Wednesday, March 30, 2011

This week I have been passing out between 5 and 6 in the afternoon.  I come to at dusk wondering if it is morning or evening.  For the rest of the night I'm disoriented and a bit out of it.  

I read a book.  I bought it on Tuesday.  It is called The Fuck-Up.  It spoke to me.  

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Things that happen

In The Home Depot with Jessica and her one year old.  Jessica is checking out some plants. I'm chasing baby.  I am following her and I started singing the song on the pa system.  Right as I sing, "Show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream she said." A raging hipster walks by me, gives me the look, and he says with one eyebrow up, "That's a good song".  Smirk and a head shake, two bits.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Officially :

Going to San Francisco on MY BIRTHDAY, fools!  

What! What!

Sunday, March 20, 2011


I watched this video on some blog.  I realize that altering every single photo is an unfair advantage to celebrities.  It may even effect some people's ideal of beauty and how they look at themselves.  But maybe those people need to take a deep breath and live in the real world and not in a magazine.  I'm  thin.  I'm not perfect.  I have cellulite.  But you know what, never once has a man, or woman, said to me, "You know you should really do something about this."  In real life, people are happy to get laid.  In real life, people aren't as shallow as you think they are.  Can we all just get over it and start living?  If a person is attracted to your body type with your clothes on, chances are they won't be surprised when he or she gets them off.  Let's not think too much about it.  Let's just fuck and be happy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

PMS test

How do you know if you have PMS?

When someone takes the parking spot you wanted and you immediately fantasize about going up to them and asking, "You won't be stealing too many parking spots with four flat tires, will you?"

When you look in the fridge and see the bottle of worcestershire sauce and want to drink it.

Yeah.  It's ugly.  Thank god for my incredible will power.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Good god

What will I do next?

I'm going to try to sleep some sense into me.  Hasn't worked yet, but you never know.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Considering :

The possibility of going to San Francisco on gay pride weekend, also known as My Birthday weekend!

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Conversations from real life....

My mother: What chance does [Lauren] have in relationships? She has me as a mother and her dad as a father.

Me: I'm going on a pms diet.
Kyle: Oh, yeah? What does that entail?
Lauren: Fruits, vegetables, no animal fats, blah, blah, blah.
Kyle: What about hotdogs!?
Lauren: [shakes head while frowning]
Kyle: [astonished look] Somebody is just going to have to pay the price.  You are just going to have to be mean.  You can't give up Hotdogs!