On my way

This will be my last post before my glorious vacation. I don't leave until Saturday morning or what I would call Friday night, but whatever. I won't have time tomorrow and I wanted to tell you all that I won't be back unit Monday the 6th. At that point I will regail you all with stories from deep in the jungle also I will visit the beach, the volcano, and hopefully get some crazy amount of skeletons and tacky religious stuff! Don't you just love latin culture! I will probably being taking a lot of naps on my vacation, but I will try to get out of bed and do something so I can have something to tell you. Plus I want to take lots of pictures of the jungle!

Hasta la vista putas!

One day I woke up and realized that my life is nothing but a series of hair dyes and eyebrow waxings. I cut my fingernails too! When will I have time for anything else. It seems like I do it all the time. When I am not waxing my eyebrows or dying my hair I am thinking about how to make time for them. I would look like a caveman if I didn't wax my eyebrows 'cause they grow like weeds.

"If that is the shit they are selling you on Sunday you need to find a new cult."

I work with a lot of kids. By kids, I mean not over 20. I just happen to be sitting down in the break room with this 20 year old girl. We start talking about ACC ,Austin Community College, and how she will be there forever blah, blah, blah. She says that she is majoring in psychology, not because she wants to, just because she just chose something and "everyone else was doing that." So I tell her that I wouldn't mind majoring in Sociology because I really find it interesting. She then proceeds to tell me how much she hates her sociology class because it goes against everything she believes in....What? "Well I believe in the bible and it just goes against everything I believe in." Dumb struck, I ask her, "Okay, well give me a for instance. What exactly goes against the bible." I shit you not she told me that because Sociology is science based, yeah because it is a science where there are facts and you know, oh, what do you call it? Oh yeah proof, ha, how could I forget? And what she believes is all faith based. So she just chooses to not even listen. "I mean it is all based on evolution and it is against everything I believe in so I just don't even want to listen."

Fuck me sideways. I almost choked there were so many words in my throat I was holding back. At that point I wanted to stand up and say well it was nice meeting you. Instead I just thought what a fucking idiot. That really is the problem with christianity. It stifles knowledge. I watched this show about ancient Rome or Greece, I can't remember. The point is that there was this doctor who was so advanced that he was doing things that we do now. 2000 years ago we had the same knowledge and it was illegal for him to cut open humans he was not working with a level playing field and he knew the things we know, NOW. He made his own instruments, guess what they recently found them on some archeological dig, they look the exact same as the ones we make today. He had a knowledge of infections and antibiotics, it was amazing. I am sure you are thinking, well why have we only been using this knowledge for the past hundred years? I will tell you why... christianity. That is why. Christians came along and decided that science works against them, so they stifle it. Just like with stem cell research!

I mean....I can't even come up with the right words to describe how disturbed I am by this. In my sociology class all we talked about was theories of social interaction. Nothing even remotely close to evolution. Nothing even remotely controversial.

Just for a second, I want to get off subject and say it strikes me as funny when people don't believe in evolution. We interact with evolution everyday people! What the fuck? Do you live in a cave? Here is a very simple example of evolution. When you have an infection, you get sick, you go to the doctor. They give you some medicine and tell you to take the whole bottle. Why? Because if you don't the bacteria will EVOLVE and become resistant to the medicine. Wasn't that a simple thought? Every fucking day! Every day people are taking medicine and bacteria are evolving to resist it.

The problem is this girl probably thinks that evolution strictly means that we came from monkeys. Something also tells me that she has never read the bible. I mean I guess it isn't her fault. Schools suck, they don't teach you a damn thing and your lucky if you can read when you graduate.

This kind of shit haunts me.

I am a movie watching fool

First I want to say that I watched a movie called Talk to Her earlier in the week and it was really good, really bizarre, but really good. Corley should watch this movie because it is about a man nurse who is in love with someone in a coma. When I read the description that the cable gives it reminded me of "The World I Made for Her" so I recorded it. It isn't like that, but it is good. Not nearly as sad. Though it is still sad, but for different reasons. They play a little of the old switch-a-roo on you.

