I am thankful....

that I will go home to a wonderful place.

• where people will actually smile at me.
• where I get to be me.
• where I don't have to try to fit in if that isn't my bag.
• where I get to be who I want to be and no one ostracizes me.
• where I will eat a delicious, greasy cheeseburger.
• where I will sleep in a bed that is wider than I am tall.
• where there is so much space.
• where no one bumps into me.
• where people love me.

If I had one wish ....

I might waste it on being able to pee standing up. Oh, the wonders. What joys! Never having to hover. Never accidentally touching your ass to the seat when you're drunk and wobbly. Never trying to pull your pants down in a stall where the door is too close to the toilet and bumping into things in there. Gross. Peeing in an alley. Toilet paper would be a thing of the past (for the most part). Rapid fire bathroom breaks. I could go on, but I think we all know the benefits here.

Today I found a toilet, that alone is a miracle. You almost have to be in the subway in order to pee. You would think that all restaurants would have a toilet. You would be wrong, as I was. I start peeing and looked around the stall. No toilet paper. Fucksticks. Wait. I was accidentally prepared. In my bag I had Kleenex. I'm a fucking boy scout.

So I found this. Go Girl. I might have to buy one, or 25. You know, just in case. I guess you would have to carry toilet paper too. I don't know if you can pee in an alley and then put your pee cup back in your purse. Kinda gross. I may have to give this more thought.

This time change thing is a bitch

My days don't role over when the U.S. changes dates. Some of my posts look like I posted two times in one day and then skipped a day. That is totally untrue.

I'm bored. But I can bring myself to do anything. I just want to go back to sleep. Then I sleep the day away and it will be too late to start my day.

Oh, well.

Mosquitos

You should see them here. They are huge! Meanwhile, I haven't been bit by a single one. MP is another story. He gets bit. They leave huge, red welts that stick around for sometimes over a week. He says they itch too. The funny thing is that Texas mosquitos love me and not him.

Alcohol + Boys= Nasty Morning

Every time I drink with boys it gets out of hand. Apparently, I'm a weakling when it comes to peer pressure. Wait, did I mention there was an Irish boy involved? That makes the drinking happen that much harder. The rest of us were loaded and he was barely buzzed.

Weird things about Korea (the kind of things you only find out when you're drunk)-

• Korea doesn't contain strip clubs, only massage parlors.
• You can buy your beer in a tall boy form in the corner store and walk around with it in the street. The whole country is like Vegas.
• Be leery of people, just because they are white and could speak English don't just ask anybody about where the strip clubs are. If you do, MP can get you out of any awkward social situation by lying to the creepy guy who now wants to follow you.
• When bitchy Korean waitresses are telling you they don't have any Korean beer at the bar and then say that four people can't order two beers and two waters all you need to do is get bitchy right back and threaten to leave. She changes her tune.
• In the morning when a hangover is in full swing it is fortuitous that the subway stations and trains are relatively empty for when you have to puke in the corner of the station or on the stairs or in the train. Only one guy had to move his feet to avoid my vomit. It just didn't stop fast enough. What's a girl to do?
• Tequila and cheap beer don't mix in any country.

Funny story: I was forced, forced I tell you, to ask two separate woman if they knew if there were any strip clubs. The first one didn't (obviously) the second one had a better idea, but she didn't know either (obviously). I tried to tell boys that women don't know where strip clubs are, but fine. There was some discussion about how the first girl I asked was attractive. So I say to our friend, "Is there anything else you want me to do? You want me to ask her if she'll fuck you too?" And then MP spit his beer out in the middle of the sidewalk. Much laughter ensued.

Then I woke up in the morning to a wicked hangover and worse cramps in an apartment that wasn't ours. Period, cramps, not being prepared, hangover, rain, subway, vomiting, makes your head kind of spin thinking about how terrible it is, doesn't it. Oh, my head was spinning all right.

P.S. Still feeling like shit at 4:45 pm.

My diagnoses-

Terminally lazy. If that were real I could get disability.

We can't decide what we are going to do today. We just woke up in Saturday.

Last night we laid in bed and watched movies all night. I like movies.

When I'm feeling particularly lazy I don't even eat. If I don't have anything I can just heat up, food is out. Don't you see. I need disability. It is hazardous to my health. Kinda.

I think I know what will fix this situation (by situation I mean still being in bed and hungry and thirsty). Tea. A little caffeine, a little sugar, I'll be on my way.

Bau House

I miss dogs. I miss Grubb so much. I miss everybody else, sure. It just isn't the same. I have never been away from Grubb this long. Plus, I can't talk to him on the phone. I don't get updates from Facebook. No pictures. Though, I'm trying remedy that last part. When I get back to Austin I'm going to sleep on Kyle's floor or couch or whatever space I can occupy with all three bulldogs piled on top of me. I really miss Sluggs too.

I have had a dog all my life, at least as long as I can remember. Everyone I know has dogs. I was never away from a dog for longer than 8 hours. I never really thought about it, but not taking a dog outside all the time is weird. I am thankful that I was dog-less when I was sick, though. That would have been extra terrible. The apartment is so quite, and no one is excited to see me when I get home. I'm not sure I ever want to be without a dog again.

We found a bar/cafe that caters to dogs. It is really awesome. We have been twice and there has been a bulldog there both times. So I get my fix. There is a 140 pound Malamute looking dog. It is huge. Huge. The dogs are going ape shit. They are walking on the tables, fighting, barking. It's fun. I wish I could just loan a bulldog during the day.

Paris Baguette

A little bit of Paris in Korea. They have French bakeries on every corner. I don't know if I could stay here if they didn't. Most of the food is pretty good. Some of it looks weird. Some of it seems like it should be refrigerated, like the egg sandwich. They have a brunch that is better than rice for breakfast.

Fancy cake with tomatoes on top

(I can't tell if this is real or fake food.) French toast and salad

Eggs benedict

Set means "combo meal"

Bread

Pita Sandwich?

Egg Sandwich not refrigerated

Baguette Pizza with tomatoes, eggplant, zucchini

Last little bit of an egg tart and tea by the computer

Strawberry tart with pistachios on top and a croissant type crust

PMS in another country

Pretty much the same as the first country. Only, when I'm feeling particularly irritable I have to go out in the street to get, I don't know anything, and there are people swarming everywhere. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, really crowded places and people in your way. When you try to walk around them, they move over and you can't pass. It drives me crazy. Everywhere you go is one big cluster fuck.

I'm kind of at a loss for something to blog about today. I swear I had something last night. The day hadn't changed yet so I couldn't write about it. I should have wrote it and saved it.

I'm currently on a hunt for yarn that I like. I'm going to try to make a hat, and a cowl.

Did I mention it is fucking cold here? Good god. The weird thing is we don't have to use the heater. It is really warm and humid in the apartment no matter what. It is not humid outside anymore. It got really dry. I hate cold. I hate dry. We'll see if I can hang.

