Christ on a cracker

I'm back from vacation.  While I was gone grades were finally posted.  I am officially graduated, I guess.  I got 3 B's and 2 A's in case you were interested.  I'm not really happy with that, but that is enough points to be on the Dean's list for my third semester in a row.  

I have never had worse travel luck.  Getting to Peru and back home was HELL.  The middle part was nice though.  The middle is the best part of everything.  

I have lots of stories.  Tons.  But I have to sleep first.  I have tons of pictures too.  

We left Lima last night at midnight and hadn't slept since 5 am the previous morning.  I still haven't slept.  I'm so tired I can't even do the math.  Pushing 32 hours anyways.  

Until Tomorrow,

Graduation and Party

The graduation ceremony was the worst I have every had the pleasure of sitting through.  First, some guy from a parent's organization couldn't read his own speech.  I know kindergardeners who can read better.  Thankfully, his speech was short.  But his horrendous reading was overshadowed by the god awful keynote speaker.  Her whole speak was about how horrible the economy was doing.  It was unspeakably bad.  I wish I had a picture of what my eye's looked like when she started talking.  It was the biggest downer!  I was horrified.  Follow that with an impossibly long name calling.  Yuck!  I'm glad that is over with.  

Then I got to my house there were so, SO many people!  Tons of people.   I was really surprised by how many people showed up.  I think 33 people RSVP'd there were more.  It was a packed house.  I managed to not drink too much.  When almost everybody left I opened all my presents.  I should graduate more often.  Damn.  My favorite gift?  Paper shredder.  I'm only kidding a little bit.  I'm sure my favorite gift will be the book Corley gave me.  I will be reading it on vacation.  I have a 15 hour flight coming up.  I better find some anti-nausea, motion sickness medicine before I go.  Flights don't usually bother me, but after about 9 hours I start to feel gross.  

Now, I have to think about finishing this 10 page paper that is weighing my high down.  Bummer!   

See ya soon!  

Whenever you want the hours to go by fast they never do.   6 o'clock today I will be graduating from college.  Kind of.  At least I will be attending the ceremony.  Official graduation doesn't come until grades are turned in on the 15th.  Then I have to get some paper work confirming it and give it to UT to confirm I graduated from UT so I can go to graduate school.  Yeah.  You think they could just look it up in a computer, but whatever.  At least I don't have to pay anything, which, frankly, surprises me.  There is still time for them to tell me I owe something.  

January 13th is graduate school orientation.  I'm pretty excited.  

But I'm more excited about Dec. 9th.  Vacation!!!!!

I just crossed the finish

Well, almost.  

Today was my last day of class!  For at least a month.  I'm really excited about that.  I wish I could say forever, but I still have two more years.  

At least I accomplished a small part of my goal.  

On to the next thing.  

Children's Literature

Have you heard about the live action movie version of Where the Wild Things Are?  

I just read about it in the Rolling Stone.  The screenplay is written by Dave Eggers  (of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius fame) and Spike Jonze (director of Adaptation and Being John Malkovich), Jonze also directs.  I can't tell if I'm excited or afraid of being dissapointed.  

School work

Why is it so damned hard to start a paper?  I cannot make myself do anything on my research paper.  In order to escape the pain of sitting and looking at a blank page I start cleaning.  Decidedly more productive than just sitting, which is what I would be doing.  

Lunch

I'm about to go to lunch with a friend of my mom's.  They hadn't seen each other in about 20 years and they had dinner.  Now she wants me to see him.  And him to see me because he can only think of my as the five year old.  Seeing me might put him in shock.  I really don't want to go, but I'm hungry.  

That wasn't a good story.  The end. 

thanksgiving

Kyle's dad went to thanksgiving.  He was very tired at the end of the day.  I'm glad he was able to come.  Kyle's new nephew looks just like a cabbage patch kid.  My mom decided this and she is so right.  He has the roundest little head you ever saw.  

My week is over

I only had one day of school this week.  Thank god, because I have so much to do.  Did I mention that I hate the holidays.  My mom is coming with us to Kyle's family's Thanksgiving.  That ought to be a blast.  For some reason we are going to Kyle's aunt's house in Temple.  Most of the family lives in Austin or Georgetown.  The most important person, Kyle's dad, lives in Georgetown.  Since he is recovering from chemo and still isn't up to full speed he may not be up to making the 45 minute drive to Temple.  So that means that if he is having a bad day he will sit at home alone all day on Thanksgiving.  

If you are anything like me right now you are going, What the fuck? You could just have lunch at Meemaw's! 

I don't make the decisions.  If I did a lot of things would be different.  I can feel my blood pressure rise.  I try to forget.  I try to ignore.  It makes my life easier.  I'll put on a smile and keep food in my mouth.  

Wait

My commitment to the party is giving me mild panic attacks.  Not to mention the fact that I am having a terrible time making myself sit down and write the papers that I have due.  Also, a lot more people are coming to my party than I originally thought, for instance my grandmother is coming from Lubbock, my great aunt and aunt are coming from Fort Worth, my other aunt.  I'm not sure my house is big enough.  

Changing the subject.

We got a flyer for a community gathering.  On the list of things that will be going on is meeting your neighbor, having sausage wraps, learning about sex offenders in our neighborhood.  What?  So I was curious and looked up the sex offenders in my neighborhood on the online registry.  Damn, there are a lot.  Approximately 10-20.  I'm way too old for any sex offender on the registry, approximately 10-20 years older.  But one guy on the list caught my eye.  Where the address is supposed to be listed it said "Transient".  Is that guy on every neighborhood list? Or did he register just a zip code?  

Taking a tangent route here. 

I'm reading "Reefer Madness" which is very good.  Did you know that in some states rapist, murders, and child molesters get lesser sentences than a person caught with marijuana?  True story.  Sad despicable story, but true never the less.  

It's Official

I'm having a graduation party!  If I don't have your email address and you are interested in driving to north Austin on the 6th of December to get krunk at my house party contact me.  I'm pretty sure I emailed everyone (except Casey but he is invited through Corley).  Jessica's invited if you're brave enough.  It will mostly be my fam and family friends. My mom AND dad might be in the same house.  Yowza! It scares me, but they need the practice for my wedding.  

About last night

So I performed my poem yesterday.  I looked like this. 

For whatever reason a couple of kids from class all thought it would be a good idea to go drinking afterwards.  Since I didn't have to go to the class following I thought, Why not? The original plan was to have a beer or two at The Dog and Duck and go back to my last class. We started drinking at 3 in the afternoon. After approximately 5 pints of beer (at 6) we walked to Drungo about 10 blocks away.  I stopped drinking.  When we all started to sober up we walked to Dirty's a greasy burger joint.  I did not eat.  At that point it was 8:30 and I was hung over.  At 9 I drove myself home.  On the way I was pretty certain that I was going to vomit.  Luckily all I had to do was role the window down and I would cool off and feel okay. Then I would get too cold.  Then I would feel like I was going to puke.  It went on like that for the whole 20 minutes.  When I finally made it home I took a shower.  Which made me feel a lot better but it didn't keep me from puking twice.  And I slept like shit.  

A whole night of wearing that dress made my arm look like this.  

That is a bruise.  It hurts.  Foam dress of death.  I have to admit it was pretty foxy though.  

