In the past couple of months I have watched two different movies that were basically the same. It was totally random. The first was Birth. It was incredibly bizarre and I thought about writing about it on the old blog afterwards. I never got around to it. Then a couple weeks ago I was watching one movie that ended and I didn't change the channel. The next movie on was called P.S. I info-ed it and saw that it had Laura Linney in it. Good, I really like Laura Linney. It was oddly similar to Birth.

Here is the plot. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy dies. Boy comes back as someone else, or at least girl thinks so. Girl has sex with new, much younger boy. Everything is weird all around. The relationship is very inappropriate.

Is this topic that popular? The movies were made about the same time. I find this incredibly weird.

"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in, stops my mind from wondering."

I wish I could just turn off my mind. I just need a little switch. It would be so nice to sit in silence for five minutes.

Just one of the many things I learned on Jeopardy!

I wish I could have found the clip from Jeopardy! It was absolutely incredible! The horse stood on only it's back legs, but was parallel to the ground, WITH a rider! They called it something like a lever, maybe. WOW!

A Fairy Tale of Epic Proportions

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. One day she came home to her castle. This was her favorite part of the day because it is always refreshing to come home. Especially when she knew that there was always happy, little creatures waiting for her return. On this particular day when she walked in her beasts came running to her like usual, but the castle smelled of a furious turd. (Yes, a furious turd. A turd is furious when kicked around, apparently they get pissed when stirred up cause they go to stinking twice as much.) So the princess searches high and low, the beast little entrance was open so they could come and go as they please. There was no need to take this god awful shit in her castle. She thought it very curious when there wasn't a giant pile of furious turd somewhere. She thought to herself as she lit some incense, "God Almighty, what could that foul smell be?" She stopped noticing it after a while as she went around the castle doing the things she normally does after a hard days work. A little while later she heard a noise, a very distinct noise. Almost like someone was getting a glaucoma test. She glanced over at the little tan beast that was curled up beside her. "OH!" she exclaimed "Mother of God, Grubb, I think I might vomit!" She tried to cover her face with her lovely, princess gown and she waived her hands furiously in the air. When her prince came home he had the same reaction. Though he couldn't see his princess when he first walked in the door, due to the fact that she was at the back of the castle he called out, "Good God, it smells like turd in here!" The princess ran to him and confirmed his suspicions. There was no turd, but there was a righteous amount of horrible gas. All the castle windows had to be opened. The prince was not home for good though. He was just stopping by because he had a delivery in the area. About 30 minutes later when the prince came home for real he said that is still smelt really bad even with all the windows open. That night the beautiful princess and the valiant prince where a little afraid to go to bed. The princess is to sensitive to sleep with the windows open. There is just too much noise in the mornings. What if they suffocate from the fumes? They went cautiously and tried the best they could to use the covers as a gas mask. As the sun came up they realized they made it through the long, treacherous night.

The end.

I find it hard to part with books, even if they are text books. I had a huge stack of text books. We loaded them in a box to sell them. I couldn't pick the box up. In fact, I couldn't slide it on the carpet. I had my trusty brute heave them around for me. Between Bevo's and Half Priced I got almost $65. It was such a score!

I am having a dreadful time thinking about something to write for this horrible essay prompt.

I have to think of a student from a different culture, economic background, or academic experiences that I could learn from inside or outside the formal classroom structure.

Translation: something stupid I don't care about.

As you can see it is coming along nicely. My days are numbers. March 1st is the dead line.

Last Year's Concert Line Up

Chuck Berry
Death Cab for Cutie
Beck
Damien Rice/ Fionna Apple

I don't think there was anything else.

So far on the roster for this year:

Clutch on March 10th
The Toadies on March 12th
Tool March on 26th

I cover my eyes, still all I see is you

I found some pictures. You know the ones I was looking through the other day that gave me the crazy dream. They were extra fabulous so I thought I would share them. It is sort of a crime not to. They were taken in Spain mostly, some in Portugal by Kyle.

Um, your fly is open

Titanic

Titanic really was the worst movie I have ever seen. And I have seen some real shitters! But get this, my brother was telling me that he watched this show on Titanic the real one, on some science channel. James Cameron the director of Titanic got the studio to give him all this money so he could go dive the Titanic. He didn't even want to make a movie he just wanted a ton of money so he could go see the real live wreckage. In the end the studio made him make the movie when, after he dived, tried to back out. He did. It was shit. End of story. Well, not quite. It made tons of money. For everyone involved, I'm sure.

I come from the water

I am really excited. I just bought tickets to The Toadies. That means Tool and The Toadies in March! Wow! And tickets were so cheep! They were like $23. Made my week!

I had a dream

I had a dream about Madge last night.

