When I was a kid I knew so many troubled adults.  They have a certain look, the troubled.  Their glassy eyed stare begs, "Will this get any better?" I watched, confused.  Wondering what would cause a person to look so desperate.  I wanted to know, but I was terrified.  I always thought the world was an unforgiving place.  It was proven to me time and again by the rubble that was people's lives. I look at myself in the mirror and see that same look, sad and desperate.  My last match burned out.  It's just me and the cave now.    I found myself crying today for no reason.  I heard myself making noises.  I wondered where I went.  This new person has a different voice and she makes noises that I have never heard before.  Gasps for breath.  Life is sitting on my chest and she is a fat bitch.

I wish I could explain to someone how much I hurt.