Two Things

One, the weather is wonderful.   Just cool enough to not use the air conditioning and warm enough to heat the house during the day so it isn't cold at night. 

Two, gas is soo cheap.  I can fill my take for less that $30! I wish gas prices would go down to what they were when I first started driving.  One dollar a gallon.  

One more thing, okay?  I got tattooed on my stomach.  It is swollen.  I knew this would happen.   It isn't that big of a deal when the swelling is in your arm, but when it is on your stomach directly above your pubic hair (in fact some of my pubic hair was shaved )  swelling is no good.  Since you can't really elevate that area the swelling. . . falls?  I can't think of another way to describe the fact that it begins in one spot and drifts lower with gravity.  I swear.  Tomorrow the swelling will be, well you know where the swelling will be.  I don't have to be graphic.  Underwear is a chore.  So is sitting.  So are clothes.  So is sleeping.  You get the point.  Yesterday I had to jog across the street and my stomach was shaking.  That doesn't normally happen.  Swelling and jiggling really painfully bad combo.  

My next tattoo, I'm getting a chili dog.  I'm totally serious.  

The funniest thing in the world

I don't know if I've told you this, but the text message is the thing that will bring down our civilization.  Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but I definitely see signs that people will be using more and more of it, and that it is really stupid.  Don't text the person you are fucking outside of  your relationship.  Stupid idea. If you do you will inevitably forget to erase one and then where will you be.  I'll tell you- up shit creek. 

Also, don't walk and text. Really stupid idea.  As I was leaving class today I saw a girl fall on her face, literally, because she was texting.  Don't worry- I held the laugh in.  She didn't hurt herself she just scratched her hand a little.  Her phone was okay she protected that baby like a drunk with some booze.  She had nothing to break her fall but her shoulder.  If she had 1 been watching were she was going it never would have happened and 2 had her hands free she probably wouldn't have fallen all the way down.  

I get that occasionally you need to send a text.  Really.  I do occasionally.  But it doesn't consume my life so that I can't take 4 minutes out of my busy texting schedule to walk across campus safely.  What is so important?  

Well, it's that time of year again kids.

The time when life really sucks, people are pulling you fourteen different ways, and your idea of good time is taking copious amounts of sedatives. You guessed it, the end of the semester squash. Why is that every single fucking professor waits to the very last minute to hit you with the biggest, most heavily weighted crap at the very end? I'm starting to think they don't know that other professors are doing it too. 

I am on edge. That is an understatement. I've also got a hefty dose of the P-M-S. On Monday I tell Kyle, "I think I'm going to start my period soon." His response, "You'll start on Wednesday. You always start your period on Wednesday." I give him a look that means: What? Really? He then says, "Yeah it's a full moon, too." You may not know this about me, but I'm a werewolf. Brings a whole new level to "Bitch", doesn't it.  

Here is full force of my schedule.  

Next Week:
Tuesday  

• Annotated Bibliography Due with AT LEAST 8 references 
  
• Write research proposal that satisfies my professor which I can't seem to do 
• Sociology Test (must finish reading Big Money Crime) 
• Read about 5 articles (I haven't even glanced to see how long they are) 

Thursday

• Perform Poem ( I am filled with so much dread I can't begin to describe) 

Thanksgiving Week

• Turn in an exercise in my surveillance class 
• Write a 2 page paper about the English Department  and what I learned 
• Write a 2-3 page paper about my performance and what I learned 
• Work like hell and read A Lot!

Last Week of School 

• 8 page analysis of a theme in Whitman's poetry
• 11 page research paper 
• Sociology Test (Must read Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser before test) 
• Children's Literature Test 
• Clean my house so that I can have a party? 
• Pack for vacation 

I swear to you, just looking at this kinda triggers my gag reflex.  That could be the giant pit of despair and misery in my stomach.  Or heartburn.  

Today

Exercise is my new masochistic adventure. I don't know if it was the lack of oxygen or the endorphins from the searing pain the the back of my thighs, but I was feeling kinda high.

Kyle and I have been walking and running on the days I don't have school. But he didn't come with me today and I pushed myself really hard. My legs were still sore from Friday's workout.

Conversation at my house a couple of weeks ago:

Me: I wish I was more toned.
Kyle: Do you?
Me: Yeah I used to be firm. I'm not as skinny as I used to be.
Kyle: You aren't as young as you used to be either.
Me: Oh, thank you.


I'm both fat and old. Nice.

IFC

The Whitest Kids U' Know is a funny show.


This is how Kyle and I interact. The funniest thing is that I'm not kidding and it's only a small exaggeration.



I think the guy is really cute. He reminds me a lot of Kyle.

That clip didn't do it for you? How about getting high with dinosaurs? Guaranteed to impress!

More Reading

Today and tomorrow is the Texas Book Festival. I'm thinking of going. This weekend I read Number the Stars and Because of Winn-Dixie. Those along with Bridge to Terabithia is a little too much for one weekend. I still have to do my other homework. Not excited about that. Kyle and I have been going to the library on Sunday's. It is really nice.

Children's Literature Reading List

Last night I read Bridge to Terabithia. How come nobody warned me? That was one of the saddest books I have read in a long time. Seriously. I'm no stranger to sad books. But holy shit. I cried for a good 30 minutes. Scratch that. I sobbed for a good thirty minutes. Then I looked in the mirror and thought to myself it isn't possible for my face and eyes to be redder. I wanted to take a picture of the redness, but I decided against it. It's best to let those moments fade away with out physical proof.

Happy Halloween!

I'm going to a children's story time at my local library. I think I will dress up as someone who doesn't have tattoos.

I get nervous when she comes around

The week is over. (giant sigh of relief) Only 5 more weeks until the end of the semester. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I went and bought my cap and gown this week along with my invitations. I feel like I should have a party for myself, but that seems like to much effort and cleaning. Maybe I'll muster up some motivation. Maybe not. So my excitement about graduate school has been slowly waning. Here is my analogy. Library school is a woman. I was trying to find out which parties to go to so I could go and then pretend like it was an accident we saw each other. I was really working hard to get into library school's panties. She was playing hard to get. Years this went on. Finally I get her in the sack. Now I'm having visions of all the money and the time and the effort and commitment and I'm wanting to bail. I know in reality I won't. But the whole thing is making me tired just thinking about another 2 years of school. I know I can do it. I know I used to want to. (kidding) I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I just have to mentally prepare.

Can't stop to chat

I fucked around all day and now I have to scurry around to try and finish all my homework.

Poetry

I have to perform a poem in one of my classes. I picked two Anne Sexton poems. I picked two because we have a 3 minute quota. Since my poems are so personal my professor encouraged me to perform them with a persona. Anne Sexton? High School Goth? I think I will do Anne Sexton. I need some clothes.

Stalking

For a class project I am supposed to stalk myself. Oh, through the internet. I am supposed to find everything there is to know about myself without paying. I have found my address and my telephone numbers both old and recent. I have found my flickr, blog and myspace (no surprise).

Have any other suggestions?


Do you like to stalk people through the internet? Do you lurk on the myspace?

