Oh, hell

Maybe this makes me a terrible person, or narcissistic, and shallow, and conceited or whatever, but I make a conscience effort to not be myself at work. I don't think the people I work with deserve to be around my effervescence. Sometimes, it comes out and I make people laugh. Accidents. Mostly, I say very little. I make faces, shrug my shoulders, and make noises of approval or disapproval. If I do make words they are usually, I don't know. Consequently, I can't turn it on it and off very good. So Lauren emerges from the deep only on my days off it feels like. It's not fun. I wish I could not care. I don't like to be myself at work. It isn't appropriate. I feel gross, or like I went naked.

I really hope my luck changes. I need a lot of changes.