Yesterday I watched four movies. That is all I did all day long was watch movies. I watched Head-On which was a terrific movie. I absolutely loved it. Turkish people in Germany are really depressing. I watched Bad Guy ("a man forces a college student into prostitution" is the cable description). Wow, that was a weird one. I watched Pink Flamingos. Who doesn't love John Waters? I also watched Fellini Satyricon. Now who can tell me what the weirdest of them all was? I know that is a hard decision....

On a different note...has anyone notices how crappy the spell check is. The spell check thinks that flamingos is spelled wrong cause there isn't a plural version of flamingo in the word bank. What the hell?

What your Tivo says about you

In order from newest to oldest at the bottom.

Cartoon Alley (old cartoons they used to show before movies. On TCM)
Knitty Gritty
That's Clever (craft show)
Craft Lab
Crafters Coast to Coast
Jeopardy (from two different times a day)
The Colbert Report (Kyle tivo-ed it for his grandmother)
Mr. and Mrs. Smith (the original Hitchcock version)
The Old Dark House (cult classic cinema on Turner Classic Movies)
Plan 9 From Outer Space (cult classic cinema on Turner Classic Movies)
Bride of the Monster (cult classic cinema on Turner Classic Movies)
Hot Dog Heavens
Your Friends and Neighbors
A Snake of June (from Asian Extreme night on Sundance)
Head-On (from Midnight Snack on Sundance)
Memento Mori (from Asian Extreme night on Sundance)
Pink Flamingos (from Midnight Snack on Sundance)
Bad Guy (from Asian Extreme night on Sundance)

last night I watched Postcards From the Edge from the Tivo

What do you think this says about me? It is like a modern day anthropological study.

Also on the viewing table from Netflix Fellini's Satyricon. Just sent back Thank You for Smoking. Loved the book. The movie was a steaming pile of shit....in comparison any way. I don't even know why I bother I always hate the movie. I want to see Memoirs of a Geisha, but I know it will ruin it.

Can you hear that?

Listen really hard....... That is the sound of my feet crying out from pain! It has been well over a year since I stood up all day long. My feet have gotten all soft and pudgy like a like some nerdy, fat kid in 6th grade. But I have to admit it feels so good to not sit down all day. My feet hurt like hell, but the rest of me feels like a million bucks. I always complained about my sitting job that it made me feel fat, and disgusting. I really forgot how great it is. I am not tired. Plus something that might have helped today is that I didn't drive an hour to and from work. Yep, I think that helps a lot. That much driving can make you feel pretty shitty. Why is that? It isn't strenuous really? You are sitting down, not moving? Does it not ware you out?

Last day of work

That is right! See you suckers later!

When will I ever find time to post on my blog? I barely get computer time at home as it is. Kyle is such a computer hog!

I am the luckiest girl in the whole world!

I mean really, how many of you out there can claim to have a live in interpreter for any time you need to go on vacation. I also have a live in accountant, for any accounting that may need to get done in a very short amount of time. Not to mention all the other things Kyle can do. For instance any type of house work not only the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc. (All the things he did when I was at a wedding all day Sunday.) But plumbing, electrical work, he can't fix our dishwasher, but he hasn't actually tried. I also have my own personal comedian. Kyle has an amazing imagination. I think the only thing he doesn't do is art of any kind. He only uses the imagination to amuse me and himself.

Last night Kyle was singing Private Dancer by Tina Turner with his own lyrics.

I'm you private accountant, take care of your money. Do what you want me to do.

He really is funny. He makes me smile. I giggle endlessly when I am with him. I am a lucky gal! He also puts up with my raging hormones once a month. I do love him!

My second day

My "second" day (technically my first) at my new job was a lot of fun. I am the biggest nerd ever in the history of nerds. Ever! I enjoyed looking at peoples art work, looking at all the frames, putting the frames together, cutting glass, doing piddly (apparently piddly isn't a word, yet) bullshit paperwork. It was a blast.

