Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Already thinking about my next vacation

I want to go to Croatia. More specifically the land of the falling lakes or Plitvice lakes. I watched a Nature about Croatia too and it was incredible. There is so much travertine limestone in the water of these lakes that everything turns to stone! Roots of trees turn to stone eventually and create natural dams. There are bears, wolves, wild boar a lot of dangerous animals. It is the single most beautiful place I have ever seen. There are huge caves with salamanders with no eyes, call olms.

Am I the only one that works here?

My day at work.

Me: Hi, what would you like me to do today?
Whom ever: Well, go ahead and get with so and so they are doing such and such (cleaning, stocking, unloading a truck, etc.)
Me: Okay

...10 minutes later

Intercom: Lauren to register five for back-up

...1 hour later... I start back working on whatever it was I was supposed to be doing.

...5 minutes later

Intercom: Lauren to register five for back-up

while on register five for back-up

Intercom: Lauren to framing call 27

Lauren doesn't respond and somebody else tells him Lauren is on the register. Apparently the other people in the store can do fifteen things at once. Or maybe they do nothing and Lauren does everything. Grrrrrr. It is incredibly busy cause the holidays. When I get home it feels like I have been beat with a stick. In fact that might even feel better.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Just email me anything

New email I got today. Not on my yahoo account that has a bitchin spam blocker.

From: Interracial
Subject: Meet Interracial Singles Looking for Love!

What in God' s name could I have possibly put my email address on that would have got around to that?

I think I got one about Latinos too! I am not looking for love. What the hell?

Monday, November 27, 2006


I just road my bike for the first time, in a long time. I am hot and sweaty. My legs feel incredibly tight. It is not unpleasant but it is really strange to walk. It was a lot of fun. It is fun to ride around and look at Christmas lights on my bike in a t-shirt and shorts. It is supposed to get cold in a couple of days. A front supposedly came in last night. "Front" must mean that it will be cloudy, therefore not so hot.

My shelves

The boxes at the top are temporary. I don't know what I am going to put up there yet.

I know I have been crying a lot lately

I watched something last night that was the saddest thing I have ever seen. There is a show on PBS called Nature. It is my favorite show I watch it all the time. Normally this is not a sad show. Unfortunately the one I decided to watch last night was. It is called Chimpanzees: An Unnatural History. I cried for an hour. The show is an hour long.

Chimpanzees are considered an endangered animal, in other countries. It should be considered endangered in ours simply because of the things we do to them. These things really upset me. The Biomedical Community has no heart. There are approximately 1100 chimpanzees being tested on as we speak. We don't even know for sure how many we have in the United States. The film maker went to a couple of rescues. One rescue in particular is called Coulston Lab. This was a huge government paid laboratory. It looked like a place where you keep dogs. I love dogs. I wouldn't keep my dogs in a place like that. Not to mention an animal with an exponentially higher mental capacity. There were 266 chimps in say a 3' by 5' windowless cage. This laboratory was in operation until 2002. Save the Chimps bought Coulston when the government finally shut it down after years and years of animal rights violations. They put doors in between all of the cages so that the chimps interact while they build islands in Florida. The islands are made so that the chimps can have safe place to stay outside instead of a cage. Some of the chimps have no teeth, because they were all removed. Most of them will die prematurely because of the inhumane tests that were done on them. One chimp started developing heart problems and they took him and his best chimp friend to live on the island immediately. They didn't want him to die in a cage. Unfortunately, when you have been in a 3x5 cage for 30 years grass can be a little scary. When they moved him they leave them in his cage overnight to get adjusted then the next morning they open the door. From then on they are free to do as they please. He wouldn't leave the small sidewalk right outside his window. The day after that they let his friend out onto the island. She walked out and didn't come back in the cage. They said that no one could get her to come back in and she spent the night under the stars.

