Mid-day I went to Central Market. The yuppies were swarming and the sight of all those happy. fucking. families. with their blond children and the perky mom tits. You could smell the living wage on them. Everyone was clean and well dressed. I thought I was going to vomit. Normal people disgust me. Note to self: Never go back there.
Then to a party where there was more than one couple who was in the early stages of I can't keep my hands off you. Well, fuck you too. Why don't you rub my nose in it. I haven't been touched by the person who makes me feel good in months. Go ahead, touch each other in front of me. Your happiness is like sandpaper on my skin. Please, feel good. I don't mind. Misery is my best friend anyway.
I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
I can do this. I might be the angriest person on the face of the earth. However, I will survive.
I did have a really good time at the party. I talked to a gay boy with a library science degree from UT. The gays, they search each other out. MSIS's too. I swear, now that I'm not in the program they come out of the wood work. It made me feel good about school again. The only person I have talked to that said it sucks. Finally.
On an angry note. Men staring at me was really pissing me off today. I'm about to fucking cut you pissed. In the parking lot of central market the words, "What are you fucking looking at you YUPPY PRICK." Where on my lips. What was I thinking. You should have smiled you stupid bitch. Rich guys, hello. Really, really adorable guy at party quickly looking away every time I glanced in his direction. Yeah, you have a girlfriend, so you know what- Fuck off and die. I'm sorry I'm enraged by the only person I have found remotely attractive in months. Why don't you secretly stare at me when all I want you to do it talk to me. You won't because you have a girlfriend who you are probably really nice to. I know because you clearly are purposefully avoiding even eye contact with me. U-G-H.
This sucks.
The end.
Good night.
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