The Worst Bumper Sticker EVER!

"Planned Parenthood Killing a generation one baby at a time!"

I wanted to ram them into oncoming traffic. That is what I call population control.

Meanwhile, this is on an SUV. It makes me want to hunt them down and make a bumper sticker that says,

"SUV's killing the environment one gas guzzling mile at a time!"

or how about something that said,

"If people like me didn't drive piece of shit SUV's maybe the world would be a better place to live."

Then slash all there tires. This wouldn't really make a statement, but I would feel better about the situation.

In my irrational anger population control and polluting is the same thing. You knock one you better damn well be doing what you can for the other. If not you better get off your fucking high horse. Because the world is over populated. Is there anything worse than judgment through a bumper sticker?
Hypocrisy through a bumper sticker!

I love Jeopardy. I find it interesting and I learn so much. I finally stopped watching the re-runs on GSN. I'm hopelessly nerdy. I know.

The thing about Jeopardy is that it really pisses me off. I watch it like most people watch sports. Well, that may be a bit of a overstatement. I don't stand up or hop around. Way to lazy for that. But I yell at the TV. I call the players names that would make most people turn an unnatural shade of red. I can't help it. I have wished debt on people because I didn't think they bet enough. Come on assholes! It is money you don't have. Play like you got a pair!

The most recent thing that has pissed me off was the final Jeopardy question. The question was something like between 2005 and 2006 this state had over 500,000 people move there. Okay, because I have a pulse not because I live in Texas do I know the answer. Gees, what happened in 2005-2006 that would have cause a mass migration to a different state. A HUGE FUCKING HURRICANE YOU ASSHOLES!!!! Where have you been? You know Katrina you couldn't go 4 seconds without hearing about it for over a year. One guys head was wedged so far up his asshole he actually said Louisiana! I couldn't even believe it. Right about now is where the name calling comes in, because all three of them got it wrong!

I have a rant

Let me tell you a little secret. I am very nerdy and so is Kyle. We like the show "How it's Made". I record all of them and sometimes they show 6 or more shows a week that we haven't seen. This is impressive because we have seen A LOT of them. We watched one about laser eye surgery the other day I thought I would actually throw up. They use the slicer contraption that looks like a mini version of something you cut thinly sliced potatoes. Mandolin? You know what I'm talking about. Moving on.

My problem with the show is this: they will explain the most obvious stuff the nth degree. Yet, information that isn't extremely obvious or something that seems really obscure they will barely touch on then move on.

Example: Boat compass. They go on and on and on about what the fucking compass is made out of. Those of us with eyes can see that it is made from wood and they glue it together. They get the guts of the compass and are explaining a little then say a small sapphire is placed in the bottom. No explanation, no nothing. Is this some sort of wizardry I missed out on? What the fuck does the sapphire do?

This isn't the only time they played this wicked little mind game with us. This just happens to be the only example I can think of.

Our topic today is fat kids

I turned to Food Network this weekend in hopes of watching Good Eats. Instead, I got to watch a show about the fat kid epidemic in this country. I am always disgusted and appalled by these shows. Inevitably, there will be a young boy between the ages of 16-18 who will get surgery in order to lose weight. In this particular show he was 18 and weighed 450 pounds. Fortunately he wasn't getting gastric bypass and was getting a reversible procedure where they basically put a rubber band around your stomach instead of any cutting and rerouting. When talking about this kids story they didn't talk about the trials he has had with diets and exercises. So why then would your first resort be surgery. He did ask the camera, "Could you exercises with 450 pounds on you?" To that I say some of us would realize there was a problem at 20, 50, even 100 pounds, before we weighed 450 pounds. But he is a child and I fully blame everything on his parents.

The million dollar question, where the fuck were his parents when he was shoveling food in his face? Where were the parents of the 14 year old girl who weighed over 200 pounds? She was 100 pounds overweight. That is a whole additional person worth of weight. Of course, the girl has to go to the hospital because she has health problems and guess what? They tell her that she will die of a heart attack if she keeps this up. At Fourteen! So then she goes to the B N Fit program. They tell these kids to not drink regular soda. Drink diet. Oh my GOD! You have to be kidding. They are not telling this kids to ingest poison? Aspartame is a know neurotoxin any ill effects directly effects your brain, brain tumors, brain lesions, etc. Fat is bad, but brain cancer is fine. Can we please tell the fat kids to STOP with the chemicals already?

