All I really want to do is read The Blind Assassin.

I don't have time.

Summer Shit Storm '07

Why does the shit always have to hit the fan when I am totally stressed out about school? Why? These are bad things. I would tell you about them, but they are other people's bad things. It wouldn't be right. I can't fix them or contribute to the problem I can only get stressed out by it. It would be really easy to say that they are just effecting me because I'm already stressed. That may very well be the case, but they would sort of through me for a loop on a regular day. When there are big nasty fights over money and there are so many fuck you's flying around in between family members that is bad. Isn't that a fun situation to be in. I have one more fucking week people can we hold off just 7 days before we start killing people or going to jail? Really, I'm serious. I just don't think I can take much more bullshit AND school in a five and half week period. I have never had a summer that was so full of drama. I loathe drama. I have been shaking since about 2:00 this afternoon, because of my nerves. Isn't that a nice feeling.

Since I can't tell you about all the bullshit I will tell you about school. On Tuesday I have a six to eight page first draft that has to be done. I also have my third test in my Biology class. On Friday I have my final draft due and a comprehensive final in my Biology. Hooray for two tests in one week in the same class!

I just keep thinking, maybe I will get all my studying and my editing done on the fourth of July. I probably won't, but it makes me feel better to make things up.

Netflix

I just got the best email ever. The title is "We're Lowering the Price of your Netflix Plan" and they actually did. I didn't have to buy anything. Can you believe that? Maybe it is some sort of scam. Well, whatever it is it sure is cool for now!

For those of you not familiar with the before. This is how much hair I got cut off.

I smell

I hate going to the hair salon. They put all kinds of shit in my hair and I really, really, stink. My hair looks like this.

Online Poll

Will Corley ever get the internet?

Yes

No

Maybe

I love Jeopardy. I find it interesting and I learn so much. I finally stopped watching the re-runs on GSN. I'm hopelessly nerdy. I know.

The thing about Jeopardy is that it really pisses me off. I watch it like most people watch sports. Well, that may be a bit of a overstatement. I don't stand up or hop around. Way to lazy for that. But I yell at the TV. I call the players names that would make most people turn an unnatural shade of red. I can't help it. I have wished debt on people because I didn't think they bet enough. Come on assholes! It is money you don't have. Play like you got a pair!

The most recent thing that has pissed me off was the final Jeopardy question. The question was something like between 2005 and 2006 this state had over 500,000 people move there. Okay, because I have a pulse not because I live in Texas do I know the answer. Gees, what happened in 2005-2006 that would have cause a mass migration to a different state. A HUGE FUCKING HURRICANE YOU ASSHOLES!!!! Where have you been? You know Katrina you couldn't go 4 seconds without hearing about it for over a year. One guys head was wedged so far up his asshole he actually said Louisiana! I couldn't even believe it. Right about now is where the name calling comes in, because all three of them got it wrong!

Get this

I can not even begin to describe how great today has been. I have spent the whole day on the computer farting around and napping. I have absolutely no homework this whole weekend, I only had to go to school for 30 minutes today to take a test so I drove. Practically a three day weekend for my birthday! What a present.

Speaking of my birthday, a couple days ago Kyle says, "What happens if your biological clock goes off on Sunday?" I look at him like a confused puppy, "On my birthday? Why do you say that?" Apparently he is afraid that I will want to have a baby the second I turn 24. My answer was, "Well then we will just have to deal with that when it happens." I'm already sounding like somebodies mother.

Now in a fit of excitment in order to celebrate my birthday I am going to sit on the couch in my t-shirt and panties and watch the television until I drool.

The Bus

I know I've said it before, but I really wish I had a usb port to my brain. It would have worked really well last night when I was thinking about this blog post instead of sleeping. But I really wish I had one so you could see all the characters on the bus. It is like a regular freak show on there everyday of the week. I swear each person that gets on is weirder than the next.

This man sat down in front of me and I could smell him. Well when he got off at the same stop these two girls in there 20's got on. They were the two dorkiest, hippie girls I have ever seen in my life. But not the I'm making a statement kind of hippie, rather a I don't know it would be infinitely cooler if I shaved my legs and didn't rival the smell of the homeless man. They should go on some sort of warning poster for kids. Under their picture it would say, "This is what happens when a hippie and a first grade teacher have a baby!"

Two Korean women are always at the bus stop together. One is perfectly normal. The other, however, always has a leopard print umbrella. Rain or shine she is under that thing at the bus stop. I can almost understand that. It is sunny, whatever. BUT. She also has a visor on. AND. Always has a periwinkle, blue handkerchief with a little, tiny, flower print over her face. It is over her nose and mouth like she is a cowboy and any minute she is going to pull out her six shooter and rob the train or bus, whatever. She uses two barrettes and clips it into her hair in the back over her visor strap. She probably has the right idea. I wouldn't have had to smell that hippie girl had I been wearing my cowboy get up.

Just an aside before I move on. I don't know if you have noticed, but the bus gets fuller and fuller as the month goes on. During the first of the month there is hardly anyone on the bus. Then I guess everyone runs out of money and must take the bus?

White male. Probably in his mid to late twenties. Average build, sandy blond hair with a very short almost shaved haircut. I can tell it hasn't been shaved. Because, it looks like he has twisted little tiny pieced and cut them with scissors all over his head. He also had this almost bald spot in the back of his head right in the middle. It could have been bald because there was a scar there. It was hard to tell. But let me tell you he was giving my the willies. The look in his eye was creeeeepy( you have to sing creeeeepy for the full effect).

Fairy Tales

Today in class we got to see a lot of art work done by Hans Christian Andersen. He did these paper cuttings along with sketches and things like that, but the paper cuttings are really, really cool.

