The many exaggerations of Lauren

The drainage from my allergies has settled in my lungs = Horrible cough. Wheeze = "I think I contracted T.B. from the bus. You think that could happen? You know wallowing around with the poor like I am?"

I was really losing my voice from said allergies. "I'm sure this is the embodiment of the silent rage I hold for a.) the Spanish language b.) my Spanish class and finally c.) my Spanish teacher."

My teeth have recently made this little spot where food gets stuck. All of sudden. It is really getting bothersome. Flosses, "You could feed an Ethiopian family with the food stuck in between these two teeth. For a week. I swear it."

Garbage disposal making the weirdest, grinding, metal clinking noise. "There must be a baby or something stuck in the garbage disposal. Not some kind of fetus either. I'm talkin' a full to term thing in there. "

I get approximately 9 hours of sleep a night (or more). = "I'm so fucking tired. It feels like I never sleep!"

This reminds me of one of my favorite one liners from Metalocalypse.
Toki Wartooth: "I think I'm diabetic. I want to take a fucking nap."

Or something along those lines. I'm sure I really bastardized it. But you get the idea. Kyle and I laugh about this frequently.

This one's for Drew

Kyle's has this "great" idea for a t.v. show.

Ready? I honestly don't think anyone could be prepared for what I'm about to tell you. But I'll tell you anyways.

Sex and the City we all know it. Well, what if the crypt keeper from Tales from the Crypt was to play the main character Carrie Bradshaw. Everything else about the show would be the exact same. The same actresses. The same dialog. Even the new Carrie would have the same dialog.

After explaining the concept to some new unsuspecting listener he then does his best impression of the crypt keeper doing Carrie Bradshaw. Which I have to say is quite funny 'cause he starts out with, "Sometimes ..." He may do a few more words, but the "sometimes" usually makes the other person laugh so hard you can't hear it anyways.

Drew's Blog

An allostatic load

Oh dear me!

• I just now was able to sit down and read blogs.
  
• Christ on a cracker! I am tired!
• Taking classes isn't really fun.
  
• Taking 17 hours is so, so not fun.
• Because of the weight of my backpack and the fact that I walk two miles home from the bus stop I have a swollen bruise larger than a quarter right above my ass crack.
• Those hard plastic chairs are going to be fabu tomorrow!
• I am so tired of blackboard. Not familiar? UT website in which readings for classes are posted, grades, assignments, announcements, etc.
  
• It feels nice to sit on the computer and not do school work.
• I have decided that I hate Spanish. The language bothers me so. Just have two words for God's sake! Why have the same word mean 14 things. Does no one see how that could be confusing.
• Reading Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence and really quite liking it.
  

Curtains! Curtains! Curtains!

First let's start with the kitchen. There is no before, because there were no curtains.

This is in our bedroom. I only half made these. This used to be a duvet cover. Then in about 3 seconds with my sewing machine I made them curtains.

Half made curtains from Ikea. These were about a yard too long for our sliding glass door. I hemmed them.

Before: These were in our dining room.
They were fraying all over the place.

Before: WOW! Does this not look like denim? Trying to illustrate the poor lining/ sewing job.

These curtains do not complement my belongings.

After!

I need to get a new lampshade for that lamp

Tagged

Instructions will follow:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

A-Absolutely Don't Care. I just don't care about things most people do. This sounds bad. I don't want to care about things most people do. Lindsey Lohan can go jump off a bridge for all I care. That is not news worthy. And it just pisses me off. Same goes for all those other bimbo, spoiled, stupid, alcoholic, idiots. I do care about some things. For instance, the evils of vinyl. Buffalo Exchange claims to be a green company and hypocrisy of saying that and installing a vinyl (otherwise known as poisonous gas emitting product in production). If you know anything about poisonous gases or if you happen to be alive you know two things about poisons. 1: They are good for the environment. Dioxin. 2: They aren't good for you or in this case the workers at vinyl plants or even people who live around vinyl plants. CANCER. If you are interested you should watch a documentary called Blue Vinyl.

L-Listen carefully. I'm not a big talker. I don't really like to talk. Especially to strangers. If after a little social lube I find myself quite the chatty girl, but that happens very rarely. This goes double for the telephone.

I- I am weird. I like it. I have paint in my hair. It won't come out. I would like to have lived in the sixties. I would wear weird things. I would say weird things. I would have no pretenses or shoes.

S- So what. This translates into "Oh, Well". This is my personal motto, but it doesn't start with an S. In these two words is everything I should feel. Ever. Nothing matters if the world keeps turning, I keep on breathing, I still have my legs (legs are important to me), my health, etc. It doesn't matter if something broke when I was moving (nothing did I was just using an example of something somebody might care about) or if I make a B in my class or the seem on my curtains isn't perfectly straight. Oh, well. I try, and it does take some effort, to let it flow past me like a river. For that is the Taoist way.

For those of you wondering my middle name is Alis. The I is pronounced like would would say Alisha. Only at the end there is a sss like a snake, not a sh like "Be Quite". It isn't pronounced like Alice.

Corley
Madge
Casey
Catiepillar

First day of school

I had the worst classroom experience ever. Before my Oceanography class I have an hour break so I was there early and these three girls sitting right next to me were going on and on about their sororities. The intellectual stimulation of their conversation was the culinary equivalent of eating cardboard. One girl repeatedly asked, "Is this class about waves?" Not even her sorority sisters would touch that one. So she kept on and on until finally the other girl says, "It's about a lot of things." The the wave girl text messages the whole class. TWO HOURS. Then the first thing she says when the lights are up and class is done? "I'm dropping this class. I'm a journalism major. I will never need to know any of this in my whole life."

What if you were writing an article about the ocean? Pollution? Warming? All things that are in the news.

One of the girls said, "I hope this class isn't hard because I HATE science!" about 3 or 4 times.

It was like someone only gave them 4 sentences to use all day long. Boy did they ever use them.

Domesticity

I have the exact opposite issue as Madge. I previously hated being domestic. But now that I really like the house we are at I am finding it kind of fun. Not really exciting, but fun never the less. I can't wait to show you the curtains I am making. The curtains we inherited are so horrendous it isn't even funny. I'll take a picture of those too.

When living in rent houses not only do you usually inherit ugly curtains, but on occasion you inherit roaches. We have two lovely kinds of roaches, the big ones (that fly) and the small ones. This isn't the first time we have inherited roaches either. Kyle and I are masters of roach killing. We are almost rid of the ones we have now. It has barely been a week. There really wasn't a bad infestation it was moderate. The last house we lived in with roaches was bad! They also had mice. It was filthy! You would not believe the filth people live in.

I'm also enjoying being as environmentally friendly as possible. Today I bought some Dr. Bronner's house cleaner, Sal Suds, I think. It made my day. Tell me what is better than environmentally friendly, fair trade, cruelty free, hemp activism, biodegradable all these things in a cleaner? Go ahead, try to name something! If you say puppies that just plain isn't playing fair.

Ease Dropping

Yesterday morning at the new house I was sitting on the couch and could here people yelling. As it turns out it was my next door neighbors. Occasionally I would catch a few words but mostly I could here yelling. I did open the door at one point to see where the yelling was coming from and overheard, "Your driving me crazy with the fucking yelling. Shut your fucking mouth." Damn, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Well, if you are peeing and they happen to be yelling you can here it from the toilet. Pretty clearly. Also if you are in the garage changing the laundry you can here everything. I mean it sounds like they are talking to you. "After work I'm going to pick my fucking car up so I can give you a fucking ride to work!"