I am still mad though. You know what I saw when I went to work today? Two seperate people wearing t-shirts. Not just any t-shirts. Real t-shirts with things printed on them. One was like an O'Neil surfing t-shirt. I got home to complain to Kyle. Let me give you a little run down of the conversation.

Me: God, I hate people. What is with her....explative, explative, explative, explative.....What the hell?
Kyle: Okay, calm down, anger managment.
Me: [Death stare]

That is my new nickname that he enjoys calling me "anger management".

I was sitting here thinking about how good of an employee I am. And about how easily I can piss a middle aged woman off. I don't think I have ever pissed a man off unintentionally. I don't really think it is possible. Something about me makes middle aged men love me. They love me. That same something makes a middle age woman despise me. All it takes is a look.

I am really good employee. I have six years customer service experience. I have three years sales experience. I think I am more than qualified to work in a craft store where the majority of the employees are high school students. For example, I just received my year review from my office job. I work with business professionals, vice presidents, ceo's, people who make more money in a week than she makes in a month easy. I think the standard here is a tad higher. Not only did I get an incredibly kind review from my manager, he told me that I was the least maintenance of any of his employees. He told me that he never had to say anything to me about the quality of my work, that my attendance was great, and I was at work everyday on time. Which is true.

I once worked with the woman at Atomic who was...how do I put this gently...well, I can't put it gently. When I first met her I thought she was as old or older than my mom. Turned out she was like 35. That puts her a good 10 years younger. She also had a severe liver problem at that young age, cirrhosis . Kyle took one look at her and said, "Wheeww! Looks like she was ridden hard and hung up wet!" That pretty much sums it up. Anyways, she didn't like me very much. She told someone that I was full of myself, or something to that effect. In reality I just didn't like her very much and didn't have a lot to say to her, but I was cordial. She also told someone that I wasn't a "team player" as if we were all trying to score a goal for piercing or something. The reason she said I wasn't a team player is because the numerous times she would try to call in or call me to cover her shift I wouldn't do it. I worked all my shifts it seems to me that she wasn't the "team player". She once called me because she lived far away and there was a huge storm and her electricity was out and she wasn't going to make it to work on time. Meanwhile, she knew good and well that I lived an hour out and I was in the same storm because she lived maybe ten minutes west of my house. I told her I couldn't make it in time either and I am in the same storm, fortunately I am not scheduled to work. Why would I bust my ass to get there?Her shift is her responsibility.

My mom calls me to ask how my day went at my new job. I tell her. She says, "How do you do that? " As if I had something to do with this other than just existing, and getting a job there. She also said that she doesn't expect me to last the rest of the month. That is like two weeks. She has no faith in me. She thinks I will quit.

Well, great! Just great!

My first day at my new job. Already somebody doesn't like me. Frankly this isn't unusual, but in this case it happens to be the store manager. I have a few ideas why all of which I can't put down cause if she read them for sure I would be fired. So I will just give ya'll a run down on why I think she dislikes me.

First reason: She is really curt and talks to me like a child. This is infuriating if you are a child. You can just imagine how I feel since I am not a child, nor have I been considered one in quite a while.

Second reason: It is my first day, no one told me what to wear. So, I figure I will wear what I would normally wear to my office job. The dress code is business casual we can't wear jeans. Can't go wrong, right? Well, she didn't let me stay at work because of what I was wearing. I happen to be wearing the same thing right now at my office job and no one has told me we are not allowed to wear t-shirts. She, however, told me to not wear t-shirts and she couldn't have me on the floor. I am wearing khaki slacks and a plain color cotton crew neck cut shirt. She acted like it was a dirty band t-shirt with holes in it. She had an employee take me to the back, break room area where I filled out some paper work, tax forms and what not, and watched some excellent videos. I go up to the front to give her my papers and I see another associate standing there that she is talking to. That is funny. He shirt is cut the exact same way as mine, it is cotton also. Huh. The only difference is that hers has some sort of stupid flower pattern on it. I think my mom has that same shirt, she sleeps in it.