At another rescue facility Fauna Foundation they too built these islands to keep the chimps in instead of cages. It was incredibly hard for them because eight of the fifteen chimps that she rescued from a research facility have HIV. In the 80's when they found AIDS they breed tons of chimps and injected them with HIV just to find out that under normal conditions HIV in chimps will not develop into AIDS. It took the foundation five years to get the permits to build the island on their land in Canada. It was just in time. One of their most emotionally unstable chimps was able to go outside. At the end of the movie you find out that he dies about two weeks after the movie was finished. He was 37 about 10 years shy of a normal life span. They explained that when they get the chimps they don't know much about them. They know approximately how old they are from there medical records at the lab. But the lab keeps almost no record of how they got them or their life before the lab. They usually know if they were in the circus or the movies and that is about it. The lab did keep records of everything they did to the animals. This same chimp Billy Joe chewed off three of his fingers in reaction to anesthesia. He spent most of his days locked in his room of his own doing, because he has no social skills. He can't spend time with other chimps because he doesn't know how. Another chimp that was taken out of her cage and let go on the same island was pretty moving. She left the door in a hurry and ran straight to a tree and climbed all the way to the top, after 30 years in a cage. There are somethings that they just can't beat out of you.

The sad part is is that they aren't stopping research on chimps. Worse than that you and I are paying for it. There are a few labs in operation still. The film maker asked to go and film the conditions. Even though this is paid for by tax payers they didn't allow it. They said that there are three chimp deaths of negligence that are being investigated right now. This kind of stuff makes me want to leave the country in a hurry. That way they can't do whatever they please with my money anymore. My money won't go to war and it won't go to animal testing. Why is it that people think that if you can talk you are smarter? That you are somehow better than an animal cause they can't talk. Maybe they are just easier to abuse because they can't say, "Stop".

Sunday, November 26, 2006

My shelves are up!!!!

(Pictures to come!!!)

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Million Dollar Baby

I love Clint Eastwood. I think he was incredibly attractive as a young man. He is a good actor. He has a voice that is so moving. And he is a great director. I watched Million Dollar Baby for the first time on the back of the airplane seat in front of me on my flight home from London. I cried and cried and cried and I didn't even hear half the dialog. I have seen it since I believe. I think it was with my mom. I accidentally started watching it again tonight, because I didn't change the channel fast enough. I couldn't change it. That was a mistake. It is a great movie. It is really, really moving. The characters are so deep, so three dimensional. But the problem with the movie is I know what happens. It is like a John Irving novel in that you see what is coming. In every single scene they are cramming down your throat. You don't know when. You may not know exactly how it will come. But you can feel it in the pit of your stomach. Something bad is going to happen, real bad. So at about fifteen minutes in I am bawling. This isn't my normal "movie cry" where the only way you can tell I am crying is that there is water on my face. The kind of cry that you just can't hold back, because it is only moisture from your eyes. No, this was a full out bawl. The neighbors could tell I was crying. I don't want to give anything away for those of you who haven't seen it. But I just want to say if you have seen it once, see it again. Even if you didn't like the movie. Seeing it again will show you the incredible foreshadowing. The depth of the movie really amazes me. It is really like a good book.

Just to let you know just how good Kyle is at picking things up off the curb. We got this chair for free. Our office chair was missing a wheel for like a week maybe. Kyle happens to find an office chair on the curb, he happens to be with his dad, in a truck. So he makes his dad stop, of course. He gets it home and realizes that this chair too has one wheel missing. There was a small amount of cursing and then, epiphany. Both of the chairs have the same wheels. They are totally interchangeable! Free chair! It is comfortable and there isn't one single stain on it, it isn't even worn. It looks brand new.

Day 245 on no shelves

When are we ever going to be able to get the shelves up! One of these days they are going to be up there with lots of crap on them and I will take a picture.

Hopefully when all the crap is on the shelves it won't be on my table or on the floor in my craft room. It is getting ridiculous in there trying to navigate through all the crap that has been misplace in order to put up the shelves. It is driving my CRAZY!!!!! At this point I just want to close the door and not go in until it is fixed.

Have you been stalking me?

If so I don't appreciate it. Okay? You are going to have to stop.

Today in the mail I got a catalog. Well, nothing unusual there. I did not sign up for this catalog. But this particular catalog was full of gay movies. Not like porn or anything, just plain old gay cinema. Why would I get a catalog full of gay cinema right after I posted about it? I know you are weirded out to. It is weird.