Dear God,

You may remember me from such blog posts as: Please let me get into graduate school (bang up job on that by the way), please make my neighbors move out, and make the neighbor keep her dog from barking. I'm writing to talk to you about another dog. The previous dog has been so quiet. Whatever you did worked great. Could you work a little magic with this new dog? He has a blood curdling part yell, part bark, part howl that is horrific. It goes for hours. Hours. While your at it could you miraculously put the answer in my head to this question: Why do people lock their dogs outside and let them bark and bark and bark? It irritates me. I feel sorry for the dogs.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

I'm back

Sometimes I-35 really blows and then other times I am so happy it brought me back home I forget how hard it blows. I feel like I need a shower after being in Fort Worth, to wash off all the hillbilly germs I got on me. I was mostly in Saginaw, a small town outside of Fort Worth.

You find out a lot about Texas towns by billboards. As we came up on Temple/Belton area there were tons of billboards that advertised "Keep an eye on Poachers" and it had a picture of a Bald Eagle. Is there an excess of eagle poaching in Temple? For God sakes. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, when we got to Waco they had billboards that advertised that they had the 7th highest murder rate in Texas. Is that the kind of thing you want to advertise? I'm not really sure what that is supposed to accomplish. They should try Waco is for murderers. Or maybe- If you are thinking about coming to infect the Texas market with your inflated California money think again! Waco, where someone might knife you! How about - We don't have any jobs for you and we'll just as soon kill ya. Waco, where we want you to fuck off. Lovely, isn't it? Why didn't I go into advertising. I would be so good at it. That took me seconds to come up with. Waco might do good to hire me because I was a little unsure of their marketing strategy. There would be no mistaking mine.

We took a small poll in one of my classes the other day to find out who hates Houston and Dallas. One guy said he was from Dallas and he liked it. Werido. Personally, I hate both. Especially the driving. One second your on the road you are supposed to be on, according to your directions, and the next minute you take a left exit to lost-ville. The left exit is the bane of my existence. I am so glad Austin doesn't have the left exit. I might never find my way home.

How about you... Do you hate Houston or Dallas? (I promise I will judge you.) If your not from Texas you can play along with ....How do you feel about the left exit?

I'm off to Fort Worth

Why? My mom wanted to see her family and she didn't want to have to drive. I woke up at 5:30 AM. I'm wicked tired. How to people do this everyday? I would hate the world. More than I already do.

Would you rather wake up early or stay up late?

Demographics

I find it fun to see what commercials are played during a certain show and then make judgements about who the people paying for that space thinks is watching the show. For instance Kyle and I watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit after SNL on Saturday nights. The commercials they play are ridiculous. Of course there are the sex chat commercials, but there are also AZO yeast infection pills, some kinda poop medicine (I can't remember if it is supposed to make you go or keep you from going), and diet pills. Ewwww! Can you image the poor person who needs all those things? They would be in a way. There must be a lot of people in a bad way.

I have a thing for these Golden Snub Nose Monkeys. Yes I realize that they have weird nose holes, but I like them. That little blue face and the golden hair is adorable, and big giant round eyes that melt me.

Cute?

Dick? Again

I am watching A Scanner Darkly in my surveillance class. It is a funny movie. A really good movie, but sometimes Dick is so fucking out there.

I have a test tomorrow. (It took me 24 years to remember how to spell tomorrow, but finally I have done it.)

Has it ever happened that someone finds you attractive and it surprises you? Like you forgot that was a quality that you possessed.

If you were going to describe yourself what is the first adjective on your list?

Vacation to Peru after I graduate . . .

Booked.

I had a dream about Corley last night. She was doing pottery at her house. I was so perplexed. I asked where she was working on it. As soon as I asked the answer was really obvious, but there was really no answer. I just understood.

I really want to make some pots for my plants. I think this is why I had this dream. Specifically this plant. I want to make a pot that looks like the bottom half of a psychedelic pineapple. Then I went to Corley's house and there was pottery tools getting used on pumpkins and then I had a weird dream.

Do you think your dreams mean anything?

I have a reoccurring dream theme

The dream is never the same, but the theme is balancing. There is always a long line of people (sometimes I feel like know them sometimes I don't but I never really see their faces) and we are all trying to walk over tiny walkways in order to get where we are going. Last nights: I walk up stairs then it ends at a window sill I have to walk across that is about half an inch wide to get to another flight of stairs and there is nothing to hold on to. I tried holding on to the window lock, or the flat wall, but I fell. Then I wake up. Having fallen I jumped a little so I can't go back to sleep. There was some talk of where we were going, however I don't remember. I do know the beach was involved.

The last dream I had like this I didn't fall. It was surprisingly easy. Oh, I can walk on a half inch ledge up against a wall without hanging on. Then the next thing was more difficult I went to step and I woke up.

Do you believe in psychics?

I have nothing to talk about

My head hurts. It is so nice to wake up in the morning with a headache. Especially when I haven't been drinking.

There must be a reason for these things

For some reason every time I visit my friends at the tattoo shop I used to work at we talk about twisted things. Sex in general, but it always ends up with anal sex. I don't know why. Another theme we seem to fixate on is transexuals. The question always comes up:

Would you have sex with a post-op male to female transexual? (If you prefer men then post-op female to male)

I always think of things to write when I am away from the computer

You wouldn't think it,but typing is so difficult in the mornings. Maybe it is just because I slept like shit. I'm just sitting here staring.

Maybe later.

Finally

It finally rained today. It rained a little yesterday too. The weather is fabulous. I don't think it had rained in almost two months. It feels like it anyway, maybe it was one month. I don't know. It has been over cast for a few days now. I wish it was like this every October.


Would you rather be hot or cold?

Almost Forgot

School Blows! I feel like I will never be able to be done with school. It is never ending. That is part of the reason in sucks so hard. There is no light. I swear. I think I know better, but I haven't actually experienced school ending. Therefore, I have reason to believe that it never will.

I have nothing to vote about today.

I know

This makes me a total sap and corny, but almost nothing makes me as happy as when the dogs are piling on me on the couch. All I need is some dog snuggles and it makes my day. How can anyone live without a dog? The house is so lonely without them. The quiet of the house when the dogs aren't in it just about drives me to crazy house. I like to touch foreheads with Grubb. I love dogs I wish I had two more. I wish I had the time and the money for two more. I don't, not even close. But someday.

Would you rather have a dog or a cat?

I would really like to never leave the house

It would be just fine with me if I rarely left. For the next 6 months if I could just watch movies, read books, and tend to the succulents that would be just fine. I need a vacation so bad.

Would you rather take a vacation to Chile or Panama?

Head Hunters

Kyle has a friend who started a band. We went to Headhunters last night at midnight to listen. It was surprisingly decent. It is such a mixed bag in that place. I don't understand the dynamics, at all. There are two levels. The bottom is full of angry, long-haired men. My kinda crowd. Nobody bumps you. Nobody smiles. Nobody talks to you. Perfect.

Then there is the second level. It is about as big as my living room. There is no separation of the stage. There was dancing. Boy, was there dancing. And hats. I was sitting in a chair by the bar and my knees were dangerously close to the dancing area. My knees have never been in such immanent danger of being dry humped. There was one guy in particular that was the most dangerous. He was way to excited.

There was a girl in short shorts, a teal tube top, and matching high heels. She was dry humped a number of times.

This one guy must have been dropped off there, because if he was old enough to drive I would have dropped dead from shock. He looked 13.

Lets get back to the hats. One girl was wearing a hat and a vest and skinny jeans. She was dressed like a nerdy guy from 1990. Not pretty. Kyle says all she needs is bolo tie to finish her outfit.