I'll try to start writing things down so I have a semblance of a point.

Culture Shock- Chapter 2

Just one more little tid-bit of craziness.

Whenever we go to a restaurant they never give us all the food we order. It is almost guaranteed that they will forget something. Then it takes an act of god to get the thing that we ordered because we don't have a menu in front of us to point at. I'm not sure if they are being shitty or forgetful. Either way, it is getting kind of old.

All the toothpaste tastes like cough drops. Not the good kind either. We have two different flavors right now. One tastes exactly like Vicks VapoRub. The other one tastes like the yellow Vicks cough drops. I hate that flavor.

We went to an aquarium in a mall. I'll be posting pictures later. I have been posting a lot of pictures to flickr lately so comb through them and check it out.

Culture Shock

So I haven't really expressed just how strange things are here. Besides the fact that people body check you on a daily basis anytime you leave the house (without saying excuse me), they also spit. Not just any spit either. I'm talking giant hacking noises. The women too. When I'm in the apartment with the window open I can hear hacking from the street. We are on the 5th floor. Gross. We saw one guy in the subway spit on the escalator. I mean, spitting inside?! Does it get any grosser? A lot of the people on the streets wear masks, and there are hand washing signs everywhere. Well, people wear masks because nobody covers their mouth when they sneeze or cough. No kidding. I haven't seen a person do it yet and I'm working on a month here. I see people leave the subway bathrooms all the time without washing their hands. No wonder why they need all the signs. A reminder. I always wonder why people just wet their hands without using soap, as if they actually did something. I see a lot of that too. I'm a little freaked out by there lack of concern for transferring bodily fluids. I'm trying to be as culturally sensitive as I can, but I don't want somebody else's snot on me.

Halloween

No great stories to tell about Halloween.

It rained, which meant nothing much was going on. The place where we went wasn't very crowded. So we walked around a little. There were very few costumes. Though, on the way to that part of town an old woman sat down next to me on the subway and when we left that whole side of my leg was wet. I guess she was wet from the rain. I'm not quite sure, but my jeans were really wet. I don't remember her touching me either, which makes it even weirder. I probably could have lived my entire life without somebody getting me wet on public transportation.

Jump start

Okay. I'm attempting to blog everyday in November. I'll probably forget tomorrow. Do just pictures count? My days are different so that could get confusing. How about short staccato sentences that are totally non-sequitur? There may be a lot of that. I always forget what goes on during the day so you might hear about some pretty stupid, piddly shit. Brace yourself.

Today is Halloween. Hopefully, I can regale you with some crazy Korean shit tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

this happened on my flickr

Posted by this guy.

Weird.

Korean Story #1

We went to the zoo. Which was zoo-y. It was all going as planned. When we were just about ready to go, we started walking back. We strolled past a row of food booths. When we were about 30 feet away we heard a loud, LOUD BOOM, and then a huge, HUGE 7 foot fire ball. The girl working the booth was engulfed in flames. She ran away, thankfully she wasn't on fire. I was sure she was going to come running out flailing and on fire. Magically, she wasn't hurt. The whole thing lasted about 30 seconds and it was out. I wish more than anything that I had accidentally got a picture of it. She went back to the booth and took her hair down and was running her hands through it to check for singed ends. She is lucky she had her eyebrows. She will probably smell like burnt hair for three years. It was incredible.

I'm in Korea

No shit. I can't believe it either. I have been here since Wednesday night. Let me give you the brief run down of what happened.

Wednesday Night:

• Flight- ugh, Sea Bands are miracles. All hail, sea bands.
• Almost a two hour bus ride from the airport to the apartment.
• Shower.
• Sleep.

Thursday:

• Michael-Paul took the day off of work to help me recover. Because he is just that sweet.
• Walked around the block a little ways.
• Took nap
• Walked around a little more at night.
• Went to bed.
• Jet lag is some kinda bitch.

Friday:

• Wake up at 6.
• Shower.
• Oh, god. Vomit.
• Continue living in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
• Take occasional tv and bed breaks.
• Pray for death.
• More bathroom visits.
• Me and the bathroom became very close.
• Sleep

Saturday:

• Spend some more time in the bathroom, but not quite as much as the day before.
• Incredibly exhausted from not eating for going on two days by then.
• Going in and out of consciousness.
• MP is cooking and watching a movie on the computer, which is by me and he is in the kitchen banging around and still I'm sound asleep.
• Tired of feeling like utter shit.

Sunday:

• Was able to eat a small amount.
• Was able to laugh again.
• Was able to talk again.
• Was able to stay awake longer than 20 minutes at a time.
• Walking was out of the question, but baby steps.

Today:

• Taking a shower is exhausting.
• My stomach is still making noises like, perhaps there could be an alien life force living in me. Whenever it does burst out of me, I'm naming it 'Cupcakes O'Brian'.
• Missing Grubb terribly. But that is to be expected.
• Finally brushed my hair after four days.
• Still can't be far from the bathroom for fear of emergencies. (Grim face)

Hopefully this is the last of the sickness. Hopefully, I can actually leave the house soon and walk around and actually look at things, maybe even take pictures. I will walk again. I'm sure of it. The fun will commence shortly. I will deliver grade A, exciting stories very soon. Don't worry you pretty little heads friends.

P.S. I really wish my stomach would stop making those noises.

Moving

What a bitch. I moved my bed into storage. That means that I sleep on the couch. That means that Grubb can't quite grasp what the hell we are doing on the couch. He gets down, then he gets up, then he digs around on my legs, then he sleeps, and then the whole starts again. I should be completely moved out by tonight. I am going to get some pretty shitty sleep for the next couple of days.

Things on my agenda before Oct. 6th:

1. Quit thinking about sex. It is so unproductive.

2. Not to get sick.

3. Have a whole shit load of fun this weekend at ACL.

4. DO NOT get sunburned at ACL because that will make the 18 hours to get to Korea HELL.

5. Try not to drink too much.

6. Stay hydrated because I don't want to get an embolism from 18 hours of sitting.

7. Drop my car off at my dad's.

8. Drop Grubb off at Kyle's.

I haven't been very good about posting

No worries. I'm sure when I'm in Korea I will have all kinds of stuff to post. Wait. Have I mentioned I'm going to Korea? I have really been slacking. I leave Oct. 6th.

But tomorrow... I leave for a weekend in California. I have never been to California. I thought about it the other day and I have only been to three places in the US by plane: Dallas, Houston, and Vegas.

I'll be adding San Jose to the list shortly. Our flight leaves at 6 in the morning. We get to San Jose at 10 and then we drive to Monterey Bay. Apparently, the drive boasts sea otters and giant redwoods. Saturday we are going on a behind the scenes tour of the Monterey Bay Aquarium and in the evening a sunset sail with wine and light snacks. We are also going to the Monterey Bay Museum, I have no idea what they have there.