Then they start talking about the program that Hillary Clinton is trying to push. Take away all non-diet sodas from vending machines in school. They just kept on about we care about our kids health. No you don't. You care about funding or you wouldn't think twice. It wouldn't be a question of only diet. You would get a dolly. You would wheel them out, load it on a truck and be done with it. Period. End of story. How about a nation wide ban of soft drinks? Tell Pepsi or Coke or whoever you are getting the most money from that if they can produce a juice with no additives, no added sugar, no preservatives, not from concentrate then they can have exclusive rights to the machines. Schools still get money from machines, kids drink fruit juice. I'm not a rocket scientist. This isn't hard to come up with. If Coke or Pepsi won't do? Them fuck them. They won't get money either. Naked? Oddwalla? Ever heard of it? You know what the great thing about fruit juice is? It is sweet and it tastes good. Kids will like it if given an opportunity. Secondly, what about the candy machines? I realize that kids are drinking more calories then they are eating, but chocolate and chips don't really need to hang around either if this is that big of a problem.

I could go on and on. It disgusts me. I can't think of one thing that grosses me out more than the things we let our kids eat. I eat these things, sure. But I am grown, I know what is in it and I choose to ignore or don't over indulge. I also drink and smoke, knowing full well they are bad for me. But I don't go on benders every night. I wouldn't let a child smoke or drink.

I could see a cockroach big enough to eat a baby and it wouldn't gross me out as much is what we are doing to the youth.

I have a bone to pick with you, Yogurt!

Why does yogurt need high fructose corn syrup? This really pisses me off! If I wanted to ingest sweet, chemical sludge I would drink a soda. I would not, however, eat some yogurt. I realize unsweetened yogurt is horrible. But what the fuck is wrong with sugar. I know, I know there is yogurt out there with sugar. Do you know how much it costs? It costs upwards of 75 cents for a measly, little, single serving container! Some are over a dollar! The high fructose corn syrup yogurt is 5 for $2. It goes up 35 cents a container, for what? The cheap yogurt has sugar in it too!

Organic, don't you love that word. Immediately the price doubles when "Organic" is on any food. What a fucking scam. How about an affordable yogurt without chemicals? Is this really so hard. I have been thinking about this for a couple days now. It is driving me mad!

Radio Stations

Is anybody else upset about the where radio stations are going? Maybe this is a Texas thing but I doubt it.

A couple years ago Bob FM bought out the only Austin oldies station. Since I really like the oldies and pretty much only listened to that station I was pretty pissed off about it. Also, the fact that it sounds like every other fucking radio station really pissed me off. Why couldn't they buy one of those bullshit stations? But that is neither here nor there. My real problem with the radio station is the stupid radio plugs between songs. They talk about Bob. They say things about what Austin used to be like and he has been in Austin for so many years, blah, blah, blah. Here is good one, "Bob remember's when strolling down South Congress wasn't a very good idea." (That is there typo not mine.) There are more, every one more irrigating than the next. When I first heard them I thought it was bullshit. Then me and Kyle were in San Antonio? or maybe Houston or even Corpus. I don't remember. Where ever we were we happened upon a Bob station. Guess what? It was the same stupid bullshit about Bob being a native to where we were. It really pissed me off? Does anyone really buy that there is a Bob? What Emmis Communications has one guy named Bob and he somehow runs all the different Bob radio stations and is somehow native to every city? Or maybe there is a Bob army? I have never wished colon cancer on anybody before, but if I did it would be the jackass that thought that Bob FM was a good idea.