As I'm righting this I think it sort of sounds as if I heard them one time and then walked around my house. No. I just happen to be in those different places at different times in the span of two days and heard them fighting every time. They mush fight around the clock. It seems worse at night. They were doing something over there when they were outside fighting. I have no idea what is was, but my theory is they were banging on our house. For whatever reason it sounded like someone was knocking around upstairs. So my heart stopped for about 3 seconds and then I could here the neighbors yelling really clearly without all that pesky noise my heart makes and realized they are probably just participating in a little domestic violence. That was a load off.

For real though Kyle did say that when he was moving things he heard the girl say, "You hit my nose." She was crying and her mom was there. I have no idea how old they are. I have never actually seen them. I have seen a couple of college age guys there come and go a million times. I have no idea who lives there. It is strange.

Too tired for a real post

We are almost done with the house. Kyle, his mom, and I have almost finished painting the whole entire house in less than a week. Hopefully we will get moved this weekend.

Moving on.

My assignment from Spinning Girl. If I had more time I would write it on a maxi pad and take a picture. Frankly, I'm too damned tired for any fun.

1. My favorite childhood toy was ...this
2. My favorite childhood game was ...I have to say probably Super Mario Brothers. I can't think of anything else.
3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was ...This is a toss up between The Little Mermaid and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
4. I don't do it much but I enjoy ... reading or crafting
5. If I could lighten up a little, I'd let myself ... get rid of every single thing I own.
6. If it weren't too late I'd ... it is never too late.
7. My favorite musical instrument is ... the piano or the guitar
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is ... zero?
9. If I could get anything for my inner artist, I'd buy him/her ... a screen printer or screens or anything pertaining to screen printing
10. Taking time out for myself is ... not an option right now, but usually I read or go to the book store.
11. If I start dreaming ... I'm thankful that I am in bed asleep.
12. I secretly enjoy reading ... I openly read everything. I have no secrets in the reading department.
13. If I only could have grown up to be ... a naturalist or a scientist in some type of biology field, marine life maybe. I think I would enjoy that.
14. I wish I could make/write/grow/ create a ... anything. I haven't crafted in a while. It makes my heart hurt.
15. My parents think that I ... am pretty great.
16. What makes me feel weird is ... when you think a fabric looks like crushed velvet, and then it turns out it is really cheap, fake shit. That grosses me out.
17. My most cheer-up music is ... depends I guess, but I would probably say anything that was produced between 1959 and 1975. I love the Oldies.
18. My favorite way to dress is ... in clothes produced between 1940 and 1960.

I think a switch went off in my head.

I would like to be telling you that it was a fun, take your clothes off and party type switch. Unfortunately, someone flipped the responsible switch. I swear the things that come out of my mouth are so completely foreign to me. Sometimes, so much so the only thing I can think when saying them is, "Oh. My. God. I. Am. So. Boring. What happened? Dear God, Make it go away."

It is only getting worse. I find myself cleaning for no reason. Even worse, I keep feeling like I need to clean things. I'm fighting this with everything I have.

The things I do for you

We are cleaning the house we will soon be moving into. We should all do a little exercise to better sympathize with me, ready?

Take rag and spray bottle with ammonia and water mixture. Spray on walls. Wipe walls. Repeat 500,000 times. Oh, yeah. Did I mention to put on rubber gloves and turn the air conditioner off.
If I could think of a word worse than miserable I would use it.

Also, a fun part of the equation, I'm getting sick. I wish I could take a picture of my tonsils.

Wait, I'll try.

It isn't really effective. The picture does show how red my throat is. It doesn't, however, show how gigantic my tonsils are. That isn't because I'm sick. I swear I could win a Guinness prize for biggest tonsils.

More cleaning on the agenda for tomorrow. If there is a hell I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will be well prepared. If not for the heat then for the sheer misery.

I'm Home!

Finally! Boy, I am glad about it.

"Until I Find You"

Two things:

1- I finished "Until I Find You". I think a lot about it. I will tell you all about my thoughts shortly.

2-Thursday I will be leaving in the middle of the night for vacation. Me and Kyle, his parents, and the bride and groom will all be driving in one car to Dallas. Our plane leaves Dallas at 6 in the morning or something. Boo-hiss!

Okay, on to the review of "Until I Find You". Let me preface by saying I love John Irving. He can really do no wrong in my eyes. I'm not saying that it was the best book I have ever read, but with Irving there are always elements worth reading.

It reminded me a lot of "The World According to Garp". It could have just as easily been called "The World According to Jack Burns". It starts with the parents and the absent father then we follow Jack into adulthood. Arguably, not as heart wrenching as Garp. But I think that is because the ending didn't have as much resolution.

Some of the plot line or even certain sentences were a little forced. The characters make up for what the book lacks in anything else. Irving knows how to write a character. Plain and simple. He writes these characters that are damaged and flawed and painful and I love them. The more fucked up the character the more I love them.

Over all it was good and I'm happy I read it.

Be on the look out!

Email from UT.

On Wednesday, July 18, 2007 at approximately 1:00 pm, a student was
robbed walking between the Power Plant Extension Building (PPE) and
Applied Computational Engineering Science Building (ACE).  She was
pushed from behind, knocked to the ground and then told to give all of
her property to the suspect.

The suspect is described as follows:
Black male, in his early to mid 20's
Approximately 6' tall, 220 lbs.
Very heavy build, large nose

The suspect was last seen wearing:
Black hooded sweatshirt and burnt orange basketball shorts Anyone
having
information regarding this robbery should contact The University of
Texas at Austin Police Department 

Why would you need to give your stuff away because somebody pushed you? I would be so mad I wouldn't be able to give my shit away. I would start cursing and yelling. I mean did he sit on her and threaten to not let her up? Did he threaten to punch her? And did you notice the "large nose" things. Could that be more offensive?

Conversation on the couch

Kyle: We should start packing tonight.
Lauren: Let's just through all of stuff away.
Kyle: No.
Lauren: Why not?
Kyle: That would be wasteful.
Lauren: Well, we will give it all to goodwill.
Kyle: Then what? Buy new stuff?
Lauren: No. We'll just live in an empty house.

I'm moving

As soon as we get back from vacation Kyle and I are moving. I'm having mixed feelings about the whole thing.

One one hand, I will be living in Austin, north Austin, but Austin never the less. I will be able to ride my bike to the library. Very cool. I will be able to ride the bus the very short distance to the grocery store. Tons of hike and bike trails. Fry's is like three blocks away. In short, very convenient.

On the other hand, I have to move. Just thinking about it is sucking. Packing, painting, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Since both houses belong to Kyle's parents there is no leave and let somebody else clean it for you. We will be doing all the cleaning. Not only will we have to clean the house we are going to move into, but are house that we live in right now, and another rent house in our neighborhood. It will be a lot of work. I don't know if you know this, but cleaning up after other people is the grossest thing on the face of the earth.

Bachelorette Party

I told you that Kyle's little sister is getting married. We leave for St. Thomas next Thursday late at night. We have to be at the Dallas airport at 6 in the morning. I can't remember a time when I took a flight I haven't pulled an all-nighter the night before. This really is not good. I don't recommend it.

This Saturday I get to go to a bachelorette party with eight 20 somethings I don't know. Who, I'm sure, are decidedly girlie. Not to mention the fact I don't think there was ever a time I went out with more than say 2 girls. I can remember going out with a large amount of guys, but not women. I'm quite worried. I'm trying to think positive, but this is going to be dreadful. I can feel it.

What will I say? I'm horrible with these things. I'm horrible with women. They won't want to talk about books. I will guarantee you that. My life is pretty much consumed with books and independent film. Nobody reads and nobody watches independent movies. I'm such a bore.

I think my solution will be to smoke massive amounts of pot before hand. Then I just won't give a shit. This sounds like a good plan to me. Maybe not.