I wish I had ear plugs. It was way too loud.

Would you rather go on a date with a guy who is a total tool bag? Or go to the movies and out to dinner along?

Kyle's Birthday

I gave the dogs a bath. It's tiresome. Poetry is trying to kill me this semester. Its evil plot is working. I going to try to take it easy this weekend. By take it easy I mean on the school work. Last night I drank some beer. And some homemade wine. It was good. I felt so much better after that. I had a hard day yesterday. Get this. Last Sunday I started my period. That same Sunday I stopped my period. I guess because it was too much for my body to take, being sick and on my period. I thought it was suspect at first, but here it is again to cheer my life up that much more. Thanks period, here's to you.

Would you rather be on your period for the rest of your life or have your uterus removed?

Would You Rather....

get hit my a car or fall out of a three story building. Neither one kill you.

Would You Rather....

I know this is off topic, but maybe I can bring it around some how. Now that I got accepted to Library School the real worrying starts. How am I going to afford roughly 4-5 thousand dollars a semester. Not to mention books and all that other crap that goes with school. I need a TA position. If you manage to score one that is 20+ hours a week you get over $3,000 in tuition help. The 10-19 only gets 1,000. which is better than nothing, but the admissions advisor said that most aren't 10 hours. Anybody have 20 grand they want to give up, because I could really use it right now. I have a fairly big bank account with a guardian lock on it. I have been to the bank with the paperwork from the court and they won't take the lock off. They said my file is lost or some bullshit. I'm not really sure what I should do. I'm going to call the legal department.

So here you go. Would you rather have absolutely no money? Or have money but it is locked in a bank and you can't get to it in any form?

Day 7- I'm bored

Frankly, I'm sick. Sick and tired. I'm pretty sure I had strep throat this weekend. I don't know for sure because on Sunday Kyle called his Aunt, who is a doctor, and asked her to call in some antibiotics. Later that night my throat was feeling better so my suspicions were pretty much confirmed.

On a totally different note, I don't want to be 30. Is that weird? I'm really dreading it and it is a good 5 years away.


Back on track. Would you rather loose your vision or your hearing?

Would You Rather....

this is a little different format. Which technology do you think did more for human civilization. Hand washing or Antibiotics?

Okay. I'll put it to you this way. Would you rather deliver a baby and the doctor hasn't washed his hands and came from god knows what? Or die of a bladder infection? I don't know if you can actually die from a bladder infection, but after the third day you would want to.

Would You Rather....

I'm not really prepared today. My excitement about getting into UT has been eclipsed by the raging pain in my throat. Feels like nasty old tonsillitis. Let's not forget the mass of homework that is slightly smaller than it was yesterday. Okay, here's one.

Would you rather write a 5 page paper over something that is completely boring and that you have no interest in whatsoever or read 20 pages of something that is not only boring, but has no relevance to anything in your life and never will (performance art)?

Would You Rather....

(this question was actually posed in a conversation I had recently)

eat a dog or starve to death? It doesn't have to be your own.

A little good news

You are reading the blog of the newest student admitted to The University of Texas at Austin's School of Information. Boy, am I fucking excited. Everyone I tried to call to tell them the news didn't answer their phone, jackasses. I'm kinda down off my high now, but still a little amped.

Would You Rather...

lick shoe sole of a nurse or a trash man?

Would You Rather....

drink a shot of horseshoe crab blood or eat a roach? The roach is roughly the same size of the inside of the shot glass.

Would You Rather...

be locked in a dark room (an average bedroom size approximately 10x10) with a rabid raccoon or a non-poisonous snake?

Welcome, Welcome

You should prepare yourself for the horrible feast of all things grotesque. In two days I plan to let my imagination run wild as I wow you with the disgusting. Then I will let you vote which disgusting thing you would rather do. No fancy-schmancy do-das just you and me and the comments. I will always vote. Take some deep breaths, hold your nose, and plunge right in to the sticky fun.

The most exciting thing in my near future (sadly) is that there is a new season of Dexter and Californication airing this Sunday. [read deadpan] Ya-hoo.

My pirate name is:

Bloody Mary Bonney

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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Thursday's Atrocities

Get to school 

Park (for free- miracle of miracles)

Walk to class

Almost get run over

Clean poo from my shorts (figuratively speaking)

School is way to long

Go to my moms'

Have dinner at Thunderclouds

Start feeling a little better

On a whim go to Neiman Marcus (the Goodwill I was looking for used to be near by)

Society affirmed that I have nothing and I never will, therefore I am inferior 

Drop my mom off at her house 

Drive home

Watch The Salton Sea

Look on the Internet for wedding shoes 

Kyle comes home 

Go to grocery store

Take Benadryl

Go to bed 

Wake up because Sluggs is having another seizure.  

Change the sheets because this time he lost control of his bowels. 

Cry a little on the inside 

Kyle takes the trash out and sees someone sleeping in their car across the street

This bothers him so he has to put clothes on at 4:30 in the morning and ask why they are there

Turns out if was some woman crying and text messaging 

This is a strange neighborhood 

Go back to bed 

Today I indulged in my one vice- Book Buying.  And Whataburger, I  guess that's two.  Which was a mistake.  The term "it went right through me" was created for situations in which you break down and eat fast food after going awhile without the greasiness.  

Brilliant Idea for October NaBloPoMo voting theme- the game "Would You Rather?" Light, easy, funny all the things I wish life were.  

I got some rest

and remembered what I had intended to write about.  Yesterday as I was leaving my Walt Whitman class I heard this conversation: 

Hey

You are in the class right across from me? What is it?

Walt Whitman

Oh, yeah? How are you liking it?

It is pretty tight.  

Tight? Really?  I didn't even realize that people still said that, little less use it to describe the single most boring class I have ever taken.  How do you think Whitman would feel having a class about him described as "tight"?  I contemplated suicide in that class yesterday.  The only way I could think to do it was slam my head on my desk.  I thought at the very least it would make me pass out and that would be a minute less I would have to suffer through the awkward silence and boringness.  I summoned up some will power and managed to make it through only to leave class and hear that.  

Yesterday, I also saw an incredibly attractive man.  I got out of one of my classes early and I was sitting in the hallway waiting for the class to get out of my next class.  A man walks out of the room.  I look up.  Holy smokes!  He has long hair in thin dreadlocks.  He is black so that is a good think not a bad thing. He has an unkept beard.  I can't tell how old he is. He has some kinda fabulous arms, taut and sinewy. Turns out he is the professor and he is British.  Good night.  It was making my head sweat.  

Clay Aiken is Gay !!!! What?

What a shock!  Blind people can tell he is gay.  

I left for school today at 11:30 am and I didn't get back to my house until 9:00 pm.  Way, way too long to be at school.  

I had something else to say, but I got all off track and now I'm too tired to remember.  

I have decided (should I do anything for Halloween, which is doubtful) to dress as Juno.  

the same hair- check 

ratty t-shirt- check

old holly jeans- check

dirty converse- check

vintage flannel- check 

I have to be a somewhat pregnant Juno because my tits are too big to be a non- pregnant one.  

Senioritis

I am so lazy.  It is getting to be a problem.  I just don't want to do anything.  It doesn't help that I don't particularly like any of my classes. Two back to back poetry classes is a little much.  And by a little much I mean completely horrible.  This semester is only three and half weeks in.  Only ELEVEN more weeks to go.  Approximately eleven papers to write, 6 tests to take, and a number of small projects before the end.  I hate school.  I can't help it.  

