What MP left out ...

We started the partying part of the night at the dog bar. First thing, a little tiny Korean child comes up to me carrying a tiny weenie dog. She hands it off. I say thank you but she can't understand me. I have to admit it was pretty fuckin' cute. Then the owner of that dog, as well as another weenie dog, had this maraca. She was shaking the maraca and the dogs were following her and biting at the maraca, which was making the little girl follow the dogs. It was a line four deep, the caboose was yelling something in Korean. Presumably to the dogs. This was making the owner perpetuating the whole thing laugh hysterically. I, in turn, was laughing hysterically. All before we even got a table.

A while after we got our table, the little girl comes up to me again. (I have one of those faces, I guess.) She crawls into the booth right next to me. Touching me in fact, and holding this dog. The owner of the dog is reasoning with her in Korean. The dad comes up and says he is sorry. For what I don't know, because she was just sitting their quietly in shock and awe of the white people. I think she was looking for us to protect her from the bad people who were going to take this dog away from her. Whatever bartering technique they used worked and she released the dog. She did not want to. I thought at one point she might actually choke the dog. She cried when they had to leave.

Our group has quadrupled in size by this point and we are going to change destinations.

Standing out in the street trying to decide where we are going to go and not getting anywhere, I decide that I have to have more alcohol to deal with this large a group. So I go into the convenient store with MP and our homo friend. As we are checking out here comes the little girl. We were telling her high. She was in shock again.

We go to Diggin'. My second favorite bar in Seoul. Where our group again doubles in size. We have a good time.

Hours later we move to Jane's Groove. They played pop/hip hop/ music. Everyone danced. I mostly sat. Except when Blister in the Sun played. I danced to that. It was fun. 3 o'clock rolls around and everyone is plastered. Except for me and MP. We get a cab really quickly. He tells the rest.

But what he leaves out is this. The "chatty Korean", as he puts it, was not only chatting. He was guilting us and telling us to quit and leave, that what we were doing was bad. I'm assuming here a little, he was speaking Korean. He was saying "No!", "Bad" things of this nature, and making hand gestures. It was ulcer inducing. I really wanted him to shut up. But he didn't. What I'm sure was seconds felt like hours of this guy saying the same thing, like a fucking broken record. Dominican Lou finally says, "Do you speak English?" the Korean says, with no accent whatsoever, "Yeah". Lou tells him the situation, keys in the locker, and the guy goes right back into his Korean saying the exact same thing as before. They come running with the stuff. We leave the subway, hop into a cab and away we went.

All in all a fun night. Great memory. This is right up there with zoo explosion on the list of things I will never forget about my tour in Korea.

Rule # 1

Don't get roofied.

Yesterday, I read that horrible story of the girl working for Halliburton who got ruffied and gang raped by her fellow co-workers in Iraq. She wants to take the case to court, but instead of settling they decided to call her a liar and fight her taking the case to court. I was thoroughly disturbed.

Then last night, my new gay friend told me he had been roofied in Seoul. In a gay club. I didn't even know boys had to worry about that, unless they drank a drink for a girl when she couldn't finish it, kind of thing.

The idea makes my skin crawl. Why would anyone want to have sex with a passed out vomiting person? The depths you have to descend to to do something like that to another person is just beyond me.

Wild nights

Today we went exploring in Myeongdong. It took me about three months to learn how to say the name and remember it. We found a store that sells all kinds of used stuff. It was so exciting.

There was a pile of shirts that stretched to ceiling. They all had SAVERS tags on them still. They were only 5,900 won a piece. I bought a few.

Further scores tonight at different places included: new shoes (fuchsia), and a cute little sweater (teal).

We are thinking about planning a quick little get away for Chinese New Year. I vote Shanghai or Hong Kong.

Empty as pocket

I can't sleep. I'm kind of hungry, but not enough to do anything about it. Or rather the ratio of lazy to hungry isn't to the correct percentage for me to do anything about it.

I have a headache.

I cried today for no reason. Luckily, it was at home. I managed to hold it back earlier while we were in a restaurant. Lauren- 1. Period- 1. (I would like a clever sports reference here, but I don't know any. So, check mate.) If I were counting the whole week I would be losing by a big margin. In fact, if I were counting things besides crying I would be losing by a big margin.

The hardest things

I have come to the conclusion that the hardest thing about long relationships is letting people change- change their mind, change their ideas, change their goals. I guess it's hard because it might change the relationship. It probably will.

Take me and Kyle for instance. For some reason he only does things with his life when we are broken up. It has started to really fuck with my head. I am starting to think I have been stifling him. I can't remember anything specific. I think that makes it worse. Worse, what if my presence makes him want to sit in front of the computer and not do anything else. I mean, when we are together he doesn't read books, watch movies, leave the house, anything. The second we break up he has read about 5 books seen a zillion movies, furthering his education, etc. I guess at the very least I'm an enabler.

Either way, I don't want to keep people from changing, in any relationship. I want people to grow and change. It's healthy.

Life List: Try my hardest to foster forward progress of the people I love.