Gift Solutions

Friday I drove Kyle's grandmother (his dad's mom) to go shopping. She is too scared to drive in Austin. She didn't want Kyle to take her because he is a boy and everyone knows boys don't like to shop. So I was the lucky girl. Never mind the fact that she has two female granddaughters. One of which is Kyle's sister. So I take Meemaw to this store. Then we go have lunch.

While at lunch I manage to make her cry. That's right. I made her cry. She was telling me stories about Kyle's grandfather. Not her husband, but Kyle's mom's dad, I didn't think it was a problem if I asked how he died. It was at least ten years ago. She started to cry. I felt like a huge asshole. I can't even tell you.

So long story short, I get home Kyle asks if we took my car. We did so I say yes. Then he asks if Meemaw gave me any money for gas. Nope. Kyle says, "That Meemaw." Just the day before Kyle had received a $400 check for doing about 2 hours worth of yard work for Meemaw. There is no rhyme or reason for these things. She said, "I help your cousin all the time, and she is so hateful!" Kyle's other cousin is going to medical school so she really does need help and Meemaw calls her fat and monitors what she eats. That would make anyone hateful.

The next day she calls Kyle at work. On Sundays he makes her a pizza and brings it to her after he gets off work. And she had made a blueberry pie for me.

Blueberry Pie! It is so good. Moral of the story: Make old women cry then they bake you pies?

Forward

My mom sent me an email. You know the one that you don't really care about cause you know it is going to be sappy and sentimental and you really don't feel up to it right now. But I read it. A number of life lessons from an unknown author. Some I really enjoyed. Mostly because they are words to live by. They are words I try to live by anyways.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

Forgive everyone everything.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful , or joyful.

Tell me what you saw, and I'll tell you what you missed

I have thoughts. Crazy, rambling, beasts of thoughts. I sit quietly as if on a park bench and watch them go by like strangers. Once past I scarcely think of them, these thoughts. But sometimes they frighten me.

-Bukowski, is he a good read? I wonder what is the definitive Bukowski?
-I wonder what I would be like as a mother? Would I freak out about things that I normally wouldn't have out of frustration or some other motherly sort of feeling that I can't help?
-I wonder if Laura will be ok. What is happening to her? What about Iris?
-Wait. Those aren't real people, Lauren.
-I think I'm snapping. Me and the beans.
-If I just started reading again I would find out what is happening to Iris and Laura.
-No, I know where it is going and I don't think I quite like it. I'd rather sit here and make things up.
-Iris isn't going to tell Laura that she has been having an affair and everything will be fine.
-I like Modest Mouse.
-Paul Simon is pretty good too.
-I like musicians who write songs about literature. I don't know that Paul Simon has done this. -I was thinking about Modest Mouse, Led Zeppelin, the like.
-It seems like this is seeping out. Am I talking?
-No.

The Worst Bumper Sticker EVER!

"Planned Parenthood Killing a generation one baby at a time!"

I wanted to ram them into oncoming traffic. That is what I call population control.

Meanwhile, this is on an SUV. It makes me want to hunt them down and make a bumper sticker that says,

"SUV's killing the environment one gas guzzling mile at a time!"

or how about something that said,

"If people like me didn't drive piece of shit SUV's maybe the world would be a better place to live."

Then slash all there tires. This wouldn't really make a statement, but I would feel better about the situation.

In my irrational anger population control and polluting is the same thing. You knock one you better damn well be doing what you can for the other. If not you better get off your fucking high horse. Because the world is over populated. Is there anything worse than judgment through a bumper sticker?
Hypocrisy through a bumper sticker!

I'm done

I am done with my first summer semester at UT. I have five weeks until school starts again and a huge stack of books to get through.

1. The Blind Assassin Margart Atwood
2. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell Susanna Clarke
3. Flannery O'Connor The Complete Stories
4. Until I Find You John Irving
5. The Robber Bride Margaret Atwood

(That doesn't look like much, but a lot of them are quite large.)

I am trying to read more women authors. All my favorite authors are men. I feel wrong for that. Any suggestions?

Anger Management

You know when you see a young person get angry and you have this flash of them in middle age, old and bitter and it so ugly. And you wish you could show them what you saw for that second to save them from what they will become.

I am an angry person. No doubt about it. But in all my angry years I have learned a few things.

#1-Don't ever say anything when you are angry. Bad, bad things slip out and if you are not prepared to live with those things for the rest of your life for God's sake don't speak! You may forget, but I can guarantee you the person that got hurt won't.

Of course no one will listen to #1 so here are some other tips I've picked up along the way.

#2-Don't ever try to rationalize your anger whilst angry. No doubt you will sound like a raving, fucking lunatic.

#3-Never bring up stuff you have previously yelled at somebody for. You look like the biggest asshole in the world cause you can't get over it. If you can't get over it tough shit, that is your deal.

#4- Never bring up stuff that you previously haven't yelled at someone for. This is when things start to turn ugly. When you start making it painfully clear there is a totally different reason for your madness. For God's sake stop talking! It may be okay to be angry about those things, but it isn't okay to bring them up because you are snowballing to rationalize your anger.

#5-Don't through a temper tantrum. Any feet stomping, name calling or flipping the bird is immediate grounds for a visit to the crazy house. Adults aren't supposed to do that. Whoever you are fighting with will dump your ass in a heartbeat. It could be your own mother. She will dump your ass for being a crazy bitch (even if you are a man).

#6- The one place it is okay to talk when angry is in the car. Traffic can't hear and cursing like a sailor helps me feel better.

7#-When your argument is poor or you don't have a comeback, please for the love of God, don't start in with, "Fuck You!" Admit defeat. You don't have a leg to stand on. Your argument is irrational and stop talking. (It is okay, however, to start your argument with fuck you if you aren't yelling and you have a good argument.)

#8- Try not to have outbursts in front of people who haven't seen them before. You will push them away too, even if they aren't the brunt of your anger.

#9-Try not to have outbursts in front of people that have seen you have outbursts before. They will catch on that this is a normal things and want to commit you.

#10- One more time for good measure, Don't Say Anything! Your regret for the way you acted will feed on you for the rest of your life. This will make you older and bitter faster than your anger will. You will be sorry for the relationships you have ruined and the people you pushed away.

Trust me on this one.

You may have noticed I didn't mention anything about apologizing. Well, you wouldn't have to apologize if you didn't say anything now would you!

Apologies don't work and they sure as hell don't fix things.

All I really want to do is read The Blind Assassin.

I don't have time.

Summer Shit Storm '07

Why does the shit always have to hit the fan when I am totally stressed out about school? Why? These are bad things. I would tell you about them, but they are other people's bad things. It wouldn't be right. I can't fix them or contribute to the problem I can only get stressed out by it. It would be really easy to say that they are just effecting me because I'm already stressed. That may very well be the case, but they would sort of through me for a loop on a regular day. When there are big nasty fights over money and there are so many fuck you's flying around in between family members that is bad. Isn't that a fun situation to be in. I have one more fucking week people can we hold off just 7 days before we start killing people or going to jail? Really, I'm serious. I just don't think I can take much more bullshit AND school in a five and half week period. I have never had a summer that was so full of drama. I loathe drama. I have been shaking since about 2:00 this afternoon, because of my nerves. Isn't that a nice feeling.

Since I can't tell you about all the bullshit I will tell you about school. On Tuesday I have a six to eight page first draft that has to be done. I also have my third test in my Biology class. On Friday I have my final draft due and a comprehensive final in my Biology. Hooray for two tests in one week in the same class!