This Holiday season I will be going to New Zealand. Auckland. Damn I'm excited. I got a bad case of the wanderlust.

I'm excited

about leaving. I'm going to miss most everybody in Austin, but I really want to get away. Far, far away, and I'm going to.

The end.

Newsflash

Lauren is lonely.

The end.

Quick edit: Especially when drinking.

What the fuck?

I'm pretty sure my life is somebody's cruel joke. That is fine. I've laughed it off for a long time. Thankfully, they build me up just enough to knock me down about 20 pegs, this person that gets a laugh, but it is getting kind of old.

I can't sleep. I can't eat without feeling sick. All I can seem to do is drink. I guess these things are genetic.

The funny thing too, crying doesn't help. God damn. Wouldn't it be great if it did. Think of all the things I could have fixed tonight. I'm talking world peace and shit. Okay. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the drift.

Something I find curious...

A few days ago I went to the post office on 6th. As I walked in a man in some khakis and a button up white shirt and white hair walked in to the building right ahead of me. He didn't turn to check if anyone was coming in after him. He just let the door slam in my face. I thought to myself "He must not be from Austin." I dropped a letter off. Checked to see if I could buy stamps without standing in line. I couldn't so I left. I was in the building not 3 minutes and another white haired man in the exact same get-up did the exact same thing. Just waltzed through the door like he was the only person in the whole fucking universe. Who are these men that don't hold the door open when someone else is coming? Did they not have mothers to teach them proper door etiquette?

Jump to a few days later at Biker Bingo. There is not a person in there who doesn't have tons of tattoos. I'm usually the least tattooed. There isn't a person in there who doesn't look really mean. It is probably a safe bet to put your money on a lot of them are carrying some kind of weapon. You know, they have the biker thing going on. Well, let me tell you. They god damn hold the door for people. The say excuse me when they slightly touch you, they say thank you and please. They are all around decent human beings. They say Hi to you even though they don't know your name, but they have seen you a few times. Sometimes you even get a smile.

So, who is supposed to be the deviant in this scenario?

There is no way that just happened.

I got shit on by squirrel. AGAIN.

I'm marked by the turd.

They must know me. They have a running joke. Shit on the girl with tattoos.

I was walking Grubb this morning and I felt something glance off my shoulder from the trees. I thought to myself, That felt eerily similar to... Then I looked up. Not a wise move in retrospect. But there it was a god damned squirrel. It shit a couple more times after that. At least, I think it was the same squirrel. Or they had a platoon out that was full of snipers aiming for my tired, feeble body. At a time when I'm least protected too. What if that turd had gone down my shirt? I had been sleeping in a wife beater and I put on shorts in a hurry because Grubb scratched on the door. That usually means: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, at 7:30. But it wasn't. Maybe Grubb is in on it too. Scratch that, don't tell him I said that. I actually think they were trying to hit Grubb on that last assault. It did a piss poor job. Why can't the one with shitty (HA!) aim try to shit on me?

Someday soon...

I'm going to post regularly in the old blog again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but watch out world.

MP decided that I need an advise blog. You know everyday run of the mill stuff. The problem is I don't know how to get stains out. The only solution to a stain I can think of is buy a new one.

Yeah, I wear pink to biker bingo.

What? I also cry at movies. I'm comfortable with my masculinity. Are you?

Updates...

My gentleman caller has left for Korea. Or will tomorrow at 8pm. So now I will have a lot more time on my hands. I believe I will knit a scarf for when I go to Korea. Apparently, they have terribly cold winters because winds blow from Siberia. I have to admit I'm a little sad. Not in a throw myself on the bed and cry like a baby kinda sad, more like a the store was out of the candy that you were craving kinda sad. Life goes on. I really hope that all the stars aline and I really do go to Korea. Not that that many stars have to aline. I just have this feeling that something could go wrong. I'm just airing out every little thought in my head. Never mind me.

Note to self:

When your bored, always post your boring status on the Facebook. This makes people invite you into their plans. I got invited to go to Barton Springs Pool and "Adult Night" at the water park in Belton, both of which I had a lot of fun. "Adult Night" doesn't mean some weird swingers thing for the record. They only allowed adults. You had to show your i.d. to get in. It was really fun going down water slides with a beer in hand. Smoking. Drinking. Water Slides. Yes. Yes. Yes. Did I mention it was at night? All that and without the sun!

Though I have a few bruises: one on the bottom of my foot (what a bitch), one on my side, my feet were really raw at the end of the night from walking on the rough concrete, and my finger rubbed on the slide and it hurt for most of the night.

But it was really fun.

Well, already blew nablopomo. I forgot that yesterday was the first. Suck.

I'm back

I feel so much better. I think I just needed a week of sleep.

Last night I had an angry dream. Usually, if I dream about yelling at people it means I'm stressed out. I imagine it means the same thing this time too.

I watched Public Enemies and a couple of episodes of Pushing Daisies. Both of which I could have cried about, but I didn't. Good sign. A little bit closer to normal.

I know in real life I seam like a tough kid, but I have my moments of being a mushy girl. I secretly like how it surprises guys (on more than one occasion).

Survey says: Lauren should see a shrink.

Survey also says: Lauren won't because she is too lazy and this will pass and she will forget about it.

I'm hungry and need some caffeine.

I'm thinking about doing namblopomo cause Corley told me the theme was "tomorrow" and maybe it will be therapeutic.

Hey kids,

Did mommy ever tell you about the time she was really depressed and hated life and didn't have a job? Well, I was in my mid twenties thinking about how much life sucked and not doing much to change my situation. . .

So the beginning of that little ditty doesn't sound very good. Do you think that is why I have never heard any stories from adults about how much it sucks to be in your twenties and thinking that you should be an adult by now, but you just can't manage to get your shit together?

I can't seem to get un-depressed. I mean I have made significant leaps in the amount I'm crying. The sleeping and feeling like shit is taking a little longer to shake.

Saturday I was in San Antonio with a boy. The plan was: he wakes up goes to work from 9-1. I was going to sleep a little bit later and then wake up and go back home, and he was going to meet me in Austin after work. Well, he came home after work to me still sleeping. Good thing he didn't just go straight to Austin as was planned. Nice work, Lauren.

I think I will be okay soon. I can kind of feel it taking a corner. Hopefully something breaks and the pressure will release. I can't make myself do anything right now.

for those of you who know me. . .

You may want to download skype. You may not. I don't know. But it might be a good idea.

I thought of something to write about today

I didn't get right on it and now it is long gone. I can't get my shit together right now. I feel a little like I'm falling apart at the seams. I guess that is what happens when you wear out your sanity. I'm not quite as young and bouncy as I once was. It seems that when I fall I kinda flatten out a little now.

Oh, well. I'll think of it later.

