like the word "panties" (I call all underwear even boxers panties).

I also like the word "draconian", it even sounds cruel.

I like the smell of cut lumber, like inside a hardware store, and the smell of gasoline.

I bought a hula hoop

I had so much fun hula hooping on Saturday night at Corley and Casey's house I ran right out and bought one of my own.

The backs of my legs are still kinda sore. It is so weird to me that my hamstrings would be sore from hula hooping. Corley told me it was exercise and I didn't believe her. She was right.

Maybe that is why I was so painfully skinny as a 10 year old. When I was 10, or so, you could full on see every one of my ribs. I also had, HAD, to sleep with a pillow between my knees or I would wake up with nasty bruises. It could also have been that I had a poor diet because we were really poor. I was a sad little kid. Around that time is when my mom weighed 98 pounds. The last time I weighed 98 pounds I think I was 14. I found an old license the other day, when I got my first driver's license I weighed 108 pounds. Those were the days. I wish I had the drive to get down to that weight again. It is clear to me that I don't. I even have a reason and I just don't feel like it.

Maybe that hula hoop will help.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Hottest man alive

Christian Bale Look at those arms!

Even though he bitched out that guy I don't think worse of him. I envy him. I wish I had that much clout to rip someone that hard and not get fired. You know that would make your job so much better.

Funniest joke I heard about that: "You punch your mother with that mouth?"

Maybe he is abusive, so? What is your point? That doesn't make him any less hot.

Have a shit sandwich

I'm having the kind of day where right when you wake up you know it won't get any better and you wish you could just go back to sleep and wake up to a new day, but you can't.  

This is how I feel:
Having a shit day

I woke up to Sluggs having his third seizure. There is something so disturbing about looking your pet in the eye and being able to tell they don't have a clue what is going on. After seeing that first thing in the morning it sours your whole day.

I also had to go to a school event for a class assignment and happened to choose today. Things work out that way for me. I had to be to school an hour earlier than normal and I was all thrown off. I was almost late. Which is a huge deal for me. I forgot my ring at home. I discovered that I wasn't wearing it in the car. Any time that happens I damn near have a heart attack because I think I have lost it.

Granted I don't have to leave the house anymore for the day, but the day is hardly over. I have two more disgusting pages of a paper to write. I will hate every minute of it.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Why do you make me choose?

I always have two boys fighting over me.  One guy's name is Grubb the other is Sluggs.  I thought they were going to have a death match last night over who was going to sleep closest to me.  

Interesting phenomenon: the later I go to bed the earlier I wake up. I just really don't get it.  Last night I went to bed a 5 in the morning and I woke up today at 10.  Night before last I went to bed at 1 and had a hard time getting up at a 11.  I guess that explains how I could go to bed at 6 in the morning when I was sixteen and wake up at 7 with no problem.