I just keep thinking, maybe I will get all my studying and my editing done on the fourth of July. I probably won't, but it makes me feel better to make things up.

Netflix

I just got the best email ever. The title is "We're Lowering the Price of your Netflix Plan" and they actually did. I didn't have to buy anything. Can you believe that? Maybe it is some sort of scam. Well, whatever it is it sure is cool for now!

For those of you not familiar with the before. This is how much hair I got cut off.

I smell

I hate going to the hair salon. They put all kinds of shit in my hair and I really, really, stink. My hair looks like this.

Online Poll

Will Corley ever get the internet?

Yes

No

Maybe

I love Jeopardy. I find it interesting and I learn so much. I finally stopped watching the re-runs on GSN. I'm hopelessly nerdy. I know.

The thing about Jeopardy is that it really pisses me off. I watch it like most people watch sports. Well, that may be a bit of a overstatement. I don't stand up or hop around. Way to lazy for that. But I yell at the TV. I call the players names that would make most people turn an unnatural shade of red. I can't help it. I have wished debt on people because I didn't think they bet enough. Come on assholes! It is money you don't have. Play like you got a pair!

The most recent thing that has pissed me off was the final Jeopardy question. The question was something like between 2005 and 2006 this state had over 500,000 people move there. Okay, because I have a pulse not because I live in Texas do I know the answer. Gees, what happened in 2005-2006 that would have cause a mass migration to a different state. A HUGE FUCKING HURRICANE YOU ASSHOLES!!!! Where have you been? You know Katrina you couldn't go 4 seconds without hearing about it for over a year. One guys head was wedged so far up his asshole he actually said Louisiana! I couldn't even believe it. Right about now is where the name calling comes in, because all three of them got it wrong!

Get this

I can not even begin to describe how great today has been. I have spent the whole day on the computer farting around and napping. I have absolutely no homework this whole weekend, I only had to go to school for 30 minutes today to take a test so I drove. Practically a three day weekend for my birthday! What a present.

Speaking of my birthday, a couple days ago Kyle says, "What happens if your biological clock goes off on Sunday?" I look at him like a confused puppy, "On my birthday? Why do you say that?" Apparently he is afraid that I will want to have a baby the second I turn 24. My answer was, "Well then we will just have to deal with that when it happens." I'm already sounding like somebodies mother.

Now in a fit of excitment in order to celebrate my birthday I am going to sit on the couch in my t-shirt and panties and watch the television until I drool.

The Bus

I know I've said it before, but I really wish I had a usb port to my brain. It would have worked really well last night when I was thinking about this blog post instead of sleeping. But I really wish I had one so you could see all the characters on the bus. It is like a regular freak show on there everyday of the week. I swear each person that gets on is weirder than the next.

This man sat down in front of me and I could smell him. Well when he got off at the same stop these two girls in there 20's got on. They were the two dorkiest, hippie girls I have ever seen in my life. But not the I'm making a statement kind of hippie, rather a I don't know it would be infinitely cooler if I shaved my legs and didn't rival the smell of the homeless man. They should go on some sort of warning poster for kids. Under their picture it would say, "This is what happens when a hippie and a first grade teacher have a baby!"

Two Korean women are always at the bus stop together. One is perfectly normal. The other, however, always has a leopard print umbrella. Rain or shine she is under that thing at the bus stop. I can almost understand that. It is sunny, whatever. BUT. She also has a visor on. AND. Always has a periwinkle, blue handkerchief with a little, tiny, flower print over her face. It is over her nose and mouth like she is a cowboy and any minute she is going to pull out her six shooter and rob the train or bus, whatever. She uses two barrettes and clips it into her hair in the back over her visor strap. She probably has the right idea. I wouldn't have had to smell that hippie girl had I been wearing my cowboy get up.

Just an aside before I move on. I don't know if you have noticed, but the bus gets fuller and fuller as the month goes on. During the first of the month there is hardly anyone on the bus. Then I guess everyone runs out of money and must take the bus?

White male. Probably in his mid to late twenties. Average build, sandy blond hair with a very short almost shaved haircut. I can tell it hasn't been shaved. Because, it looks like he has twisted little tiny pieced and cut them with scissors all over his head. He also had this almost bald spot in the back of his head right in the middle. It could have been bald because there was a scar there. It was hard to tell. But let me tell you he was giving my the willies. The look in his eye was creeeeepy( you have to sing creeeeepy for the full effect).

Fairy Tales

Today in class we got to see a lot of art work done by Hans Christian Andersen. He did these paper cuttings along with sketches and things like that, but the paper cuttings are really, really cool.

This is the only image I could find of my favorite one.

Most are incredibly small and intricate.


And he did it all with a regular old 8 inch pair of scissors!

I have to stop dicking around and revise my paper. I won't have time this weekend, and here I am posting this bullshit just so I won't have to do it right now. I could scream. I want to scream. I won't.

Mr. Tambourine Man

I was listening to Bob Dylan on the bus and I had to laugh. I thought about so many years ago, I was living with my mom. Me and Kyle were on the skids. I was really depressed. I would sit on the floor of my room and listen to Bob Dylan, specifically Mr. Tambourine Man. I would wait until close to the last verse and crack a whip-it. Then I would be all woozy and get to listen to my favorite verse.

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

It was fun. I wish had a whip-it.

I don't know what's worse that I did this or that I think it is funny and would do it again in a hurry if I had the supplies.

I found the short haircut that I want

I'm not sure that I will ending up getting something exactly like this. But I like this A LOT!

Metalocalypse

While at the metal show I was doing a impersonation of a metal singer and got recruited. I have a wicked good voice for metal. Next time you see me you should totally ask me to do it for you. I will be going on tour soon with Zombie Decapitator soon.


True story:
Also, the singer of one of the bands made himself puke on stage and was found of spitting up in the air and then catching it in his mouth (even with vomit spit).

Someone lost a tooth in the pit. That is what happens when you get an elbow to the mouth. I don't understand. All those people jumping into you and hitting you with their sweat and blood. Count me out. Just thinking about it makes me want to have a panic attack.

Riot anyone?

I can not tell you how glad I am that the week is done. Five days straight is just to many. What do you say to a friendly riot? You know in protest? To get the work week to four days and not five? Any takers?

Saturday, Kyle and I will be going to San Antonio. There simply is no rest for the weary. We are escorting his 18 year old cousin. He has Asperger syndrome. So in other words he is autistic. He also loves heavy metal. So we are taking him to a heavy metal concert. He also knows every animal genus and species on the face of the earth, plus dinosaurs. He has a photographic memory and puts it to use working in the library.

But first I am going to have to wake up and do some homework. A lot of homework.

My Hans Christian Andersen teacher chewed the whole class a new asshole today for not reading. We had taken two reading pop quizzes this week and apparently most of the class hadn't been reading. If I were him I would be really pissed too. The longest story we have had to read was like 20 pages. Everything else has been about 5. One night 5 pages I wouldn't say that is overloading us. He started telling us people who don't read devalue other people's education, which I think is true, but he just went on and on and the whole time I'm just smiling away. Well, he is cute. What can I say? Plus he wasn't mad at me.

I'm very busy.

I'm ....

-Taking a class on Hans Christian Andersen which I am really enjoying even though it has only been two days. My teacher is adorable. And Danish. And hopelessly nerdy, and a natty dresser. And loves literature. So obviously I'm in love.

-Watching Kinsey. It took me two days. But I finished it. God, to have that kind of passion. I have to stop watching movies when Kyle is in the room. He insists on talking to me or commenting on the movie the whole way through. Eventually, I feel like ripping his throat out with my teeth. So I stop the movie and wait until later.