Third reason: I have tattoos it is no secret. The manager over framing who interviewed and hired me saw them. He told me nothing about them. They talked about dress code in the videos I had to watch. Not one second was spent on tattoos. When I was handing her my paper work and seething of the fact that someone else has a "t-shirt" on she says, "I realize you have tattoos, but those need to be covered up at least partially. But this is all in the handbook." To which I reply, "Sure, that is no problem." Of course I went home immediately to look in the hand book to see exactly what it does say. Here let me tell you. "Tattoos that could be perceived as offensive or harassing must be covered." I have known a lot of people to get offended at the slightest things, but an octopus?

Why does this happen to me?

Lauren's new netflix account

I just got The Postman Always Rings Twice. It is the 1980 remake with Jack Nicholson. Decent movie. I liked it okay. But does anybody know why it is titled the way it is? I can't rap my head around it.

I just have to say this cause I think it is so weird. There is a flickr group, which I belong to, that is all about pictures of what people have in their bags. Not extremely weird. But the fact that in one day over one hundred people looked at my picture is a little weird. Now over 200 people have looked at the contents of my purse. It really isn't that interesting. I don't get it.

I feel about a hundred pounds lighter

I quit my job today! ahhhhh! I feel light as air. I got a job at Michael's framing. I have big plans for my life. I am going places. And by going places I mean going nowhere fast! But it doesn't bother me. I just hope I don't despise it right away. I will eventually I am sure. It sure will be convienent for all the crafting I am doing lately. I am exctied about not coming to this horrid place everyday.

I am also excited that I get to go on vacation in three weeks. I have been counting down since we bought the tickets, but thought nobody cares to know that far in advance. So I have held off as long as I could so ya'll don't have to read about it that much. By ya'll I mean the three people that may or may not be reading this. I get to go to Costa Rica for like nine days! I am leaving on Sat., Oct. 28 and will be there during Dia de los Muertos!!!!!!!! Until Nov 6. I think. God, I need a vacation. I am looking so forward to that! I am looking forward to finding all sorts of little crap I can craft with. Skeletons galore!!!! Did you just feel my heart palpitate?

You know what?

You know what I want more than that bike. For everyone in Austin to start looking before they change lanes. What the fuck? It is like we live in city where the population doesn't have necks. How many times does this have to happen to me? Please for god sakes don't change lanes into me. I have had enough. Then when I slam on my brakes, giving you the horn for a full 30 seconds, (before you even notice me) because there is about a breath of space on either side of me from the retaining wall and your truck when you don't stop, don't take notice and continue to change lanes and finally are in the lane in front of me you give me the shrug! WELL HERE IS WHAT I SAY TO YOUR FUCKING SHRUG. GO FUCK YOURSELF! Really is that supposed to make it all go away. Wait, suddenly I don't care about the fact that you almost ran me into the retaining wall. Poof, gone because you held the palm of your hand in the air. FUCK YOU, you middle aged man! Here is a newsflash! There are other people in the world! That was the straw. I can't do it anymore. I can't drive an hour to work anymore and I won't. Two weeks, that is it. I don't care if I have a job. I don't care if I have to pan handle in Georgetown to eat. Just three more weeks until my vacation. Just three weeks. I think I can make it. Please god let me make it without killing someone.

I want this

oh! Jackie!

The happy genius of my household

Danse Russe
by William Carlos Williams

If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees,—
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
"I am lonely, lonely.
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!"

If I admire my arms, my face,
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
against the yellow drawn shades,— Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?

Maybe this one would be in my poetry bible too

Portrait of a Lady

YOUR thighs are appletrees

whose blossoms touch the sky.

Which sky? The sky

where Watteau hung a lady's

slipper. Your knees

are a southern breeze--or

a gust of snow. Agh! what

sort of man was Fragonard?

--as if that answered

anything. Ah, yes--below

the knees, since the tune

drops that way, it is

one of those white summer days,

the tall grass of your ankles

flickers upon the shore--

Which shore?--

the sand clings to my lips--

Which shore?

