Saturday, January 31, 2009

On playing Wii:

You should hear the things that come out of my mouth. It is a well known fact that I have the foulest mouth this side of the writers of Deadwood, but sometimes I surprise myself. It just comes out, seemingly, with out my having anything to do with it's creation. I berate Mario. Nothing is sacred, poor guy. I make nasty comments about his weight, his nationality, and I insult his masculinity by implying that he is a homosexual. Yesterday Kyle and I played the shit out of Mario Cart and let me tell you no one is safe. Peach that "twisted whore" got her fair share of abuse. Not only am I ruthless, I am relentless. The insults fly out of my mouth next thing I know Kyle is laughing at me, then I have to think about what I said to see what was funny. Sometimes it is just a string of curse words that make absolutely no sense, but most of the time I create an inappropriate barrage of insults. My favorite it seems is "douche hole". I don't know why I have adopted this phrase as my favorite, but I suspect that "douche" lends a certain irritating asshole flavor and "douche" in combo with "hole" would technically mean vagina, and Mario can be a great big vagina. Solved that mystery didn't I.

P.S. I schooled my brother and Kyle on Mario Cart. Boo-Ya!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I'm supposed to be on a diet

It is going poorly to say the least. I am exceptionally lazy. (I did have a blood test to see if I have mono. They told me I didn't but I don't believe them.) I will eat anything if it means that I don't have to do anything. This translates to eating a lot of pizza. Kyle and I finally went to the grocery store. It was pathetic. We had nothing. NOTHING. Since we have been to the store I have eaten English muffins for the past two nights for dinner. And cookies. Granted I only have 3 cookies and as far as calories go an English muffin and 3 cookies isn't that bad, but damn. What is wrong with me?

Whatever I am doing I think it is working. This is misleading. I have been running up and down my stairs and lifting 10 pound dumbbells when I watch tv. I haven't just been sitting around eating english muffins. Anyway, the point I was getting at is this: I wore my Dickies today. They were freshly washed and dried in the dryer, which means I need a small miracle to get them on. Boy, oh boy, are they tight for about half and hour. But today they slipped right on. Now, I don't mean to make you think they are loose, because they aren't. I only didn't need a shoe horn. Whenever I'm on a diet I find it best not to weigh. I'm fairly sure that I have lead pumping through my veins. So it can be misleading. I weigh 126 pounds. I wear a size 3 pants. I know of two people who weigh 5 to 10 pounds less than me and wear larger pants (2 to 3 sizes larger). So I judge all my weight changes through my clothes and how they fit.

On the mono note, everyday at 6-6:30 I become incredibly tired. Yesterday, for instance, I woke up at 7am so I could be at school at 9. I got home a little after 12. Kyle and I took a nap. I slept for about an hour. At 6 pm I took another nap. Not because I was tired, no. Because I couldn't keep my eyes open. That is not normal. Granted I was reading, but that still isn't normal for me. I am managing to not take a nap today. But it is difficult. I'm really tired right now. When I went to UT health services they made me fill out a questionnaire about depression to tabulate if I was depressed. My points added up to mild anxiety. The doctor also said that with that many points I could be stressed. She could have just asked if I was stressed. I would have told her yes. She said I could be fatigued because of stress. She said the mono test could give me a false positive and if I wanted to be sure there is a blood test that is $100. I opted for the $17 one. I wasn't that worried about it.

Maybe I'm tired because of my poor diet.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My Celebrity Crushes

Joel McHale

Rob McElhenney

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Is this a joke?

This is on the page that tells me when I can register:

Registration/Add-Drop Access Schedule

Spring Semester 2009

Jan 23 - Feb 4. You may long in the system only to look at your
classes. Any changes to those classes must be done in the
department offering the class. The system is open during this
time from 8a-12m except Jan 4 when it closes at 5p.

Was someone drunk when they wrote this? You think a University website could do something about proofreading. Two errors in 3 sentences. Long in?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Turns Out

I'm really in graduate school.  Really?  I still haven't wrapped my head around graduating.  I actually graduated from college.  Is that even possible?  It is for real.  UT sent the diploma.  I keep thinking that somebody is going to find out that they made a mistake and say you have 40 more hours to take.  Oh, wait.  I'm going to graduate school.  Then my mind is blown all over again.  

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The funniest thing I have seen in a while.  

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Conversation between me and my mom

while I was dying her hair.  

[Forgettable chit chat.  Somehow we start talking about Amy Winehouse.]

Mom: I think Amy Winehouse is pretty.
[shocked silence]
Me: [I can't say anything so my face has to show my horror, nausea, shock, awe, and need to laugh all at once]
Me:[Finally] She is disgusting.
Mom: Well, I think she is pretty.
Me: She is a crack whore. 
Mom: She is pretty for a crack whore.  


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Oh my God!

Super Mario Galaxy is so fucking fun!  I have 20 stars.  

Monday, January 19, 2009

Kyle came home today and brought me a Wii!!!! I have been wanting one for a long time.  He also got me Super Mario Galaxy!!  BooYa!!!!  I think I'll skip the first week of classes and play Wii!  Just kidding!  
I found my first grey hair today.  I can't wait until all my hair is grey.  