-Riding my bike in a lightning storm. It had rained just minutes before, so everything was wet and smelled incredible. The air was cool and who doesn't love a good lightning storm? Oh, Texas, how I love you.

-Making a decision. I have decided to cut my hair. Not right this minute, but when I think the black has grown out sufficiently to have a nice hair cut. I want all the black gone. So send pictures of short hair cuts. Though I may wait until after Kyle's little sister's wedding. Maybe not. Here are some things I was thinking about. I may even be willing to go this short. (the one on the right. Tell me what you think.

-Watching Crash. Think ill of me if you must, but I love this movie. (The first Crash with the weird sex and car crashes and David Spader. Not the pretentious, everyone is a racist Crash. Just clarifying I don't want anybody to think I love that movie. ) It is THE weirdest movie I have EVER seen. And I'm no stranger to weird movies. I love David Spader. He must be so strange. His body of work is like no other. He'd have to be crazy to play all those parts.

In case you were wondering

About the tag "You say va-jay-jay. I say va-jiy-jiy. Let's wax the whole thing off." Talk soup has a pretty regular routine called Oprah's Va-Jay-Jay. Once they showed a clip of some doctor on her show and he said "Va-jiy-jiy" She corrects him quite harshly. Then Joel McHail does this dance with a top hat and a cane and sings "You say va-jay-jay. I say Va-jiy-jiy. Let's wax the whole thing off." It was very funny.

Last night's giggle fest

My and Kyle are in bed. We can't find anything on TV. I go by Food Network and I see the Broken Spoke. I stop to watch about Austin. The show was Giada's Weekend Getaway. Kyle wants me to change it, but I really wanted to see were she went. We don't like Giada. For one thing she says spaghetti with an accent. Spaghetti is an American word now you don't have to say it with an accent. It is like saying taco with an accent. It makes you look like a giant asshole. So naturally we think she is a giant asshole. Plus she has a really big head. I don't know if it is the camera angle or what, but it is unnaturally large. We were at my mom's the other day and Giada happened to be on and her hair looked like crap. It looked liked cats had licked it in lieu of a shower. It was very stringy and almost matted. So we are laughing about Giada and Kyle said something I didn't quite hear so I ask, "Did you just call her Va-Giada?" He says no, but that leads us in a very funny direction.

Kyle says, "I'm going to write a letter to Food Network."

Dear Food Network,

Your Va-Giada stinks. Do something with it's hair.

We laughed so hard! I was crying. It was to funny.

What? It is funny.

Ode to my mother

My mom had the good sense to buy me a Texas Tomorrow Fund account 11 years ago when we came into a little money. It works like this, whenever you put money into the account your college tuition rates are locked in for that year. So I sign up for classes and confirm my attendance. No money exchanged, no nothing. From a $2,000 balance (for 6 hours for 51/2 week session) to $0 just like that. They needed a copy of my Texas Tomorrow Fund id card once. It is like magic. What a genius! She paid for 4 years of college to any public Texas University for $9,000. What a deal!

I have a rant

Let me tell you a little secret. I am very nerdy and so is Kyle. We like the show "How it's Made". I record all of them and sometimes they show 6 or more shows a week that we haven't seen. This is impressive because we have seen A LOT of them. We watched one about laser eye surgery the other day I thought I would actually throw up. They use the slicer contraption that looks like a mini version of something you cut thinly sliced potatoes. Mandolin? You know what I'm talking about. Moving on.

My problem with the show is this: they will explain the most obvious stuff the nth degree. Yet, information that isn't extremely obvious or something that seems really obscure they will barely touch on then move on.

Example: Boat compass. They go on and on and on about what the fucking compass is made out of. Those of us with eyes can see that it is made from wood and they glue it together. They get the guts of the compass and are explaining a little then say a small sapphire is placed in the bottom. No explanation, no nothing. Is this some sort of wizardry I missed out on? What the fuck does the sapphire do?

This isn't the only time they played this wicked little mind game with us. This just happens to be the only example I can think of.

I'm nervous

I don't have a job. That hasn't happened for a very long time. In between jobs sure, but no job? When it is right down to it, I'm not sure I can manage. It is really scary.

Orientation starts on Tuesday. I have to check in between 7 and 8 AM (we all know how I love the mornings) and I don't get to register until 4:30pm. As I really don't feel up to top speed it will be a long day. I don't feel good enough to walk a block and I can take about 5 minutes of standing before I need to sit down. It is making me a little nervous.

Plus, that "I haven't done this before" nervousness that is totally irrational and will sometimes stop you from doing new things.

I've been very sick

I have been really sick since Sunday morning. I thought I was just hung over from drinking THREE drinks at Corley's graduation party. I'm pretty sure I was sick. Today is the first day I've been able to sit at the computer. I have watched so much tv it is unbelievable. I lost about five pounds this week. Three more pounds and I will weigh as much as I did in high school. So pretty much I'm wasting away. Nothing like violent illness to get you ready for bikini season, right?

In the middle of being deathly ill I had to go to the Tool concert. I couldn't miss it. We drive over an hour to San Antonio. We have to walk a long way from the car to our seats with no breaks. So when we get to our seats I'm tired. There was some shit band before Tool we had to suffer through. Then Tool comes on and everybody stands up. Well, fuck if I can stand up for two hours. I could stand up a little if I wanted to see something or peek through people but mostly I saw the backs of the people in front of me.

Oh, by the way those people where on their cell phones almost the entire time. If they weren't on their cell phones they were chit chatting to one another. This is becoming an epidemic every time we go to a concert there is someone yelling in our ear. I did not spend 50 fucking dollars to hear those people chat. I'm done ranting. Let me tell you how weird Maynord is.

He comes out in some tight jeans and a tight white undershirt, boots and an old bent up cowboy hat. That is weird, but during the first song he takes the hat off and does some sort of a back bend kind a thing and it waving the hat around over his head like his is riding a bull. At one point he goes behind the giant equipment wall (we can see him back there because we are about 150 ft up and really close the side of the stage) he sits down and takes off his boots. The whole stage was a projector. Which was really, really neat-o. But unfortunately the vocals weren't turned up enough so we couldn't hear him singing. The drums were way to high. Before they come on Kyle says to me that he thinks this bass might shake a shit out of him. The first boom of bass and I was like oh my god that might actually happen to me. For the entire first song my stomach gurgled to the bass. When the bass shook my stomach my stomach churned. Thankfully I got used to it, but after two hours I was incredibly tired.

Where was I?

I definitely need to see L.A. Confidential again. I don't remember any of this stuff. I have another 200 pages in the book before I'm done. But it is down to the wire. I can't stop thinking about Bud White. I love him. I didn't love him in the movie. I really dislike Russell Crowe. I'm sure that was the problem before. I will try to look past those things. I love, love, love Kevin Spacey. Love him.

I'm off to read.

On a some what adjacent note

I recieved my Mp3 player that I bought online at the cheapest price I found. I ended up going with a Creative due to the downloadable library books. (That's why this is adjacent.) And I ended up getting a 30gb. What can I say it screamed value. I could have bought a couple of gigs for 100 or got 15 times the storage for only double the price. Bargain! Plus between me and Kyle we have a lot of music. I didn't realize until I started putting it on there. I never thought that seeing a list of alphabetized musicians could bring me such pleasure.

P.S. I think I'm in love with Amy Winehouse. You Know I'm No Good favorite song this week.

"I cheated myself like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble
You know that I'm no good"

I love books

So, we all know I'm reading L.A. Confidential. But, did you know that a friend gave me this book many, many , many years ago? The same friend that I was thinking about in this post. For some reason I never read it. I have no idea why. I always kept it at fingers length and never read the damn thing. If I had it would have been the first in a long list of gritty, filth that I just love. It's is like Iceberg Slim, but not true and really long, and the white side of town. I saw this movie years ago. I don't remember any of the violence and seediness. Quentin Tarantino should have directed it. He can do seediness and violence and still make it watchable.

