Numbers 1 - 13: Spend a tiny amount of time around a 27 year old male that is so self absorbed, ignorant, and who thinks his shit doesn't stink in just the exact way you did when you were 16. It reminds me that growing up and getting old is a good thing. I have a hard time with getting older most of the time. Interacting with person who acts like me then, but is the same age I am now is like a slap in the face that says, "Bitch! You are getting better as you age." I am. Clearly, I still think my shit doesn't stink. Somethings never change. Regardless, it's a great way to remember how not to treat people.
Number 14 and 15: Hang out with Kyle. We drove around last night and did stupid shit, and laughed and pissed people off with my driving and then did more laughing. So much laughing. The kind of laughing we used to do when I was 16, before both of us let the pain of life mire our hearts and weigh them down. (I know I shouldn't say things like this. I like going out and being single and getting to make out with random women every time I go out, and not having to answer to anybody. It's really good. It makes me feel free. I feel like saying what I am about to say comes off as using. Fuck. I'm a user. I'm a lot of things. A lot of them not really good, but I am not about to lie about who I am.) I feel like knowing that Kyle loves me no matter what, with all the shitty things I have done to him, with all the utter weirdness, and the history, and the fact that he knows and understands me better than anybody, that I can be myself more when I am away from him. It props me up. It's like I am a duck in an oil spill and a little dish soap is all I needed. Knowing that you can do no wrong makes you feel pretty damn free as well, but in a whole other way.
This life, I'm working on getting better at it. It isn't easy. It is fucking wonderful though.
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