Relationships are hard.
I don't have the first fucking clue about how to be in a healthy relationship.
I do know that I'm sick of worrying about some else all the time. I'm sick of altering my life to ensure someone Else's comfort. I'm sick of changing. I'm sick of talking and not being heard. I'm sick of mothering a person who also wants to fuck me. That's twisted.
I know I don't want to look back and wish I had all the time I wasted back. Life is too short. I refuse to waste my time on people who aren't contributing to the greatness that life can be. I refuse to waste my time on people who are only dragging me down.
I don't want to be constantly resentful.
I don't know why I have expectations that a person who wants to fuck me would also want me to be happy. It's weird. But I do. I don't know why I have expectations that a person who wants to fuck me would also respect me enough to observe my boundaries, to treat me like a human instead of a glory hole, to listen, to understand (and if they can't understand at least remember that something they are doing is insulting and hurtful when I clearly state that something they are doing is insulting and hurtful and not do it anymore). It's outrageous and I'm the only one in the world who feels like this, I know. But these are the things I'm dealing with.
I will not be blamed. There are TWO people in a relationship and it will ALWAYS be those TWO people's fault if it isn't working. Not just one.
Maybe I am a crazy, overreacting, bitch. However, it seems that when I'm not constantly needled by a childish, egotistical, oblivious, socially retarded, lying, cowardly fucktard I stay on a pretty even keel. There is just something about those combination of traits that drive me up the fucking wall. Call me crazy. Don't bother. I'll do it. I'm crazy.
Please remind me of this the next time I become involved with someone. Wait, you don't have to. It is all I can think about in all social situations that could possibly lead to romantic involvement. You can guarantee I won't be romantically involved very soon.
I never want to be jaded and bitter either.