L.A. Confidential

Baby Birds

The swallow nest above our front door as seen on flickr has two little babies in it. They are cute. They both will stick there head out of the nest and rest their chin on the side. Double cute. I expect real soon they will hop down and ask if I'm their mother. But there dad is pissed off even more than before. Holy moly! I walked to the mail box this morning and he dive bombed half the way there.

Pass me by. I'll be fine. Just give me time.

I wish I could take everything I have seen and heard and done in the past 9 years off just like a winter coat. I would hang it in the closet and store it for the summer. I still need that heavy coat, no doubt, but just for a little while I would like to feel a cool breeze on my bare shoulders.

I sat out on the driveway tonight trying to get it back, that feeling like tomorrow will always be better. Maybe it is the feeling that there is something different out there just around the corner. The silence of suburbia is deafening. The white noise of cars driving by and the crinkle of paper burning as I take a long drag off a cigarette are the only things to keep me company. And just for a second I thought I had it. But it slipped away before I could get a good hold on it.

Cigarettes make me feel like a kid. If only I had someone to hide them from.

Some people are afraid of change. I'm afraid of static. But it always finds me. It hunts me down. For some reason I give in to it. It comes sneaking in like a prowler, and all I can do is hide under the covers. But just when things get going good and steady I make a break for it and muck it all up real good, then try to make my way back. One of these days I'm not going to be able to go back. I will have fucked it up one to many times. Then what?

"Oh, the problems we had then. How were we to know we were happy?"

Done

I finished The Handmaid's Tail. As if it was some sort of race.




What now?

Unsolved Mysteries

I always hated that show as a child. I found it terrifying. I just didn't want to watch. The narrator and his creepy voice, it was all to much.

Now I find my life is like that, an unsolved mystery. I image that same voice narrating the things I found in my car and wondered about. Saying something mysterious and eerie. Where has all the time gone? What happened to all the things I did, but I just can't remember? Are they gone forever? Will I wake up one day with a memory of some lost action? Do I live these lost, forgotten deeds out in my dreams? How many things have I taken for granted? Why can't I seem to make myself stop it?

Pay attention! I'm screaming this. It hasn't caught on yet.

Would it be better to get rid of everything and never be reminded of the things you did in some version of your life that doesn't belong to you anymore?

The Glove Compartment

I cleaned out my car today. And I mean cleaned it. Big time. I have this little arm rest in between the front seats it opens up, you store things in it. I probably haven't cleaned it since I got the car. Six years ago. I found all sorts of stuff in there. Josh's number, Beth's number, Chris's number, all manner of aged breath mints, a tiny, little bottle of eyelash adhesive, change, tampons, pens. You know, all the things a girl needs in her arm rest for god only knows how many years and never uses any of it. Now you must be thinking, Who the hell is Josh? Cause I certainly am. All those other people make perfect sense. However, Josh is really baffling me. I got nothing.

The Handmaid's Tail

I am reading Margaret Atwood. I am 60 something pages in and I am totally hooked. I absolutely love it. LOVE IT! She is a beautiful writer. Just beautiful.

The intimacies of live music

The Damien Rice concert was incredible. The best concert I believe I have ever been to.

He started out so soft, and sultry and right when you needed it he came on strong and hard and raw. But before he could overwhelm you with all the screaming he slowed it down again. Right when you thought you were going to have to beg for more, he gave you just what you needed. Your fingers slip from the handle you had on reality. When he slows it down again you have to catch your breath and open your eyes to get your bearings and figure out where you are.

Wait... What are we talking about? Oh, yeah. The concert.

And just when you think you can't scream anymore, he came. Again... For an encore.

The cartoon version of me

I was bored and spent way to much time creating my yahoo avatar. For absolutely no reason other than to go through all the little outfits. It was entertaining me. It takes very little. So here it is.

Damien Rice

Tomorrow, Corley and I are going to see Damien Rice. I am very excited. I've been listening to Grey Room like it is going out of style.

I went to the park today

Everything is so green. I tried to use the microphone on my camera to get all the birdie and insect noises. It didn't work so good. I wish there was a little place where it would save the smell for replay. When will they be able to turn smells into 1's and 0's? It smelled so freash and clean and new.

Here are the highlights. Go to flickr and see every last photo. I took a lot.

My days are filled with wonderment

Things that are quite simply a total mind fuck:

Digital cameras- What the hell is it doing in there? 35mm cameras are not a mystery. What the hell is it burning the image on. I can't rap my head around it.

Records- Little grooves turned into sound? How is that even possible? A series of grooves? I watched the complicated process of record making. The whole time thinking, my god, this is so complex for such an outdated technology.

The Interweb- Call me crazy, but what the fuck is it? What is going on? There are so many 1's and 0's out there it boggles the mind.

There are a million other things that I just don't get. But, alas, I can not remember them.

"From now on when people ask me what I want to be when I grow up I will tell them, Amnesiac."

I'm thinking, right now, about cutting all of my hair off. Should I do it? Will I have the guts if everyone says yes?

Still my roof has got no ceiling

One minute your doing perfectly harmless paper crafts and you think what a good idea it would be to listen to music. The next thing you know you are listening to that music and thinking about the boy that turned you on... to it. Then you are thinking about that boy, that summer. There is always a smile. But you just have to wonder.... is he okay? Is he in love? Does he have a wife or kids? A steady job? Will I ever find out? I hope he is good, because he did a great thing for me. He made me feel incredible about myself at a time when your young and unsure of yourself. Sometimes the wonder of life really touches me. Just the way people and relationships mold your life. Well, wherever you are, thank you. I sincerely hope you find something really great out there.

Early morning edit: Henry DeTamble reminds me of him. This is probably the reason I love The Time Traveler's Wife the way I do. I think it is the dark hair, light eyes phenomenon.

That summer always leads to thinking about Corley. It was a great summer. The very best summer of my life, in a way that was so carefree. I had so much fun.

and some days it feels like nothing
it always used to feel like plenty.

So, I'm fairly sure that it hasn't quite sunk in yet that I got accepted to UT. I just don't feel it. Everyday I think maybe today will be the day when I stop feeling so apprehensive and just relax. Not yet.

Break-ins

Our neighbor two houses down scared someone off trying to break into their home. This is really weird to me. For one thing I leave our back door open (not unlocked, but literally open) pretty much around the clock whether we are home or not. My car is almost never locked and most of the time our front door isn't locked either. They wouldn't even have to break in to our house they could just stroll in. Second of all they said they were two teenage kids running away. They tried to break in at midnight when the people were home. They live on the corner so they don't have a privacy fence, and they kids were trying to get in the back door. Let me say this again cause I just don't believe it, the occupants of the house were there. This is the safest neighborhood I have ever lived in. Not that I haven't lived in some safe neighborhoods, but this one is by far the safest. Nobody lives here but middle aged white people. They might break into your retirement fund, but they won't break into your house. In fact our neighborhood is so white bred that a couple months back me and Kyle were leaving the house and there was a black man walking his dog and it really took me by surprise. I was telling Kyle, "Look! Look! There is a black man! " We lived here for over a year and had never seen one black person. I haven't seen him again. The other people probably ran him out of town.

Did I mention....?

Orientation is on May 29th. I will be able to register for classes then. Classes start on May 31st. Can you image the vast sum of classes I will be able to choose from, not to mention times, only TWO days before summer classes start. The choices right now are slim to none, and I still have a whole month.

I already gave notice at my job.