So here is the thing

I can't bring myself to go back to my job. I can't go to school if I continue to work there because the schedules conflict. I can't only work there because I won't last a week. I would have to kill myself. After much crying last night (with boys I would rather not cry in front of), I have decided I have to quit. I just can't do it. Last week I went home because I couldn't stop crying and I thought I was just having pms. Well, I was. But that wasn't the only problem. So what do I do now? I have applied for a few things. I have a friend looking into a waitress job at a strip club for me. I don't know about that. But frankly, at this point, sucking dick for spare change in the park sounds preferable to going back to taking calls all day. The funny thing is is that it would probably take more brain power to suck dick than I use at my job right now. Seriously. It is that mindless. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I guess I'll find something. I keep waiting for the clouds to part. They aren't. I don't know what the deal is.

My other option is running away. Being a house cat in another country.

I also realized today that I am disgusted with myself. I haven't done anything creative in months. I can't follow through with anything. I've hardly taken a picture in months. I gotta keep moving. Everything about me is atrophying.

I can't keep complaining. So, see ya soon.

This sounds terrible, I know

But when I grow up I want to be someone's trophy wife.  Yeah.  I said it.  I want to spend my days getting my hair done, working out, doing my nails, reading, and buying clothes and shoes.  On someone else's dime of course.  I'm good conversation for the most part.  I could even do a little research about whatever it is that the people like that you are parading me in front of.  So if you know anyone who is lacking in a trophy wife- I'm interested.  I would like someone who is attractive, rich, and in shape.  Smart isn't that important, but it's a big plus.  I clean up real nice.  

The thing about having a job is you have to go

Yuck.  I hate called centers.  The good thing is that I have plenty of money.  Getting paid every week is pretty good.  I'm not sure it makes up for it.  If you haven't worked in a call center let me let you in on a secret: it is like high school.  Everybody is up in everyone else's business. Supervisors knit pick you to death.  You have to say specific words on calls or you get points deducted from your quality score.  Blah, blah, blah.   I can't even leave my desk to take a piss if I have to.  Long story short- gross.  

Long time no see

So I haven't been participating in blogging much lately.  Sorry kids.  Life has taken me away from the computer.  Between having a full time job and sex life the computer is the last thing on my mind.  Obviously. I have been living it up this summer though.  Corley and I had a wild birthday party.  Unfortunately I am now 26.  That's okay because I had a puking good time at the party.   

The job I have is a total buzz kill, so I have to find something else.  A steady paycheck is nice I haven't had that in years and years.  But I'm not sure it is worth it.  I'm just barely hanging on.  I can't take much more of this going to bed at midnight or later and waking up at 5 in the morning to get ready for work.   It makes Lauren an angry girl.  I was doing so good lately too.  I feel that old anger creeping back in.  Once anger gets its nails in good it's hard to let go of it.  Not looking forward to that. 

I really have nothing else to say.  Just stopping in.  Keep in touch.  

Your birthday calendar

My mom sent me this.  You enter your birthday and it tells you all kinds of facts about the day you were born.  

This is my favorite fact 

"Your birth tree is

Birch, the Inspiration

Vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious,modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere."

It's a little like Folsom Prison around here...

I live about 20 feet from the train tracks.  Sometimes the sound stops me.  It is immediate and I close my eyes.  Sometimes is shakes the house.  I let that lonesome whistle blow my blues away. Sometimes the trains are riding by really slowly like they are looking for someone, or something, or got lost along the way.  It happens to the best of us, I guess.  

Boy, oh, boy

I love boys.  I think I should keep them around for a while.  They do wonders for my self esteem.  They are pretty funny.  And they help you break into cars when you lock your keys in them.  So that makes them handy, funny, and reassuring.  They are pretty cute too.  Especially when they have green eyes.  Sigh.  

Life is a funny thing

Lets do bullets.  

• I don't live with my mom anymore.  Thank god.  I'm not sure if I could go on living if that were the case.  
  
• When I drink alcohol there is no filter on my mouth.  WHAT-SO-EVER! I can foresee that getting me into trouble.  
• It is fun when boys are interested in you.  Really fun.  Even when you know good and well you aren't going to have sex with any of them.  
• I had a job interview at a call center today.  It went good.  I never really have a problem with interviews.  I was glad it was with a man.  Looks promising.
• I may also get a job as a barback at a bar I like to get extra cash at least over the summer. 
• I need to party a little less and ride my bike a little more.  I could stand some cleaning and being productive too.  
• Lordy, I had fun yesterday though.  I was totally blitzed at 7.  Maybe earlier.  I was hung over when I got home at 2:30 in the a.m.  
• I think I may be playing a game of how many people I can get to hit on me in one night or how many people will ask to sleep with me in one night.  I had two going for quite a while last night and they were staying in the same house.  That would have been weird if I would have actually slept with one.  So I didn't.  Getting sober does wonders for your judgement. Thank god.  

Things I'm excited about:

• seeing my plants everyday
• having alone time
• being alone in the house
• being alone 
• being alone
• getting to sleep in my own bed again
• getting to sleep in my own bed again- alone
• not having to let anyone know when I will be home
• getting drunk at Corley's house and walking home
• riding my bike in Hyde Park 
• living in Austin- really Austin not fake Austin 
• rebuilding my book collection 
• doing some fun things this summer 
• a big fat double birthday party
• reading tons
• watching tons of movies
• not being in class this summer 

You say "skinny bitch" like it's a bad thing.  

I just have to keep telling myself that

I only have a few days left of school.  I only have a few days left of school.  It will be over before I know it.  I don't want to think about anything related to school for at least three months.  I'm gonna do it too.  Four short days to summer.  Then I'm free.  For a while anyway.  

Dear Friends,

Sleeping is so bogus.  What the hell is going on?  I went to bed at midnight only to wake up at 3 in the morning.  Still up at 5:30.  My alarm is set for 7.  I better squeeze in a nap before I wake up.  

I need a job.  But I really, really don't want a job.  I don't want to work in a call center.  I hate, HATE sitting down all day long.  It makes me so fat and lethargic.  I always feel disgusting.  

When I think of working the dread is overwhelming.  Whatever will I do?  

Oh, yeah did I mention this?

The fortune teller told me I felt like I was moving backwards in my life.  Shit, if that wasn't on the money I don't know what is.  

Let's make a list shall we:

• living with my mom
• no job
• going to school
• talking on the phone until all hours of the night
• doing stupid shit that I shouldn't 

It feels just like high school. It feels like I'm 16.  I have been out of high school for a significant amount of time.  I haven't been sixteen in 10 years.  Maybe relationships stunt your growth. I've gotten stuck in reverse somehow.  Oh, well.  

Crap on a Taco

I feel a little like I'm fighting a losing battle here.  Trying to keep things together is difficult.  School blows.  But I only have two more weeks, including this one.  

My Forturne (in a nut shell):

I have a long life in front of me.  My lucky days haven't passed.  I have been heartbroken twice and I don't have the kind of relationship with either of those people that I would like to have.  I was near death once.  School is what I'm supposed to be doing.  I don't talk about my feelings.  I keep family secrets.  I'm seeing now what I did wrong in the past and starting to understand my past.  So on and so forth. 