So, Kyle, calls me yesterday to tell me they took away one of his radio stations that he listens to. It is from College Station so it can be a little iffy on the reception. Anyways to new radio station is called Jack. Can you believe it? It is just like Bob only Jack. CBS radio owns it. I guess they know a mediocre thing when they see it. Nobody ever jumps on the really awesome bandwagon. But it never fails, the bandwagons that I wish were at the bottom of a river are piling on the travelers. Apparently, Jack went to A&M.

Sometimes I think it would do a lot of good to scream at the top of my lungs. But I rarely find and appropraite time or place for this kind of thing.

Is it possible to be only half hippie?

Because I think I am pretty much a hippie, but I am embarrassed by it. Let me explain. If it was really up to me I would only bathe, like, every third day. If I don't leave the house you better believe I don't bathe. In the long run I am saving water. Though, I think it is sort of unfair to let every one know that I'm not bathing so I shower when around people. I don't shave my legs. Well, okay, I shave like every other month. I might as well not shave at all. Though, I would never want anybody to see my legs unshaven. I get so tired of wearing a bra. Call me old fashioned, but I think it is inappropriate to go braless at work.

Just one complaint or two

First off, in our living room we have a back door. It isn't a sliding door, just a plain door. This door does, however have glass. Almost the whole thing is glass. We also have a screen door that has a doggy door in it. We have the real door open almost all the time. Lucky for us our neighbors kitchen window looks out into our backdoor. We got these new neighbors a couple of months ago. At night, when you walk by the back door, which remember is in the living room, there is almost always somebody there looking into the house. Just staring! It is beyond weird! We can't see into their house. We can just barely see over the fence. But when somebody is standing at the window you can see their head over the fence. So weird. Do they not have another window to look out of? Are we that interesting?

Then, of course, I have a complaint about work. I was putting out freight, paper specifically. I don't know if you know this about me, but I hate people. When I am doing something specific I don't like to be bothered. This is partly do to my memory thing. Sometimes it is hard to remember what I was doing. So this man walks up to me. Standard middle aged man. I know bad news when I see it and it generally comes in the form of someone middle aged. He asks me where the file folders are. I think and tell him that I don't think we have any. Then in a way to loud, outraged voices he cries out, "NO FILE FOLDERS? AT AN OFFICE SUPPLY STORE?" And gives me this look like I am the stupidest person on the face of the Earth. Now, you may not know this about me, but I don't work at an office supply store. I work at a craft store. At this point I couldn't even look him in the eye. "Um, well this isn't an office supply store. This is an arts and craft store. The office supply is next door." I am trying to not just completely fly off the handle at him. Then he says, " I got the wrong door." And walks away. Just walks away. No apology. As he was walking away I wanted to tell him, "Hey, how about an apology, dick? Because even if this was the office supply store and for some reason we didn't have file folders there is absolutely no reason why you would need to talk to the employee like than because it wasn't like they made the order or anything. You cock suck!" But instead I thought what a douche bag. He walked across the store past beads, and about thirteen miles of fake flowers to get to the paper. When did office supply stores start selling fake flowers and bunny trinkets for Easter?

Okay, last complaint I promise. This woman asks me for a couple of things. All of which were art supply related. Do you have to use a special pen to do calligraphy when you are left handed? Because she was telling me that you did... I don't believe her. But unless it is out with the other calligraphy stuff we don't. So then she asks about this paper or that paper and blah, blah, blah. We didn't have that stuff either. So then she tells me, with no malice or ill content, "I guess we can't do business then." What? Are you under the disillusion that you and I are doing business? I am not getting your money. The business the store does effects me little. I can have a new job in heart beat. Leave. Your not hurting my feelings. Why would you say that? I just don't get it.

I hope that when technology finally makes us it's bitch someone will come up with a usb device that can be implanted into your brain so that you can just download all of your thought on the computer. It would be so rad. When I lay in bed at night trying to go to sleep I have all these really weird thoughts. I can't remember them in the morning except that I liked them and thought they were incredibly profound. Okay, well profound is a little heavy. But they were entertaining enough to post on the old blog. However, memory does not serve. I think my memory serves somebody else. My memory works like a remote control with faulty batteries. You never know what is going to work. You jam on the buttons, nothing happens. Then all of a sudden you push something and BAM the volume turns up. It is pretty irritating.