I still don't know where I will be living come school starting and beyond.

I was going to ride the bus everywhere, not just the UT clean, college kid bus, but the weirdo, stinky bus too. Gas is expensive and with no job I can't drive a car all over tarnation, plus there is negative parking at UT. I don't know how that is possible, but I swear it has gone past good, old No Parking and gone into the negatives. This will prove hard if we are in Georgetown. Since there is no bus into Austin. I will have to drive to north Austin and park just to ride the Capital Metro. That is half way to school.

So, in light of the bus riding I have decided to invest in a Mp3 player. I want something cheap. I don't necessarily want and ipod. But I do want something good quality. With 2-4gb. Any suggestions?

Nap time

I must sleep. I worked from 10pm to 6am last night. I had to get up and 10:50 and race, literally, to UT to make my 12 o'clock appointment with an advisor. That was fruitful. Then I did all manner of chores. I still haven't taken a nap and I am so painfully tired.

Self portrait

I got some spam mail from "Doctor Madge".

No kidding.

I got in to UT!!!!!! I could just chant it over and over again. I am so excited!

"Time and tears went by, and I collected dust. For there were many things I didn't know."

A series of things has been weighing me down.

A couple of weeks ago me and my mom went to Dallas to see her step grandmother, I guess. Her son was married to my grandmother. He died after they had two little girls together. He fell off a horse and broke his leg. While he was in surgery he died. I'm not sure why. But that was before I was born. Cordella is 94. Her daughter said that we should visit because she wasn't sure there was going to be much more opportunity. They have been saying that for over three years. We went to visit, but without much urgency. She lives in a nursing home on busy street in Plano. She has her own room with a window. when we walked in she was watching television. We went with one of my mom's sisters and Cordella's daughter. Cordella looked at me and my mom, her face scrunched up, trying to figure out who we were. Her daughter told her and it didn't seem to ring any bells, but she smiled at us and we held her hand. She looked at my mom's sister and recognized her from when she was there last. My mom had put together this little album of her favorite pictures for Cordella. The first picture was of Cordella and her husband. It was taken at least 15 years ago, since her husband has been dead for that long maybe 20. She turns the first page and is immediately confused. "Who is this?" she asks. So, everyone tries to explain that the man standing next to her looking down happily is her husband, Alex. Still nothing. So they kept going, her daughter telling her that was her father, your husband. Then she looked up and said, "I'm confused." It was as if all the air was sucked out of the room. She was married to him for fifty years. Not only could she not recognize him, she couldn't recognize herself in the picture. In further pictures she couldn't recognize her grand kids. All I could think about is, "What goes through her mind? What does she have to live for? She doesn't even know who her family is? Why does this happen to people?" After looking at the pictures for a while and everyone trying to explain who everyone was she said, "Looking at these pictures scares me. I think I am getting old."

Funny how being old ravages a body. Once, a substantial woman of 5'7" (at least), she lay in that hospital bed looking the embodiment of frail. She weighed less than a hundred pounds. She had numerous bed sores from not being able to walk. Her papery skin was pulled taught over the bones in her face making her features very sharp. Most of her teeth were gone. She had a hard time holding her head up straight.

I was walking along quite nicely, then life sneaks up behind me and slaps me in the back of the head. It pitched me forward and I haven't quite caught my balance.

Not long after that I was at work I happen to be working the register to cover some one's break. It was slow and a youngish, attractive woman comes and puts her items on the counter. Just a few things nothing big. Before I even started ringing her stuff up an old Jewish looking lady who frequents the store enough for me to recognize her came up behind her. She tells the young woman that it looks like she will be doing something interesting. The woman replies, but does not look up, "Yeah, we just lost our little son. So I have to have something to keep me busy." The first part was so clear and without emotion that I thought she may have misspoke. Then her voice broke and I knew she didn't. The comment shocked me so. I know my jaw hung and I don't remember much of the conversation except that she said the only place she finds peace is at the cemetery and she was crying. It was all to much for me to handle. I don't know what is worse the fact that her young son died or that she felt she had to tell a stranger in the checkout line.

The next thing happened in rapid succession. Kyle calls me right before work and tells me that out vacation might be off. I am thinking maybe his sister and her boyfriend are fighting and he tells me that her boyfriend's father died. He wasn't old. He was having some mild paralysis in his legs. the doctors did some tests. They found he had a staff infection in his spine. He went into surgery to have the infection removed and a blood clot came loose from not walking and killed him instantly. On the way to work I started thinking about dying and the infinite blackness that could follow until I am so deep into this thought that it makes me feel sick. It was as if all at once my organs orchestrated a revolt and on the count of three they all tried to slam up against their cage to get out.

I feel myself getting old everyday. They aren't big things. It isn't like driving down a hill with no breaks or anything. But rather, it is like that noise when you are all alone in the house. The house is very silent so it startles you and the dogs. You don't know where it came from or what it was. The dogs run off towards the noise and you wait. When your courage is gathered you walk slowly to it, but there is nothing there. Only your imagination.

Reoccurring dreams

I am walking through my neighborhood. But it isn't my current neighborhood, it is every neighborhood I have ever lived in. Even the very first one. But it is like someone stacked them all up and compressed them. If that makes any sense. One house will have a different yard at a different place and they are all jumbled. I walk around and round until I need to cut through some one's fence for a shortcut I squeeze through the fence then I wake up.

The second go round of the dream it was raining and I was riding my bike through the neighborhood. Round and Round I went, then decided to cut through some one's garage, house and yard for a shortcut. I went into the garage and woke up.

For some reason I find this very strange.

If you say to me tomorrow...

I generally think that I am a person who doesn't take care of themselves. I certainly don't take of myself as well as I think I should. I drink soda. Not excessively, but I drink some. That is to much. I eat fast food. I don't eat enough fruit or vegetables. I don't drink enough water. Not only diet wise, but spiritually, mentally and physically. I don't exercise enough. I don't read enough. I don't do crafts enough. I don't take enough time to sit quietly. I don't give myself enough time to reflect, if you will. This list could go on, but I am boring myself.

The point is I think about all these things that I should or shouldn't do. Then I talk to people I work with and think, "Oh, hell. I am treating myself wonderful in comparison." I work with a guy who is the same age as me and has high blood pressure. A different guy drinks energy drinks constantly. The worst part is that when I tell them something that I know for fact that is bad for them, caffeine, for instance their eyes glaze over. I get a better response when I talk to Grubb. It is like they don't even want to know how they are poisoning their own bodies. I told one guy the other day, "You should think about these things, because you are going to pay for them later. You only have one body you know."

Kyle went to work early today to take a pretty big pizza delivery to a giant church. He told me that he was going to have to start the day off bad by breathing the poisoned air there. He tells me that the church has not one, but two gift shops in the front. They don't pay taxes on the pizza and they have only tipped him once. That was because he was speaking Spanish to the woman at the front desk and she was impressed and found him some money. So after he takes the deliveries he calls me and tells me that the church is having a raffle for a brand new H3. I couldn't even believe it. You don't even have to be a member to win. Twenty dollars and it could be yours. Some filthy money grubbing scheme. It disgusts me. Should you really be promoting a gas guzzling, polluting machine? Would God be happy with you if you are ruining his creation? Talk about poisoned air.

I go through phases with my diet. Sometimes I only eat healthy. Sometimes I only eat what tastes good. But I know what I should eat and I try to keep it to a minimum with the poisons I ingest. I do read, that is better than nothing and letting my brain rot in my skull. I do sit quietly on occasion. I give my mind exercise. I don't go to church, but at least i am not being lead astray by the wrong messages. There are so many people in my life that love me and that I love dearly. This is enough for me to make my life rich and full. I am so fortunate. So maybe I do take care of myself a little bit.

