The hardest things

I have come to the conclusion that the hardest thing about long relationships is letting people change- change their mind, change their ideas, change their goals. I guess it's hard because it might change the relationship. It probably will.

Take me and Kyle for instance. For some reason he only does things with his life when we are broken up. It has started to really fuck with my head. I am starting to think I have been stifling him. I can't remember anything specific. I think that makes it worse. Worse, what if my presence makes him want to sit in front of the computer and not do anything else. I mean, when we are together he doesn't read books, watch movies, leave the house, anything. The second we break up he has read about 5 books seen a zillion movies, furthering his education, etc. I guess at the very least I'm an enabler.

Either way, I don't want to keep people from changing, in any relationship. I want people to grow and change. It's healthy.

Life List: Try my hardest to foster forward progress of the people I love.

Lists and whatnot

After my friend posted her life list I started thinking about things I wanted to do in my life. I realized I couldn't think of anything. Surely I have hopes, dreams, anything. I'm not a hollow shell of a gal with nothing to look forward to, right? Life does tend to make me feel that way, but I, however, am not. I started thinking of things I want to do. It took a while, but...

Here they are:

• I would like to make jewelry. I am inspired by things I see in nature documentaries.
• I want to make stained glass too.
• I want to knit good enough to make clothes. That fit.
• I would really like to produce enough of the previously mentiond to have an etsy shop (or website) that at least breaks even.
• I would like to visit the forests of China, Croatia, Borneo/New Guinea, and most of South America.
• When I am of sound money and mind I would like to donate my time and money to the following things: the reduction of prisons in the U.S. as well as better standards in them, outreach programs from GLBT teens, and possibly prostitution (probably the legalization of it, it isn't going anywhere we might as well make it safe), battered woman's shelters, inmate reading programs, literacy.
• I would like to inspire kids and adults who belong to the working class to read. It is the only way they can take charge of their life and get out from underneath the man. They say knowledge is power.
• I would like to stay in shape. You know, for my whole life.
• Volunteer with the Green Corn Project.
• Take up bird watching. I think I'll buy an Audubon book about birds. My grandfather was a bird watcher. When I was looking for one I found this. Way cool.

This is kind of snowballing. I keep thinking of more things. I think this is good for now.

The Autobiography

I have always been a fan. I would like to write one before I die. One that is publishable. The thing is, I have a terrible memory. One of MP's friends told me I should interview people. I found out that that scares the shit out of me.

What if I remembered something completely wrong? The things I remember now have been around a long time and almost like normal so they are easy to deal with, but what if I don't really want to know what really happened? I won't be able to unlearn it. Would it take twenty some odd years to get to normalcy again. I hope not.

Maybe one day I'll get the balls to ask about my young life.

Life List:

1. Write Autobiography