I am up at 5:30 in the morning. I am pissed off. Why? Because I am up at 5:30 in the morning to go to work. Frankly, I don't get paid enough to get up this early. Last week I went to work at 7am twice. This is stopping today. If I wanted to be miserable I would be making a lot more money to be miserable. The last time I was up at 4:30am was when I hadn't gone to bed yet. In fact I can't remember a time when I have had to wake up before 5:00 or even before 6:00. Oh, yeah... I delivered the paper once. I was making more money. I swear I could get a job just about anywhere and make more money.

Here are those things

I should be riding my bike but I started talking on the phone and one thing led to another and I gave up. I will work on that tomorrow.

Here are the things I wanted to talk about.

Iconoclasts and Austin and Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino: If you haven't heard of Iconoclast it is a series on Sundance. The formula is huge famous influential celebrity + huge famous influential celebrity= inspiration and friendship and good programming. The celebrities get together and talk about their careers, art, the town they are in, etc... I saw the commercials for season two of Iconoclasts months ago. I saw a clip of Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino in Austin at the Fiona Apple concert that Corley and I attened. I thought, "OOOO!!! I want to watch that!" Sundance was having a marathon, the season is over or something. I tivoed it. Hooray! Good show. I heart Austin! I heart Tarantino! Fiona and Quentin went to the bat bridge they went and hung out at different bars in Austin and she looks so pretty on TV (Austin not Fiona). Quentin was super cool. When he turned back to look at people on their segways they yelled something at him (in a good way) and he yelled back hi and gave them a piece sign. It made me really happy. I have no idea why this makes me happy. It is the little things I guess. Fiona was really excited to see the bat bridge and asking all kinds of questions. Quentin has an office in Austin. He is filming a movie here (or was I don't know if it is over or whatever). When Quentin Tarantino talked about how cool a town Austin was it made me go gooey inside. I did enjoy the clever ways in which they obscured the shots in just a way so that it looked pretty full at the Fiona concert, when in fact it was not very full. They did show her dancing crazy and beating her chest. They didn't show her hiding. And they also did not show clips of her awful singing. It was very false the stuff they showed of her. It felt that way to me anyways. A very spit and polished version anyway.

Second thing that man who was busted with the gay prostitute and the meth who turns out was a religious leader of some christian denomination cult or other. I know this is old news, but I haven't got around to talking about it. Tell me, cause I have a hard time understanding this. Why would being in a loving gay relationship in which you are the only two be worse than gay prostitutes and doing meth to deal with your fucked up double life? Why? Also, aren't Christians supposed to love everyone? Isn't that the message the Bible was supposed to send? How did it get to, "Love everyone except fags"? And when your religious leaders completely fall on their face because, well, because repressing your feelings, your animal urges if you will in the name of morals or god or whatever doesn't work you totally deny him ever having an influence. Shouldn't the Christianly thing to do is say, "He is having a hard time right now. He has gone down the wrong road and we are doing everything we can to help him"? And maybe actually mean it and help? This is a prime example of why I will never want to associate myself with a group such as this. Christianity doesn't sound like a bad thing on paper. It actually sounds kinda good as in Christianity as a way of life, not Christianity as do as I say not as I do. But I never see that in action or mainly a small percentage. Sometime I think of doing surveys . Anytime I see or experience someone being vicious for no reason I always want to ask, " Do you consider yourself a Christian?" I think most people would say yes. The next question wouldn't have to be ask it would be implied. "Do you find what your doing now to be very Christianly?" The sad part is I don't think people would be embarrassed, at least they wouldn't be as ashamed as I think they should be. I think misrepresentation is pretty low.