This is Amy Butler fabric. I love her designs for fabric and patterns. They are all very cool. Well, Michael's is carrying PAPER by Amy Butler. I am so excited I could actually squeal. Don't judge me. There was a series of five minutes when I actually hopped a little. Okay, I hopped a lot. It comes in a 12x12 pad for 9.99. The paper is really super thick and textured. I am so excited.

I guess I forgot to mention that at work we are resetting all of our scrapbooking aisles. That means we are moving and getting new stuff for 7 aisles. It is so hectic. Not to mention that we have to reset other aisles too that don't have anything to do with scrapbooking. Also we are getting in all sorts of new stuff. It is fun to put away the new stuff. We will also receive an exclusive Martha Stewart crafting line in the next month.

I read a great article in the Playboy

Playboy is a great magazine. Underneath all the boobs is a magazine committed to anti-censorship and literacy. This is really the fundamentals I think all magazines should have, but alas they don't. So I choose to read the ones with the values I think they should have.

The first article was good. The basic gist of the piece was that Democrats and Republicans are the same. Neither one care about the fact that the illiteracy rate in Detroit is 50%. Neither one are doing anything about the HUGE imbalance of wealth in this country, or the out and out assault on the middle class. But rather a politician is a politician. It is summed up by the last sentence of the article, "To prefer a Democrat to a Republican is at best to prefer death by a thousand cuts to a good, clean bullet to the base of the skull." Wow! Sort of takes the breath right out of you. Score for Curtis White. It makes me want to read his book, The Spirit of Disobedience: Resisting the Charms of Fake Politics, Mindless Consumption and the Culture of Total Work. Of Course the title doesn't hurt anything either. I can hear it softly calling my name.

Second article, literally right next to the previous one I didn't even have to turn the page to get to more substance that I really care about. This one is about "Going Postal" this bizarre American phenomenon. And rather that talking about how outrageous and scary it is which I am in no way interested it speaks of the fact that it is perfectly normal. Of course it is, why shouldn't Americans be pissed that steadily our work environment is getting smaller and smaller, i.e. cubicles rather than offices? Why shouldn't we be pissed off that in the last twenty years we have received a six cents increase in pay adjusted for inflation for working the same jobs. Why shouldn't we be pissed off at the out and out assault on the middle class. We work harder and longer than anyone in the first world. But luckily everyone else in the first world gets health care and vast sums of vacation hours. Americans, as the article so poignantly put it, should be revolting in the streets. Revolution is eminent, right? Nope. We don't say a thing. Instead it festers until one day you come in to your shitty job and blow your boss to bits. Well, I'm pissed. I have successfully hated every job I have ever had to the point of combustion. This article told me it was perfectly normal. Right on, Mark Ames.

Your not going to believe this

'Cause I don't.

It is supposed to snow tomorrow, April 8th. In Austin, Texas. Normally, I would say the weather man is full of shit, but it is actually sleeting right now. It is probably thirty degrees and has been sleeting all day long.

Texas weather. Early this week I swear it was like 80 plus degrees. Really hot, get out of your car sweating hot. Now, freezing.

In other news

I have had a headache for at least three days. I'm off to take some migraine medicine.

The pros and cons of living with a tall boy

Pros:
He can clean things for me that I can't reach. Like the top of the mirror. I don't have to go and get a stool and stretch and try to reach it. I just ask Kyle to get the top. Simple.

When Kyle is with me I never, ever have to ask anyone to get anything down for me. Even when the person at the store would usually get there long pole thing, Kyle can almost always reach. He has like a 15 foot wing span.


Long arms can reach anything.

Cons:
Long arms can reach anything. When horse playing he can keep me far enough away from him so that I can't touch him. Then harasses me mercilessly.

The paper towel holder. In my world the logical place to put the paper towel holder is on the counter top. Not so in Kyle's world. The logical spot is on top of the refrigerator. I mean think about all that space up there that isn't used. We need the counter space, why not use the top of the refrigerator? Because I can barely get a paper towel down. Even when I am on my tippy- toes. It is sad, but I am really short.

We don't have a pantry. So we keep all of non-refrigeratable goods in the cabinets. The top cabinet is dead to me. I can't reach anything up there. If whatever is up there is flat I can't even see it. Once I couldn't find a package of gummy bears anywhere. Kyle put them on the top shelf. I had to make a rule. Anything that Lauren eats doesn't go on the top shelf. No matter what. Same goes for the useless cabinet above the stove. What is that? Kyle finds all sorts of stuff that can go in there. I can't reach it. So I don't usually put stuff up there.

Okay, new plan

No more Alaskan cruise. We are back on the St. Martin plan. I think this is final. They have started making reservations.

Our topic today is fat kids

I turned to Food Network this weekend in hopes of watching Good Eats. Instead, I got to watch a show about the fat kid epidemic in this country. I am always disgusted and appalled by these shows. Inevitably, there will be a young boy between the ages of 16-18 who will get surgery in order to lose weight. In this particular show he was 18 and weighed 450 pounds. Fortunately he wasn't getting gastric bypass and was getting a reversible procedure where they basically put a rubber band around your stomach instead of any cutting and rerouting. When talking about this kids story they didn't talk about the trials he has had with diets and exercises. So why then would your first resort be surgery. He did ask the camera, "Could you exercises with 450 pounds on you?" To that I say some of us would realize there was a problem at 20, 50, even 100 pounds, before we weighed 450 pounds. But he is a child and I fully blame everything on his parents.

The million dollar question, where the fuck were his parents when he was shoveling food in his face? Where were the parents of the 14 year old girl who weighed over 200 pounds? She was 100 pounds overweight. That is a whole additional person worth of weight. Of course, the girl has to go to the hospital because she has health problems and guess what? They tell her that she will die of a heart attack if she keeps this up. At Fourteen! So then she goes to the B N Fit program. They tell these kids to not drink regular soda. Drink diet. Oh my GOD! You have to be kidding. They are not telling this kids to ingest poison? Aspartame is a know neurotoxin any ill effects directly effects your brain, brain tumors, brain lesions, etc. Fat is bad, but brain cancer is fine. Can we please tell the fat kids to STOP with the chemicals already?

Then they start talking about the program that Hillary Clinton is trying to push. Take away all non-diet sodas from vending machines in school. They just kept on about we care about our kids health. No you don't. You care about funding or you wouldn't think twice. It wouldn't be a question of only diet. You would get a dolly. You would wheel them out, load it on a truck and be done with it. Period. End of story. How about a nation wide ban of soft drinks? Tell Pepsi or Coke or whoever you are getting the most money from that if they can produce a juice with no additives, no added sugar, no preservatives, not from concentrate then they can have exclusive rights to the machines. Schools still get money from machines, kids drink fruit juice. I'm not a rocket scientist. This isn't hard to come up with. If Coke or Pepsi won't do? Them fuck them. They won't get money either. Naked? Oddwalla? Ever heard of it? You know what the great thing about fruit juice is? It is sweet and it tastes good. Kids will like it if given an opportunity. Secondly, what about the candy machines? I realize that kids are drinking more calories then they are eating, but chocolate and chips don't really need to hang around either if this is that big of a problem.

I could go on and on. It disgusts me. I can't think of one thing that grosses me out more than the things we let our kids eat. I eat these things, sure. But I am grown, I know what is in it and I choose to ignore or don't over indulge. I also drink and smoke, knowing full well they are bad for me. But I don't go on benders every night. I wouldn't let a child smoke or drink.

I could see a cockroach big enough to eat a baby and it wouldn't gross me out as much is what we are doing to the youth.