The Resurrection

Anastatica hierochuntica or Resurrection Plant or Rose of Jericho 

"This succulent has hygroscopic qualities - it curls up and turns brown when dry, and unfolds into a green leafy fern when moist.  This process of curling up and opening is completely reversible and can be repeated many times.  The seeds can be dormant for years; although it looks dead when dry, it's nearly impossible to kill this plant.  When placed in a few inches of water, it will spring back to life within a few hours."

Totally Dry

15 min:
About 15 minutes in the water

30 min:
After 15 minutes

45 min:
After about 45 minutes in the water

60 min:
After about one hour in the water

Camera Bag

Sunday, January 18, 2009

A special request

Corley gave me a Resurrection Plant for Christmas. She asked that I take pictures of it.   I am taking some pictures of it in stages and will post them soon.  

I have had an exciting last couple of days.  Now I don't know what to do with myself.  I spent the whole day out at my dad's house yesterday.  I didn't get home until after 9 (it is an hour drive).  Then I felt woozy and gross.  I think the older I get the more I am susceptible to motion sickness.  Or it could have been that I slept about 4 hours the night before.  I slept for 12 hours today.  It was so great.  I also learned how to crochet (not in my sleep or anything).  I made a camera protector/bag a few days ago in Amy Butler fabric.  It is pretty cute. I haven't taken a picture of it yet.  I guess I could do that. 

Friday, January 16, 2009

Two nights in a ROW

I'm going out again tonight!  I'm on a roll.  

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Get this

I'm leaving the house to socialize! Say What?!  I know!  With school friends!  I know! It just keeps getting better.  That's all.  

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My New Year's Resolution!

While at orientation the Dean of the School of Information told us this, "For every one of you there are two people who want to be sitting in your chair."  I would do well to remember that because I think that pertains to me in a lot more ways than just school.  I will try my damnedest to hold on to that as tightly as I can.  I'm lucky for a lot of reasons (though it doesn't always feel that way).  I would venture a guess that in some ways there are a helluva lot more than two people who would like to take my place.  Somehow I ended up on a fairly smooth, mostly flat stretch of road and I intend to save my breath from complaining. But instead of saving it I'll spend all that breath thanking my lucky stars.  I caught a glimpse of the light at the end of this path when the Dean said those words and it just might be easier from there.  

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Last time on Lauren Sits Around. . .

  • Lauren left the couch today to go to Orientation.  I hate to say this because it shines a spotlight on my nerd-ness, but it was really exciting.  And then there was a time for socializing.  A bunch of strangers in a small space and very noisy is not my thing.  Plus I haven't talked to anybody but Kyle in the past two weeks so my socializing muscle is atrophied.  Plus there was no alcohol.  I'm much better at pretending to care when alcohol is involved.  I register for school tomorrow.  I'm excited.  
  • I have had some nightmares- nasty, festering things with giant man-killing spiders.  Stephen King is way too scary.  Before the spider nightmare I had a dream that demons were chasing me and trying to kill me.  
  • In no time flat I will be done with the last couple hundred pages of the last Dark Tower book.  It has taken a turn for the sad.  My heart is aching a little.  Yesterday I did some crying.  I'm sure there is more sadness yet to come.  

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

The Middle

There is something electric about the middle of a book, especially when it is exciting.  I get anxious to finish, to find out what is going to happen.  Then I usually have this horrible idea that everything is going to go wrong.  If I just don't read any further everything can stay as it is.  Nobody has to get hurt or killed or ruined for the rest of their life.  Then a hard little knot forms in my stomach, heavy and smooth, like a lead weight.  Because I know I will keep reading.  If there is a God, I think he/she has a horrible job.  I bet that feeling is huge and awful.  Seeing someone so in love or happy and knowing it will come to a horrible end.  And knowing that you won't stop it.  Knowing never keeps my heart from breaking, but sometimes I can brace myself.  Most of the time not even that helps.  

I'm done reading One through Five of the The Dark Tower Series.  I can barely breath little less think of anything else.  I want to finish the last two books.  My poor, lonely little camera is being so neglected.  Never mind, there will be time for that sometime soon.  

Confession 19:

I feel the hands of matrimony closing around my neck and it is scaring the shit out of me.  

Saturday, January 03, 2009


What a crock of shit. Read my horoscope for the year. I especially like this little gem. "Your focus is excellent, and you know what you want."  My focus is excellent for a senile 80 year old.  What the fuck.  I swear to you I cannot figure out what day it is.  And it is all downhill from there.  But yes I do know what I want.  I want to finish reading the Dark Tower series.  Aside from that I don't even know what I want to eat for fucking dinner.  I know what I want?  Yeah.  Also this year both my dogs will start flying and they will get a job and start paying for themselves.  Kyle will have ambition and unicorns and elves will come and sing me to sleep every night.  I can't wait.  How did they know me so well?  They must have sent spies.  Blind ones.