By the end of this week I will have knocked one test and one paper off the to-do list.  

Movies

I have watched so many movies this week, this weekend in particular. 

• Trantasia- fabulous, just as I expected a Transexual Beauty Pageant to be.
  
• House of D- I love David Duchovny sex addict or not. 
  
• Pieces of April- It was pretty good. I'm not a big fan of Katie Holmes. She bothers me, but I don't know why.
  
• Burn After Reading- Not my favorite Coen Brothers movie, but it was okay.
  
• Dream Lover- I love James Spader weirdo or not.
  
• I Know Who Killed Me- I hate Lindsay Lohan. Not because she is a lez, not because every movie she is in she is way over sexed, it is because her voice is like nails on a chalkboard and she can't act for shit.
  
• Lonesome Jim- By far my favorite of the bunch.  I really like Casey Affleck even if his brother is a douche-bag.  Steve Buscemi directs.  I laughed a lot.  I also love Mary Kay Place.  It isn't a comedy and it is a slow movie.  But I find "chronic despair" funny.  

Now I have to write a paper.  Boo-hiss! 

I have recently discovered the error of my ways

HIgh Fructose Corn Syrup is the same as honey and sugar. High Fructose Corn Syrup is "natural". Did you also know that manufacturers use HFCS because of all the benefits? Not because it is cheap, but because it is so good. Don't believe me? Check out this great website from the Corn Refiners Association, Sweet Surprise.

Movies

Recently I watched There Will Be Blood I am not even sure what to say about it. . . I have sat here quietly for a while and the result is I have no words to express how slow and weird that movie was. Talk about over rated. I also watched Juno. This too is over rated. It was a cute movie. It wasn't bad, but "Best Movie of the Year? (There Will Be Blood was nominated for that category at the Oscars too. Where the choosers of the movies stoned?) Juno is just a high school movie that got a lot of big press. I am really hating the trend of independent movies becoming popular. There is a reason why independent movies are independent. It is because they aren't made for the idiot population. They don't make money with the themes, etc. Doesn't mean they aren't good it means that they are really good. I have always said you have to wade through a lot of shit to find a good movie, but it is so worth it. I think the populous wades through a modicrum of shit finds a decent one then parades it around like they are the Indie Queen of the world. Yes, we all know you are so fucking cool for watching a movie that doesn't star The Rock. But please go back to the hole you came from so the Independent movie doesn't get watered down. If that gets taken away from me I don't know what I would do with myself. I would have to watch independent independent movies. That is already a genre- Youtube.

do you ever wonder what happened to yourself?

Sometimes I think about a past me and I find myself so different now. Is that true? Have I changed? And why? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think college has finally broken me. I used to find things interesting. I used to find a lot of things interesting. What's more I used to want to learn about things. Now I just want to hide under the bed for about 3 months while I recuperate. Granted I am almost done. I have 3 days before I can apply for graduation. One step closer. But I know it isn't the end. Kyle is sure that I will get into library school, but I am racked with nervousness.

The reason why I thought of this was because I miss crafting. My heart is aching. I haven't done something that I really enjoyed and been happy with the finally product in a long time.

Once upon a time life was fun. I think I need to quit school and go back to work at the craft store. Kyle says after school I should craft for a living. I'm not sure crafting is that lucrative. But I can hope. He is looking into buying a kiln. *He's dreamy* A glass and ceramic kiln. Amazing.

Once upon a time I wasn't constantly worrying about what I needed to do for tomorrow. Instead I had time to enjoy my life. I hate thinking about what needs to be done for next week, next month, next anything. I don't give a shit. Right now. Right now. I have decided that college isn't for learning information. It is for learning the skill of planning and thinking about what is to happen in the future weeks of your life. In short, college is an institution that makes your life miserable way after you get out.

I cannot catch a fucking break

In order of least shitty:

Kyle and I play a little game. We try to find the worst thing on television and then turn it up really loud and see which of us crumbles first. Last night we watched the worst thing in the history of bad movies. Georgia Rule. Worst Movie Ever. They played a Ray LaMontagne song. Horrible. I almost cried. Then I created a scenario that he was starving and he had to eat so he sold them the song.

My mom is having surgery on Tuesday. She will not be able to go back to work for 2 plus weeks. He sister is coming to town to take care of her.

Sluggs had a seizure last night. He didn't wet himself so it wasn't a gran mal, but his eyes were open and he didn't seem to be able to see anything. His muscles were incredibly tense. It lasted for about 5 minutes and then he came back to us. We called the emergency vet and she asked if had gotten into any drugs or alcohol. I know this is a college town, but Sluggs isn't in a fraternity. It was so weird I'm am starting to wonder if this has ever happened before. We had been in bed for about thirty minutes and Kyle was almost asleep. I was watching a movie in bed. It was 2 o'clock and I looked over at Sluggs and his legs looked weird and I tried to wake him up but nothing happened. I thought he was just having a bad dream and moving his legs weird. I don't think I would have ever known had we already been asleep. When he woke up and his eyes were all over the place and he looked really scared and sniffing around like he didn't know where he was. He got off the bed and I was trying to talk to him and he was smelling around and then his whole body was stiff again and I held him and rocked him and talked to him while Kyle was on the phone with the vet. It was possibly the worst experience of my life. Kyle decided that he couldn't ever have children because it was too scary.

Oh, life. Cut me a break for a few weeks. Please.

TGIT

That is a Thank God It's Thursday. It doesn't quite have the same ring. How great it is that I my first full week of school has come and gone. The really great thing about school is that is passes time really fast. The bad thing is that time passes really fast and before I know it work piles up.

I have a serious amount of homework over my four day weekend.

Weekend Funny Business

I got new pillows.  It was a long time coming.  The old ones came with Kyle's couch.  I joked that a serial killer made them.  That would be more funny if I didn't think it was little bit true.  I'm sure if I really looked I could find a Buffalo Bill signature.  Tell me with a straight face they don't look like that.  

First thing Sunday I want on a triple date to the Cactus and Succulent Show and Sale at the Zilker Botanical Gardens. The six of us then walked around the Botanical Gardens. It was hot. Look at the plants I bought.

Then Kyle and I went to the library because I needed to look at some kid's books that are on reserve for one of my classes.

Then we went to eat at Schlotsky's. There we suffered through lunch. It is hard to keep your mouth shut and eat at the same time. Next to our table was a table with three girls. All of which seemed to be at the night out they were talking about, but for some reason they were describing it step by step. I took this many shots, and then you had this many, then this guy said this to you and then I started talking to him, etc. I just could not figure out why they kept talking. They had absolutely nothing to say. I wasn't even interested in their lame story and I didn't already live it like they had. What the hell? They did, however, all have on nike running shorts.

Then I came home and watched Gone Baby Gone. It was good. I was pleasantly surprised.

Now here I am.

I'm tired, big time!

Four classes on Tuesday/Thursday might have been a poor decision.  It wasn't like I planned it that way, but those are the classes that I wanted.  I go to school from 12:30-6:30.  No breaks.  

Too tired to type.  

My new favorite snack: Blue Diamond Brand Salt & Vinegar Almonds.  The best thing this side of Schlotsky's salt & vinegar chips.  