Weekend Adventures

So our new friend in Seoul asked us to go to this photography exhibit. Little did we know that she found it on a meet up website. There were a slew of white people. Now, I made a resolution to make new friends, so I decided to get some practice seeing as I won't be keeping my Seoul friends in any real way beyond facebook.

I tried really hard. I remembered names as much as possible. I did pretty good. I kept a smiling face through all adversity. There was plenty.

MP starts spouting to one girl about how he doesn't like it. That is where everything went down hill. She was looking like she was going to cry. I could hear tidbits of what was going on, and just that was kinda creeping me out. When we later asked our friend how old that girl was the reply was 27. Really? She said BFF. Is it just me? Who says that? Not in jest either. She says she liked it here, but was on the verge of tears. To me that is code for I hate it, but I don't want to say so.

The thing with people I find that I just can't deal with is how uptight the masses are. Teachers of little kids in particular. Suicide in a piece of art makes people make a noise of objection and walk away. Joking about sex or even anything remotely sexual is a no-no. Pubic hair, forget about it.

One girl told us that she had to be back to her apartment by 6:30. She only had one key. Her boyfriend wanted to leave at 6:30 and if she wasn't there he would leave and take the key and wasn't coming back until 10. She really didn't have anything to do so she didn't want to be locked out. It's 27 fucking degrees outside by 10pm it would be closer to 19. Who could possibly do that to someone, not to mention stay with someone who even says that, little less do it. Between two adults that is the best they could come up with? I told her they should leave the key with the attendant, every apartment has an attendant. The mailboxes are open. How about dropping it in there? Maybe it was an excuse to leave. I doubt it. She could have just left by saying, "Okay, it was fun. I'm leaving. Bye."

People amazing me. It's hard not to be judgmental. The problem is that I know I could never be myself with any of those people. Why bother? Our original friend is really sweet and though she is very normal, she seems to take what I say in stride.

Things I want to do in Seoul before I leave:

Go to the Seoul Tower at night to take Night photos. Damn it.

Uh... I swear there was more.

I guess I should go to the border of N. Korea just to say that I did it.

Oh! Seoul National Museum. They have an Inca Exhibit. Not exactly Korean, but whatev.

Ok. Well. That's it. Boring.

This Just In

Midnight Saturday, January 24th.

Strange noise coming from hallway.

Korean man practicing his put with a putting machine.

Sounds like a stapler. Sounded like he was pretty good.

Lists and whatnot

After my friend posted her life list I started thinking about things I wanted to do in my life. I realized I couldn't think of anything. Surely I have hopes, dreams, anything. I'm not a hollow shell of a gal with nothing to look forward to, right? Life does tend to make me feel that way, but I, however, am not. I started thinking of things I want to do. It took a while, but...

Here they are:

• I would like to make jewelry. I am inspired by things I see in nature documentaries.
• I want to make stained glass too.
• I want to knit good enough to make clothes. That fit.
• I would really like to produce enough of the previously mentiond to have an etsy shop (or website) that at least breaks even.
• I would like to visit the forests of China, Croatia, Borneo/New Guinea, and most of South America.
• When I am of sound money and mind I would like to donate my time and money to the following things: the reduction of prisons in the U.S. as well as better standards in them, outreach programs from GLBT teens, and possibly prostitution (probably the legalization of it, it isn't going anywhere we might as well make it safe), battered woman's shelters, inmate reading programs, literacy.
• I would like to inspire kids and adults who belong to the working class to read. It is the only way they can take charge of their life and get out from underneath the man. They say knowledge is power.
• I would like to stay in shape. You know, for my whole life.
• Volunteer with the Green Corn Project.
• Take up bird watching. I think I'll buy an Audubon book about birds. My grandfather was a bird watcher. When I was looking for one I found this. Way cool.

This is kind of snowballing. I keep thinking of more things. I think this is good for now.

White

I really enjoy young guys, especially those who have never seen the likes of me. They amuse me. This particular young guy I'm talking about I met over the weekend. He is in the military too. His first language happens to be spanish. He is the boyfriend type thing of an American girl we met here. The four of us were in a loud bar, and talking about the haircut and a hand job places. We're laughing and there was a few "WHAT!?" 's. So he thought he would try to fuck with me by asking me what a hand job was. First I just illustrated with the universal symbol for hand job. Then he says it again. Now, I know there isn't a man in the whole entire world who is unfamiliar with that particular maneuver. So I start to give a more detailed explanation not skipping a single thing, even going as far as describing a milky white substance when you're done, as we all laughed. Even in a dark bar you can still see the whites of someone's eyes when they are surprised.

Your very own prison!

I'm thankful for my body. Though I mentally complain a lot, sometimes verbally complain a lot, my body hasn't done anything too terrible to me yet. I'm slim and shapely and thankful. I'm not as hard or taut as I once was, but who is? Everything works properly and up to my expectations. That being said there are always times when I don't like something about myself. At those times, you could say I feel trapped. There isn't a woman in the U.S. that can say at times she doesn't feel trapped in a body that doesn't look how she wants it to look. I'm sure there are plenty of men who feel the same way.