My sister-in-law called me and told me that she would have to tell Madge what her boyfriend was doing. We didn't know his name so I couldn't have been Steve. Then I am sort of confused so I say okay and ask where she lives. She tells me that Madge lives next door. Huh? Really? This strange guy that we thought was Madge's boyfriend was really mean and he would sit in his car and point a shotgun towards the ground aiming at something. This frightened me because I was walking this little tiny dog, and I didn't want him to shoot it. Later in the dream after that was settled, which I am not really sure how it got settled. Me and Kyle and Madge and Steve would wake up in the morning and have breakfast outside then take out dogs to some park/lake. Behind our backyards were these big fields and they had tons of porcupines in them. I went in the back yard and the fences were low on the sides of the house, but not at the back of the yard. Madge was in her backyard knitting and telling me all the gossip from the other neighbors. I was looking at these roses in the backyard in amazement. They were all these different types of small antique roses in white and yellow. They were doing really great and the yard was landscaped really beautifully and we had green grass. Which is really strange cause our yard looks like shit and we have some roses in our yard that we inherited from the people before us. They are hearty as shit we can't mow them down. They are in the strangest places. There is one that is right at the corner of the house in the backyard only not by the house it is about eight feet from the side of the house. So basically it is in the middle of the yard. We also have this rose on the side of the house were no one can see it.

The reason, I am sure of it: I was looking at some pictures on the computer of Kyle in Spain. There was some pictures of some of the people who were there in the same program Kyle was. One of the girls looked a lot like Madge.
Don't you think the one on the right looks a lot like Madge?

"It's a small crime, and I have no excuse."

I saw The Departed last night. Wow! Good fucking movie. I wasn't expecting it to be as good as I thought it was. When your expectations are really low you are always pleasantly surprised. I really loved the duality of each character. The one you hate the most is the only one you can trust, the charming one is a total fuck face. It is just really great. It was like sitting on glass the whole movie. I like it when there is tons of foreshadowing, when you know what is coming, so you scoot to the end of chair and breath, "Oh, shit!"

Now for a little secret I hate to admit. I love Leonardo DiCaprio. I know, I hated him for the longest time. I always thought he was really overrated and not a very good actor. I never thought he was that attractive. I always thought he looked like a kid. Really, I think I blamed him for having to sit through that big giant shit of a movie Titanic. Good God, I didn't think I was going to get out of that one alive. I do really like his acting, and he doesn't look like a kid anymore. He plays the violent, angry, intense guy really well. And then he is there with his shirt off and, oh, yeah, okay, yeah, I really like him. Guys have it so easy. They just keep looking better as they age.

Another secret. I really like Marky Mark. I mean not his music. Some of his movies are crappy. But ever since I Heart Huckabee's I really love him. That whole brooding thing really gets to me. Plus he is really attractive and quite huge. I Heart Huckabee's almost made me like Jude Law. Still don't like him, but I almost thought he was likable. I love Entourage and that is based on Mark Wahlberg. He does look really good in that shoulder holster with his shoulders all bulgy. Oh, my! I mean look at those forearms! Wow!

I am trying to get a new job. I am really frustrated by the experience. She calls me and I was away from the phone, I call her five times in two days and she won't return my call. Really irritating. My first impression is that she wasn't going to give me the job. I seriously thought to myself, "If I can't get a job through a temp agency that is going to be it for me. I will have to kill myself there is no other option." The caliber of people that were in there. My god! Are you kidding me? (At one point when I was filling out my application I went to my car to get my phone so I could put numbers down for references. These two Mexican guys were walking in and asked me if there were a lot of people in there. I told them no. As I was walking back up the walkway they were coming back out again. And in loud voices they were speaking to me? no one in particular? that they couldn't get a job because they had a felony.) She had the nerve to tell me that I didn't have enough data entry experience to get a data entry job and that I would need to write a resume. I wrote her my resume. Two days later they called me for a different data entry job I didn't want. The job I want only hires through a temp agency. I took typing tests and she told me those were fine. My ten key is amazing I am really good at that. Can't get a data entry job....please.

I just want to go into a room and sit and be left alone for the entire time I am at work. Is that so much to ask? I don't want to answer phones I don't want to answer people's questions. I don't want to have to look at anybody. When I worked at Atomic the thing I hated most about my job was having to listen to people when they wanted to buy jewelry. Those were the single most mind-numbing, one sided conversations I have ever had to endure. Women mostly, would honestly ask my opinion about some dangle, gaudy, naval jewelry. What do you say? That is the single ugliest piece of shit I have ever seen. No, but when someone asks you for the fiftieth time that day, "Will this match my outfits?" an "I don't give a fuck!" would have felt really good.

Went on a date last night. Saw Pan's Labryinth. What a war movie, huh?