This is the only image I could find of my favorite one.

Most are incredibly small and intricate.


And he did it all with a regular old 8 inch pair of scissors!

I have to stop dicking around and revise my paper. I won't have time this weekend, and here I am posting this bullshit just so I won't have to do it right now. I could scream. I want to scream. I won't.

Mr. Tambourine Man

I was listening to Bob Dylan on the bus and I had to laugh. I thought about so many years ago, I was living with my mom. Me and Kyle were on the skids. I was really depressed. I would sit on the floor of my room and listen to Bob Dylan, specifically Mr. Tambourine Man. I would wait until close to the last verse and crack a whip-it. Then I would be all woozy and get to listen to my favorite verse.

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

It was fun. I wish had a whip-it.

I don't know what's worse that I did this or that I think it is funny and would do it again in a hurry if I had the supplies.

I found the short haircut that I want

I'm not sure that I will ending up getting something exactly like this. But I like this A LOT!

Metalocalypse

While at the metal show I was doing a impersonation of a metal singer and got recruited. I have a wicked good voice for metal. Next time you see me you should totally ask me to do it for you. I will be going on tour soon with Zombie Decapitator soon.


True story:
Also, the singer of one of the bands made himself puke on stage and was found of spitting up in the air and then catching it in his mouth (even with vomit spit).

Someone lost a tooth in the pit. That is what happens when you get an elbow to the mouth. I don't understand. All those people jumping into you and hitting you with their sweat and blood. Count me out. Just thinking about it makes me want to have a panic attack.

Riot anyone?

I can not tell you how glad I am that the week is done. Five days straight is just to many. What do you say to a friendly riot? You know in protest? To get the work week to four days and not five? Any takers?

Saturday, Kyle and I will be going to San Antonio. There simply is no rest for the weary. We are escorting his 18 year old cousin. He has Asperger syndrome. So in other words he is autistic. He also loves heavy metal. So we are taking him to a heavy metal concert. He also knows every animal genus and species on the face of the earth, plus dinosaurs. He has a photographic memory and puts it to use working in the library.

But first I am going to have to wake up and do some homework. A lot of homework.

My Hans Christian Andersen teacher chewed the whole class a new asshole today for not reading. We had taken two reading pop quizzes this week and apparently most of the class hadn't been reading. If I were him I would be really pissed too. The longest story we have had to read was like 20 pages. Everything else has been about 5. One night 5 pages I wouldn't say that is overloading us. He started telling us people who don't read devalue other people's education, which I think is true, but he just went on and on and the whole time I'm just smiling away. Well, he is cute. What can I say? Plus he wasn't mad at me.

I'm very busy.

I'm ....

-Taking a class on Hans Christian Andersen which I am really enjoying even though it has only been two days. My teacher is adorable. And Danish. And hopelessly nerdy, and a natty dresser. And loves literature. So obviously I'm in love.

-Watching Kinsey. It took me two days. But I finished it. God, to have that kind of passion. I have to stop watching movies when Kyle is in the room. He insists on talking to me or commenting on the movie the whole way through. Eventually, I feel like ripping his throat out with my teeth. So I stop the movie and wait until later.

-Riding my bike in a lightning storm. It had rained just minutes before, so everything was wet and smelled incredible. The air was cool and who doesn't love a good lightning storm? Oh, Texas, how I love you.

-Making a decision. I have decided to cut my hair. Not right this minute, but when I think the black has grown out sufficiently to have a nice hair cut. I want all the black gone. So send pictures of short hair cuts. Though I may wait until after Kyle's little sister's wedding. Maybe not. Here are some things I was thinking about. I may even be willing to go this short. (the one on the right. Tell me what you think.

-Watching Crash. Think ill of me if you must, but I love this movie. (The first Crash with the weird sex and car crashes and David Spader. Not the pretentious, everyone is a racist Crash. Just clarifying I don't want anybody to think I love that movie. ) It is THE weirdest movie I have EVER seen. And I'm no stranger to weird movies. I love David Spader. He must be so strange. His body of work is like no other. He'd have to be crazy to play all those parts.

In case you were wondering

About the tag "You say va-jay-jay. I say va-jiy-jiy. Let's wax the whole thing off." Talk soup has a pretty regular routine called Oprah's Va-Jay-Jay. Once they showed a clip of some doctor on her show and he said "Va-jiy-jiy" She corrects him quite harshly. Then Joel McHail does this dance with a top hat and a cane and sings "You say va-jay-jay. I say Va-jiy-jiy. Let's wax the whole thing off." It was very funny.

Last night's giggle fest

My and Kyle are in bed. We can't find anything on TV. I go by Food Network and I see the Broken Spoke. I stop to watch about Austin. The show was Giada's Weekend Getaway. Kyle wants me to change it, but I really wanted to see were she went. We don't like Giada. For one thing she says spaghetti with an accent. Spaghetti is an American word now you don't have to say it with an accent. It is like saying taco with an accent. It makes you look like a giant asshole. So naturally we think she is a giant asshole. Plus she has a really big head. I don't know if it is the camera angle or what, but it is unnaturally large. We were at my mom's the other day and Giada happened to be on and her hair looked like crap. It looked liked cats had licked it in lieu of a shower. It was very stringy and almost matted. So we are laughing about Giada and Kyle said something I didn't quite hear so I ask, "Did you just call her Va-Giada?" He says no, but that leads us in a very funny direction.

Kyle says, "I'm going to write a letter to Food Network."

Dear Food Network,

Your Va-Giada stinks. Do something with it's hair.

We laughed so hard! I was crying. It was to funny.

What? It is funny.