Dread

An assortment of things 

1. I am absolutely dreading going back to school.  It was like I had no break because I had to spend all my time focusing on applying for graduate school.  Bummer!
   
2. I have seen a couple of Ellen Page movies lately and they are really disturbing.  Hard Candy and An American Crime, the worst part is the latter is a true story.  
3. My final semester of undergraduate course work begins on Wednesday.  I am taking: Walt Whitman, my senior seminar for English it's called Poetry, Performance, and some other "P" word I can't remember, Deviance a Sociology class, We Like to Watch: Surveillance and information science class, and Children's Literature and information science class.  I have never used any of my pass/fail "coupons" so I feel myself using some this semester.  
4. In December it will be a year and a half since I started at UT and in that year and a half I will have taken 65 credit hours.  
5. And I wonder why I'm so tired all the time.  
6. Please, God, where ever you are, please, let me get into graduate school.  I don't want to have to go through this again.   
7. In this wonderful year and half I have discovered an interesting tid-bit about myself.  When I get really stressed (I never knew stressed until UT) I get the runs.  Thanks body, because when I'm stressed out it is so much better when my ass hurts too.  (Over share, I know, but it is kinda funny.) 

I'm back

Before Kyle and I went to the beach our neighbors were evicted.  That is a big fat boo-ya!  They didn't even have the pleasure of moving themselves out.  I hope I never see either of them again, ever.  

Now I have to write my statement of purpose for graduate school within the next two days and fill out the applications as well.  I'm nervous.  I need to email two of my professors to ask about recommendations.  I already have one confirmation.  The deadline is hurtling towards me.  It is making me very anxious.  

School starts again in one week. Bummer! 

Kyle and I are going to the matinee today to see The Dark Knight.  

I'm so close to done I can taste it

I have some revisions to do on a paper and that is it.  Proofreading blows.  

The last day of class my professor gave out awards. He went to Half-Priced Books and got some books of some authors we had read in class.  It was fun and funny.  (This professor also introduced me to the phrase "So-and-so drinks like a hole".  It's funny.  It gets funnier.  I swear I find it funnier everyday.  

So I got an award.  Prepared by the professor.  For:

coolest tattoos that we can see

having a boyfriend who knows a guy that interviews the homeless

Then he says, "And does anyone remember July 24th?" 

I'm thinking what the hell? 

Then, "The day class discussion was dismal and boring" (or some other adjectives that mean roughly the same thing) "the day that Lauren missed class." 

I make an impression.  Kinda like a black eye.   

The Olympics

I'm not watching the olympics. I don't like to be bored. But! The hottest olympian/Austinite is Aaron Peirsol. He is the cutest damn thing I've ever seen. While looking for a picture I stumbled upon his height, 6'4", and birthday. He was born July 23rd, 1983. That makes him a month younger than me.  He also lives in Austin. Now, he wasn't born here, but I'll let that slide cause he has amazing eyes. Plus he has that killer body.  No really, I mean a killer body.  

School's almost out

Two more days of school. A thousand more hours of agony as I have 2 papers due between now and then. But let me tell you when I'm done with this summer session and I get two more wonderful A's I am going to get so tore down. I'm going to get drunk in the middle of the day in the middle of the week.

Sunday Kyle and I are going to the beach, Port Aransas to see his aunt. Kyle also took off the rest of that week until Friday so we can spend some quality time together. Isn't he sweet.

I can't waist anymore time.

Frozen Meat Bullet

Frozen meat bullet? The murder weapon of a CSI episode. What the hell?

Kyle and I have been watching CSI: Miami. The show is so funny. Horatio Cane, or as Kyle calls him, Fellatio Stain's death toll must be in the hundreds by now. That man will shoot anything that moves. Last season, he killed something like 20 guys in Brazil. He did this without so much as a scratch. His orange hair must give him some kind of super power. Or maybe his trollish features give him super powers. I don't know. But nobody believes somebody that looks like Delco's sister would ever look at ol' Fellatio, not to mention marry him. Gross.

The Path to School

Everyday I park in the same spot.  I take the same route walking to class.  Here is a list of some of the things I have seen this summer.  

• hotdog buns
• hamburger buns
• sliced bread
• what looked like a skinned baby bird
• big dead grackle (it seems like I see a new dead bird every week)
• poop, hard to tell what animal made it, but I would venture to say dog poop.  It was on the sidewalk at the intersection of an alley.  You never know, it could have been bum poop. That area reeks of piss.  
• A little man pushing a huge fat woman in a wheel chair.  He was barely taller than the woman even though she was sitting.  It was comical.  
• 3 men smoking weed out in the open.  I saw a man yesterday smoking a joint.  I thought, "Man, that is the second person I have seen this summer smoking weed out in the street." He was an Asian fellow, clean cut sitting near the Dobie.  I smelt it and turned around to see his joint tucked back in his palm.  I take about three more steps and see a hippie- looking fellow smoking a joint the exact same size and shape as the other guy.  Weird.  One must have given the other one the joint.   
• A not-so-dirty-looking guy digging in the dumpster.  I wondered what for and by the time I passed him he was walking behind me.  I don't think he found what he was looking for.  For the record I find it hard to walk 6 feet away from the dumpster because 1 it stinks like trash and 2 it stinks like piss.  He basically had his head in it.  Gross.  
• A pair of jeans

I'm sure there are more outrageous things that I have seen, but I don't take notes.  This is all the stuff I can remember.  

A Meaningful Coincidence?

Today I went to flickr.  Nothing new there.  Only, I was contemplating "Your Photostream" and  "From Your Contacts" and I happen to look down at "Everyone's  Uploads" and there was a vagina.  I thought I would write about vagina since yesterday I talked about Dick.  

This post has the yin quality that the yang-ness of the other post was lacking.  Those of you who don't know Dick won't get the reference.  But there is one. 

Yes, all these puns are quite amusing.  Do you want me to tell you fart joke now?  I'm mature enough to not doubt my maturity and make penis, vagina and fart jokes ad nauseum.  

My head is full of Dick

Philip K. Dick.  It makes me what to pull a Pi, drill to the head.  

the only way you'll ever learn a thing is to admit that you know absolutely nothing

I have had this feeling that men can see right through me. It hasn't really happened with a woman yet. But the older the men, the clearer their view. I am a piece of plate glass. My thoughts are dime-sized mirrors. My eyes are made of magnifying glass. My heart is a diamond.  I dream of puppies. You inebriate me, somehow. I dream of you letting me into your house and offering me a place to sleep in your spare bedroom. I feel like you know this with your smile. You seem kind, though your hospitality wasn't real. Was it? Somewhere that really happened, but not to this me. I have thought about this paradox of truth.  Time is an illusion.  Nothing is real.  Bleeding is an intimate activity when your inner world has intercourse with the outside world.  Can anyone hear me?  Will anyone understand this?  Do I understand this?  I send my thoughts out and they die.  They lie heavy in the earth, but they don't get covered up by dirt.  They get covered by other dead thoughts.  Fungi, insects, and bacteria eat them.  The ideas are graciously recycled.  My image is reflected back at me from a mirror in back of me to another side of the mirror in front of me and the images, one inside the other, trail off into infinity.  Am I that many people or is that an illusion?  My head is a museum filled with an ever changing exhibit of useless memories.  You have the key to a door I need to open.  On the other side is my understanding.  You fell through my pupils into my love and were swimming there in a pool of water-colored comprehension.  The tangle of your hair confines my breath, but you breath for me when you speak.  I am silent.  Glass can't talk. Why should I? 

