IKEA Grand Opening!!!!

I wake up bright and early. The sun is shining. IKEA is opening. Life is good.

I try to feed the dogs outside, but there are gale force winds. They whip through the doggy door so it is almost completely open. I walked out of my house and into Siberia, only a 100 degrees warmer. The dogs wouldn't eat outside because a lawn chair had fallen and they were to scarred after that.

So the plan was to leave for IKEA at about 9 or so. That would give the line time to get in and I could slip in without having to wait in line. Genius, right? I sit at one light for about 20 minutes waiting and waiting. I finally get into the parking lot and the line to park is atrocious! So I think, "Fuck trying to get a spot close up. I will park where ever and get in. So I can get what I came for and be done." Well, that turned out to be a dust bowl. I had to park in a dust bowl. The wind was blowing so hard that when I parked and turned my car off it rocked in the wind. And I had to park in an unfinished lot with the wind blowing dust everywhere. Somehow I managed to make it out of the dust bowl with minimal dust in my eyes and lungs.

When I get to the door there is no line. I am thankful because I don't want to be in the wind anymore. The lady at the door hands me an envelope. I read in the catalog that the first 2,500 people will get "vouchers for goodies like IKEA Gift Cards from $10 to $250, or buy one get one FREE hotdog or frozen yogurt treats!" Lucky me, I get the buy one get one free hotdog. That is like a 50 cents value. No, really their hotdogs are 50 cents. I manage to maneuver around the thousands of people to get to what I need. My list included: boxes, magazine holders (which I didn't find), and look at hanging shelves. I check out at the self check which wouldn't scan the boxes so I had to yell out, "I need some help". Waiving people over apparently isn't enough. Now the tricky part. Make it to the car with the boxes. The boxes come flat, you put them together when you get home. It is essentially a box that you move with, only decorated and more expensive, not much more, but more expensive never the less. As I walk outside I realize that not only did I buy boxes, but I got a sail for free. I find an abandoned cart and put my sails in. I can barely steer the cart. After fighting the cart the whole way I get to the end of the road, literally, I won't be able to take the cart on the dirt parking lot. So I abandon it. I try to hold the boxes as close to my chest as possible so that they won't be blown out of my hands. I am a small girl. I was being blown away. I had to jog a little on a few occasions because the wind was blowing so hard it was pushing me.

I make it to the car with all my boxes, nothing short of a miracle. My car is covered in dust. If I hadn't known better I would have thought I was there a lot longer than 30 minutes. I sit in the car. Take a deep breath. I am incredibly hot. I thought it was because it was cold outside and warm in the car. You know how when you warm up abruptly it feels like you are on fire? Well, no, I was sweating. It is like 60 degrees outside and I was sweating, pretty heavily. My hair line was sweaty. My stomach was sweating were the boxes were squashed against me. That was a lot of work.