Right on Schedule

Had a major break down today. I saw the last little bit of what I had a hold of slipping away. I'm starting to see a pattern. One break down a week. Excellent. I'll try to put them on my calendar because it is really inconvenient to do this on the days I work. Seeing as, after this one, I was so exhausted I cried myself to sleep and didn't wake up for two hours. In a week moment of overbearing rage I threw my phone against the wall. It happened kind of like Monday when I was driving to work. I thought to myself that I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs. Then I sit quietly thinking how foolish and ridiculous it is, that I can get along just fine without screaming. Then all of a sudden I'm screaming. Once I did it, I did it more. I spent the whole 20 minutes catching my breath and then screaming again. Just as I thought, it didn't do anything for me, but make my throat sore and that is probably where my headache came from. It feels like I have lost all control. I was pissed and wanted to throw my phone, then all of a sudden it came shooting out of my hand while I wasn't thinking about it. I was about four hours late to work.

This guy who really wants to get into my pants came into work today and told me about a welding job where I can become a pre-apprentice that will start Aug. 1st. 1000 a week. But I would work 7 - 12's. That means 12 hours a day, seven days a week. Can I do it? Is this a sign? P.S. He has a TWENTY TWO year old son. He asked me to dinner. Or a movie or whatever I wanted to do. A concert. Dude, I get it. I told him I would think about it. I don't see that happening.

So me and Joni Mitchell are trying to ride this one out.

You've got to keep thinking

You can make it through these waves

Acid, booze, and ass

Needles, guns, and grass

Lots of laughs, lots of laughs.

She starts the song with "songs are like tattoos", I haven't really figured out what she is talking about because a song has never made me bleed and tattoo has never made me cry.