I am going to have to hope that it came because of my Netflix. Though that really sucks if Netflix is giving out my address.

Friday, November 24, 2006

I am changing my name

My new cowgirl name is Diamond Gin. Like that girl from Walk the Line and Big Love her name is Ginnifer. It is awesome. I carry a diamond studded six shooter. I have some bitchin' red and block boots with skull and crossbones on the front and on the back they have Texas. I drink bourbon straight and I play a mean harmonica.

A story about a very nice Dutch man

(This is something like a 90 second exposure. This was at night. The lava was that color, but there wasn't that much at one time. It is neato though.)

(Horrible hair unbrushed and unblow dried. Not that I brush it when I am not on vacation. I happen to be looking at some cow shit. Isn't that nice?)

When we were in Costa Rica we went on a tour of the wetlands. It was a lot of fun. We met a man (and his girlfriend thing I am only assuming). They were from the Netherlands. They were very kind and we chatted with them. At the beginning of the tour he whips out this huge camera. I mean HUGE. This thing had a mega pixel so high he could take a picture of your soul! And a zoom to match. So along with his ridiculous camera he brings some ridiculous memory. When you take a 10 mega pixel high definition picture you need some serious memory. So he took tons of pictures, not all of them at that high of a resolution. Some pushy Americans from New Jersey were on the tour too. They had the audacity to ask him to email them his pictures. They didn't ask for a few or anything. They asked for all of them. So he said that he would set up a website so we all could see them. How kind he was. He emailed us a couple days ago with the website address.

I would like everyone to raise there glass. Here is to incredibly nice people who you never expect to see again, and they are just nice for the fun of it! Here, Here! Cheers!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Guess what I got!!!!


Kyle picked it up after work last night. He found her on the curb. She has been worked pretty hard. She needs to be restrung and she needs some new hammers. And she is pretty dusty. As always there are more pictures on flickr.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

What do you get when you mix a couple bottles of wine, smores over an open fire, and Bruce Springsteen Tunnel of Love?


Monday, November 20, 2006

Did I mention?

That I love gay cinema! Desert Hearts, 1985. A woman goes to Reno to get a quickie divorce circa 1950. Finds love and a little more than she bargained for.

(The faint of heart may want to cover your eyes and only watch through a little crack in your fingers.)

I will post better pictures when I get everything set up. My craft room is a bit messy. We are trying to put shelves up. It is slow going.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Horray for Goodwill!!!!

Me and Kyle went to Goodwill to piddle around and waist some time on our day off. He likes to shop for video games. I like to shop. We look through the auctions and there is some really cool stuff. He bids on a Dreamcast. I bid on a "Vintage Home" which included an old desk fan, some of those beaters that you have to crank, an old iron with the cord that looks like a bungee, and a tea pot. The highest bid was $30 I threw caution to the wind and bid $35, thinking that the bid would last a little while at least cause I may not be back on Saturday. I didn't have to work on Saturday so Kyle asked if I would go to Goodwill to check on his auction, and if it wasn't at $20 that was what he was willing to pay. So I go, Goodwill is packed with an exorbitant amount of old people. Old people are incredibly hard to navigate through in a small space. It was really bothering me. I hate people really close to me and I couldn't get away. Finally I see the book and Kyle's bid is long gone the Dreamcast is up to $30. So I leave the store and call him. He says thanks anyway and asks if I am going to stay for my bids. I wasn't sure, but I went back in the store and looked at there collection of Reader's Digest condensed books while I waited for the auction book to become free (note to Corley: they have a lot and they are 3.99 a piece in good condition!). I looked at the book and was totally disappointed. Someone after me had bid $100 on the "vintage home". I was like what an idiot that guy was. It isn't like eBay. Whatever you write down you have to pay. You don't write down what you are willing to pay. You certainly don't jump the bid up $65 just like that! I left really traumatized. I was thinking I am not going to participate if people don't even know how it works, the retards.

Fast Forward through staying out late, and waking up early.