I had this foolish idea that I would make some Valentines and post one on here. I had some really great ideas. They weren't working out the way I wanted them to. I lost patience. I started to late. Now you get nothing for Valentine's Day! So there.

Finished Fried Green Tomatoes. I am convinced that Ruth and Idgie are gay. In the movie I didn't think so, but the book is very different. They are compared to married couples, the son that Ruth has is called "Ruth and Idgie's baby". It is like she wrote a love story about a gay couple and forgot to mention it. Maybe not, maybe I am wrong. It sure did seem like it though.

Fried Green Tomatoes

Suprisingly violent. Not that that is a bad thing. Just suprising. The story runs so deep into everyone's life including all of the black people. I wasn't expecting that either. The movie sort of gives them lip service, but nothing like what the book goes into. I am pleasantly suprised. Quite a story.

I have been playing with Library Thing. I like it. Take a look. It is over on the side. Yeah, right under flickr.

sighs

I love Damien Rice. One of those cd's Corley made me was 9. When I listen to a cd I haven't heard it generally goes that I will find one song and listen to it over and over and over until I can't listen anymore and then I will listen to the rest of the cd. That song is Coconut Skins.



I put this one here so you could listen, but he is really nice to look at too!

I have been having nightmares about a childhood friend. Last night her dad was a werewolf and there was some strange lady in her huge Victorian style house who was really creeping us out. We went to the next room. She eventually made it in there and she kept scratching the eyes out of the huge Victorian paintings. When I realized the eyes were scratched out I looked over and there she was, the weird woman, hiding behind the couch. When I asked her if she was a vampire (tell tale sign of a vampire is scratching out the eyes of paintings?) she lunges at me and then we fight. There was a lot of rolling around and me keeping her away from me with my feet. For being a super being it was pretty easy to keep her away. There was a number of people around me, including this childhood friend, and they wouldn't help. Bitches!

Mark my words! The second we go to war with Iran I am leaving the country... Unless I am in the middle of something, then it may take a day or two. Maybe a month tops.

I miss sailing

I miss water in general. I never do watery things enough. It sort of hurts my heart.



It makes me feel like this.

I got some dishes for 20 bucks

They are pretty cute.

Just one complaint or two

First off, in our living room we have a back door. It isn't a sliding door, just a plain door. This door does, however have glass. Almost the whole thing is glass. We also have a screen door that has a doggy door in it. We have the real door open almost all the time. Lucky for us our neighbors kitchen window looks out into our backdoor. We got these new neighbors a couple of months ago. At night, when you walk by the back door, which remember is in the living room, there is almost always somebody there looking into the house. Just staring! It is beyond weird! We can't see into their house. We can just barely see over the fence. But when somebody is standing at the window you can see their head over the fence. So weird. Do they not have another window to look out of? Are we that interesting?

Then, of course, I have a complaint about work. I was putting out freight, paper specifically. I don't know if you know this about me, but I hate people. When I am doing something specific I don't like to be bothered. This is partly do to my memory thing. Sometimes it is hard to remember what I was doing. So this man walks up to me. Standard middle aged man. I know bad news when I see it and it generally comes in the form of someone middle aged. He asks me where the file folders are. I think and tell him that I don't think we have any. Then in a way to loud, outraged voices he cries out, "NO FILE FOLDERS? AT AN OFFICE SUPPLY STORE?" And gives me this look like I am the stupidest person on the face of the Earth. Now, you may not know this about me, but I don't work at an office supply store. I work at a craft store. At this point I couldn't even look him in the eye. "Um, well this isn't an office supply store. This is an arts and craft store. The office supply is next door." I am trying to not just completely fly off the handle at him. Then he says, " I got the wrong door." And walks away. Just walks away. No apology. As he was walking away I wanted to tell him, "Hey, how about an apology, dick? Because even if this was the office supply store and for some reason we didn't have file folders there is absolutely no reason why you would need to talk to the employee like than because it wasn't like they made the order or anything. You cock suck!" But instead I thought what a douche bag. He walked across the store past beads, and about thirteen miles of fake flowers to get to the paper. When did office supply stores start selling fake flowers and bunny trinkets for Easter?

Okay, last complaint I promise. This woman asks me for a couple of things. All of which were art supply related. Do you have to use a special pen to do calligraphy when you are left handed? Because she was telling me that you did... I don't believe her. But unless it is out with the other calligraphy stuff we don't. So then she asks about this paper or that paper and blah, blah, blah. We didn't have that stuff either. So then she tells me, with no malice or ill content, "I guess we can't do business then." What? Are you under the disillusion that you and I are doing business? I am not getting your money. The business the store does effects me little. I can have a new job in heart beat. Leave. Your not hurting my feelings. Why would you say that? I just don't get it.

Cutest picture EVER!



