Resume

I need a job soon. Really, really soon. Only two more weeks here on the other side of the world. So I have come up with a list of my strengths. Let me know if you know of any jobs that I qualify for.

• Can think up stupid shit at the drop of a hat: jokes, usually fruitless ideas, you name it.
• Bossy
• Cranky
• Can find anything you misplace. Feel free to wake me up and ask me where you put your keys, glasses, schedule, etc. Anything that I don't use or keep tabs of, I can find.
• I know the words to a lot of songs.
• High reading comprehension.
• Can make almost anyone feel uncomfortable. Unless said person is a strange man, then I usually end up saying something inappropriate, then they give me a gross turned on look and then I get uncomfortable. Who do you know that can make themselves uncomfortable? Talent. That's what I have.
• Can forget almost anything.
• Let's put cranky on here twice just so you know I wasn't kidding.
• Can get almost anywhere on time.