I am toying with the idea of going back to bed and the phone rings. I get there just in time to see the number. It is no one I know. Too late to pick it up. Oh, well. Then they call back. I pick it up. Me: (cautiously) Hello?
Stranger: HI! Is Lauren there?
Me: (tired) This is her.
Stranger: I just wanted to let you know that you won bid 14 from the Goodwill auction the "Vintage Home".
Me: (astonished) Really? Well, great. Thank you.

All is well that ends well! Can't wait to post pictures! I jumped the gun a little bit. Can't wait to go pick it up.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I love gay cinema

I love gay actors, gay writers, gay stories. All of it. For some reason it just seems more real. I watched Torch Song Trilogy last night. Harvey Fierstein wrote it. It was a Tony award winning play. I have to say I both laughed and cried. Mathew Broderick is the cutest gay man alive. Granted he isn't gay in real life, but if he was.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I heart dirty rockers!

I heart 1992 and boys with long hair.

You can just feel the teen angst rushing back to you can't you?

This is totally the one

Kyle gave me a great idea for a name! Pistol! He thinks it is all fun and games, but I swear if I ever have a kid I am so naming it Pistol. At this point I don't even care the gender. Pistol William or maybe just Pistol Bob. Doesn't it sort of sound like a pirates name? Then we had this really great discussion with one of Kyle's friends about names it was hilarious. We decided that we should have kids until we run out of ideas for names. The way we "come up" with the ideas is this. Put the names of dances in one hat, like Flamenco, Salsa, Rumba, Samba, etc. and the names of random items in another, like fish, tampon, hair brush, cheese, guitar, you get the picture.

They say everything is connected.

But how? Or more accurately why?

Reading Corley's blog about god and love I thought about the book I am reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. I have always loved quotes by Oscar Wilde so I bought a huge book of his collected works. It is a great book, though I have only read about 40 pages. It is about art, and beauty, and all sorts of social issues including homosexuality. When I read this book I think someone has taken my thoughts and put them down on paper. How could that be? Someone from the past has stole my ideas from the future? How could it be that I think some of the same things about life as someone did in 1890? That is just a mind fuck. Plus he was half way around the globe, a man, famous, and gay. What is it about my life that could possibly be the same as his?

My history teacher last semester said repeatedly that everything is connected. The first time he said it I had just turned off "The World According to Garp" on cd. It was at the very end and Garp was saying that everything is connected. It blew my mind. I felt an overwhelming need to get up and leave. I wanted to go back to my car rewind "Garp" and listen again, and cry again. Sometimes I wish that I could just do anything I feel like, even if it is the most socially unacceptable thing under the sun. Are socially inept people happier in the end?

Here is a great passage.
"'I believe that if one man were to live out his life fully and completely, were to give form to every feeling, expression to every thought, reality to every dream- I believe that the world would gain such a fresh impulse of joy that we would forget all the maladies of mediaevalism, and return to the Hellenic ideal-to something finer, richer, than the Hellenic ideal, it may be. But the bravest man amongst us is afraid of himself. The mutilation of the savage has its tragic survival in the self-denial that mars our lives. We are punished for our refusals. Every impulse that we strive to strangle broods in the mind, and poisons us. The body sins once, and has done with its sin, for action is a mode of purification. Nothing remains then but the recollection of a pleasure, or the luxury of a regret. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and you soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful. It has been said that the great events of the world take place in the brain. It is in the brain, and the brain only, that the great sins of the world take place also.'"

I strongly believe in a collected consciousness. So does Kyle. We were discussing this thought one day and it came to me. What if artists can tap into the collected consciousness at greater depths? Maybe that is why we see our ideas on the tv or in music more frequently. More specifically Jacob had come up with this song about shitting the sheets. It was really funny and He sang it to a song. They recorded it. Then within a year Tool had a song with the lyrics, "God damn. Shit the bed." Have you ever heard a song about shitting the bed? I hadn't either until Jacob came up with it. Too many of Kyle's jokes have ended up on Aqua Teen Hunger Force to even count. And for some reason it always amazes us.

So maybe artists thoughts linger longer as well? Is that why I have thought the very same thoughts that were written by Oscar Wilde? Well over 100 years and his thoughts are still in the consciousness? Or is it that society is still basically the same and it forces free thinkers to think alike?