"Are you brave enough?  Let's get out of town."

I feel like I'm in a boat with a hole in it and all I can do is scoop water out with my hands. In other words- I'm sinking rapidly.  Please, excuse me for being debbie downer for a minute.  I'm over it now.  On the bright side: school is almost over and I won't be living with my mom for very much longer.  I'm not sure I can take it much longer.  My mind is on the blink.  

I'm thinking of running away.  All I need is a suitcase and a bottle and I might actually do it.  

Only Ladies and Gentlemen Please

Life is so weird.  

I can't get any work done.  

I'm living at my mom's house, staying in my old room and staying up to all hours talking on the phone.  No, really TALKING ON THE PHONE.  My life is going in the opposite direction than I thought it would be.  Oh, well.  I'm having fun.  

In the words of The Hollies, "The road is long, with many a winding turn, that leads us who knows where- who knows where". 

Life is weird

I had wicked, wicked cramps in my calves this morning. That can't be good.  Does that mean I have a vitamin deficiency?  

Staying up all night isn't as easy as it used to be.  Being self destructive is still pretty easy though. Thank god that hasn't changed.  

It seems I'm up to my eyeballs in penis these days.  I'm not sure that is really what I'm looking for.  People come out of the woodwork when I'm single.  Maybe I just pay attention more and see that people are hitting on me all the time, I just don't notice.  Men are crazy.  Women are crazy. Everybody is crazy.  I'm just trying to bob and weave through the crazy shit storm going on in my life right now.  I have to say it's pretty fun.  

My Weekend

I spent a fabulous three days with great company.  I'm incredibly grateful for my friends. I had a wonderful time.  Yesterday, I went to bed at 8pm.  I woke up today at 8am.  Yeah.  Turns out when you can't sleep if you just go long enough without sleeping eventually it will catch up with you.  

However,  when I was riding my bike this morning all I could think was, "Why in god's name did you smoke all those cigarettes?"  BUT I did ride my bike. That's the important thing.  I should really stop smoking.  And doing other bad things to my lungs.  

Oh, well.  

Life is so fucking beautiful sometimes

I had a floating plastic bag moment today.  

I got out of class early and went and laid on a grassy hill near the Blanton museum.  I had my laptop so I was listening to Neko Case and watching the stormy clouds roll by.  The next thing I know this little toe headed, curly haired 5 year old-ish little girl in a bright pink sun dress comes rolling down the hill.  I watched her for a while running, rolling and falling down the hill.  She even rolled into me once.  I was laughing and smiling at her and then decided to roll down the hill too.  It was fun.  I was dizzy and I laughed a lot.  Best day at school ever.  

"I'm a maneater

but your surprised when I eat you."  

Love, love, love Middle Cyclone. Neko Case album. I'm glad I was lit up like a Christmas tree the first time I heard it.  Thanks Corley.  

"I love your long shadows and your gun powder eyes."  

I sold almost all of my books yesterday

I'm about 300 pounds lighter and 200 dollars richer.  

I had to sit in Half Priced Books for about 2 hours while they prepared the estimate.  I walked by a shelf and Rilke caught my eye.  I opened it up and found this. 

[I live my life in widening rings]

I live my life in widening rings

which spread over earth and sky.

I may not ever complete the last one,

but that is what I will try.

I circle around God's primordial tower,

and I circle ten thousand years long;

And I still don't know if I'm a falcon,

a storm, or an unfinished song. 

Then I sat next to a man talking on the phone.  I heard him tell a story about seeing a man hit a kid with his car.  They watched as he got out and picked the kid up,  take the kid to the curb lay him down, and then get back in his car and leave.  They got his driver's license and he was caught.  My god.  There is some fucked up shit in the world.  He didn't say what happened to the kid.  The person on the other end of the phone (a woman, I could hear her voice sometimes) has an ELEVEN year old daughter who is sexually active.  fuck.  

I can't tell what's real anymore.  

Men

Sometimes there is nothing like a man.  A real man.  

I'm contemplating selling the mannequin

I don't know how much I should get for it.  This one is $390 and mine is WAY cooler.  

I realize that I'm weird

But I really want this.

They get you coming and going

I got asked for money today, walking to and from class.  The first was a black man who rode up to me on a bicycle.  

Him: Are you from here?

Me: Yeah

Him: Finally, somebody who isn't scared of me. I'm from Baltimore, and I need money to get my work clothes so me and my son can eat. I'm telling the truth...blah,blah, blah.

Me: Sorry, man, I don't have any cash on me... Have a good day.

Him: I doubt it.

Me: Good luck.

Him: [he has turned away at this point] I don't believe you. [real mean like]

Me: [I shrug and think, "That makes two of us"]

He didn't even take his sunglasses off. How could I believe a person telling me his sob story without seeing his eyes?  

The second looked like he was in his twenties, he was fairly clean, and looked like he had eaten that day and he asked me for some change.  He asked while he stood behind me.  I didn't know he was talking to me at first and I had to ask him what he said.  It was weird.  

  

I'm shedding

I weighed at my mom's house yesterday.  Last month I weighed 126 pounds.  This month?  119.  SEVEN POUNDS in an easy FOUR weeks!  I'm not even on a depression/eat nothing diet!  I haven't even cut out fast food!  I know!  I'm as surprised as you are.  

I had my fortune told to me today

My mom and I went and had our palms read.  I thought it was bullshit.  I still think it is bullshit.  A little.  I was in there and I had my hand on the table and the table vibrated the whole time.  I thought she was doing something.  I went first so  I thought for sure that when I asked my mom if the woman shook the table for her she would say yeah.  She didn't.  I'm not supposed to tell what she told me for 14 days.  I can't remember why.  Doesn't matter.  What matters is that she had my number.  Big time.  She told me some shit that kinda hurt too.  Mostly cause I thought, "Geez I fucking wear that on my sleeve don't I?"   Come 14 days I'll post about what she said.  I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget.  

Dogs

Today after class I came home and dozed on the couch.  I was curled up on my side and Grubb, the little shit, gets on the couch, almost rests his head on my leg, and spews.  He projectile vomited about 6", somehow it mostly missed me and it was mostly hot water.  It was like a hot load came out of his mouth.  It was so gross, but funny too.  

I've never been one for making good decisions, but damn.

It feels like I'm dreaming or underwater.  I feel like I'm going to fuck up and I'll get to watch it in slow motion.  

Uh, did I mention how fucking skinny I'm going to be?

Let me tell you, REAL fucking skinny. I decided I can't control what goes into my mouth. So I started exercising. What a great idea that was. I also stopped drinking sweet tea. I miss it, but I think I'll live. Maybe this is a step to no tea. I have a bad caffine addiction so I can't just quit cold turkey. I also cut the bacon from my morning breakfast taco. Yeah, I'm going to be SO skinny.