Kyle: "I'm tired of looking like a drifter."
Lauren: " Humph, no your not."
Kyle: "I got busted."

Other end

Corley made this for me. Along with some very cool cd's though I am to lazy to go to my car to get them to take pictures.

I think about this at night. I finally remembered it when I was supposed to. "You Suck" is wonderful. And if you liked "A Dirty Job" you will like "You Suck" because they run parallel. But get this, they intersect occasionally. How? It sounds geometrically impossible, I know. But literature isn't geometry so anything is legal.

Next on my literature plate? "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe"

That was a bad pun on accident. I swear!

I hope that when technology finally makes us it's bitch someone will come up with a usb device that can be implanted into your brain so that you can just download all of your thought on the computer. It would be so rad. When I lay in bed at night trying to go to sleep I have all these really weird thoughts. I can't remember them in the morning except that I liked them and thought they were incredibly profound. Okay, well profound is a little heavy. But they were entertaining enough to post on the old blog. However, memory does not serve. I think my memory serves somebody else. My memory works like a remote control with faulty batteries. You never know what is going to work. You jam on the buttons, nothing happens. Then all of a sudden you push something and BAM the volume turns up. It is pretty irritating.

Good News Everyone!!!

YOU SUCK!!! The sequel to "Bloodsucking Fiends" is out! I got wind of it last night from Casey. You may know him from Corley's blog. I am on my way to buy it!

Plus you have to see this!

Bound and Gagged in Hot Pink

I gave Corley her presents

Now everyone can see how cool they are!



T-shirt Detail



T-shirt Detail again



Scarf



You can't tell but there are gold sparkles in it.

Homemade floating candles and Jazzed up matches for the candles





Handmade Apron from scratch no pattern



Apron Detail



Apron Detail



And Finally Jesus Christ!



mixed media collage on canvas board, acrylic transfer mary, water color roses, arylic background very fun. This has nothing to do with our swap. I was feeling uninspired and then I found Jesus. The Lord came into my heart and made me want to glue something.

You have to see this!

Who loves Aqua Teen Hunger Force? You will love this little doozie!!! You gotta watch all the videos too! It is just priceless.

At first it is funny cause they talk about he mooniinite, "The moon men, or Mooninites, as they're known to the show's faithful, are delinquent outer-space men who make frequent appearances on the program. Photographs of the devices show several tiny lightbulbs protruding from a circuit board that houses wiring and at least four batteries."

Then it goes down hill when the assholes from Boston officials talk, "Boston Police Commissioner Edward Davis called the stunt "unconscionable," while Boston Mayor Thomas Menino called it "outrageous" and the product of "corporate greed." Democratic Rep. Ed Markey, a Boston-area congressman, added, "It would be hard to dream up a more appalling publicity stunt."

Then it is pretty good again when you find out that the signs had been up in Boston for week and in other places like Austin and Seattle and a dozen other places.

"In Portland, police Sgt. Brian Schmautz said officers had no plans to remove any of the signs, so long as they weren't on municipal property. Nor had officers been dispatched in any kind of bomb scare related to the devices.

'At this point we wouldn't even begin an investigation, because there's no reason to believe a crime has occurred,' Schmautz said."

Boston expects to be reimburssed for the man hours and bomb squads and all the stupid shit they did. I hope Turned Broadcast tell them to go suck a fat one.

I heart Fannie Flagg

I can't help it. I just read "Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!". Loved it. There is just something about her books/ movies that make you feel warm inside. Even if it is a little cheesy it is still good. I think I may have to read "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe". I have see Fried Green Tomatoes one thousand and one times. I usually don't like to read a book after I watch the movie. Well, it isn't that I don't "like" to, it is more that I can't. I just can't stay focused and entertained. I am like a four year old for some reason. When I know what happens it just doesn't do it for me. But it is a double edge sword after you read the book then watch the movie the movie is always lame in comparison. An otherwise perfectly good movie is ruined.

While I am on the topic, "Fluke Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings" is excellent. I finished this weeks ago. It is great. It was still sitting by my bed and every time I passed by I would think about it. I finally just put it away on it's shelf. I love Christopher Moore. I love his books too. But that isn't the real reason I love him. The real reason is this.

I asked him to draw me a doodle. He did. He giggled. It was funny. A little back story on the doodle: I went to a David Sedaris book signing at Book People. It was incredibly crowded and the whole thing took about 5 hours of waiting. When I finally got up there he drew this little jack-o-lantern in my book with his signature. When I went to Christopher Moore's book signing I thought, "Wouldn't it be way neat-o if every book I got signed by an author had a doodle too!"

If you go to the Book People website you have to check out the Leslie's What to Wear Refrigerator Magnet Set. Leslie is an Austin famous transvestite. It gives some back story. You should check it out.