I think I have decided that I need to cry and get it over with. I haven't cried in, let's say, a month, or more. Apparently, my body needs to cry more than that. It is like my tear ducts fill up and for no reason at all I'm crying. For instance, today I watched the Independent Spirit Awards. I cried pretty much the whole time. "Why?", you ask. Very good question. I think it started when Robert Ebert sponsored an award. The winner of the award got 25 grand. He was sitting in the audience. The camera panned to him as he tried to produce something that looked similar to a smile. The audience stood, he stood. My god. I cried. And cried. I cried for bodies everywhere, all of them will eventually enter the losing battle with time. It isn't pretty. Then I cried a little for my grey hair. Cause I too am fading away ever so slightly, getting smooth and rounded by time, day in and day out, like a rock in the tides. Most of my sharp edges are gone. Then people would get up and say a litany of thanks to everyone who has ever been in their life. Some of them were so genuine and special. I couldn't help but think how great it would be to get a award from a whole group of people who told you what you were so intensely passionate about, and worked so hard to create is a beautiful thing. I think they should have award shows for mundane things too: televised teachers awards, and best grocery store clerk, best supporting janitor, best female lead in a blue collar job, best male nurse. I bet the acceptance speeches would be twice as powerful.