Which leads me to trannies. Most things lead me here, but hear me out. I don't think it is tranidom (I don't think that is an actual word, and perhaps not very sensitive, but no one ever accused me of being too sensitive.) that makes them feel as if they are trapped in the wrong body, I think it's society. I'm not trying to lessen the transsexual's plight, they have it hard, no doubt. I'm just trying to put things in perspective. In a society where we are constantly telling people "You can be rich and famous too, if you were just pretty enough" it tends to make people look in the mirror and expect to see a magazine cover. Plastic surgery wouldn't be around otherwise. We are all in the same self loathing situation.

It's a prison, your body. If you're lucky you'll get a long sentence. Don't complain to loudly or someone will hit you. Grab a book and make do.

The Autobiography

I have always been a fan. I would like to write one before I die. One that is publishable. The thing is, I have a terrible memory. One of MP's friends told me I should interview people. I found out that that scares the shit out of me.

What if I remembered something completely wrong? The things I remember now have been around a long time and almost like normal so they are easy to deal with, but what if I don't really want to know what really happened? I won't be able to unlearn it. Would it take twenty some odd years to get to normalcy again. I hope not.

Maybe one day I'll get the balls to ask about my young life.

Life List:

1. Write Autobiography

Documentaries

So, lately I have been watching a lot of gay, lesbian, and transgender documentaries. I have always been interested in the sexual minorities and their particular plight.

I have realized that maybe I should do something to help. There is absolutely nothing that breaks my heart more than teens who are disowned by their families and treated badly in school because they have the courage to be out and to be themselves. Let's not even talk about violence against them, I start to tear up. So I'm thinking of volunteering. We'll see if I have time.

In the mean time this is how you and I can help. It's easy. All you have to do is search the internet. Out Youth - Austin, Texas. Or buy coffee. They have a wish list too.

So this is the new year.

I'm a little late on the uptake, but I think my New Year's Resolution is to be happier. I haven't quite figured out how to accomplish that yet, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Oh, and make new friends. Hopefully of the lesbian persuasion. Not that my old friends aren't wonderful. I just feel I have been cooped up for years. Plus all my friends are getting married and having kids. Who will go out with me?

I'm thinking of getting my teaching certificate. Tell me it's crazy. BUT, and you know how I like big buts, it will give me a good paying job while I finish my masters (NOT in a call center). Plus, I will have experience teaching and then I can be a librarian in an international school district. I haven't thought it all out yet. Can I deal with kids? Not little kids. High school kids. I know what angst is. I haven't grown out of mine yet. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I think I might apply to substitute when I get home. Then I can have a part time job while I work on my teaching certificate. If I decide to go this route, by summer I should be done.

Hose

You know that really pretty part of the panty hose at the top that is darker for more support? In the past week I have seen TWO people whose skirts were shorter than that. The support part of their black panty hose were showing. Gross. How do you leave the house with out noticing that? Terrible.

Getting off

As soon as we got off the plane in Sydney it was like a different world. Bright, shining white people. And huge. I'm not sure if Australians are giants or I am used to Koreans, but there were huge glowing blond people who smile. Everywhere. You wouldn't think that a little thing like a smile could effect how you feel about an entire country, but I guarantee it does.

Hotel towels are wonderful things. Huge squishy towels are the best.

I missed a memo. Apparently, there is an international law that says hotel conditioner has to not work. Really, really not work. Since we didn't check any baggage I couldn't really bring any conditioner. Before we left I said, "God forbid somebody try to blow up a plane with a book or an ipod, flights could get really boring." Now that dick carried something in his underwear. Does that mean that we will have to put our panties in those grey plastic bins with our shoes and our liquids? Everyone will have to start wearing skirts. Why don't we just get it over with. They can give us paper gowns to change into like at the doctors office, then everyone will have to check all there luggage. Everyone will be naked, we are already uncomfortable.

I travel with a vibrator. I don't even want to go a week without it. Well, when my bag scanned through the machine in Australia (only in Australia) they think it looks like a bomb. They got me coming and going. The second time a woman was at the xray machine. She must live a hard life. They take me into a cubicle and felt on my tits and ass. I got a pat down two times from different woman. And they did a chemical residue test on my hands and bag. The first time they told me I was selected randomly. Being selected randomly twice in the same airport is a little less than random.

Back in Seoul

On New Year's Eve we went out walking around, we had dinner at a lovely little Spanish restaurant. The food was delicious, and everything they brought to other tables smelled so good. At 11 I had to pee ridiculously bad and we were in the middle of a crowded city. Drunks make me nervous and the lines to bathrooms were so long. The drunk people were swarming so we walked the couple blocks back to the hotel. When I got inside it was nice and quite and I didn't want to go out again. So when the Sky Tower started the fireworks show a block away we heard it all. From the hotel room we could see the fireworks light up the sky and see the reflections in the glass of the building next to us. I even saw a huge ember hit the roof of a near by building. The muffled shouts of the new year weren't overwhelming, neither were the fireworks. It was really nice. Auckland was the first city in the world to set off the their fireworks display of the new year. Though I didn't get any pictures, it looked like this, and this.