This is my goal weight: 
Just kidding.  A little.  But look how cute I was before all the body mod.  5-6-99 I was 15 and about to be out for the summer.  I probably weighed 100 pounds.  I don't think that is going to happen. 

Oh, this wind!

God bless, it is windy! You could have made a whole other tree from the what blew in my eyes while I was riding my bike.

I got shit on by a squirrel yesterday. It hurt. It was like being pegged with a piece of gravel.

I finally did it

I bought a Polaroid instant camera off of eBay. Now I need to apply for a loan to buy the fucking film. $45 for 30 pictures! Sheesh.

Do you think the impetus behind instant film was dirty pictures? I foresee a fun project.

The things I find romantic

Nothing Can Change This Love - Sam Cooke "if you wanted to leave me and roam, when you got back I'd just say welcome home"

Cry Baby- Garnet Mimms "he told you that he loved you much more than I, but he left you and you don't know why. And when you don't know what to do you come running back to me and cry, cry baby. Cry baby welcome back home."

If You Need Me- Solomon Burke "call me and I'll hurry home, right were I belong"

He Will Break Your Heart- Jerry Butler "When he take his bow and makes his exit girl, I'll be there to take you home. He don't love you like I love you."

I'll Come Running Back to You- Sam Cooke "folks say that you found someone new to do the things I used to do for you. Just call my name. I'm not ashamed. I'll come running back to you."

Part Time Love- Little Johnny Taylor "she came home this morning. I asked her where had she been. She said, 'Don't ask me no questions daddy, 'cause I'll be leaving again'"

I love all these songs, but I wonder if there are actually men out there who are like this. Other people must think this kind of thing is romantic otherwise there wouldn't be so many songs that are so similar.

things are gonna change so fast

My goal in life is to tell a good story. I don't have to be able to write it. I like the oral tradition much better. At my grandfather's funeral/wake all of his friends got up and told stories about him, but they also told his stories. I love that. Everyone laughed, they cried, but they laughed too.

I want people to say she gave good story, and laugh about me.

My dad has a lot of good stories about his childhood. When I was a kid I used to ask him to tell me the stories over and over. I thought they were funny and interesting and they had the tone of a science fiction novel. It was like he lived in another world. A place were no one was scared of their kids being kidnapped, or really no fear of anything bad happening at all. He and his cousins ran wild. I always thought I misses out on that kid experience.

I've been trying to make up for it ever since.

Friends,

Sit down you have to watch this trailer! 

Is that not the coolest, most excellent, amazing, wonderful thing you have ever spent 2 minutes on!?

I can't wait until October!

Low Down and Dirty

Correction: Last night I wrote that I didn't care about cheating. That statement is misleading.  I do care about cheating.  Very much so.  But I want to read about afternoon trysts, and midnight rendezvous in the random places, dirty hotel rooms, cars.  That is interesting and worth reading, otherwise no.  Feel free to contribute a dirty story if you have one.  

I accidentally bought two pairs of shoes today.  Last year I looked for a yellow pair of flats for months.  Today I walk into DSW and it is the first pair of shoes I come across.  I had to get them.  My other goal was a grey pair of heels.  Bingo.  It was a successful shoe experience and I haven't bought any high heels in a while.  

I rode my bike for a long time today.  It was great.  The problem is I feel really anxious and jumpy the rest of the day.  Too much energy.  

Also, I think I am going to give up bras for lent.  Sure it's a month late and I'm not Catholic, but whatever.  Bras suck.  While I'm at it, I'm also giving up homework and being lethargic.  

come back to me again, and play your sad guitar

I feel up for some bullets.  Shall we? 

• "Phenom" is possibly the coolest word on Earth. I'm thinking first born son material. Phenom Pistol?  PP?  That would be bad.  Maybe a girls name.  
  
• How could you possibly get through graduate school if you don't speak English that well.  It is hard enough when you have a really good grasp of English.  I can't even imagine.  
• I'm feeling really restless.  I need to make something.  
• I want some more succulents.  
• I went to Texas Thrift on Wednesday.  I bought two pairs of pants and a ton of shirts and spent less than $20.  It was fun. 
• Jennifer Beals doesn't age. She must be a robot. 
• Yahoo! constantly has some kind of relationship advice about cheating.  It is getting a little weird.  Are people really that worried about cheating?  Does anybody care about warning signs of this or that?  It's tiresome.  
• I'm hungry.  
• I believe I'll do something about that.  

When I grow up I want to be a heretic.

Sometimes I get in a joke in class and make the whole room laugh. I wish I could do that for a living.

If I won the lottery

Corley has been posting about winning money so I have been thinking about it. Here's what I would do if I won millions.

After the intense screaming is over and the jumping around I would put about 6 pair of underwear in a purse with chapstick and a couple of books. I would also bring an empty suitcase.

Then I would go to the airport and fly 1st class to somewhere tropical, Central America lets say. I don't care where, the soonest flight. I would hang out there for 2 weeks and relax.

Then I would fly to Italy and I would buy every pair of shoes that I liked. I would own three pair of grey and yellow Balenciaga high heels. Two Yves St. Laurent grey sling back heels. 35 pairs of Dolce and Gabana black high heels, just to make up for the time I was in Milan and didn't buy the single cutest pair of $350 shoes I have ever seen.

I would take a little detour to Croatia before I left Europe.

Then I would fly to New York. Go to some museums. Buy some Marc Jacobs. Have a Nathan's hotdog in Coney Island.

Slip on down to the National Aquarium. Call John Waters while I'm in Baltimore and ask if I could drop by. He seems like the kinda guy who would be okay with that kind of thing.

Then I would stop in Chicago for more museums and hotdogs.

Then I would go to Monterey Bay California to see the Aquarium there. I would stay in some expensive ass hotel.

Then I would come home and have a huge party. I would stay drunk for about three weeks.

Then I would go to New Zealand and Borneo and New Guinea.

Then I would buy a house in Costa Rica and settle down. It would be a small house in the Arenal area. I want 2+ acres and an outside covered, but open area where I can craft and be in the rain.

Yes, I realize I wouldn't be wearing high heels in Costa Rica. That doesn't mean I wouldn't put them on and look at them. Plus you may not know this, but high heels don't hurt your feet when you're on your back.

Too bad I don't play the lottery. I have it all planned out.

Getting things done feels so good

I finished my video project a week early. Damn it feels good. Now that I spent 12+ hours annotating the video the only thing I have to do now is write a 3 page paper about it. Cake walk.

I'm having bad luck with gas

Today while I was taking my midterm type thing. Someone was farting. It spelled like open sewage in a closed room. It was just stagnating. I couldn't concentrate! I needed fresh air. I left as soon as I possibly could. My dogs have had gas too. My 60 pound, raw meat eating dog's farts don't smell as bad as that atrocity in class. It was the foulest thing I had experienced in a long time. Let me just tell you if you aren't totally floored, you should be.