I work with a guy who told me this week that he has never read a book from start to finish in his whole life. It made me really sad to think of that. A boy in his twenties had never read a complete book. If I could possibly imagine my life without books it would be a sad, shallow existence. One of my favorite teachers in college, (just happened to be a sociology teacher) Dr. Linda Tobin, tries to remedy that. At the beginning of her class she gives out a book list. They are all novels ex: Life of Pi, Lovely Bones, Secret Life of Bees easy reads. Then you are to write a seven page paper on the sociological theories represented in the novel. Incredibly easy. I have talked to a number of people who dropped out of her class because of the reading thing. I was talking to her in the hall one day about my reading choice, "The Lovely Bones". I was telling her how hard it was to read and after every ten pages I had to put it down because it was traumatising me. We started talking about reading and how we couldn't live without reading and she said the reason why she does this is because she knows students don't read. I can't image in my life having never read Island, or Tom Robbins. To have an experience all your own. To have a connection with someone you have never met, who has never even existed in the same time. That is amazing to me. Thoughts and ideas shared over hundreds of years. I cherish anything that is timeless.

I hope I am immortalized in thought.

Everyone is doing it.

Maybe one day

01. Bought eve
ryone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said I love you and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (just a couple weeks ago I was swimming in the sea and watching a lightning storm. Do I get double points?)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb (do baby goats count?)
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds (I would totally be dead)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days (kayaking totally counts)
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper (a magazine)
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailedan>
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

After all is said and done it looks like a pretty meager list.

(Is it just me or does this look 3d to you?)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Why don't you go to library school at UT?

That is an incredibly good question? Why don't I? I really want to be a librarian.

Here are the reasons:

1) I'm lazy
2) Apparently I feel content to procrastinate my life away.
3) I just flat won't apply to get into UT.
4) I need to write two essays that I just don't even want to think about.
5) I am afraid that if I do all that work and pay for all that school that I won't be able to get a job in an Austin or UT library.
6) Did I mention the procrastination thing?
7) I am totally jaded about college. Everyone I know who has a degree doesn't use it or need it.
8) Sometimes I feel I shouldn't waist my time (or my money). I can read a book and learn things. I have met people who go to UT that are complete idiots. I mean real idiots. A person who is 22 and doesn't get the concept of sarcasm. I am not exaggerating. This scares me because what if I don't get accepted. That would just be to low a blow for me to handle.
9) My grades are right at the midway mark so it is possible that I could not be accepted.
10) If I didn't get accepted my only option at that point is to go to Texas State for my degree and actually try so I get better grades to get into library school at UT.
11) If I did have to go to Texas State I would have to drive the equivalent of around the globe to go to school. I live about 80 miles away. They have a Round Rock school, but I don't think they have a degree plan I would like to participate in. At least they didn't the last time I looked.
12) If I did decided to go to Texas State Round Rock I would have to get a degree in something I wasn't thrilled about and try to make good grades so I can get into library school.

These things swirl around in my head until I just shut them out and don't do anything. Like a good procrastinator should.

Please, Lauren, try to write your essays! Please! Do something anything.

P.S. Thank you Madge for your kind words about knowing I am a librarian. That may be the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me.

IKEA Grand Opening!!!!

I wake up bright and early. The sun is shining. IKEA is opening. Life is good.

I try to feed the dogs outside, but there are gale force winds. They whip through the doggy door so it is almost completely open. I walked out of my house and into Siberia, only a 100 degrees warmer. The dogs wouldn't eat outside because a lawn chair had fallen and they were to scarred after that.

So the plan was to leave for IKEA at about 9 or so. That would give the line time to get in and I could slip in without having to wait in line. Genius, right? I sit at one light for about 20 minutes waiting and waiting. I finally get into the parking lot and the line to park is atrocious! So I think, "Fuck trying to get a spot close up. I will park where ever and get in. So I can get what I came for and be done." Well, that turned out to be a dust bowl. I had to park in a dust bowl. The wind was blowing so hard that when I parked and turned my car off it rocked in the wind. And I had to park in an unfinished lot with the wind blowing dust everywhere. Somehow I managed to make it out of the dust bowl with minimal dust in my eyes and lungs.