Agh, petals maybe. How

should I know?

Which shore? Which shore?

I said petals from an appletree.

William Carlos Williams

I have diarrhea of the fingers

I can't stop typing. Okay I figure if I believe in poetry I am going to need some sort of bible type thing right? Which is funny, cause this literature teacher I had said that a bunch of people got together once to put a collection of poetry in hotel rooms with Gideon's bible. The problem was they couldn't decide what would go in it. But this is just me, so no one to disagree.

First

Anne Sexton

Her Kind

I have gone out, a possessed witch,
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.

I have found the warm caves in the woods,
filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,
closets, silks, innumerable goods;
fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:
whining, rearranging the disaligned.
A woman like that is misunderstood.
I have been her kind.

I have ridden in your cart, driver,
waved my nude arms at villages going by,
learning the last bright routes, survivor
where your flames still bite my thigh
and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.
A woman like that is not ashamed to die.
I have been her kind.

I really love William Carlos Williams. He will be in there for sure. I wish I could remember this one poem I read in a compilation text I got for my literature class. It is basically a man home alone. His kids and wife are gone and he dances in the mirror. That poem washes over me and fills me with something so pure words can not describe.

what becomes of the broken hearted

As I walk this land with broken dreams
I have visions of many things
Love's happiness is just an illusion
Filled with sadness and confusion,
What becomes of the broken hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
Maybe.
The fruits of love grow all around
But for me they come a tumblin' down.
Every day heartaches grow a little stronger
I can't stand this pain much longer
I walk in shadows
Searching for light
Cold and alone
No comfort in sight,
Hoping and praying for someone to care
Always moving and goin to where
What becomes of the broken hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
Maybe.
I'm searching though I don't succeed,
But someone look, there's a growing need.
Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning,
All that's left is an unhappy ending.
Now what's become of the broken-hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
I'll be searching everywhere
Just to find someone to care.
I'll be looking everyday
I know I'm gonna find a way
Nothings gonna stop me now
I'll find a way somehow
I'll be searching everywhere

Your words stir me like a gigantic wooden spoon.

I wish I could take a picture of the way I am feeling so I can look at it later when I am not feeling so....inspired by life. They way I look at a picture of my eyebrows when I need to pluck them.

My mission statement?

My hands are jittery and my heart is beating harder if not faster. I feel almost like I have had a lot of caffeine. Just with a conversation. It feels so good to use my brain. To contemplate things and ideas and discuss them. I found out today things I believe in. More importantly I have stated them and not just outloud, but to somebody.

I believe in poetry and I believe in science.

I may have even found and avenue of life I would like to try to go down. As of late I have found not streets or structured areas with lanes and avenues but great big fields where I wonder around aimlessly. I just needed a funnel. I need to focus my thoughts and energies on something. And maybe that could be poetry. Not necessarily the writing of it, but the study of it. The study of why words sound good together or why they feel good to say.

Who am I? Why can't I figure something out? Why can't I pin something down? Do I really want to?

Though I did make a mistake. Something I said today was I would never get religion or philosophy. Only part of that was correct. I will probably never get religion. But I am a regular philosopher. (philosophy: Love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means and moral self-discipline one of the definitions on dictionary.com) What I really meant was I just can't get down totally with a single, whole idea of a philosopher. There are always certain things that I would change or just combining philosophers. Scratch that I can get down with Tom Robbins. I love his philosophies on life and love.

I hope one day to have wonderful, amazing thoughts on love and life and to be able to communicate those thoughts and feelings with people to get them to think, if not help them see things in a different way. In doing so not diminish my passion or love for the thoughts and feelings I have. That is the most important part. One day I hope that I won't let other people drag me down. That the masses of idiots will not make me feel like life is hopeless. Even when I communicate a beautiful idea to someone and they don't even grasp the vaguest concept of what I am saying it will not effect me negatively.

How is that for a mission statement?