The awesomeness makes up for the shitty stuff

Remember how one of my professors postponed that paper. HE DID IT AGAIN! We have a group project due on Thursday. He just postponed it one week. I cannot believe it. How cool is this fucking guy!? I mean I wasn't sweating it,because my partner is doing most of it, but I wish my other professors would take note. Postponing is fun! I need a t-shirt.

Hi, everyone,

Your friend Lauren, here writing from the depths of hell. See, I didn't do a damn thing this entire spring break and now I am paying for it with my mortal soul.

I do this all the time; it isn't spring breaks fault. I procrastinate, and procrastinate, and procrastinate, and then- bam! I have to hurry and get everything done. This little spastic dance I do with my school work ties my stomach into a million tiny knots. It hurts.

Why would anybody assign a paper that is due the week after spring break anyway? On top of that we have a reading assignment. Professors who assign readings when there are papers due should be taken into a back alley and put out of their misery.

I want a life beyond school. I don't claim to have one, but I'm trying. But DAMN IT why are they making it so god damned hard?

Well, fuck it. I'm not letting this get to me anymore. I have four more days. That is plenty of time. I will do as much as I can. I will do the best that I can, because that is all I can do, and be done with it. If I get a bad grade? So what, right? I'm paying for this. Why can't I get a shitty grade every once in a while? Life won't end.

I'm leaving the house tonight. I'm getting away from my school work. I'm finding it harder and harder to care.

Time is a bitch

Why is it that when you want things to last they never do. I am having a blast on spring break. Fuck school. It is sapping all my energy. I haven't had a break in a long time. I forgot just how fucking fabulous it is. Now I am going to have to start doing my homework. I have so much. Plus a mid-term on Monday. Yikes. This is bringing me down.

My Spring Break So Far:

I started my spring break a few days ago on Wednesday. I have been drinking every night since. Let me tell you my liver is not happy about it. Friday we left for the Texas Pinball Festival. Saturday we started drinking at noon. I drank a bottle and a half of wine. Did I mention that my liver is totally unhappy? So are my wrists and my feet. I foolishly wore converse this weekend and there isn't an ounce of padding in the damn things. Standing up for 14 hours at a time is just too long. I needed a chair so bad. But I did own at pinball this weekend. I got high scores on two table. I took pictures. Best part- I still have a week left! Boo-ya!

One of many things that makes women better than men:

In the middle of the night when Kyle gets up to pee he turns the bathroom light on. Which wakes me up. I mean, men think they are so fucking special because they can stand up when they pee. Well, get this, I can pee in the dark without spilling a drop.

Minutia

I rode my bike today. It made me realize why I don't like to do things like that. I think way too much. I was thinking about my life, all the things I have seen and done. Not my life now, which is decidedly boring, but since I can remember things. After clear consideration I have decided that it is a wonder that I'm not more fucked up. My god. My mom told me a few years ago that when I was in Kindergarten or 1st grade I was such a weird kid that my teachers thought I had been molested. True Story. It makes me laugh, but that is so fucked up. There wasn't even any reason for me to be fucked up then, my parents weren't even divorced. There are really fucked up things about my childhood that I have never told a single person. Never. Really traumatic things that I managed to just stumble through wide-eyed. I don't think I even cried. Maybe my whole life has been a state of shock. Long story short- I need to write a memoir. The problem is how do you organize that much material? I have been saving that story for a really good chapter of a book. Someday soon, gonna write it someday soon.

Pus in a box

No really.

If you want me, sin for me.

First, every single time I go and visit my friends I used to work with at the the tattoo shop we end up talking about my sex life. What the hell? I don't know how it happens or why, but it never fails. We are always talking about things that happened along time ago.

Second, I realized tonight that I don't miss piercing. God, if I ever have to hear someone debate about whether or not to get a piercing ever again I might jump off the tallest building. The poor piercer tonight must have listened to these three nineteen year old girls go on and on. They were in there for over an hour and didn't do shit. Wait, this was AFTER they got a tattoo. There is nothing more mind numbing. I have no patients. More times than I can count I have wanted to look someone dead in the eye and say, "Shit or get off the pot, you pussy!" Thankfully my will power is strong. Sometimes. Just the other day I was thinking about people passing out. I don't miss that either. I had one guy who looked like shit so I told him to sit down and I went and got him some water and right as I walked back in the room he slid out of the chair. His head the floor so fucking hard they felt it in the other room. He was stuck tangled in the chair and I had to call a man to pick him up. Dead weight is a bitch. I pierced this girls navel and she passes out THREE times. She kept coming to and I would start going through after care again and her chin would hit her chest. I laugh now.

Thursday

I was sitting on the floor on my computer waiting for class to start, and I saw this woman I had class with this time last year. I sat right next to her, we talked everyday, we complained about how shitty grammar class was, and I couldn't remember her name for the life of me. She walked by and I said hi. She didn't see me but she stopped to get on the elevator and turned around and I said hi again. Right as the doors were shutting she barely saw me and waved and said hi.

Fast forward 12 hours: I'm laying in bed not sleeping, staring into the dark, and then her name surfaces. Laura. Laura. Are you kidding me? Her name is two letters different from mine and I didn't remember it. What is wrong with me?


The problem isn't my memory really, it is my recall time. If I had 12 hours to think about something I could probably come up with it.

I feel like I just got back

I feel like my old self again. I don't know how it happened, but I went away for a while. I think I was in shock from school. Maybe I was trying to fit in. I don't want that to be the case, but it probably is. I'm feeling fun again. I really need friends who will go out with me. I can't stay in the house anymore. It is bringing me down.

My hands smell like change

I'm in a nasty mood. I want to change everything. I'm in the mood to throw things away. Get rid of everything.

On a totally random note:

I like the word "panties" (I call all underwear even boxers panties).

I also like the word "draconian", it even sounds cruel.

I like the smell of cut lumber, like inside a hardware store, and the smell of gasoline.

I bought a hula hoop

I had so much fun hula hooping on Saturday night at Corley and Casey's house I ran right out and bought one of my own.

The backs of my legs are still kinda sore. It is so weird to me that my hamstrings would be sore from hula hooping. Corley told me it was exercise and I didn't believe her. She was right.

Maybe that is why I was so painfully skinny as a 10 year old. When I was 10, or so, you could full on see every one of my ribs. I also had, HAD, to sleep with a pillow between my knees or I would wake up with nasty bruises. It could also have been that I had a poor diet because we were really poor. I was a sad little kid. Around that time is when my mom weighed 98 pounds. The last time I weighed 98 pounds I think I was 14. I found an old license the other day, when I got my first driver's license I weighed 108 pounds. Those were the days. I wish I had the drive to get down to that weight again. It is clear to me that I don't. I even have a reason and I just don't feel like it.

Maybe that hula hoop will help.

Hottest man alive

Christian Bale Look at those arms!