When I get to the door there is no line. I am thankful because I don't want to be in the wind anymore. The lady at the door hands me an envelope. I read in the catalog that the first 2,500 people will get "vouchers for goodies like IKEA Gift Cards from $10 to $250, or buy one get one FREE hotdog or frozen yogurt treats!" Lucky me, I get the buy one get one free hotdog. That is like a 50 cents value. No, really their hotdogs are 50 cents. I manage to maneuver around the thousands of people to get to what I need. My list included: boxes, magazine holders (which I didn't find), and look at hanging shelves. I check out at the self check which wouldn't scan the boxes so I had to yell out, "I need some help". Waiving people over apparently isn't enough. Now the tricky part. Make it to the car with the boxes. The boxes come flat, you put them together when you get home. It is essentially a box that you move with, only decorated and more expensive, not much more, but more expensive never the less. As I walk outside I realize that not only did I buy boxes, but I got a sail for free. I find an abandoned cart and put my sails in. I can barely steer the cart. After fighting the cart the whole way I get to the end of the road, literally, I won't be able to take the cart on the dirt parking lot. So I abandon it. I try to hold the boxes as close to my chest as possible so that they won't be blown out of my hands. I am a small girl. I was being blown away. I had to jog a little on a few occasions because the wind was blowing so hard it was pushing me.

I make it to the car with all my boxes, nothing short of a miracle. My car is covered in dust. If I hadn't known better I would have thought I was there a lot longer than 30 minutes. I sit in the car. Take a deep breath. I am incredibly hot. I thought it was because it was cold outside and warm in the car. You know how when you warm up abruptly it feels like you are on fire? Well, no, I was sweating. It is like 60 degrees outside and I was sweating, pretty heavily. My hair line was sweaty. My stomach was sweating were the boxes were squashed against me. That was a lot of work.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

You have to see this

I watched this woman at work on Crafters Coast to Coast. It is absolutely amazing!

make sure you look through the collection. She made the beaded cherry blossom tree on the show. Wild! I swear she folds an origami crane that will sit on the end of your finger!!!!!!
I am the single most masochistic person on the face of the earth!

Why, you ask? Because I hate christmas! Despise it!

I have said numerous times this year, "I just wish christmas would pass quietly in the night, like an old person."

It won't, because I am a masochist. I chose to work at the most christmasin' store ever. First of all, I have been putting out christmas crap since before I left on vacation. And we still have more. When I came back from vacation they had already started playing christmas music. What's worse is that there are no words. So one minute you have totally tuned out all the music, and the next minute you are just think the words along with the music and you haven't realized you are listening to it. It is really disturbing. I am already ready for it to be over.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I love band aids

"As I peer through the window of lost time. Looking over my yesterdays"

I feel like this might be a response to Casey's blog. Not that it has anything to do with it, though I did think about this story when I read "I hate band aids"

Well, when I was a kid I loved band aids. I thought it was a great idea to wear a band aid on my nose. Almost like one of those snoring things. I was probably three give or take a year. Some of my earliest memories are of people, like my brother or my mom, trying to get me to take the band aid off.

This is making my crack up. I was so weird. Okay, let me get my composure.

I wasn't terribly interested in wearing the band aid forever, it was just that once it was on I didn't want anybody to take it off 'cause it would hurt. Though I knew good and well it would have to come off eventually. As soon as someone would take it off, bam, I would put on another one. There is a picture floating around of me with a band aid on my nose.

While I was laughing, I remember something else I did as a kid. I loved my parents laundry basket. I would bring the laundry basket into the living room, sit in it, and watch tv. Sometimes, I would put a pillow in there, behind my back. What possess children? I have to say if that laundry basket was still around and I could fit in it I would sit in it. I eventually broke it cause I was too big for it. It was an oval shape. I could sit in it with my legs straight and lean back. It was great. Then the plastic started to crack from all that leaning and pulling.

Oh, the good ol' days.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Here are some names I thought up

I am always joking about things like this with Kyle. I always ask, "Can we name our first born Cactus? Boy or girl, doesn't matter."