Okay, now that I have gotten off my soap box I will talk about work a little bit. My job is TOTALLY mindless. Totally. Which sounds like a bad thing. Especially for someone who likes to think and learn. Well this is false all the smart people should be in the mindless jobs. I have so much time to think it is unbelievable. I have never heard myself think so much. My job is so mindless that I can use my brain to think of whatever I like instead of them telling my what to think. It is so refreshing. Yesterday, my job was to get a tall ladder and take garland down off the high wall. This is exactly how it sounds a very high wall. When I am on top of the ladder I can see the whole store. I am a good, say 6 to 8 feet over the isles. I find this incredibly relaxing. I mindlessly dropped the garland from the ladder into a big wheelie container and dispersed it though out the land of glitter. When that was down I moved on to something equally as mindless and relaxing. I really enjoy my job when it doesn't include being backup cashier or trying to sell things to old people. We all know old people are cheap and they don't want to let go of their money. Maybe we don't all know that custom framing is expensive, but now you do. So when you are old you won't harass some young girl trying her damnedest to be friendly and completely and totally wear her out.

P.S. from here on out my craft store job will no be referred to as "The Land of Glitter".

Lastly, FUCK eyelash yarn. Do yourself a favor. If you are a knitter DO NOT BUY EYELASH YARN. That was my warning if you don't care to heed it that is your decision, albeit a poor one. I have probably knit enough for a scarf only I have had to take it out so many times that I have nothing. You just can't see your stitches. It is so ridiculous and infuriating. I still haven't given up yet. I am bound and determined to knit the damn thing. It is for my mom. I really think she will like it if I don't give up.

The problem with thinking is that I have more rattling around up there. I have more to talk about now. I will spare you. There is just nothing to weigh it down. It is incredible.

"If that is the shit they are selling you on Sunday you need to find a new cult."

I work with a lot of kids. By kids, I mean not over 20. I just happen to be sitting down in the break room with this 20 year old girl. We start talking about ACC ,Austin Community College, and how she will be there forever blah, blah, blah. She says that she is majoring in psychology, not because she wants to, just because she just chose something and "everyone else was doing that." So I tell her that I wouldn't mind majoring in Sociology because I really find it interesting. She then proceeds to tell me how much she hates her sociology class because it goes against everything she believes in....What? "Well I believe in the bible and it just goes against everything I believe in." Dumb struck, I ask her, "Okay, well give me a for instance. What exactly goes against the bible." I shit you not she told me that because Sociology is science based, yeah because it is a science where there are facts and you know, oh, what do you call it? Oh yeah proof, ha, how could I forget? And what she believes is all faith based. So she just chooses to not even listen. "I mean it is all based on evolution and it is against everything I believe in so I just don't even want to listen."

Fuck me sideways. I almost choked there were so many words in my throat I was holding back. At that point I wanted to stand up and say well it was nice meeting you. Instead I just thought what a fucking idiot. That really is the problem with christianity. It stifles knowledge. I watched this show about ancient Rome or Greece, I can't remember. The point is that there was this doctor who was so advanced that he was doing things that we do now. 2000 years ago we had the same knowledge and it was illegal for him to cut open humans he was not working with a level playing field and he knew the things we know, NOW. He made his own instruments, guess what they recently found them on some archeological dig, they look the exact same as the ones we make today. He had a knowledge of infections and antibiotics, it was amazing. I am sure you are thinking, well why have we only been using this knowledge for the past hundred years? I will tell you why... christianity. That is why. Christians came along and decided that science works against them, so they stifle it. Just like with stem cell research!

I mean....I can't even come up with the right words to describe how disturbed I am by this. In my sociology class all we talked about was theories of social interaction. Nothing even remotely close to evolution. Nothing even remotely controversial.

Just for a second, I want to get off subject and say it strikes me as funny when people don't believe in evolution. We interact with evolution everyday people! What the fuck? Do you live in a cave? Here is a very simple example of evolution. When you have an infection, you get sick, you go to the doctor. They give you some medicine and tell you to take the whole bottle. Why? Because if you don't the bacteria will EVOLVE and become resistant to the medicine. Wasn't that a simple thought? Every fucking day! Every day people are taking medicine and bacteria are evolving to resist it.

The problem is this girl probably thinks that evolution strictly means that we came from monkeys. Something also tells me that she has never read the bible. I mean I guess it isn't her fault. Schools suck, they don't teach you a damn thing and your lucky if you can read when you graduate.

This kind of shit haunts me.