Even though he bitched out that guy I don't think worse of him. I envy him. I wish I had that much clout to rip someone that hard and not get fired. You know that would make your job so much better.

Funniest joke I heard about that: "You punch your mother with that mouth?"

Maybe he is abusive, so? What is your point? That doesn't make him any less hot.

Have a shit sandwich

I'm having the kind of day where right when you wake up you know it won't get any better and you wish you could just go back to sleep and wake up to a new day, but you can't.  


This is how I feel:


I woke up to Sluggs having his third seizure. There is something so disturbing about looking your pet in the eye and being able to tell they don't have a clue what is going on. After seeing that first thing in the morning it sours your whole day.


I also had to go to a school event for a class assignment and happened to choose today. Things work out that way for me. I had to be to school an hour earlier than normal and I was all thrown off. I was almost late. Which is a huge deal for me. I forgot my ring at home. I discovered that I wasn't wearing it in the car. Any time that happens I damn near have a heart attack because I think I have lost it.

Granted I don't have to leave the house anymore for the day, but the day is hardly over. I have two more disgusting pages of a paper to write. I will hate every minute of it.

Why do you make me choose?

I always have two boys fighting over me.  One guy's name is Grubb the other is Sluggs.  I thought they were going to have a death match last night over who was going to sleep closest to me.  

Interesting phenomenon: the later I go to bed the earlier I wake up. I just really don't get it.  Last night I went to bed a 5 in the morning and I woke up today at 10.  Night before last I went to bed at 1 and had a hard time getting up at a 11.  I guess that explains how I could go to bed at 6 in the morning when I was sixteen and wake up at 7 with no problem.  

I don't know what's lamer. . .

Spending my Friday night writing a lame ass paper or that the highlight of my week was getting new succulents.  

Definitely the paper, because I am doing almost anything to stop writing it.  I will read any stupid Yahoo! article.  It's pitiful.  

I got new succulents

Check 'em out! 

Take a picture it lasts longer . . .

Newest tattoo

Wonder of wonders

One of my paper due dates got pushed back a week.  I can't believe it.  I swear to you that has never happened to me.  Damn it's nice.  

Is the semester half way over at spring break because spring break is approaching rapidly?  

I have a hard time concentrating on school work after 8pm.  It is damn near impossible.  

I can't help it I think this is really awesome.  At least I'm looking at school stuff, right?

All things school

Bullets away!

• I have an assignment for my Digital Records class where we are assigned a news source to keep track of and post about one story once a week.  The TA emailed a list with active links after we sounded off our number during class.  My number was second to last- easy to remember.  The link was wrong.  Yeah, so I was reading a different blog than I was assigned. Excellent, because I just found out.  We have been doing this for 3 weeks.  How come nobody told me?  The TA is supposedly reading all of the news clips and compiling a summary for the Professor once a week.    
• There is a boy in that same class who is really cute.  He looks like a comic book character, maybe like Archie style.  Nerd-chic definitely.  Anyways I walked behind him the other day and I was a little ways behind him so it could have been someone else, though there was no one else around, and he smelled like cologne and oatmeal.  Which, incidentally, is exactly what Kyle's new nephew smelled like the other day after his dad was holding him.
• I have a paper due in one of my classes that we are supposed to get pre-approval of the topic before we write it and I emailed on Saturday and still haven't gotten a response.  Thing is, I have to read quite a lot.  Why haven't I got a response?  
• Furthermore, I have a paper due for a different class and I am so totally overwhelmed it is not even funny.  The worst part is that I looked up the same class taught by a different Professor and it looks so easy.  They don't have ONE SINGLE paper on the schedule. I'm asking a lot of why questions, but I'm going to throw this one out there anyway.  Why me?
• I would give anything to read a novel.  If I could just get a little spare time that would be great, even better if it was assigned reading.  Oh, English major how I miss you.  
• If I hear the word "metadata" one more time I might vomit.   
• Back to this other class with no papers on the schedule, they probably have about one quarter of the reading that we do.  I should have known.  Our class still had seats available and the other class was waitlisted.  The Professor for my class wrote a 51 page syllabus.  At least 30 of the pages are criteria for written assignments.  I wonder if my paper will be graded harshly?   
• I also wonder if I will jump off a high building this semester. 
• Better yet, maybe I will jump up my own ass and think that it is perfectly acceptable to write a 51 page syllabus.  
• I think I am going to open a business.  All the startup I need is a building with little, closet size rooms that are sound proofed.  It will be near campus.  People pay a dollar and go in and scream.  They can get 5 minutes for each dollar.  Nobody can scream for that long anyway, and you can pay with pocket change.  Also in the room (for an extra charge) you can have a full size dummy and a plastic bat. You can go to wailing and screaming and get out all of your anxiety.  Maybe I could get a grant and call it research.
• Now that I have complained about everything I could possibly complain about I am going back to my homework.  

I survived

Between me, my mom, Kyle's dad and Kyle's grandmother we managed to take care of a baby for roughly one day.  I got a little bit of reading in.  I'm incredibly tired now.  Though I think that is just because I am home.  My own house has some crazy, sleepy curse on me.  

Sensory Overload

I would like to spend about 3 weeks with my eyes closed and ear plugs in.  I wish I had a sensory depravation tank in my spare bedroom.  I'm getting way to much input and my brain simply cannot process that much information. 

Engagement pictures. . .

Taken.  

Plus, get this.  Friday, I am going to help take care of Kyle's sister's kid.  What? How am I going to help.  I have never even changed a diaper.  Ever.  Apparently, the 7 month old is too heavy for Meemaw or Kyle's dad to carry, but the baby's dad is going out of town for his job and Kyle's sister doesn't have any more leave cause she took it all for maternity.  Meemaw gets too worn out and tired.  Go figure, when your almost 80 (or have cancer like Kyle's dad) your not really in the best position to take care of an infant. (Kyle's mom doesn't have any more leave because she has taken it all this year for doctor appointments for Kyle's dad.)  In comes my duty of lugging him around.  No kidding.  Lifting is on the agenda for Friday.  Furthermore,  this is the exact reason I don't want to have children. Who the hell will keep the damn thing?  Daycare.  Babysitters.  I guess they didn't get the memo.  

Happy Valentine's Day Losers

On this fine day I will be spending the night home alone.  It is really romantic isn't it.  Apparently, everything doesn't stop for half assed holidays.  Kyle still has to work.  That is okay, because me and Mario have a date.  Purple coins abound and we are on a hunt for them.  

Criminal Minds

I like Criminal Minds.  It is entertaining.  There is only one thing, it is totally unrealistic. So much so that it makes me laugh sometimes.  I realize that sometimes the stories are based on other serial killers, but serial killers are very rare, not to mention another person doing the same weird thing.  Plus once a week is a little much.  When was the last time you heard about a serial killer period?  BTK, maybe?  Before that Dahmer?  That was 15+ years ago.  So every time they work on a case they should look older, that would be realistic.