Memories

In light of Corley's post about guilt I thought I would tell you something I remember. It has nothing to do with guilt, but similar in the fact that really insignificant things needle their way inside sometimes.

I have no idea why I remembered this particular incident this morning, but every time I do it stings a little. Last Christmas at Kyle's family, one of his uncles (who was going through a hard divorce and was pretty doped on either alcohol or anti-depressants or both) brought up the fact that I graduated from college. I said yes and smiled. He said, "Nobody thought you could do it." Still smiling, I kind of nodded. He didn't mean to say it and in a moment of weakness the absolute truth came out. Luckily, only Kyle and his mom were around and she quickly changed the subject. I was kind of stunned but tried to act normal. I never quit smiling. I never even brought it up again with Kyle.

Another time even longer ago (maybe two or three years) one of Kyle's cousins came over. He is quite the drinker. He was in town and too drunk to drive 30 miles home so he came over to our house to sober up. He called Kyle and asked if it was okay, but Kyle wasn't home. So Kyle calls me and he comes over (he was already in the driveway). I don't know why he said it. I can't quite remember anymore. But I think he was talking about how much he liked me and Kyle. Which is nice. He said, "I think y'all are great together. I don't care what anyone says." He definitely didn't mean to say it. I'm not quite sure he knew where he was, but all the same the truth comes leaking out. That one didn't sting so much as make me wonder. Who says? I didn't tell Kyle about that either. Who am I kidding I didn't wonder. I knew exactly who would say things like that, the same people who would think that I couldn't possibly graduate from college.

I really shouldn't let it bother me. I should have gotten over the fact that besides Kyle's parents the rest of his family wasn't fond of me a long time ago. You know, like 10 years ago. To be fair, most of his aunts and uncles lives are so fucked up I look like a bastion of normalcy. Doesn't make it any less shocking and hurtful when people I see maybe three times a year have such poor opinions of me. They no more knew me than the man in the moon.