This is so sweet

I cried. Well, actual tears didn't come out of my eyes, but they watered.

My birthday present from Corley

Grubb approves

Many Shades of Black

I once wrote this to someone that I had once upon a time slept with. The letter before this one was a list of say ten or so reason why the relationship wouldn't go any further. Ever. In my defense, 'cause boy oh boy is it a doozy, Mystery Person pushed me. I can see now that it pushed me over the edge. This was in a "sent" folder. I don't have the previous one but I think it was numbered. I'm laughing now, but just from uncomfortableness, and the harsh reality of my meanness. It isn't a pretty picture, but it is me.


Dear Mystery Person,

The cryptic bullshit is really tired and predictable and what's more it
is really irritating. If you want to say something say it. If you
don't want to say something then don't mention it, but don't expect me
to ask. I won't.

The thing is I am right about every single one of them. Why? Because
it is my fucking opinion.

I wouldn't exactly call them mistakes if you acted like that at the
beginning of our relationship, through the worst parts and then
afterwards. I would call that a personality trait.

Lastly if that wasn't enough for you.

You think you know everything in the god damn world. It is so so
boring. You aren't willing to try new things or experience new things
or just except change in general. I don't know how many times you said
you were stuck in your ways or some bullshit. Oh, but now you have
changed. Right? So what am I supposed to believe? That you don't want
to change or that you have changed. I do recall this one thing that has
sort of nagged at me. I find it funny. Once you told me this long
drawn out story about this girl you loved and how you fucked it up
because you lied. Then you had on this ring and that was supposed to
remind you that you would never do that again. And you knew that you
would never lie or fuck up the same way again. Funny, seems to me that
that is exactly what happened, again. You don't know if it will ever
happen again cause you haven't been put in a similar situation. You
will never know. And you don't have any control over it. And if you
think you do you are kidding yourself and you haven't learned anything.

Also a huge reason, I don't know why I didn't think of this one before,
you think you can control me. Or did , or whatever. I let you, sure.
But who the fuck do you think you are to tell people what they can and
can't do. Your life ain't so great. What makes you so fucking special
that you can tell someone else what to do? I mean you picked me up in a
tattoo shop and you told me not to get anymore tattoos.... What the
fuck? I can't get over that. It is so laughable.

But I don't think you believe a word of this. I think that you think I
am saying these things because I am mad at you or that these are things
I have gathered from you being an asshole to me. I mean, why should you
believe me I am just a child. I'm sure you could tell me my opinion much
better.

So I will tell you stuff about my life, some it none of your business,
in order to let you know just how serious I am that we will never, ever,
ever get back together. You should believe me because I have never been
more truthful about how I felt about someone.

I don't love you. I'm not even sure I really like you. Judging from
the things I think about you. I don't think I do.

I love somebody else. I am happy. I am getting married.

How's that? Sufficient?

Lauren

Told you it was a doozy.



"Take it as it comes and be thankful when it's done. There's so many ways to act and you cannot take it back. There's many shades of black. "

I think I am to socially adept to be involved in the English department.  I like to read as much as the next guy, but sometimes I look around the room and wonder if these people have had a relationship with anybody.  A friend, a girlfriend, Anything other than a book.

Furthermore, sometimes I get tired of talking about things that the people in the room (sometimes me included) have obviously have had no experience with other than the book we are reading.  Like talking about poor, minorities, crime, etc.  It feels really gross.  I feel like such a sleaze bag sometimes.  I wish we could enjoy the thing for what it is, a very different experience than our own and then move on.  

funny thing

I saw an advisor for graduate school.  She told me that they only look at upper division GPA.  What do I do?  Immediately quit worrying about my Spanish and Geography class, both lower division classes.  I took 2, TWO, Spanish tests without studying.  Made an A in the class.  I also took my geography final that was worth 50% of my grade.  I didn't study.  What was I thinking?  I made an 88.  With a curve I made an A in the class.  

I would say I'm going with this whole new approach to making A's.  Not caring.  But already I'm nervous about next week.  I have a test on Wednesday and a paper due on Thursday.  

On a very different note, I really like the words predilection and amalgam.  

Changing the subject again, Grubb and Sluggs have been watching America's Greatest Dog and they both hope that Tillman wins.  

Two classes down

Two to go.  I am done with Spanish FOREVER!!!!!!  maniacal laugh... And science for that matter, but that isn't as exciting.  

The two classes I have this session are like summer book clubs.  My short story professor even said so a "mini summer book club" he called it.  Short stories are so satisfying sometimes and others they are so frustrating.  Kinda like a quickie, if you catch my drift, sometimes they just don't scratch that itch.  The American Novel after the 20th century is really exciting.  I'm reading some really fun authors on my "to read" list that I never would have actually gotten around to.  H.P. Lovecraft, Philip K. Dick (he wrote A Scanner Darkly), Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men) of course we aren't reading either of those, right now I'm reading Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep.  I've seen the movie.  It's a good one.  So is the book.  And last Stephen King.  Who can complain about reading five novels in five weeks? I can.  I also have three papers go along with that class. Not to mention the tests and the paper for the other one.  I'm tired just thinking about it.  Not to mention I have so much reading a night I can barely come up for air.  But class is fun.  I can't complain too much.  

Coffee Filter Roses

Doesn't sound very fabulous.  BUT.  Look how fabulous they are! Or look here.

Flickr

I looked at my flickr stats today. The line graph was really weird. Usually, it goes up and down and up and down all over the place. But this one was a straight line with one big spike. So I run the mouse over the dots. Looks like usual. 62, 43, 7, 29, but next to 29 was 106 and there was no movement. Apparently on the 26th I received 4,451 views. Which seems wrong for the simple reason that my total views when I click on my photostream hasn't changed. It is still 11,462. Over 4,000 looky-loos would make that number a lot bigger. What could that be from? I thought it might be from shmap, but that picture only has 50 views.  

Birth Control

I have been off birth control pills for a couple of weeks now. I'm convinced that the way birth control is supposed to work for me is to make me not want sex. If that is the aim it works wonderfully. Though, it doesn't keep me from having it, just enjoying it. The problem is that when I'm off birth control the only thing I can think about is sex.

Could I strike a happy medium here?

I don't think it is possible. Either sex is a waste of my time or I waist my time thinking about sex. School is the worst, because day dreaming is so easy. One minute your thinking about estuaries and fjords the next minute very inappropriate things are going on in your mind. Nothing triggers it either. It is so unexpected. Especially after a year of birth control. It takes me by surprise. There is no cure. I rubbed one off before I left for class thinking this would help me focus. It didn't.

I saw this special on some 20/20 like show and it was about these women who were sex obsessed. They were crying about it (literally). It was a big deal that even after they had an orgasm they weren't satisfied, blah, blah, blah. I think I know how they feel. They should try birth control. Works like a charm.

The Treaty Oak

How do you think the Treaty Oak is doing? I haven't seen it in so long. I hope it is well.

What kind of dick face poisons a tree?

