The day the drinks didn't make me drunk

Sunday, I woke up angry.

At 2 in the afternoon I went to a friend's to hang out and vent.  Took a shot of vodka.  Dripping Springs it was good shit.  Orange juice chaser.  It took the edge right off.

6pm: Went to a friends pool party for his birthday.  Had three margaritas.  Not really even buzzed.  Though, quote of the pool party-
Me to my friend whose first language is not English: This margarita is making me feel all warm inside.
Friend: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
...A second of silence...
Friend: Or does that mean you're horny?
Me: No.  Not that inside.
Both crack up.

11:30pm  Took my mom to a drag show.  It was her mother's day gift. Had two gin and tonics.  It was a lot of fun. Before the show started we saw a man in ultra hipster attire do two back handsprings onto the dance floor to start dancing.  When the show started at 12:30 I was done drinking.  This queen did a number where she came out lip syncing to Mariah Carey's song "Hero".  In case you are like me, and haven't heard the song in almost 2 decades the important lyrics are "Then a hero comes a long with the strength to carry on... blah blah...When you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong. You will finally see the truth that a hero lies in you." This bitch sits down on the stage, pulls a gyro from Jimmy John's out of her bra and proceeds to eat it. Holy shit did I laugh. The dance floor is in the middle of the club and everybody stands around it to watch the show.  I could clearly see the people on the other side of the dance floor. People tip the performers.  So you see everyone holding out their dollar bills, trying to get the lady's attention.  On the last number this guy from the audience on the opposite side of the dance floor was trying to get the performer's attention.  He is waving around like a maniac so my eyes are drawn to him.  As I watch, he pulls his dick out of the bottom of his cut off jean shorts.  Whole head sticking out of them.  Waves the girl over, but she won't even get close.  He yells something and it's a damn shame I can't read lips.  She moved on quickly.  At about 1:30am we are driving home and my mom says they must have the smallest penises in the world to be able to wear a tiny g-string and dance around.  I replied that it was soft and probably stretched in between their legs and then taped.  She says, "Ok, let me think about that....(second of silence)... Ok I don't think I want to think about that right now." I laughed so hard I cried.  It was a good thing we were at a stop light. I would have had to pull the car over.

It was a good day.

Today, however, I was left with a headache that would not quit.  I could not seem to hydrate.  It's almost seven and I am only starting to feel better.