Saturday, August 19, 2006

I would rather hollow my eye sockets out with a bone folder than give you my money!

So I had a little outburst in Hobby Lobby today. I know, I know who gets mad in Hobby Lobby. Well I do, that is who, so back off! Just Kidding.

Here is the story. First off you should know I found some really cute paper. I really liked it and I was going to make a birthday card for my work friend. I was going to put some buttons and ribbon on the card to. In the scrapbooking crap they have these boxes of ribbon. The ribbon I wanted was on an end cap. The sign on the end cap said .99-3.99. I know how Hobby Lobby works, Ok? This ain't my first craft store. Everything on the end cap is 3.99 or less. The boxes of ribbon have about 5 different ribbons a yard a piece. They are usually 6.99 so I thought score, I will get these. I had my eye on them for a while but couldn't bring myself to spend that much.

Okay, happy as a clam. La, La, La going to the counter. What do you know? There is a long ass line. I don't think I have ever been to Hobby Lobby when they didn't have a long ass line. You could put a monkey with a jar of peanut butter at the register and it would go faster. There would be decidedly more peanut butter on your things, but faster never the less.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. They only have two registers open and on one they are doing a return or something. Hobby Lobby is like the place were computers forgot. They live in the dark ages. They actually write things down. They use those things...what are they called, oh yeah pens to do returns and fill out this form. DARK AGES! Anyways the point is while the girl working the register was filling out the return there was another employee behind her just standing there looking like an idiot. I am still relatively calm at this point though, I think this is taking and extraordinarily long time, but calm. The girl doing the return leaves to finish the return where ever they have to go, probably back in the cave in the back to use sticks and rocks to stamp the receipt number on their stone tablet. The idiot who has been behind her the whole time takes over the register. Instead of being an asshole and pushy I wait in my line looking at her. She sees me there. I have been waiting. Some old lady comes up and gets in her line. And the bitch starts checking her out. How fucking hard would it have been to say, "Ma'am, I am sorry this customer has been waiting, I am going to check her out really quickly, ok?" Done. Nobody would have been pissed off cause she wouldn't have had to wait in line for 20 fucking minutes, just 2 seconds while I get checked out. I couldn't believe it. I said, "You have got to be kidding me." At that point I was pissed. I continued to wait while the border line retard checked the person in front of me out. I held it in. I wanted to throw everything I was holding on the ground and walk out. But I didn't I held it in.

Finally, I am at the counter. I am tired from standing all that time, and thirsty. My throat feels like I just made a journey through the Sahara. My head is sweating and I might faint. I make a dramatic collapse on the table with my hand draped over my forehead.

Okay, well that isn't exactly how it happened.

I get up there and the lady looks at the ribbon. Of course. She says, "I think this is 4.99." I have had it at this point. "It can't be 4.99 cause the sign says .99-3.99" She looks at me like I just spoke to her in a different language. "Well, it looks like just the single ribbon is on sale." I don't say anything about the fact that the fucking ribbon is 6.99 originally if it wasn't on sale it wouldn't be 4.99 you stupid cunt. Though I really wanted to. I held it in. Instead I said, "Do you want to go look at it?" No, she said that she would call someone. She calls someone and asks if the box of ribbon called such and such was on sale. The answer? Take a wild guess, no only the single ribbon is on sale not the boxes. "Then why does the sign say from .99-3.99?" (Furthermore, who the fuck would pay 3.99 for a single yard of 1/4" ribbon ON SALE. Here, I will bend over and lube up so you can put it in my ass a little easier.) I swear to god her answer was cause things are on sale from .99-3.99. I know that, apparently she didn't! I lost it. She asked me if I still wanted them. "No, No I don't. In fact, I don't want any of this! Fuck this place!" I walked out, and sped away in my car, raging mad!

It could have been worse I guess. What I really wanted to do was pelt her in the face with that box of ribbon at point blank range. Then burst out in a fit of laughter.

Just for the record I am one day away from my period so this really isn't out of the ordinary. Sad, I know. When the rage subsided a little bit I got really tired. Being mad really takes it out of you.

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