Sailor (boy or girl Ms. Moon can have it why couldn't my little bundle of dysfunction, huh?)
Let's see I know there were more. Now I can't think of any.
Oh, here is one, Coupon. I wanted to name a dog this, but wouldn't it be cool if your dog and your kid had the same name.
Estevez Charlie named after my favorite actors the Estevez brothers, (or the Sheen brothers?). It is the ambiguity that I really love about them. Don't they just set your pants on fire?

Kyle wants to name his first born Zeppelin Slidell. Isn't that fancy. Just think how great that would sound when I yell at him in the Wal-Mart! We could call him Scooter for short!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I had a dream

While on vacation I had a dream. Yeah, I know exciting. I generally only bore Kyle and Corley with this highly entertaining material, but this really is funny.

In my dream I was pregnant and I had a kid. This isn't particularly funny unless you know me. I am not a kid person. In fact I might go as far as saying I hate them. Most of them anyway. When patience was handed out it skipped over me. I can't help it. I have tried. It just isn't happening. Plus I hate shrill noises, and kids make a lot of those. Ughhh! The funny part of the dream is that I forgot my kids name. People would ask, "What did you name your baby?" and then for the life of me I could not remember. I would start saying names that sounded like it, "something with a g maybe? No, that wasn't it." In the end I had to name it again. And I would keep forgetting it places.
Random person with no face: "Didn't you have a baby recently?"
Me: "Uh-oh!" (baby was missing)

While on vacation Kyle kept mentioning that if you have a baby in Costa Rica you become and automatic citizen. So while driving from MonteVerde to the beach it crossed my mind. I looked out the window, we were in a small town. As we passed a couple of houses, I watched a little, white butterfly twinkle of their plants in the front yard. I thought, "Yeah, I could do it. I could have a baby and live here. Why not?" The baby wouldn't have to be an American. It would never know stresses and idiots the way we do here. What a great life it would have.

Apparently, my subconscious thinks different.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

My dogs are on a new diet

I started feeding them raw meat yesterday.

Let me tell you a really funny anecdote. Books I have read suggest when you are first starting to feed whole, raw, meat with bones in dogs won't chew. So to remedy you are not supposed to feed small things like a leg or thigh or something, but instead you want to let them eat off a large portion over time. This is so they will have to really tear it off instead of gulp it down. So I buy a whole chicken. Last night Grubb ate some of it. Then Sluggs ate some of it. Since most everything I read said you should feed separately because of higher food guarding, I did. Then this morning I was outside trying to get Sluggs to chew on it. He is having a little problem. He just likes to lick his chicken. So Kyle says maybe we should let Sluggs watch Grubb eat. Well, hell, why not? So we let them eat together and they are perfect angels. Nobody fought or anything. I was so proud. So here is the funny part. I was trying to get Sluggs what I was calling the chicken ass. In reality I think it was the neck. But it was a skinny tube of chicken that looked pretty gross. I was holding and trying to get him to chew on it. "Come on chew on the chicken ass. There you go chew on the chicken ass." That wasn't working. So I thought maybe I will try to pull that small portion off. I sort of messed with it a little bit and then as I moved it some organs squished out of the chicken ass and tumbled on to my hand. It was so disgusting. Sluggs, however, thought he just hit the million dollar jackpot on the slots!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Where do I start?

I have so much to tell you.

First we went to San Jose. Where you can image that no one can spend more than a twenty four hour time span there because you have "Do you know the way to San Jose?" stuck in you head. Not to mention that it was pretty dirty and when we were in the park taking pictures this dude walked up to our group, Kyle, me, my brother Sam, and his wife Beka, and asked, "You smoka the roke?" Translation: Would you like to buy some crack? Yeah that is pretty much what we thought. It was just one night. By seven the next morning we were leaving for Arenal.