The neighbor is back. And so are the cops. Cops were banging on our door at 4AM Thursday morning. You never know just how unprepared you are for a great deal of shock until it happens. Today when I got home I pulled in the drive way. I got out of the car and I hear a car behind me. I look to see who it is. We don't have very many cars on out street and when I turn around I see another car. They are both sheriffs cars and here comes another, and another, and another until there are 6 cop cars on our street. Three parked a couple houses down one way and three the other way. I'm standing in my driveway staring, thinking, "Shit!" (You just never get used to the there coming for me feeling. When the cop in the neighbors driveway tells me, "Go inside, mam." I obeyed. But I did look out the window. When the cops were pounding on his door I could feel it in my house. Then they come knocking on my door. Do you know where your neighbor is? Do you know what they drive? Do you know where he hangs out? Yeah, he hangs out by my door bell. As much as he is over here knocking on my door I don't know how he has time for anything else. Well, if you see him give us a call. But don't tell him you called us. He has a couple of felony warrants.

The cops are never going to catch this asshole. I swear. You would think he is the most elusive person on the face of the Earth. What could be so hard about apprehending one guy. He doesn't even have a car. His girlfriend is a stripper. And his sister lives three houses down.

It's my birthday

This is what I got 

I'm tired of baby shit

Unfortunately, I two baby showers in one week (technically).  One this Sunday and the next Saturday.  I'm so tired of hearing, thinking, seeing about anything having to do with babies I could vomit.  

Maybe one day my brain will be addled with disgustingly sweet thoughts of little spawn, but it isn't yet and there isn't anything less important to me right now.  

I'm not a very good blogger these days

I feel like this:

Only worse.

Fuck Summer School

Schedule:

Tuesday: Spanish Quiz

Wednesday: Spanish Talking Quiz

Thursday: Spanish Quiz, and Geography Test

Friday: Spanish Test, Ted's Birthday Party

Saturday: Write Spanish Paper and Do TEDIOUS, time consuming Lab for Geography

Sunday: Kyle's sister's baby shower

I barely have time to breath.  Somehow I have to find time to wrap baby gifts.  

My birthday is next week.  Could somebody give me more time?  I would appreciate it.  

I'm having a shit day

First day of summer school.  Joy.  Spent $168 on books I will use for 6 weeks.  I still have a $30 book to buy.  The wind is blowing 100 miles per hour.  Between my last class and the $4 parking spot that was a mile away there was 2 construction sites.  I had dirt in my eye and stuck in my chap stick.   The wind was blowing so hard at on point I thought I would have to find a place to hold on to something.  I couldn't chance walking when the wind really blew or I might have fallen.  This wind is giving our garden a beating it won't soon forget.  And what did that sweet little garden ever do to the wind.  It looks like somebody has done a jig over our vegetables.  The corn is at a 45 degree angle.  I swear it.  

I have homework.  My calendar looks horrible already.  Not to mention I have 2 finals on the Saturday after classes get out.  I hope to god they aren't at the same time because both of my professors said there is no make-up.  What do you do?  

Kyle's dad will be in the hospital for a minimum of 3 more weeks a maximum of 6.  He has been in the hospital now for over two weeks, I think.  The days run it is hard to keep track.  The point is he has lymphoma.  A football size "mass".  He has a fungus he got from being around farm animals.  Due to his compromised immune system the fungus is in his spinal fluid, translation- in his brain.  He has pneumonia due to the fungus creating all kinds of havoc in his lungs were it started.  His kidneys aren't functioning well because the tumor is pressing on the tubes that take the pee from the kidney to the bladder.  To top it off, he is in a hospital and hour away.  So it is a breeze to visit.  

Californication

I never thought that there would be anything better than being young and drunk and listening to a Red Hot Chili Peppers album with your best friend.  The summer of love- doing naughty things with boys, falling in love with girls.  

But I think I have found it.  Californication. The Showtime Series.  There is something seriously refreshing about watching someone who is more fucked-up and depressed then you are.  I'd say it's down right spiritual.  

Course,  it could be this serious downer high I'm on.  I think for most people depression doesn't work.  For me, I get incredible skinny, and I feel like myself.  A great big hollow tree trunk.  If I wasn't so painfully tired all day I might actually get things done.  Here it is 1:30 and I am on some kinda low-blood-sugar-rush.  

I wish I had a million cigarettes and fifth a gin, a glass of orange juice and some strange.  

Maybe I'll just drink a beer and go to bed.    

Yellow and Green

I made a purse.

The earth made some vegetables.

GRE

I'm studying for my GRE this week and next in order to take the horrible test.  I would rather have a sharp stick in the eye.  

That is usually how these things go for me.  Utter Misery. 

fuck

Kyle and I received some very bad news on Sunday.  Kyle's dad, Stephen, has a mass over his kidney near his lymph node that is malignant.  The tissue they biopsied was too inflamed to tell what kind of cancer it is, but the doctors are leaning towards lymphoma.  He also has nodules on his lungs that will be biopsied this week.  

Why are the good people always the people who get sick?  It just isn't fair.  

I really don't have anything to say

So I'll babble. Maybe I'll think of something.

I cleaned my house this week. Not that it took the whole week- just a couple of days. When you have two shedding, slobbering beasts your house gets dirty incredibly fast.

I bought fabric to make a tote bag type purse. I can't find a yellow pre-fab purse that I like. What the fuck? I also want some yellow flats. I also wants lots of extra time and money. (I thought I would add that just in case someone important is listening.)

I watched the whole third season of Weeds in two days. Getting good use out of the cable anyways.

Next up The L Word.

I think I will watch it while trying to make my purse. I'll take before and afters.

I have seen so many birds this spring. The blue jays are especially thick. I saw a white, kind-of on the orange-y red side, grackle.

Our tomato plant took a beating last night with the storms. Can't complain though cause the house is still standing.

Done

I'm finally done with school. I thought it would never end. What is it about unpleasant things that makes time drag. Whatever it is, it blows. Good news people: as of 11 o'clock today I will never, and I mean never, have to diagram another sentence as long as I live. It brightens my day just thinking about it.

Along with finishing school I also finished the beast of a project I had going known as a Kyle's sister's scrapbook.

Look at the pictures. Here are my three favorites.

Today Kyle and I went walking in the community center trail in out neighborhood. By the pond we saw a momma duck and her 5 little, teeny ducklings. It was the cutest. There was a little rock wall they were trying to jump over to get to a small reservoir. They were having a little bit of trouble, but they all finally made it.

Criminology

Remember that Criminology test I thought I cut a little close? I needed an 86 or something I thought I may have gotten a 87. Turns out I made 98.57 (why .57? I have no idea). I hit that one out of the park. BIG FAT A.

My luck day

Kyle finally caved and got cable. Can you believe it? He is adamantly against all things television. The things he does for me. I know the real reason we got cable, but don't tell him I know. He wanted a fiber-optic internet connection and you have to get cable in order to upgrade your internet connection. So he plays like it is all for me. So that I can watch the new season of Dexter. Along with Showtime, IFC, Sundance, Encore, and a Oldies Music station I have remote access DVR. I can tell my DVR what to record from a computer far away. That is so damned exciting I can hardly contain myself.

Think of it: Weeds (Mary-Louise Parker is my favorite), Dexter, The L Word, I hear Californication is good, the same for This American Life.

You have to go to the Showtime website to see Mary-Louise Parker decked out in a pin-up style bathing suit. She is adorable. There is a changing picture right on the main page. She is the second picture. Ira Glass is the third picture.