An active volcano is a site to behold. The first day sightings were pretty rare, if we saw any of it at all. Then that night we got to see it exploding moltent lava. Which was awesome, but it was pretty cloudy and we could only see it a couple of minutes. Then the next day it cleared up a little more and boy, oh, boy did we see some lava at night. Since it is so quite at night you can really hear it exploding. It makes your insides go to jelly when it is rumbling. It is like something inside you wants to leave. It was beautiful all that red lava tumbling down the mountain. Spectacular. I wish I had a tripod with me so I could have taken a night picture. Then the morning we were leaving Arenal it was totally clear and we saw the whole volcano. Sam and Beka went on a waterfall repelling tour. Their guide said that there was maybe a 10% chance we would see the volcano. BOO, YAH! We saw that bitch, in all it's glory!

We spent two days in Arenal. We took a tour of the Cano Negro, which was about 3 kilometers from the border of Nicaragua. We saw all kinds of wildlife: bats, three types of monkeys, two types of sloth, all different kinda birds, one of those giant blue butterflies, lizards that run on water, caymen small crocodile type things, wow! We also had hot springs at our hotel that were glorious!

Our next destination was Monte Verde. As you may have gathered by the name it is in the mountains, green ones. The fastest way to get there is what they call Jeep-Boat-Jeep. Funny name because it didn't involve any jeeps, but there was a boat. First they drive you to Lake Arenal, a man made lake, it was beautiful! Then you get in a boat and you go to the other side. Next, some men where there to pick us up on the other side with a 9 person mini van with no tread on the tires to drive us two hours on roads that weren't paved. Since the van was full, there was about 3000 pounds or so of luggage and it was hot in there if we weren't moving. This one lady in the front kept asking to stop to take pictures. Which was not necessary because I took plenty of good pictures while we were moving.

Since Monte Verde hasn't been a very touristy destination for very long the roads aren't paved. None of them! Not a one. It rains like crazy there. Granted we went during the rainy season because it was cheaper, but a number of people told us there is no un rainy season in Monte Verde. It is way up high in the mountains and it is wet. Average percent humidity 100! When you were salt deodorant it doesn't really work because there is so much water. I stunck the whole time we were there. We went to Selvatura Park where we went on a Canopy Tour. Basically it was a zip line over the canopy only you were in a harness you didn't have to hold on or anything. There was a series of lines that you went on maybe 7 or 8 I have no idea. You stand on a platform, they hook you up, then they push you off to the next platform. Since I am short when they were hooking me up I had to "Yump" to they could attach my harness to the pulley. "Yump" I had to hold on to the line and pull myself up. I told one of the guys, "I think I am to short for this" his reply, (chuckles) "Yeah, maybe a little bit" (more chuckles). Yeah, well, I maybe short, but at least I can pronounce my J's! After that we went on the hanging bridges. That is a mile and half walk through the rainforest and a number of hanging bridges that are way high up. There was a number of bad pictures taken of me, cause I went on hairdo strike. Kyle however looks great. At the same park we saw a reptile exhibit. Were they had all types of Costa Rican Snakes like the rattle snake, the coral snake, and some other native Texas snakes, we say iguanas, one of the Jesus Christ Lizards that was huge and colorful, a red eyed frog that was amazing, a king toad those are the ones you lick to get high, and other varies reptiles. Next we saw the third largest insect collection in the world. Where some asshole was slowly killing off Costa Rica's insect population. It was really unsporting. It showed a picture of the guy catching them. What they do is take a big as "collection" sheet and a UV light at night and the insects flock to it. Really unsporting. By the end of the day I was dog tired.

After spending two nights in Monte Verde we were off to Flamingo Beach. We had a hotel right on the ocean. I mean right on the ocean. It was a volcanic beach so it was pretty black. Also we were in a bay were the waves weren't very big. We could walk on the beach about 2 kilometers into town. And another kilometer or so to a different beach, also a bay but the waves were much bigger and stronger. They beat me up quite a bit. Since we had three full days at the beach we took a cab to a more touristy beach for surfers called Tamarindo. There was some big surf! Were Kyle and my brother proceeded to rent a boogie board and do that all day long. It was a lot of fun.

It was weird coming back because I was a little sunburned and it was cold and cloudy outside. Me and Kyle weren't quite out of our tropical destination mindset and left the house in shorts and t-shirts and we were cold.

Don't just sit there go to my flickr and see all the pictures!!!!! NOW!!!!!